Year in Pictures

I have to admit having an IPhone has changed my life. I now have the ability to take and save pictures and I love it! I have never been great at remembering to have a camera and take pictures so having a phone that can do this is super helpful!

In January it was COLD! I also celebrated Christmas with the nephews and a birthday with A.

We spent a lot of time inside close to the stove!

Instead of Christmas presents I opted to give PTO days to my nephew L and W and spend the time with them.

I took L to Monkey Joes


I drove to High Point and went to lunch with W and his parents


I took A to Monkey Joes to celebrate her birthday

In February I met with the lawyer and signed paperwork. We had snow and ice, so I stayed with Tiff in order to be able to get to work. Our offices did not close so I made it as easy on myself as possible.

My paper signing outfit, yes I had one!


Jack is NOT a fan!


Navigating the road


Fun times with Tiff and K


I drove down to spend time with my SC nephews

In March I ran my 4th half marathon, I took my final CIC exam and Patrice had baby W.





Sweet baby W!!!

April was the month that my divorce finalized! I spent more time with nephews and went to Heart Quest.



Easter weekend


Bootcamp


Heart Quest


Jack was so happy to have me home after my week away at HQ

May was so much fun!

My nephew turned 2 and we celebrated at Mom and Dad's house.

Patrice and I helped our preschool teacher celebrate retirement


Nicole and I had a GNO


The month ended and I took Mom to the Brad Paisley concert and we had so much fun!

In June

Jack had a play date with Raven and Kahne


I got all dressed up for the NSCAR Southeastern Regional banquet


L turned 3

July was such a fun month!

Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda visited and we had a girls shopping day

Margs and I enjoyed having the whole pool to ourselves

August brought a new job, I started with my new company on August 17



I went to the Dirty Dancing Festival in Lake Lure, NC





Tiffany REALLY wanted this App brewing pint glass so we tipped the manager really well to find it in dish and drove back after the restaurant closed to retrieve it.


Nicole came back to running after injury


Patrice and I helped Ally (Patrice's sister and one of my previous roommates) celebrate at her bridal shower

A came over and Jack Banner was in heaven having his short girl!

September was CRAZY! I was home one weekend out of the entire month.

Labor Day weekend I visited Jess and her family. Lucky is the absolute sweetest!


On our way to the girls reunion Margs and I connected with our friend Christina inWilmington


We enjoyed seeing our friends Brandy and Michelle who lived beside me in college. The beach was absolutely amazing! I remembered sunscreen except for my legs and I ended up with the worst case of sun poisoning ever!


We went to dinner on Saturday night and sat outside listening to the ocean.


Patrice and I flew down to FL and while she worked I enjoyed some pool time.


We got to go on a dinner cruise. This guy totally photo bombed our picture!

October was the women's conference at church that was AMAZING!


Then I drove down to celebrate Ally and Aaron's wedding in Isle of Palms.

Morning run view

Baby W


October finished out with the fall festival at church and I handed out lots of candy!


In November I went to my CIC celebration dinner


And celebrated Thanksgiving a few times over!


December started off and I was in my happy place, the nursery!

We celebrated Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and the time with my family was so special!

The Saturday after Christmas I went to Patrice's parents and we had dinner and celebrated Christmas again. This picture's caption is "we tried" LOL! L is 3, and he was super happy to see me but NOT happy to have his picture taken!

I'm so excited for what 2016 holds. My word for 2015 is thankful, my word for 2016 is expectant!

Reflection in verses

When I think back over the years this reference has been one of my main stays. It is no accident that these verses are often a running banner going through my mind whenever I’m in uncertain circumstances.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

This past year as I was starting to navigate dating again these verses became a focus because I know where my trust is. I know that when I left D I trusted fully in the Lord. I knew that He would provide, that He was leading me, and that He was faithful and true. Once everything finalized I entered a new season and suddenly I was having to trust Him once again in a way that I never had before.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” Isaiah 26:3-4

For years I have loved these verses. Even when I was doing an incredibly lousy job walking it out I have known that when I seek the Lord I find Him. My desire is to continue seeking Him every day with all that I have. Everything that I do, everything that I have should flow from this concept of seeking Him with everything in me.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:12-13

When I put God first I don’t have to be anxious. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to struggle or strive. He has provided for my every need. He knows what my future holds.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Mathew 6:33-34

I recognize how far away I’ve been from God. I recognize how far I’ve come. I’m thankful that God has never left me. I understand how undeserving I am and how great His love is. I want to love others because I want them to know and understand how much more the Father loves them!

“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Matthew 6:37-38

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.” Deuteronomy 6:5-6

When I was married these were key verses. I wanted to make sure that my focus remained positive, even when it was incredibly difficult. I had these verses written out and in front of me so that I would remember them. After I left and as I was moving through the journey these verses remained a focus. Then I started dating again and once again I found the need to focus on my praises, and what I’m thankful for.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

In September of 2014 I had a prophecy spoken over me that I will succeed in everything I do. I’ve seen this being fulfilled as I walk in His word and in His grace. He provided an open door to begin working with victims of trafficking. He provided an open door for a new job opportunity. He provides for me every step of the way and I trust in His promises and His word.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Psalm 1:1-3

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

This is more recent, although I’ve always loved these verses. I wrote about what true love is and how much God loves us. I have a deeper appreciation and understanding for what it means to love, and not hold back, and not be fearful. I’ve come to understand that when I trust the Lord with my whole heart, when my heart is completely tied to His I don’t have to fear because He will guard and protect my heart.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

I’m thankful that everything I’ve been through has not crushed me, has not driven me to despair. I understand that this life I have with Him allows me to move confidently and shine all the brighter to bring others to Him.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I don’t have everything figured out. I grew up and coat-tailed on the faith of my parents and what I was being taught. I didn’t really believe what I was learning because it meant my life was going to be extraordinarily boring. I wanted to party, I wanted to have fun. I think about the story of the prodigal son and how he chased the party and he found himself in the pen with the pigs. While I didn’t find myself in quite that situation the situation I did find myself in was extreme. My rebellion, my selfishness, my need to control and dictate and force solutions brought me to broken surrender. In the shattered pieces a rebuilding began. When I reflect on where 2015 started and where 2015 is ending I am humbled, I am full of gratitude and I am ready to continue to follow wherever God is leading and however it might look, regardless of whatever challenges and obstacles I may face. I know that He is always good, He is always faithful and His word is true.

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.” Philippians 3:12-16

2015 in review

To sum up 2015 in a word – Thankful

I closed out 2014 ready to begin my count down to the filing. I knew I would be filing the paperwork for my divorce finalization on February 5 and quite honestly that date could not come soon enough for me.

January was FAHREEZING cold! I am so thankful that my parents have a wood stove! Work was insane! My coworker/friend said goodbye to her husband after his long struggle with his health. While she was out I was handling a workload that I thought might just put me under! Somehow I managed it, that’s only by God’s grace and His help!

February 5 I was at the lawyer’s office bright and early to sign the paperwork. We filed that day. I would have to wait several more weeks before the nice judge signed the papers and let me change my last name back! That afternoon I toasted with Patrice and then went to a women’s event at church. That weekend I went to a dream conference on how to better understand and interpret dreams.

March was my 4^th half marathon. I ran it and the following week I had my final CIC test. The all essay 2 hour exam was tough but I passed and achieved my designation. I attended a training class to get my foot in the door working with individuals who have been trafficked. It would take several more weeks before further doors were opened. Patrice had baby W and moved to Winston Salem and then a few months later moved to Durham where they are now settled, hopefully for a while.

April 1 my divorce finalized. THANKFUL. I could share many stories and explain further but it’s in the past and I’m free and I don’t have to reflect further over my ex-husband. I am learning as I move forward how to understand myself better and continue to be mindful of my patterns and the ways I handle situations.

I had my first date after divorce on April 23. He was so very nice, funny, and easy to talk to. The date lasted several hours and I thoroughly enjoyed his company! My yearlong sweets fast ended and I fell face first into ice cream, candy and cookies! Friday, the day after my date, I got a letter from my lawyer explaining that because my ex-husband was too impatient to wait for the mailed paperwork and he requested that my lawyer email the documents I ended up owing the lawyer money instead of being paid in full. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been THAT angry! That weekend I had to figure out how to pack for a week away in the middle of nowhere. I’m a planner, I like to know how things are going to go. I like to know what to expect and it suddenly hit me that during this week I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Talk about freaking out! I reverted to being 10, and melting down… It was bad! So bad in fact that my parents drove me to the church where the bus was leaving from to make sure I actually left for Heart Quest.

For years I had been struggling with my voice and if I was under stress or sick my voice would be gone. Most of 2015 I was losing my voice several times during a week. The Sunday that I left I had no voice. It did come back while I was on the bus but that week I lost my voice multiple times.

I will forever be thankful for what my Heart Quest allowed me become. The year of separation and even before that during my marriage God had been working on me. Growing me, shaping me and allowing me to break free from old patterns and grow more into who He has planned all along. Heart Quest, as I’ve said before, was a completion of some things and a start to others. That final morning we were there 2 of my HQ sisters prayed for me including praying for my voice. From that morning on I have not lost my voice. I’m humbled by God’s grace because my voice had been destroyed because of my abuse. I totally didn’t deserve that healing because of what I had been doing for the past 15 years but because God is God not only have I been walking in freedom from bulimia for over a year and a half now but He healed my voice as well.

May I was supposed to run another half but I was dealing with injury from the March race so I took it easy from running in order to heal. I could run short distance but not the miles required for a half. My nephew turned 2 and we had a party for him. The weather was warming and spring was quickly moving towards summer.

June was full! I was supposed to go to a concert with the guy who I had met in April but he wasn’t able to go and then he fell off the face of the earth. I was able to accept that and let it go. I took my Mom to the Brad Paisley concert instead and we had so much fun together! I attended the National Society Children of the American Revolution Southeastern Regional (#nscarseregional2015) and I wore pretty dresses and caught up with old friends. Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda came to town and I went shopping and had fun with Mom and Aunt Linda.

In July my brother and SIL welcomed another little boy bringing my nephew count to 6, although I have a few more that I consider nephews so I think I’m at like 9 right now. I would love to add a girl to the mix, but I’m thankful for the boys and I think they are all wonderful!

I never made it to the lake house because life was crazy, it was really hot and the house has to be opened and the AC running to be comfortable and basically life just got in the way. I visited my friend Margs in SC and enjoyed a day at the pool. I got to have dinner with my other Margaret that night and enjoy catching up with her.

August arrived and with it a new job. I left the company I had been with for almost 6 years for a new opportunity and it was such a God thing the way everything worked out! I went to the Dirty Dancing Festival at Lake Lure and had so much fun I already booked a house to go back next year. My birthday was amazing and I had a wonderful day in Boone followed by a fun dinner at home. I ended the month and the first weekend of September I got to drive to NoVa to visit Jess.

September ended up being insane! The second weekend was the only weekend I was home. The 3^rd weekend I had the girls beach reunion, and it was amazing! The last weekend I went to FL with Patrice and we had an amazing time in Tampa!

October arrived and with it the women’s conference at church and my friend Ally’s (Patrice’s sister) wedding at Isle of Palms. Her wedding was the weekend after the historic SC flooding and driving through Columbia I could see the devastation and it was heartbreaking!

I took my conceal carry class and passed and then October slipped away and November came. November was filled with friends and family. I enjoyed 3 Thanksgivings, one at work, one on the Sunday before with my brother and SIL aunts and uncles and then on the actual day of Thanksgiving and yes I did a LOT of running during this time!

December arrived and has been a whirlwind of a month. Work got crazy and I was writing report after report and now it seems to have slowed down once again.

So much has happened and so many memories have been captured and I am overwhelmingly thankful for all the blessing in my life! 

surrender

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.” Ezekiel 36:26-28 I was reminded of this verse yesterday and it relates to my Heart Quest from April of this year.

When I reflect back these days it is with a tremendous amount of thankfulness and awe at God’s grace. When I can look back and see clearly my faults, flaws and weaknesses and know that I’ve been forgiven and made new, it’s humbling. I’ve been healed and set free and I don’t take that for granted!

Prior to meeting my now ex-husband I was constantly striving. I thought I had figured out that I had to let go of things but I wasn’t able to fully release my grasp. Leading up to when I got married I had plenty of flags that had I just taken a moment to process, and reflect, I might not have gotten married. It’s because of my inability to take a step back, reflect and process that my marriage was so necessary.

From the start, literally, that marriage was a nightmare. The girl who had always leaped first and figured everything out afterwards had landed in a situation where nothing she could say or do was going to fix the absolute brokenness of her marriage. She learned that what she could control was how she reacted to things. Instead of staying in situations where she was not safe she learned to quickly pick up the dog and get in the car. Ultimately that girl finally learned the true meaning of surrender, trust, letting go and letting God and that she was so much stronger than she ever realized. When I reflect back it’s easier to reflect in third person because who I was and what I experienced are no longer who I am today although admittedly these factors are contributors to the why I am where I am.

God has allowed me to tell my story and I am careful to give Him the glory. Every detail of the journey He has been with me and He has been and is faithful. During the year of separation and divorce finalization He allowed me to see what I needed to see and hear what I needed to hear. The opportunity to attend Heart Quest and hear His voice and allow Him to complete some chapters and start new ones has been the most amazing blessing! I don’t take this life that I have for granted!

I came home from HQ and that was when I was able to get connected to helping with the fight against human trafficking. I was already involved in church but I became even more connected. I am always aware that the world can be really small but I have learned that God has a unique way of weaving people into my life so that I am ultimately able to connect them to other people and advance what He is doing in various ministries.

During the time I was separated I was very careful that I did not date. I did not look up ex-boyfriends. I did not reach out to old “friends”. Originally when I left I had no intention of ever dating again. Right before I left on HQ I actually had a date and during HQ I realized that making that vow was wrong and I repented. I was essentially shutting down any kind of future blessing God might have for me because of that statement.

The date with the guy before HQ was really fun. He’s super sweet and super nice and I liked him tremendously. I was also able to accept that God was removing him from my life when he fell off the face of the earth after the 2^nd date.

Before I got married the one area of my life that I never, ever surrendered was my dating life. So needless to say it’s been an interesting journey over these past few months as I have moved forward with my life. I ran into the guy from high school, we had two amazing dates, and then he fell off the face of the earth.

My life is busy and full and amazing! I have been blessed beyond anything I could hope or imagine! There are certainly hopes and dreams that have come back to life again but I can surrender those to the author of my life and know that since He’s holding the pen He will work out all the details!

5 minutes

I've been MIA from this space for so long I can't even recap it all!

After Thanksgiving I started working 50+ hours a week because our crunch time at work is now. I write reports for work and while I love that God brought a job to me that is heavy on the writing by the time I was working on my last report yesterday I could barely form a cohesive sentence. I will say that thesaurus.com is my new best friend! My vocabulary has probably tripled over these past few weeks!

Thanksgiving was amazing. I had a work Thanksgiving the Wednesday a week before. I had a family Thanksgiving on the Sunday before and on Thanksgiving we had my Aunt and Uncle and Granny Green over for dinner and Mexican Train.

I ran a 10K race Thanksgiving morning and admittedly I'm a little bummed that my time was not anywhere close to my PR the year before! The following Saturday I had a chance to redeem my time when I ran a Rudolph 10K except the course was a double loop and it was unbelievably hilly! I'm not great with hills and so my time was respectable but not awesome.

After that race I went to my friend Paula's little boys 2nd birthday party. Instead of presents she requested bags of dog food for a foundation that provides food for local dogs whose families are on food assistance programs so the families don't have to give their human food to their fur family.

The rest of Saturday I worked from home.

I can't believe Christmas is next Friday! Even working as much as I have been I've been able to still be consistent with my workouts, for the most part. While there is a part of me that currently wants to go home and consume a few bottles of wine at the end of the day instead I go home and work a little bit more and then go to the gym. Once December wraps up life at work will resume a more normal pace.

Fortunately most of my Christmas shopping was done before Thanksgiving because otherwise I would be scrambling!

November 11-15

My CIC dinner was a fairly typical hotel banquet. I got complimented on my outfit in the ladies room by 3 women who were attending another event, always a nice little boost for my ego! I sat at a table with 2 ladies who were super nice and easy to talk to. It was overall enjoyable and the best part is I got my CIC pin.

Thursday night I met my friend for dinner before the Awakened (women's event) night at church. It was so good to catch up with her and hear what God is doing! Then the Awakened event itself, totally blown away!

This past year the Awakened events have been special but a lot of times I haven't felt super "connected" to what the message was. I appreciated it, knew that God was moving but it wasn't like in the 2011-2013 years when every time I went I was so touched by how God was right there. I survived my marriage because of church and Al-Anon. Thursday night's message was good but it was what happened as it was wrapping up that I wasn't prepared for. Pastor T said that God was calling people into full time ministry. She said and right now your heart has started beating really hard in your chest, and I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was beating so hard it literally hurt. She went through and was praying with those who weren't right with God, then there were a list of areas that they prayed through and then she called those of us called into full time ministry to the front.

Now here's the truth, I have been in church my entire life and for most of my life I have absolutely refused to go front. Call it pride, rebellion, and fear but I wouldn't. It's only been in the past few years that I have willingly gone forward. Thursday night even if I had wanted to stay in my seat I don't think it would have been an option. I was prayed over and I'm surprised I was able to stand up because I've never felt the presence of the Spirit like that before.

This doesn't really fit with any of my plans, which is totally not a shocker since God's ways and my ways have never been similar. His timing has never been my timing. His ways are ALWAYS better than mine. It's taken me a long time to reach this place of being able to surrender but even from this place of surrender it's still overwhelming to think of accepting the call, although it's been accepted and there's no going back for me now.

The truth is I don't have to figure it out. In the same way that He has been leading all along I know that he has the details worked out for this part of my story as well. I don't know what it's going to look like or how He's going to open doors but I trust Him and I know that He is good, He is faithful and His word is truth and life.

Friday I left work at 12 and I was able to get a run in and my friend Margs came up and we went to dinner with my parents and it was awesome!

Saturday my friend Margs went with my Mom and our friend Carolyn to the school house Christmas craft fair. We had such a good time!

Saturday afternoon I took Jack for a walk and I was praying about the volunteer coordinator position that I'm in for the organization that I work with. We're in a growth season and I was praying about the best way to move forward. It came to me that we need to build a community so that's what I will be focusing on come January.

Sunday I had church and a baby shower and then my friend Chelsea came over to the house to hang out for a bit.

I originally started this post last week but life is so crazy busy at work that I'm going to have to write a different post for what's happened since I wrote this one.

5 minutes

Not having to be anywhere or do anything last Friday night was wonderful! I did go to the gym to run 6 miles. I figured out if I ran 6 Friday night then I could do 4 on Sunday.

Saturday I drove to High Point to spend time with my super precious nephews! My oldest nephew is talking, he's 2 1/2, and repeating everything and it's pretty much the best thing ever!!!! I love hearing my name and I love how he mimics stuff and he's pretty much just awesome!

I got a text from Patrice while I was up there so she and I planned an early dinner. We met at 5:30 at Macadoos, we love that place even if the service is ALWAYS slow! I had her recounting her story of when she and her husband met and how the timeline went. I love their story so much because if God can bring her husband into her life from a pedicure chair while she was in NC and he was in FL then anything is possible!

Sunday morning I had the 8am prayer service and 9 service and then I met my small group girls for lunch and caught up with them. I love them so much and it was great catching up! After lunch I went home and got a 4 mile run in with Jack. Then I gave Jack a bath, cleaned the bathroom and picked up my friend Chelsea to go to the Encounter service at church.

We were on 85 and all of a sudden this white car is coming into my lane, praise God that the far left lane was totally empty. I swerved into that lane in order to avoid a collision. The person was on their phone and totally not paying attention. It was only God that we were not in a really serious accident Sunday evening!

The Encounter service was amazing! It's hard to get back out on a Sunday evening knowing I have work the next day but I'm so glad that I did. Afterwards we went for Mexican and then I dropped Chelsea off.

Monday night I went to TCX class. I'm progressively adjusting, I didn't feel like I was going to die and I call that a win! Last night I had a meeting with the organization that I volunteer with. I'm excited for what God is doing with that!

Tonight I have a dinner where my CIC designator will be conferred, or something like that. It's a big deal, I'm excited! I'm wearing heels and a dress and a jacket and I'm super fancy because somehow I'm a grown up!

5 Minutes

October was such an amazing month! I took last Thursday night and went through stacks of paper. Living at my parents I am in the bedroom I grew up in. I love this time, I love being there, I kind of drive my mom crazy when she sees my room. She points out that I didn't let the room look like that when I was with D. I point out that D was psychotic... that might be a little strong but he was definitely particular about how everything in the house had to be.

I left work early on Friday. The original plan had been a trip to GA to see my friend Vada but that has been postponed. I went for an oil change and then I took advantage of the GORGEOUS day and went for a run on the greenway. I got 6 miles in. It was so beautiful!!! Running this time of year is amazing! I went home and showered and got ready and met a friend of mine for dinner. She's in her sophomore year of college and I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with her and hearing how everything is going!

Saturday morning I was up early and went to church where we were having the big fall festival. 2000 people came out from 11-3 on Saturday for the fun event. I love my church so much and this outreach is an amazing time to just love on people! I handed out candy and made a new friend at the same time. She and I were talking the whole time we handed out candy and I got to hear her story. Long story short the movie War Room could be written about her marriage. I can't explain how thankful I am to hear a story where they made it to the other side and they are stronger and more appreciative and more in love with each other. I pray for marriages all the time! She and I had a blast!

I left from handing out candy and went home to grab food and a nap and then I went to the Charlotte church to help out in nursery. I got an SOS call earlier in the week because the coordinator had no one because everyone was either taking their little ones trick or treating or going to a party. We ended up just having 2 little ones and the coordinator let me leave early which was nice because I was pretty tired even having had a nap!

Sunday I had the 8 prayer service, 9 service and 11 nursery. I took my friend Chelsea to lunch and we did a little shopping afterwards. Then she had to go study and I went to the gym and got 4 miles done.

Monday night I went back to the total conditioning extreme class. I swear it's SO HARD! I like it but this time I got 45 minutes in and wanted to quit, last time I was 30 minutes in, we're calling this an improvement!

Tuesday morning I dragged myself out of bed for a 3 mile run before work. I was meeting Tiff for dinner so I had to make sure that I got that done. She and I met and caught up with each other. I had a lot to fill her in on since it had been 2 weeks and she was sharing what's going on with her.

Yesterday I made it to abs and booty class. I'm somewhat sore today and that's not a bad thing. I did set the alarm for a run this morning but that didn't happen. I had a chiropractor appointment this morning. I have the best chiropractor in the world! My right arm had been going numb so I knew it was time to go see him!

This evening I have dinner plans. Tomorrow night I purposely kept the calendar free so I can have a night at home! Saturday I'll be headed to High Point to see my nephews. Sunday is church, lunch and then maybe a run. I'm trying to figure out the next few workouts. Next week is so insane I'm not sure that I'll be able to work out much at all. I'll just have to see what I can figure out!

So thankful that tomorrow is Friday!

5 Minutes

Friday night I went for a run with Jack. It was a beautiful evening and a great run! I love this time of year so much! Yes it makes me sad that we fall back because I prefer the extra hour but the scenery this time of year is amazing!!!

Saturday morning I had to be in class at 8am. I signed up for a NC conceal carry class because of the work I'm doing with human trafficking. This was something  felt would be good for me to have. I still have to apply for the permit at the sheriff's office and there are some changes happening in my life so I'm not sure what all is going to happen or if this will actually be followed through and I get the NC license.

I got done with class and drove down to meet my friend Tania at dinner. LOVED catching up with her! After dinner we went to Kohls and I purchased a few more Christmas gifts.

Sunday I had the 8 prayer service, the 9 service and then I met my friend Erin for breakfast. The place we went was SO good! It's relatively new and they have basic breakfast but it was really good breakfast! Afterwards we went to the Kohls across the street and I picked up a few more Christmas things.

Sunday afternoon I was expecting a phone call and I anticipated I would be on the phone for a while. 2 hours and 45 minutes later I was saying goodbye. I cleaned my parents bathroom, did some laundry and didn't think about the fact that the gym closes early on Sunday. I got there at 7:35 and they close at 8 so I got 2 miles in. My original plan had been for 4-5 miles, next weekend!

Monday night I got my parents to go with me to a chick fil a fundraiser. I talk all the time about how small my world is. The little boy who the fundraiser was for is a cancer survivor. This past summer they discovered cancer behind his eye and he went to Philadelphia to have surgery. He's amazing! So this little boy is Patrice's cousin's nephew. Not only that but my mom taught his Dad in high school. The way my life is interconnected is really fun sometimes!

Last night I got home and it was so rainy and cold I crawled under the covers. I dragged myself out to go to the gym and I got 4 miles done. I have a 10K on Thanksgiving and a 10K December 5 and I would like good times for both so I need to amp up my base mileage and start working on speed and cross training.

The usual craziness of life

Last Saturday during the day I helped with a training class for the organization that I work with that works to fight human trafficking. I've accepted the volunteer coordinator role and I'm excited about it if a little daunted by the responsibility. The training lasted until 1 and I was able to squeeze in a manicure. I got the gel polish and so far it's still holding up. This is an experiment to see how long I can get it to last. Typical manicures last only an hour or 2 before they begin to chip. The gel polish is definitely more long lasting!

Last Saturday night I did a glow run. Here's the deal, if you're a runner, it's not really something you would be interested in. If you have kids and you are looking for something fun to do that gets everyone moving then this is totally something to look into! Initially I was irked at the $10 charge for parking. Once we get there and we were parking in a field I realized they were paying parking attendants and suddenly that $10 was totally worth it!!!

Sunday morning I went to the prayer service at 8. I love that opportunity so much! It's such a blessing to go before it gets crazy busy and worship and pray for what's coming. I was only able to go to the prayer service because my nephew was being baptized in High Point. I left church and met my parents for breakfast and then we made our way up to meet the rest of the family. I love when we can all be together!

After I left my brother and SIL's house I stopped by my friend Margaret's house. I have 2 Margarets and this is the Margaret who has 2 dogs and 5 cats. My other Margaret lives in SC and has 2 children and 1 dog. I love her new house it's truly fabulous!!!

This week I made an effort to get the workouts in! Monday night I attended a class at the gym called TCX, it was SO HARD I wanted to stop after 30 minutes. I think it's the hardest class I've ever done! I did finish it but it was crazy difficult!

Tuesday I got up early and ran 3 miles. I was having dinner with my friend Tiff so I knew I had to get the workout in early! I downloaded an app for my phone to start tracking my food again. I hate tracking food but it's really eye opening to understand where all the extra calories are coming from! I looked up the nutritional information for my favorite extra large DD coffee with cream and sugar, YIKES!!! I realized why I had gained weight instead of lost weight.

Wednesday I went to abs and booty class. I was so tired when I got home and I really didn't want to but I sucked it up and went anyways and of course  I was glad that I did!

Thursday I had a continuing education class for my agents license. I sat beside one of my previous agents. I got to meet the girl whose job I filled and in front of me sat my previous coworker from the Huntersville agency along with the lady who replaced me. The insurance world in Charlotte is very very small!

Thursday I had plans to pick up a friend of mine after I got off work and the place I was picking her up from changed a few times. Ultimately I get a message that hey can you be at such and such address? Well the address was one I knew well. I dated the guy who owns the house. It was odd pulling into the driveway! I met him December 18, 2004 at Thomas St Tavern. He was several years older and I fell head over heels like I usually did for the unavailable bad boys. He just had a birthday this past Sunday but I can't remember exactly how old he is now. I know he's a little older than my ex-husband although not by much. It was one of those odd experiences where in one day lots of my past and current collided! I picked my friend up and we were able to get a 3 mile walk completed. It is so gorgeous here this time of year!

Today I hope to get a run in with Jack. Tomorrow I have a class all day long and then I'm meeting my friend and former coworker for dinner. This time last year I was in Minneapolis eating LOTS of yummy food and exploring the city with Lisa. I had such a great time, I can't believe it's already been a year!!!

Clothes Switch, Numbers, Life Lately

Monday once I was home with Jack I knew I needed to switch out my clothes from warm weather to cooler. I had checked the weather and knew by the end of this week it was going to be chilly. After I cleaned the bathrooms I went to the storage unit to pull out my clothes and shoes.

I found that my big wardrobe box that had coats in it had collapsed. I know cardboard doesn’t last forever. I had already thrown away the other big wardrobe box because it had collapsed. Last year I switched out cardboard boxes for sturdier storage containers because I could see it was necessary. I had to throw away 2 of my coats because they had mold. The rest of my clothing is kept in plastic storage bags in my cedar chest so it’s more protected from mold. There hasn’t been actual water in the unit just a lot of moisture due to the rain we’ve had here. I try not to open the door unless it’s completely dry outside in order to help prevent excess moisture from getting in.

I did the bi-annual clothing swap and at the same time went through and pulled things that I no longer want to keep. I shopped my closet back in the summer and gave away a big bag full of clothing so there was less this time to donate then when I swapped wardrobes this past spring.

Tuesday night I did a workout DVD called Breathless. It’s a Tabata style workout and it is definitely a challenge! Wednesday I had a routine doctor’s appointment and of course that means stepping on the scale. Over the years my weight has been a long running issue with me. From April 2014-April 2015 I cut out all sweets, I didn’t lose a pound. In October 2014 I did a 21 day workout challenge in order to try and fit into an outfit for a party. The outfit did fit, but it didn’t fit correctly so I ended up wearing something else. I didn’t lose any weight but the outfit fit, which doesn’t make all that much sense to me.

In May/June I did a 30 day no sweets fast because of some things on my prayer list. In July I agreed to a 90 day no sweets no white bread/carb challenge with Patrice because she wanted to lose the W weight for her September even in FL. Once again I didn’t lose a pound, she lost her baby weight. Our 90 day challenge ended during our visit to FL and that following Monday (9/28) I started a modified Daniel fast because I was praying for the women’s conference that just happened. I say modified because I still drank coffee, everything else I stuck to (no meat, dairy, leavening, or processed foods).

While I wasn’t expecting to lose weight during any of this I also didn’t expect to gain weight. My Daniel fast ended at 11:30 on Saturday and I did have a burger, fries and a dr. pepper from Wendy’s. I did have ice cream. I did enjoy good food at the wedding. I ran 4 miles on Sunday. Monday I was back on track. Imagine my horror and dismay when the scale at the doctor’s office told me I was up 8 pounds from the last time I remember stepping on the scale back in the summer. I am currently 23 pounds from my ideal weight.

I saw the number and the negative spiral was intense. It’s amazing how those 3 numbers can so quickly take me to a very dark place. I reached out to Patrice via text about the numbers, I asked why I bother to stay in recovery. I really can’t explain the intensity of these emotions as I drove back to the office and worked to pull it together. Of course I started praying.

The 2^nd breakout session last Thursday was about our identity in Christ. I really thought once I got to the year point in my personal recovery that I would no longer struggle quite so much regarding food. I still have days when I struggle. As I was praying words and verses from the session were coming back to me. Particularly Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” The thoughts that I was dealing with after seeing the scale were dark and hateful. I was being reminded that I have been made in the image of God and those numbers are not who I am. 

When people look at me they don’t see those numbers. When I was helping set up the venue for Alley’s wedding her husband’s mom came over to me and said that whenever she started to feel overwhelmed and like it wasn’t all going to get done she would look at me and I would be smiling and she would breathe and know that it was going to be ok. That has stayed with me. I knew everything would come together. I had prayed the entire drive to the venue because it was raining, the rain cleared as we began setting up and the sky was stunning! I prayed as we were setting everything up. I prayed through the ceremony. I spiraled for a moment, I have struggled and I am still struggling with frustration over my weight. I realize that at the end of the day there is a much bigger picture and I refuse to allow the enemy a foothold when it comes to the freedom from bulimia.

After my appointment I had a work appointment in Kernersville. I opted to take my car because it made more sense navigationally. Driving that familiar route brought back all kinds of memories but fortunately I didn’t cry this time, which is a first. When I got off on my exit directly in front of me was the restaurant where Josh and I had breakfast New Year’s morning 2008. We had gone to a house party at friends of his and we were on our way back to his house. Until this past NYE that had been my favorite NYE.

The meeting went well. I decided to stop for coffee before driving back. The Starbucks was right beside a place where Josh and I had hung out with friends of his the night before we went to an App football game. I smiled, and remembered. The sting is gone. I know he’s happy. I know he and his wife are good together. I know that the details have all worked out the way they were meant to. I am thankful.

I got home around 6:15 and decompressed and then I did go to the gym. I thought about doing 4 miles but I was tired, I need new running shoes, and quite honestly I just didn’t feel like it. I stopped after 2 miles.

Yesterday during lunch I went to Target and purchased lunches and breakfast. I opted for organic/non gmo frozen entrees. During the Daniel Fast I tried a few and I appreciated that they had good flavors. They are minimally more expensive then the weight watcher and healthy choice options and content wise they seem to be a better choice. Last night I had to pick up my packet for my race on Saturday. Then I went for a walk and enjoyed the beautiful fall weather. It’s been a short week work wise but crazy busy! I think I’m definitely finding the groove!

Conference and Wedding recap

When last I wrote I was preparing for the women’s conference and thinking about my dating life past. Funny enough that I’ve been on the road travelling more than usual and I keep seeing company trucks for the company that the 08 ex-boyfriend that my mom ran into works for, irony!

Thursday of last week I worked until 2 and drove home to change and pick up Jack to go run. Jack ran half a mile, and he was done although he did run the half mile back to the car. He will be 7 in December and I guess his heat tolerance is not what it used to be. The nice thing is I don’t have to worry about my dog overexerting himself because I made him run when it was too hot.

I drove him home and then finished another 2 miles from the house. It’s hard to run from my parent’s house because the road in front of the house is super busy, the speed limit is 45 and it take a few feet before you hit sidewalk and I know there are snakes. However sometimes for the sake of time I make it work and this was one of those times.

Thursday I had to be at church at 5:45 and due to traffic I arrived at 5:50. I was so aggravated! I got to sit in the very front center row on Thursday night and it was AMAZING!!! Alex Seeley spoke on Thursday night and Friday morning and she was fantastic!!!

This was Friday morning I was too far away to get a really good picture. 

Friday after lunch there were 2 different breakout sessions. After the last breakout session I drove to Marshalls and bought a different outfit. I had been wearing a really cute green dress that I scored at a consignment store but since I dropped some of my lunch on my dress a new outfit was necessary and I didn’t have time to drive all the way home.

I volunteered on the facilities team for this conference so that translated into emptying trash and making sure that the bathroom never ran out of toilet paper. I believe that toilet paper is important and I happily made sure that every stall had a full supply!

Priscilla Shrier my friend Tania got this awesome photo

Friday night Priscilla Shrier was the speaker and she was incredible! Both Alex and Priscilla were just incredibly beautiful and warm and lovely and powerful in the words that they shared! I am so thankful I was able to be a part of it all!!! Friday night I didn’t get home until after 10 and I had to be up early to get Jack’s stuff together. My friend Nicole let me drop him off at 6 Saturday morning. I drove home after dropping him off to shower and pack. 

My friend Patrice’s middle sister Alley, who was also my roommate for about 2 years, got married this past Sunday in Isle of Palms, SC. The historic SC flooding that happened the previous weekend fortunately did not affect Pepper Plantation, the venue where the wedding was held. I drove down in rain the entire way. I was a little concerned about road closures but fortunately the way I had to go there were no closures. I had been doing a Daniel Fast up until the conclusion of the conference and Saturday at 11:30 my fast ended.  I had to wait until 12 to actually stop for lunch. Then I stopped again about an hour later because I felt ice cream was a good idea. I arrived at the house where Patrice and her family were staying at around 2.

Her parents, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins all stayed in a HUGE, gorgeous house on the Isle of Palms. They had a gorgeous view of the ocean, a pool, and it was just a perfect place for that many people! It was too rainy and cool to swim but I would imagine in the summer time that place is fabulous!!! My parents arrived and checked into our hotel room and then came over for dinner.

Sunday morning I went for a 4 mile run. The first 2 miles were amazing and easy. The next 1.5 miles was way more difficult because I didn’t realize that going out the wind had been behind me but coming back I was running directly against the wind. It was a beautiful morning and I love running when I can see the water!

I showered and grabbed breakfast with Mom and Dad and then we said bye to my Dad and went to the venue to help set up. It was a big team and we all managed to get Alley’s vision to come to life. Everything looked so beautiful!!! Alley had everything in boxes labeled what the box went to, example table 1, cake table, etc. with lists of exactly what was in the box, with pictures to show what her vision was. Mom and I left about 1:30. We took lunch to my Dad at the hotel and then I started getting ready.

The wedding was at 5 and we arrived at 4:30. I was on baby W duty since Patrice was in the wedding and Aaron was in charge of L, who was the MOST adorable ring bearer!!! Since I was on W duty I didn’t sit down. He talked the entire wedding ceremony so I stood in the back as far away as possible so that he didn’t distract from the main event. I stood by during pictures so that when they needed W I handed him over. Then once pictures were completed I handed W over to my mom so I could eat. They had pork and chicken bbq, coleslaw, mac and cheese (OH MY GOODNESS SO YUMMY!), marinated tomatoes and cucumbers and a variety of Carolina style sauces. The food reminded me so much of my brother and sister in laws wedding!

My cute "date"

Instead of wedding cake they did wedding donuts in the shape of an S which is their last name. The donuts were delicious. I was full and I still finished the donut because it was that good! I also had a little bit of the banana pudding, also delicious! However… I’m not going to lie, I missed having wedding cake. I know not everyone has an affinity for wedding cake. I know that I have had lots of friend do alternatives to wedding cake. I just really missed the icing! Patrice and I have this thing we’ve done since we were in middle school, I eat the icing and give her my cake and she eats the cake and gives me her icing. We did that at my wedding even.

First Dance

Patrice and L dancing during the Father/Daughter dance the song was James Taylor Carolina in my Mind, yes I teared up :)

Toast to the bride and groom

After the wedding Patrice’s parents held an after party at the beach house. My parents and I went over early in order to help get everything set out. We stayed at the house until almost midnight talking and laughing and hanging out.

Monday morning after breakfast I left to pick up Jack and then once I got home I did some chores and prepared for the rest of the week.