work, shopping, training

Monday night we were steady at the restaurant but not busy. Considering the rain and the fact it was a Monday after a holiday we could have been much much slower. The evening started with a text from Mr. Clean regarding Jack's progress. I was beyond thrilled to read the fact that he sat and didn't bark at the dogs at the house next to us. My manager let me go leave at 8 so I was home by 9. Mr. Clean was sitting on the porch talking to the neighbors and Jack was calm as a cucumber inside.

Yesterday I visited my favorite kid consignment store on my lunch hour. I found Girl Clean and really pretty little velvet and tulle Christmas dress. It's a red velvet top with cap sleeves and a full tulle skirt, for $5.50. I also purchased a really cute little skirt and top from Children's Place for $6 and then a little Gymboree dress for $5. I was super excited to find exactly what I had in my head for her to wear for Christmas Eve.

Last night I arrived home and worked with Jack a little bit, hung out with Mr. Clean some. I had my meeting at 8 and then was home a little after 9. Life in my house is night and day different and it is pretty much the coolest thing ever. I'm so incredibly happy.

Today I've been trying to find my outfit for Christmas Eve. In my head I have a picture of a full tulle skirt but I can not find anything close to what I want. I have a few other ideas but it's going to require me going into actual stores instead of trying to internet shop. I'm so busy at the full time job right now that I really need to focus so I missed any cyber deals that were available and I've only sporadically looked for my skirt idea.

Tonight I work at the restaurant. I know we'll be busy, so I'm hoping to be out as close to 9 as possible!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

Catching up

It's Monday, and I am coming off the most amazing holiday weekend!!! Wednesday afternoon we were told our office was closing at 3, so that gave me a little time to kill in between the full time and the restaurant. Southpark Mall is 5 minutes from the restaurant and I knew I wanted to check the sales in the kids clothing so I decided to run in real fast. I found 2 little shirts and 2 dresses for an absolute steal!!! Then I had to head out for work.

For the Wednesday before Thanksgiving we were pleasantly busy. I was feeling OH SO MUCH better but still not 100%. By 7 I was feeling the fact that I hadn't worked at the restaurant in a week. Fortunately there was another hostess on and she stayed and I drove home.

Thursday morning I woke up early and put my running clothes on. I was running the Turkey Trot 8K with my friend NH, my friend the event coordinator (at both the old and new restaurant) and 8000 other runners. We met in the back parking lot of the restaurant and walked over to the start. Speedy NH took off and did an awesome job!!! SB ran with me and if she hadn't been I don't know what I would have done. It's the slowest race I've run in a very long time. Not running for 2 weeks, combined with being so sick are the reasons but I had really hoped for a much better race. I do know that there is always next year!

I dropped NH off at her place and picked up Jack. He was visiting his friends (NH's dogs). We were home at 11 which gave me time to shower and get ready and then I carried all the food that Mr. Clean had cooked out to the car. He made lima bean casserole, pumpkin risotto and we each made a loaf of pumpkin bread. We were at his parents at 1:30. There was turkey, ham, the food we brought and so much more. The clean up process took forever!!!! It was fun though we were laughing and talking and I didn't mind.

Friday morning I met Jess and Hailey for coffee. It was so much fun to catch up and people watch!! I left there and picked Jack up, then we drove down to my parents house. I promised my mom I would help her get the Christmas tree put together and I also helped her clean out a closet. She had all of my report cards as well as my brothers. Plus just a crazy amount of stuff that needed to be purged. I left to pick up Girl Clean and then she and I met my parents and their friends out for fish .

Saturday Mom Clean treated me to a pedicure and Girl Clean got her finger and toe nails painted and then we went to lunch. We had a very fun girls morning!! Saturday afternoon was low key, and then we went to church.

Sunday morning I met Girl Clean's mom to hand off the girl at 9:30. The trainer was coming to meet us at 10 to work with Jack. We were finally able to work it out for her to come. She arrived and we started talking. Mr. Clean listened carefully and fully participated. Jack Banner did extremely well. Apparently he's not a difficult case, he just needs to know that he is not in charge. I was so very very happy with how everything went!!! She comes back in 2 weeks to work with us again. In the meantime we have to practice everything that we learned yesterday. There was so much information I feel like I might be missing things but our biggest things to work on with him is keeping him calm and making him sit and stay and lay down. I can not say enough good things about the trainer she is truly wonderful!!!!!

After our morning with the trainer we were starving and Jack was tired so we left him to sleep and we went to lunch followed by Christmas shopping. Then last night we watched The Princess Bride, I love that movie. I borrowed it from my parents on Friday.

Today is back to reality, work, plus work. However coming off such an amazing weekend I am so happy. I'm thankful I have the 2 jobs to come back to!! Thankful that we had such a wonderful weekend! Thankful that I have been so very blessed!

cough, holidays, brownies

Yesterday I asked the pharmacist what to get for my cough, she said Mucinex DM. I got back to work, took some, and I heard angels, well not really but almost.

Since last Wednesday I have seen the hours on the clock go by because of my cough. Last night for the first time since last Wednesday I actually slept through without my cough waking me up. I woke up this morning and didn't feel like a zombie. I'm so happy!!!!

I will be running tomorrow morning. I have no idea how it's going to go since the last time I ran was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. So glad that I did get that run in, and hoping for the best tomorrow!

We are spending Thanksgiving with Mr. Clean's family. This will be my first Thanksgiving ever that I'm not with my family, it's going to be weird. I feel bad for my mom since Bean and Jelly won't be there either. She gets them for Christmas Eve and gets me for Christmas Day but if she had her way she would have us for all of it.

I went to my meeting last night, with a wash cloth that I coughed into. I so needed to go to my meeting! I wasn't even questioning if I would go or not.

I'm debating on if I want to get out in the craziness of the shopping, I most likely will go the online route. This is what I did last year and it worked well for me!

I'm in the mood for brownies. I totally don't need to make a pan of brownies but I migth anyways.

Weekend in Review

I made it to lunch with my family, which was so nice!!! The rest of the weekend was super low key. One of my favorite moments. Girl Clean came and was running from one room to the other and stops in front of me and smiles. I smile and wait. She says "I racing like Lori" I melt!

I am officially moved to the new work location, feels like an all new job. It's weird!

I'm going to try and work tonight, maybe.

Turkey Trot is Thursday, I'm hoping that this cough doesn't keep me from running it!

Happy Monday All!!

Friday

I'm in a weird fog. I went to bed a little before 9 last night, and coughed, and coughed. I moved myself to the couch around 2, so I could sit up and lean against the couch. I was hoping for a run this weekend and I do think it's still possible... maybe.

Today is the official move day at work and all my stuff is in the 2 boxes. My desk has nothing on it, it's weird!

It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is just next week. Had you asked me back in July if I would still be with Mr. Clean I probably wouldn't have answered, and my thought would have been no. The interesting thing is, we both have made an effort to change and improve. It all started when I realized that I had to change me, oddly enough.

I read a post I wrote back in February about moving pieces into place. I love how since then I've figured out so much more!

Jack Banner has more energy then he knows what to do with. He has been cooped up in the house all week. Last night we were throwing his toy for him just to try and help him burn some of the energy off.

I'm not working at the restaurant tonight. Standing at the door with the cold air hitting me, probably would not be the best idea for a faster recovery. I'm sure the guests would be turned off by a hostess hacking up a lung anyways.

I do think I'm going to be able to make lunch with my family tomorrow. I'll have been on medicine for more than 24 hours and I know that my cough is due to the sinus stuff so I won't be exposing anyone to anything. Specifically my Grandmommy. I'm so excited to see her as well as Bean and Jelly!!!!

Honestly today is one of those days where even though I'm sick, I am starting to feel better, and I absolutely feel very blessed!

Official

I was super impressed by my doctors office. My appointment was at 2:30, I was out by 2:50. Back at work by 3:15. Meaning I kept my time for today to the 8 required hours.

Doctor said sinus infection and prescribed antibiotics. For the first time as an adult I was measured at the doctors. I'm 5'9. I've been avoiding the scale, today I had to step on it. Was I happy? No. Did it ruin my day? No. This weight actually seems to be a natural set point that I have. I go back to this weight when I eat.

I texted Mr. Clean and told him that it's official that I'm 5'9 and fat. He texted back that I'm not fat. I said the scale doesn't lie. He said neither do his eyes. He got points for that one. I'm doing my best to roll with this. I know that I'll start WW after the holidays. I know that I need help in learning healthy. I know that it's a process.

My doctor laughed when I told her that I g00gled my symptoms of today. The thing is I actually knew based on what I read what she was going to say. I know it's not always a good idea to g00gle stuff but for this I got rational answers.

My thankful list today was short because

I'm trying to be thankful today. Because I know I'm blessed.

Last night my manager sent me home from the restaurant because in his words I was scaring away customers.

I am trying to stay positive, and remember that this too shall pass. I've done everything I can do to promote healthiness. Today I'm going to the doctor. I seem to be getting worse not better. Last night I was up between 2-3 coughing. I have an 8K a week from today, that I fully intend to run. It just might not be the pace I originally intended running it at.

Despite the issues up until today I could still taste and smell so my appetite was fine. Today is the first day that I haven't had an appetite. I'm not complaining about this.

I don't understand why I keep getting worse if I've been so proactively taking medicine and doing all the stuff that I read will help. This just doesn't make sense to me.

Mr. Clean made a lima bean casserole last night to try, it was a success, so he'll be taking that to the lunch with his Grandmother on Saturday.

I've been looking forward to my lunch on Saturday and now I'm wondering if I'll be able to go. This crud is not something I wish to share with others.

I have an innate ability to walk into a store and spend a lot of money. I can also walk in and walk out with nothing. It's completely dependant on the store, time of year, and what I may or may not need at that point in time.

We're moving from the 4th floor to the 2nd floor, this morning I packed up most of my stuff. I really don't want to take a PTO day tomorrow but I might have to. I've already texted another hostess to see if she can pick up my shift. The check from the restaurant is going to be pitiful, and this makes me sad and a little stressed!

I can't end this on a depressing note, that's not my style. The bright side, Thanksgiving is 1 week away. The holidays are around the corner. I will eventually quit feeling so yucky. I'm being very well taken care of and I do have a day of PTO saved just in case I did get sick.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is 1 week from today

I'm thankful for my family and friends

I'm thankful that I was able to get a doctor appointment for today

I'm thankful for all the information so readily available when you type words into a search engine

I'm thankful that while this year has had it's ups and downs it has overall been a really good year

Confession

Sometimes I hear a song on the radio and in my head I'm dancing. I used to love to dance, but I'm not any good unless I've had a few drinks, and those don't make me a good dancer they just make me think that I am.

I daydream sometimes about how I might become famous, and various scenarios of how this could happen.

I hear songs and wish I knew more about choreography because I think of steps that could work, I've only ever watched so you think you can dance one time, and I loved it!!!

I love to bake but really the only thing I do well are cookies and brownies. I don't have the patience or precision for complicated things.

If I didn't live with such a neat freak my clothing would totally still take over the bedroom

I have been known to skip real meals in order to allow for the calorie consumption of sugar or alcohol, I try not to do this anymore

I look at Princess Kate, and I'm so glad I don't have her life. While I daydream about how one day I might be famous, the reality is I wouldn't want cameras around me all the time.

I sound like a seal right now, it's not pretty. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow because it's now been 5 days.

I love the fact that my husband is so picky about how to clean the bathroom and load the dishwasher that I normally escape from these tasks because he does them. He also cooks, and he's really good at it. I can cook, but I don't very often because I don't have to.

I don't let my husband do my laundry. I'll throw his stuff in with mine if it goes with what I'm washing but I'm anal about my clothing.

We're getting ready to move locations at work and i just plan to move all my piles of paperwork without further organizing them. I feel that further organization is unnecessary

Most of my money goes towards gas and food. There is not much leftover. This is why I have store cards, this philosophy horrifies my husband, good thing all my cards are in my name!

Despite the fact that Girl Clean's mom is a model and super gorgeous I have always liked her, I think this is because she and I clicked from the start. I'm not trying to replace her in her daughter's life and she knows that I make life easier for her.

I drive by the neighborhood of Ballantyne Guy and Cokehead M on a weekly basis, sometimes twice a week since that's the route I go for gas. I always think that Charlotte is just too small!!

I hope that even though I'm going in to the restaurant tonight I don't have to stay late, otherwise I'm going to be hurting tomorrow!!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

ick, excercise, work, Christmas

This ick won't quit. Last night I got home with the best of intentions to do just a toning DVD and hopefully go to my meeting. Didn't happen. I got as far as the couch. After my shower I realized why I felt the way I did, I took my temperature. 100.7. BLECH

Poor Jack he is a bundle of energy because he's not being properly excercised. I know he needs to be able to spend time outside to run around. I feel like the worst puppy mom ever.

I'm supposed to work at the restaurant tonight. I've managed to make it to my full time job every day, but I'm not sure how tonight is going to go. I probably should call out. I even started a text to see if one of my co-hostesses wanted my shift. I didn't send it because I know that if I don't work I don't make money, and I am working the job in order to fill in the gap. Being a grown up is sometimes so not fun.

We started to order several things for Christmas last night. It was through an online company that I had never ordered from before. We were excited for our finds. The ugly surprise at checkout was the shipping cost. We called customer service to see if they had any promo codes available, and also looked online for something that would help. I've always been a big online shopper, and I look for deals and I won't buy if shipping is too much. Because shipping was $20 in addition to the merchandise we just cleared the basket and clicked away.

I'll be looking for other options. Mr. Clean was disappointed he was thinking we were about to have half of our shopping done. I am not worried, last year I was ordering stuff up until the week before Christmas. This year I've been put on a budget, that is so weird to me.

I have an 8K a week from tomorrow and I haven't been able to run. This is bothering me. I was on track to have a good race. Now, I'll be on track just to finish this one. There's always the next one.

I determined that the breathe right strips are actually helping. I realized it because mine fell off last night and the difference between Monday and Tuesday morning as compared to this morning is significant.

We discussed Christmas stockings, Mr. Clean just wanted to put one up for Girl Clean since there is only one hook and he just did her stocking last year. I vetoed that. I told him we all need to have stocking (including Jack). My reasoning is that Christmas is not just about the Girl, and by her being the only one with a stocking I feel that it sends the wrong message. Granted the kid is going to be 3 in January so it probably doesn't matter that much but I believe that Christmas needs to be all inclusive. When I mentioned Jack's stocking Mr. Clean said that he hadn't budgeted for him, I told him that I knew this and already have what I need for Jack's stocking, thank you Target for your $1 bins!!!!

Thoughts for Tuesday

I'm craving pizza, in a major way. I think it might be because I know I will have some on Friday. We won a free pizza lunch for completing service standard goals at work.

I purchased generic mucinex type medicine yesterday, today I purchased cough tablets, I am hoping that my proactiveness and willingness to medicate will enable me to get better faster. Coughing, sneezing, ick. I'm sure my coworkers love me. Of course many sound like I do so I guess we're in it together.

I didn't work at the restaurant last night, I knew I needed to go home and rest. So I did.

I mentioned the pizza craving, and I should also mention, which I know I've shared before, it's a bad idea to shop for food when you're hungry. I purchased 2 different kinds of granola bars, special K bars, and granola squares at lunch. I had requirements, they had to look good and be less then 150 calories, yet I still doubt that much carb loading is necessary.

I need to run, but I think going to the gym tonight would be a bad idea. I'm still going to have to use a breathe right strip tonight in order to breathe. I'm thinking that's a sign that I don't need to go run. I also am debating my meeting. I want to go, need to go, yet don't want to share with everyone this ick. It's a small room...

I keep thinking about new jeans, except I have more then enough pairs right now. Granted not all of them fit the way I want them to...

My friend NH is looking at races for next year, I told her I don't have time to train for a 1/2. I'm hoping that I will eventually run another 1/2 but at this point in time I know for a fact that the training would be more then I am able to do right now.

I am happy though. It's something I realized in conversation with Dr. MG. We were going back and forth and it hit me that I'm happy. I think this is for a lot of reasons.

I will be having lunch this Saturday with my Mom, Grandmommy, Bean and Jelly. I'm super excited to see them!!! I haven't seen Bean and Jelly since July, time flies!!!! Mr. Clean will be having lunch with his Grandmother, this was something that I actually knew about before my mom told me about our lunch, so in order to make both sides happy we decided to handle it this way.

We also figured out the holidays. It will be the first Thanksgiving ever where I won't be with my family. But next year will be my family's turn.

Dr. MG sent me a recipe for buttercream icing, and I really want to try and make it. Mr. Clean asked me what I would put it on. I said why do I need anything to put it on. Of course, this whole not being able to work out is not conducive to me splurging. The recipe calls for 4 sticks of butter, that's a box of butter!!! I think I'll have to wait to make it for when I actually do have something to put it on.

Girl Cleans Christmas present, the fabulous doll house, arrived yesterday. Christmas purchases are starting, and I'm so excited!!!

Letter to 25 year old me

You just bought a condo (tiny shoebox that it is it is yours and you love it) and you think that marriage will happen in the next 5 years, it won't. You will learn invaluable lessons during this time. You will have your heart broken, but not by a man. You will learn what it means to walk away and save yourself.


Right now you want to party and have fun, and you think that life will be perfect if you look a certain way and marry someone who fits a certain idea that you have.

I promise you that that the numbers on the scale will always be a reminder but should not determine whether or not your day is good or bad. You do not need any man to make your life perfect.

You will have a falling out with one of your best friends and then stand up with her at her wedding. You will watch some of your friends marry and some become mommy's (sometimes not always in that order) and it will make your heart happy

You will say goodbye to your Grandaddy and watch your Grandmommy fade.

Your brother will get married before you and you will love your SIL so much it won't even bother you the way you might have believed that it would.

You will try to make relationships work, only to realize that you need to walk away. You will learn how to stand up for yourself, appreciate yourself, and accept yourself.

You will learn how to own your feelings, understand that you matter, and reach a place where you adopt 12 steps into your own personal understanding. The avoidance that you practice for the next 6 years will wash over you in a wave, and you will realize that God brought you right to the place where He can meet you face to face.

You will learn to change the things you can, know the things you can not change, and you will understand that you have been given amazing wisdom. You will learn so much and soak information up like a sponge.

I promise you that your faith will be tested, and you will grow in your understanding of who God is and why it all matters so much to you. You will learn how to take care of you, so that you can reach out and help others.

germs, couch day, moving along

I managed to avoid most of the germs that I have been in contact with since July. Friday I started feeling not quite right...

Friday night was fabulous at the restaurant. It was so smooth, so fantastic!!! I was there until a little after 10 because we were that busy. I arrived home, had time to myself since Mr. Clean was already asleep. It was wonderful.

Saturday morning I woke up and I had the sinus crud. I still wanted to take Jack for a walk, so we left and parked and I had figured out 3 miles. Somehow a dog had gotten loose and we were not far into our excursion when we met up with this pooch. Now the loose dog was very friendly, Jack Banner wants to eat any dog that he sees... I had to pick him up. Because this dog had no owners anywhere around he followed us. He took off I put JB down to try and continue our walk, he came back wanting to play, so I had to pick Jack up again. In the process I dropped my car keys. I walk a little further and realize that 17lbs is too much to carry when I already don't feel good and it was at that point I realized I dropped my keys.

I turned around and started looking for my keys. Fortunately a very nice couple had picked up my keys and returned them to me. I walked Jack a little further, the loose dog had apparently found his owners, or someone had put them in their fence until his owners could be found. Jack got a walk in, just not the walk I planned.

We returned home and I spent the rest of the day being super lazy. I did rally long enough for us to go to church. The message series for the past few weeks has been on social issues of the day. It's interesting and while I don't always agree I do appreciate that the topics are being talked about.

I give Mr. Clean a lot of credit he took super good care of me this past weekend. Sunday I did nothing but lay on the couch and watch movies. I started off with Facing the Giants, then Life or Something Like It, Something Borrowed, The Holiday, Bride Wars, Horrible Bosses (which the last one I didn't watch it was just on, it was awful). Mr. Clean made me soup and made sure I stayed hydrated. I was thankful that I was able to just rest and try to prepare for the work week. I found someone to pick up my Monday night restaurant shift. I know that as it gets closer to nighttime this crud gets worse.

I consulted Dr. Google, and made sure that I gargled with salt water, took ibuprofen, and also mucinex, all of which definitely helped, then last night I used a breathe right strip which I know helped with my sinuses. I know that I can expect this ick to stay with me, but I also know that I'm doing everything I can to move it along as quickly as possible. I'm hoping that I'll be ok for the Turkey Trot 8K. I know as long as I run again before the race I should be fine.

It's already Monday again, and Thanksgiving is now less then 2 weeks away, wow!!!

Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

Thank You

On this Veteran's Day I would like to thank all of those who serve, have served, and the families and loved ones who are in their lives.

I can never express how thankful I am for your service.

Thank you.

Friendship

I got a call last night from my Margs (MFT). Margs and I met when we were 8 years old, we played with my Barbies at the University Hilton. We were attending the Children of the American Revolution NC state conference.

The next year we hung out at the NCCAR state conference at the Embassy Suites in Raleigh, NC. There was a snowstorm that literally shut down the city. We clicked, that was all there was to it.

The following year the state conference was held in Statesville, NC. My mom took us to the mall. Margs bought a bunch of pink makeup and a 3 musketeers bar.

It was after this conference that she and I became pen pals. We would write to each other, send stickers, kept in touch. She was tiny and petite and smart and sophisticated, at least in my eyes. She was the youngest of 3 and I was the oldest with just a younger brother.

Margs and I lived about 2 hours apart, she was in Winston Salem and I was in Charlotte. I counted down the times for the next State CAR events so I could see my friend. When I was in the 8th grade I ran for my first state office. Margs was already on State Board as an officer. Her brother and sister both served a term as NC State president but Margs went on to run for National Board and that allowed me the opportunity to serve as NC State President.

Margs family had a house in Hampstead, not far from Topsail Island where my family always stayed. So a tradition started that she would come stay with my family at the beach for a few days, my family adored Margs, and she loves them.

I ran for national office but lost to a guy from Florida. Margs also ran, and I think she won again but now I can't remember. CAR was never as much her thing as it was mine. I'm most grateful for the fact that it gave me a lifelong friend. I was ecstatic when she made the announcement that she was going to be attending App, even more excited when I discovered we would live in the same dorm building, White Hall.

Margs original intent was to major in Hospitality management. She had spent so much time in hotels, her mom served as the National Senior President for CAR. So because of this Margs knows her way around a hotel. I don't think she actually kept this major, if I'm not mistaken she ended up with more of a general business degree, but I might be wrong.

She attended my graduation from App on Saturday, including the dinner with my family. Then my family attended her graduation from App on Sunday (mother's day 2001) including the breakfast we had at her apartment. I will never forget that she ran out of time to go to the ladies room and while up to that day her fear had been tripping as she walked across the stage when the time came all she could think about was the fact that she needed to get to the ladies room.

After graduation she moved back to Winston and I moved back to Charlotte. She met Alex Sophomore year and they dated for the next several years. He moved back to Knoxville, TN and she eventually moved there as well. April 24, 2004 Margs and Alex got married in Winston Salem. They continued to live in Knoxville until Alex landed the job with the company he now works for. The first opportunity with this company took them to West Bend Wisconsin in 2006.

The August 2008 day that I received the phone call that the were moving to Greenville, SC made me shout with absolute joy. One of my favorite Margs quotes ever, and my child will be born in the South!!!! Margs is a Southern girl through and through. They moved to Simpsonville (right outside of Greenville) in September 2008. My nephew was born that November on the 5th.

My Margs has been in my life now for 24 years. Last January she and I were talking and I knew that another promotion and move would be coming for them at some point in the near future. Yesterday afternoon I got the call, they are moving to Vancouver, Canada. My heart dropped, and I cried. Then I pulled it together. This is an amazing opportunity for my friends. I love them both, and I think it's absolutely wonderful that Alex has found such a great career that he is passionate about and loves.

It makes me no less sad that my Margs will no longer be less then 2 hours away from me. I did my best to make the time to make sure that I got down there as often as possible. I know that I will see her, and I know that this is not forever.

Fortunately for me we have phones, email, facebook, and air travel. I know that while I will miss my friend I am also extremely happy for them that they have this opportunity.

So today I'm a little sad, not for my friend, but for me. Girlfriends are absolutely one of the greatest gifts that God gives us!!!

I'm so glad...

I'm so glad that I opted to hire a property management company, best decision I could have made for me! She made the comment that the tenant is a very strong personality and she does her best to shield me from that. This is the exact reason why I hired her.

I'm so glad that I went through laser hair removal, it was worth every last penny!!! I think of this every day!!

I'm so glad that I found Tuesday night meetings! This has been life changing, and I'm so unbelievably thankful!

I'm so glad that I dated CF&G, what I learned has been invaluable to me now! Had I not had that experience I would not understand how good I have it now. I also would not know how to let go of things and realize when and when not to speak up.

I'm so glad that I have 2 Walmarts and 3 Targets within a 15 minute drive time of work. This is just all kinds of awesome to me!!!

I'm so glad that Harris Teeter has 24 hour stores. I realized that I needed water, and most stores don't open before 7, I need this store!!!

I'm so glad that Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks. We have yet to figure out the family thing, and I'm kind of dreading that but I do love this day and I'm super excited for the turkey trot, that will at least start the morning off right!!!

I'm so glad that my clothes still fit! I'm wearing a dress I purchased last year for Christmas. Not everything fits the way I want it too but for the most part I'm staying within the range of where I want to be. This is a big deal for me because I'm guilty of getting comfortable in relationships, which basically equals getting lazy. I want to be healthy, for me.

I'm so glad that Christmas is coming!!! We've been looking at Christmas presents for our families, this is super fun. What makes it better is that the other night Mr. Clean told me he's always really hated Christmas (the commercialism of it) and never done presents until the last minute. This year he's all excited about it and he attributes that to God (which I've been praying for a heart change so yay) and having me in his life. The whole budget thing, meh, but the presents, YAY!!!!! I know the budget thing is good for me.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for the fantastic little get away I had last weekend!!!

I'm thankful for radio stations that play music that reminds me of love, grace and mercy!

I'm thankful for the approaching holidays and busier nights at the restaurant!

I'm thankful that even though it's November we're still seeing 70 degree temperatures!

I'm thankful for friendships, and listening ears and eyes!

I'm thankful that I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be!

I'm thankful for sweet notes left on the refrigerator!

I'm thankful for puppy dogs who make me laugh!

I'm thankful that I have parents who spoil the puppy dog ridiculously!

I'm thankful that my car has new struts and fingers crossed I won't have to do anything else to this car for a while.

I'm thankful that I have tenants in my place!

I'm thankful that the trainer has already given me tips and tricks to implement with Jack and they are helping!

I'm thankful that despite the crazy pace of life I am still able to have the occasional downtime.

I'm thankful that I'm not required to be perfect, that is just too much pressure!

I'm thankful my turkey trot 8K is just two weeks away and I have 2 friends running with me!!

I'm thankful that I am blessed!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

notes

I worked last night, we were busy, it was fabulous!!!!

One of the very nice things my husband usually does for me is dinner. I've explained that this is not necessary, and that I don't expect it. He says he has to eat anyways. So whether I choose to save the food for lunch, or I'm starving and I go ahead and eat, there is food waiting for me when I get home from the restaurant.

Last night was simple, biscuits and ham, tasty!!! I noticed on the magnetic notepad that I had a sweet note.

I think the fact that this note was left on my super cheesy girly shopping girl notepad makes it that much sweeter!

DST, Time Management, Lunch, Final Answer

I took Monday night off from the restaurant in order to spend some quality time with Mr. Clean. I tried to squeeze in a walk with Jack before dark, I don't like the time change, at all. I got home, changed clothes, loaded Jack in the car, we started our walk at 5:19 and at 5:30 I turned us around. I did not feel safe, and by the time we got back to the car it was pretty much dark.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get exercise in for Jack since it gets dark so early, DISLIKE!!!

Last night I got home and changed clothes and popped in a workout DVD. I had a meeting at 8 and I needed to fit in a workout, time with Mr. Clean and Jack and a shower all before I had to leave. Jack could not figure out why I was jumping and flailing and kept barking at me. Fortunately my husband was running errands and missed the sight I was while trying to follow along to my workout. It was tough enough that I worked up a sweat. Not my ideal way to work out but it's a 20-30 minute round trip to the gym and I didn't feel like that gave me enough time to go get a run in, get back, and get everything done!

My meeting last night, it was awesome.

Today I met an old coworker/friend for lunch. She and I worked together from 2003-2006, she's fabulous. We haven't seen each other since around March 2008, so we had a lot of catching up to do!'' I had a salad that was amazing!!!

I've started trying to track my food on sparkpeople again. It's kind of a pain but also helps me understand just how much I'm eating. Usually I'm hitting my calorie limit before 2pm, working on this. I have managed to renew my resolve regarding staying away from the work candy bucket, yesterday I only had smarties, today I only had 2 mini chocolate bars. Progress, baby steps, I'll take it.

Tomorrow night I will get a run in. I have to, my Turkey Trot 8K is only 2 weeks from tomorrow. As long as I'm consistently running I'll be just fine. I ran 3 miles this past Saturday morning. I did my DVD last night. I'll run Thursday night. I know I'll do my best to fit in a run and a walk on Saturday and Sunday mornings. As much as I work you would think that would help burn the calories, but not so much. I'm still avoiding the scale. I hate the way I feel to see those numbers, and my clothes, for the most part, fit.

My property management company who I pay the HOA dues to now knows I'm renting my place out. The tenant contacted the property management representative, so hopefully this doesn't bite me later. I can't afford to bleed anymore money for that place, it's ridiculous how much I'm paying. I get it, and I signed the papers the day I bought the place, it makes the whole thing no less painful.

My tenant apparently doesn't believe that no is the final answer, this has been going on for weeks. I get that you want a satellite, I also get that this could be the reason that they move out, I also know that they are locked into a lease so they are there for a few more months regardless of the answer for the satellite.

I don't have cable, or satellite, so really I can't understand this burning desire. To each their own.

Back to work, happy Wednesday!!!

Timing and understanding

I've made the statement a few times now in posts that I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

This post has been formulating in my head for a while now.

I have spent a lot of time writing about my life. I have documented the work aspect, the family aspect and the dating aspect, especially the dating aspect. I asked what was I doing wrong, what was I missing, what did I need to do differently? And on it went. Sometimes I would have moments of clarity but for the most part I just moved on with life and on to the next one, easily bored, or annoyed and with the click of my keys and the send button the break up was done and I was free again.

I watched a movie last night with Mr. Clean, Beauty and the Briefcase, and it was every bit as cheesy and dumb as it sounds. However, there was a very clear point that despite the happily ever after, fairytailish ending, I did hear loud and clear. The character had this checklist and no guy could live up to her "magic man" she had unrealistic expectations and once she let go of those expectations she was able to find the guy who met none of her checklist points but was just perfect for her, I know, *gag* and yet true at the same time.

Life is a journey; we're all experiencing our own hills, valleys, moments of drowning in the rainstorms, and struggling through the dry times when it feels we will never know what it is like to not be thirsty for whatever it is we are thirsting for at that point in our journey.

I have talked about how I can only change me. While I've spent a lot of time reflecting, analyzing, and writing over the past few years, I have certain areas where I really refused to give them up, especially, dating. I prayed my way through 2 1/2 years of a nightmare job. Yet on the other side of that experience I am now unbelievably thankful for what I do have. It took me understanding how horrific a job can be in order to appreciate the fact that no job is ideal but some are definitely better then others. When I look at that chapter of my life I know that God provided in so many ways, including the opportunity for me to leave and step into this new position.

At the beginning of this year I was dating Joe, nice enough. I was embarrassed by him, he was very rough around the edges. Fortunately for me I had come far enough along in what I have learned from dating that I knew I had to break up with him. I can be a Pollyanna when it comes to guys but I had already come a long way in knowing what works and what does not work.

A few weeks later I met Mr. Clean. We had good conversations, deep conversations; I knew that this really might be something. When he asked me to marry him, of course I agreed. I knew that based on conversations we had that this was the right decision for me to make. I still believe in the choice that I made, I love my husband. I believe that God had a plan to bring us together.

I insisted on premarital counseling, I read books about what to know for when you first get married to make the transition as smooth as possible. I willingly sold a whole bunch of stuff in a yard sale and donated a whole lot more after that.

I wrote about how things were not very easy early on. In fact for the first 7 weeks they were downright awful. To this day I believe that I know the reasons why, there was more then 1 contributing factor. Then I had the moment where I realized that avoiding confrontation was not working, and while I typically don't like conflict I also refuse to allow someone to treat me in a manner that is rude or critical. So I determined that things were going to change one way or another. I set a 7 week mark for things to turn around, and they did.

I read and researched and prayed. Life was evening out, we were adjusting. Then the Sunday situation that happened with Jack, I'm thankful for my parents who took such good care of the boy. I'm thankful that my husband finally listened to me, and I'm thankful that I found a trainer who I think will be fantastic!! The trainer was supposed to come this Sunday but due to a blown knee had to push the appointment back. Fortunately implementing advice she has already provided has proven beneficial in working with Jack!!!

I'm working on me, my reactions, my thoughts. I'm a work in progress. I spent a lot of years dating, trying to find my magic man, when really there is no such thing. I heard a song on my drive Friday morning, Sanctus Real "Whatever You're Doing" came on the radio, here are the lyrics

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

This so perfectly sums up what is going on with me right now. I will be honest, a lot of days I find myself frustrated and there are mornings when I'm driving to work that I cry. There are other days when I have so much hope and confidence and peace. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has me right where He wants me. He is working in ways that I can't yet see or understand. This place where I am at requires digging deeper, going well below the surface, believing in the purpose and plan that He has for me.

His timing, His ways, His understanding, He is the one in control. For so long I kept fighting for the right to control what was not mine to control and I truly believe that He has brought me to this place, and He will bring me through this and He knows what my future holds.

beautiful drive, pets, germs, here and now

This past weekend I went to hang out with Jess, so much fun!!! So glad I was able to get away for a weekend. The drive on 81 through Virginia is beyond gorgeous!!!

Confetti the Guinea pig made me a Guinea pig convert. If I did not believe that Jack would try and eat it I would be maneuvering for a Guinea pig of my own.
I left early Sunday morning and drove directly to my parents to pick up Jack. I missed him, he missed me. He literally jumped into my arms when I let him out of his crate. We packed up his stuff and drove home.

Mr. Clean and Girl Clean were both sick, I made sure to change the sheets on the bed. I'm hoping that with working at the restaurant my immune system is strong enough to fight the germs.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I would have loved to have taken Jack for a walk but I knew Girl Clean would want to join us and I knew that would not be a good idea.

I had a lot of time during my drive to think about where I am and what is going on in my life. I know that for now I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Some days I am more OK with that knowledge then others.

Usually I'm fine and optimistic then I have moments when I get discouraged, such is life. I have a plan, and I know that I can only change me.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for a very fun date night with my husband on Tuesday night.

I'm thankful that I get to visit Jess this weekend!!!

I'm thankful that I got to meet baby K, and spend some time with her mommy!

I'm thankful for my parents who are not only keeping Jack Banner this week but also let me use the van and took my car to get the struts replaced.

I'm thankful that I've been able to catch up at the full time job enough so that I'm not going to be worried since I have tomorrow off.

I'm thankful that Target put the stocking stuffer stuff in the $1 bins

I'm thankful that last night at the restaurant was busy!

I'm thankful that I was able to sleep in a little bit yesterday

I'm thankful that I have been able to be extra productive this week!

I'm thankful for the gorgeous weather!

I'm thankful that I know that I'm currently right where I am supposed to be!

concert, productivity, baby fix

I'm typing fast as I so have too much work to do to be writing.

Last night I met Mr. Clean and we left my car to drive his car over to the Fillmore which is in the Music Factory, which is ridiculously hard to find. The name of the street that mapquest provided no longer exists. If you are going to anything at the Music Factory, basically take 277 to the Graham St exit and then follow the signs, which you have to look for.

Fortunately I looked online yesterday to pull directions and information about the venue. I had read that it was a part of the music factory. I'm so glad that I have an exceptionally decent sense of direction because my husband does not, at all!!!! I did an excellent job of keeping my calm as we navigated out way, because I was able to stay calm he listened to my suggestions and we found where we were going way faster then if I had pulled an attitude and acted ugly. I was super annoyed because we didn't know where we were going, it was 5 o'clock rush hour traffic, and I do not drive uptown, it's way too confusing and stressful.

That said we arrived at Fillmore just as the doors were opening for the VIP tickets. We got inside and found a spot. I was a little concerned about where we were staking our area because it was standing only and I knew that it would become very crowded. I do not do well with crowds pressing in around me.

John Michael McMillan was the first to come on stage, he did a great job! Chris August came on for a few songs, he was wonderful, and super funny. Gunger came on stage next, they will be back in the Spring for a concert and as long as they don't play at a standing only location we will definitely be there. Once they finished their set Chris August came back on. Then David Crowder Band took the stage. There was a bit of a break in between Chris's last set and the DCB. During that time people started pressing in, and I started feeling the heaviness in my chest and the nausea. They had just started and I told Mr. Clean I had to move, and I moved to a less crowded spot back by one of the bars. Because of the panic attack I lost my voice.

DCB did a wonderful job!!! We agreed that while we enjoyed the night and all the performers immensely that will be our last standing only concert.

I knew we would not get in from the concert until late so I planned to arrive at work at 12 today. When I woke up this morning I was able to put a load of laundry in, get gas, go to the gym, came home put the laundry in the dryer, showered, drove to the store where I returned my red box movie (that I meant to take back on Sunday, oops!!!) and picked up dinner for my friend CCH. She and I ran several races together last year including the Charlotte 1/2. She had her little girl last week. I texted and asked if this morning would be a good time to meet little miss K.

I knew that K has plenty of clothes and baby accessories so I decided I would pick up dinner for her mommy and daddy. I got a pork loin, frozen dinner rolls, steamer bag veggies, frozen potato wedges and chocolate chip cookie dough. I couldn't show up empty handed, that just won't do when there is a new baby to celebrate!!!

Miss K is gorgeous!!!! Her mommy and daddy are gorgeous so it's no wonder she is. I got to hold her and talk to my friend and the 30 minutes was up way too soon for me but was probably just the right amount of time for me to stay for my friend.

Then I came to work. I work tonight at the restaurant. I have been thinking about Miss K all afternoon!!! She is just so precious!!! It's a very good thing I get another baby fix this weekend!!! The best part, I hand them back!!!

Food and working out

I was doing so good keeping my hand out of the candy bucket and candy dish. I have started backsliding.

I think I have the "reward" mentality, I've been doing so good so I "need" this piece of chocolate!!! Except this does not help me.

I refuse to step on the scale again. I know that I need to watch what I eat. I know that I need to excercise. I would like to be healthy. So where I'm currently at, I'll be ok with. As long as I'm running, working out and eating right.

I can accept where I am right now because my clothes fit me (most of them). I can accept where I am because you can see the muscle definition in my arms. I'm a little taller then 5'8 but not 5'9 so I know that I'm never ever going to weigh 100 lbs.

I am joining WW online, after the holidays. I have asked for this for my Christmas present. I would like to learn how to portion my food, how to be healthy. I need to break away from the mentality of using food as a way to celebrate, drown my sorrows, or comfort me. I also have to remember that I work out because it helps me keep things in perspective and it helps me feel better.

To be perfectly honest it's hard because this is something I have to do for me, because I want to take care of me. Mr. Clean is always telling me he loves me just the way I am. He thinks that I'm beautiful. So for me that translates into, oh yeah I can have that 5th piece of candy because I'm happy and I want it and I don't have to worry about it. Or he has made me so mad and I'm aggravated and I don't care and I just want chocolate. Yeah it goes both ways for me.

I have made a conscious effort to start bringing the Healthy Choice lunch bowls to work for lunch. I am trying to bring healthy options so that it is easier for me to avoid the candy bucket because I have nothing to eat.

This week is traditionally a week where I crave all things sugar. I have 2 of them out of a month. There are usually only 4 weeks in a month. This means that I can learn how to override these sugar cravings or I can keep on indulging and get mad at myself because nothing fits.

This week is especially difficult because it is such a crazy busy full week. Tonight would normally be a running night and instead I'm going to a concert. Fortunately I have some extra time in the morning and I plan to get a gym workout in. Thursday I think I can squeeze in a run. Saturday morning I'm thinking I might be able to squeeze in a run, if I wake up early enough.

I'm learning, it's a process, I'm writing, because if I write about it, I have to deal with it, and be accountable for it.

slow night, costume, concert, those oops moments

Halloween evening is traditionally excruciatingly slow for restaurants in the area where I work. Last night was no exception. I was actually surprised that we had as many guests as we did. My manager let me leave at 8:30. I had originally requested off but then I realized that I was going to be off this coming Friday and I needed the hours so I put myself back on the schedule.

I received a text from Mr. Clean that when he put the shoes on Girl Clean she said "my wedding shoes". I had purchased gold sparkly ballet flats for her to go with her flower girl dress. The silver sparkly ballet flats for this outfit were on sale at Target for $10. I really had hoped to find a pair of purple sequined boots but those were only in the big girl sizes. They have a pair of boots right now that have flowers on them and they are so super cute and I'm resisting going back to purchase those. She seriously does have plenty right now and I know this. It's just so much fun to dress her up right now because pretty soon she's going to have an opinion about everything!!!



This is our purple fairy. Her mommy has a face painting business and painted her face to go with the costume. Her Dad purchased the wings, tutu and wand, the rest of the outfit is what I found. She only stayed out briefly since it was cold and she has been sick. I think that she had a fun night with her Dad and they ended the night at McDonalds for a Happy Meal.

I am excited for tonight. Back in July Mr. Clean and I purchased tickets for a concert. I'm going to be hauling it to get from my office over to where I'm meeting Mr. Clean and then going on the concert but it will be worth it!!!

I'm driving my parents van, I switched out cars with them because my sweet Dad is taking my car over to have the Struts replaced. I think it's the struts, whatever it was that the dealership told me I needed to replace and it was going to be a lot of money. My Dad goes to this place where he is actually taking my car and I'm saving $200 so it's still a lot of money but not as much money! Driving a 1997 Ford Aerostar van around town is WAY different then driving a 2007 Mazda 3!!!

Jack Banner is once again being spoiled at the Grandparents. When I switched out cars Sunday I also dropped Jack off. I had to work last night and Mr. Clean was taking Girl Clean out. Tonight we have the concert. Wednesday night I work. Thursday night I have a thing at church. Friday morning I leave for my trip. So in order to insure that JB receives plenty of love and attention my parents had agreed to have him stay with them several weeks ago, before the unplanned stay for a week, 2 weeks ago. He loves them and they love him so it works well. I do have to admit I was slightly horrified to come back in on Sunday and find my mom and dog "singing" together, while slightly amused I asked that they not practice this because I don't need encores at my house.

Having dropped off Jack and switched out vehicles I was on my way home and stopped at the grocery store.  I was at the check out and went to retrieve my wallet and it wasn't there. It was in the glove box of my car because right before I took Jack to my parents we had gone for a run. The store was very nice and put my groceries in a cooler for me. I met my Dad to get my wallet. Drove back to the store, paid for my groceries and finally made my way home. This is not the first time I've done this but this is the farthest I've had to go in order to get my wallet because I've forgotten it.

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous day!!!

Avoiding perfection

I will never forget a conversation I had with my underwriter here at work. I was dating S and she said that I needed to let go of my idea of perfect as I was talking to her about him and a concern that I had and dating in general.

I had a different kind of conversation with Jess about letting go of perfect. It was a conversation, or maybe a blog post about how you can't physically do it all. Sometimes some days there are just things that must go on the back burner because something else takes priority. This particular discussion was on the misconception that a woman can maitain a perfect house, work a full time job, and be a perfect wife/mother/friend, everything.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my mom and while she knows I'm not perfect I think that sometimes (because she is my mom) she lives in denial about the true me. Or maybe I've just done such a good job of editing and voiding out information that when I'm really honest about my past it freaks her out a little bit.

We've had conversations where I have been very honest but for the most part I instituted a don't ask if you don't want to know policy for years. If you ask me I am going to tell you the truth but be prepared that the truth is something you don't want to hear.

In pre-marital counseling I pointed out that sometimes I wondered if Mr. Clean realized that I'm human. I had a concern that he saw me as someone who never did anything wrong, theoretically. I'm sure that part of him knew that I was human and made mistakes but there was another part that thought that I could do no wrong.

I ran into this with more than one guy that I dated. They saw me for who they wanted to see me, and I tried to fit them into a mold that I wanted them to be. This is a recipe for disaster...

I learned a lesson this summer that could have only happened if I was in the exact place where I am. I learned that I have to truly let go of trying to be perfect. I'm not. I'm not sure when why or how I got so lost in trying to be what everyone expected that I missed the fact that I was becoming the woman I am now.

I went to college, because that was expected. My Grandaddy started talking to me about college when I was 13. I thought he was crazy, I was only 13 why are we talking about this now? Except those 5 years between 13 and 18 went by oh so quickly!!!! I am and will forever be thankful for my college experience.

I did not just learn how to study, learn how to interact with people outside the frame of reference I have always known; I was able to make mistakes, some bigger then others. I was allowed the freedom to spread my wings and venture out.

I moved home and the plans that I had for my future quickly fell apart. So instead I found myself working more than 1 job and learning along the way. I moved out and moved back. I dated, and dated, and dated. I bought a condo, which gave me the freedom of knowing I had my own space.

Growing up in the South there is a perception that if you are not married then you are lacking. Maybe this is broader reaching then just in the South but for me I definitely picked up on the fact that I was thought to be missing something because I was _ insert age here_ and not yet married. I was 23 and my Grandaddy called me an old maid. I let that one roll just because you would have had to have known my Grandaddy to know some of his statement had to be taken with a grain of salt.

Even though I had my condo I was searching for that relationship that was going to be what I needed it to be. Instead of reflecting on what do I need to be. I learned along the way on the job front. I took a job that was ridiculously fraught with stress and drama. I actually stayed 2 1/2 years, and was thankful for my employment. I still say thank you every day to God for this job that allowed me to leave that other job. Until that job I had always complained about what I was doing. After that experience I realized that I don't ever want to forget how bad it was and how blessed I am!!!

Because I lived in the condo it allowed me to have a healthy distance from my parents. I could call if I needed something, they were always right there, but I could also live my life. So the don't ask if you don't want the answer policy was very effective. Except it also kept me from really having to stand up to my mom. It was so much easier to just skirt around whatever I didn't agree with rather then really stating mom I just don't agree with you and here is why. I started to learn how to do this a little but when push came to shove, especially regarding my wedding I pretty much let her do whatever she wanted.

Hind sight is 20 20. If I would have done "this" then perhaps "this" would have resulted differently. However, I also know myself and I know that I am right where I'm supposed to be. Learning how to effectively communicate with my Mom, and stand up to her when necessary, while at the same time learning how to effectively communicate with my husband, keeps my life interesting for sure.

Avoidance and passive aggressiveness is for a coward and I am not that. I am too smart and I have too much intelligence to continue to take the easy way. I am certainly not perfect, I don't want to be. I don't need to be. I need to be the woman that I am being called to be, and I'm learning as the days go by, what it means to actively participate in my life rather then avoid the difficult stuff because I don't want to have to deal with it. Being a grown up, means dealing with it and most importantly dealing with me.