So not having blogger at work is making writing difficult. This is a time when I have plenty of thoughts in my head but my schedule is ridiculous!
This weeks schedule...
Monday I took Jack for a 5 mile run. I signed up to run a 10K with Lisa on April 12.
Tuesday Tiffany and I went to dinner and then had small group
Wednesday I woke up for work at 6:18 am. Typically I leave for work at 6... I had no voice my allergies are crazy. So instead of going to the surprise birthday dinner for my Mom I stayed home to try and recover.
Thursday, today, I had a vet appointment for Jack, he's good. Then I had chair fit and I still need to clean my parent's bathroom, I already cleaned mine.
Tomorrow Mom and I are leaving for Beaufort, SC to celebrate my Mom's 60th birthday with my Aunt. My Dad is holding down the fort with Jack Banner.
I've been having to go in earlier than usual to work in order to make up time because of all the appointments.
Last Thursday I had my follow up appointment with the counselor at The Refuge regarding the next step for Daron and I. We will have our joint meeting on Monday. Since he doesn't know what the meeting holds I will wait until after Monday to explain what that is going to look like.
Some days are better than others. Some times I get overwhelmed and other times I am completely fine. I know it's a process and I know that it hasn't even been 2 months yet.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
Moving Forward
Towards the end of February I had a meeting with the ladies pastor at the Refuge and the counselor there. In the meeting I tried to verbalize everything that has happened over the past 2 1/2 years and why I felt I had to leave but words failed me. I am a written communicator and when I'm trying to put words together, especially when the situation was at time traumatic, the words don't flow.
I agreed to share the story compiled in an email and I agreed to a joint counseling session. I realize that I did not have to do this but I felt that this was what I needed to do.
I put together the email and allowed a very in depth personal look into my life, and my marriage. I held nothing back. It was intimidating but I realized that I have nothing to lose and that in order for anyone to understand the incredible challenges this is what I could do for myself.
I have prayed, and prayed, and I believe that every decision that I have made from the day I moved to today as I write that I have sought with my whole heart to honor God and I have tried my best to be the woman that He is calling me to be.
The response to my email was one of encouragement and understanding. I was told that I had loved well and that even though that wasn't always healthy (and I totally acknowledge that my marriage was in no way shape or form healthy) that I had truly loved.
I set the joint meeting up for this past Wednesday. I can not begin to explain how terrified I was. The questions and doubts and fear of the unknown and what to expect made concentrating a challenge. My work internet has blocked all blogging sites and where I used to be able to write out thoughts at work now I'm cautious because I have been in trouble once for typing, and clearly whatever I'm typing is not work related.
I drove to the meeting on Wednesday and I prayed and I praised. The scripture verse that a friend gave me was Isaiah 45: 2-3 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."
The scripture verses given to me as I prayed: Psalm 139, vs 5 vs 7 and vs 23-24 "You hem me in behind and before and you lay your hand upon me." "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" "Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
I sat and allowed the pastor and counselor to direct the meeting. I listened as Daron shared and I was cautiously hopeful that he is truly allowing God to work, really work, in his life. Once we were reaching the close of the meeting I very hesitantly agreed to an individual meeting with the counselor and then another joint meeting with Daron.
There was an email later on that evening from Daron and I forwarded the email to the pastor and the counselor with my concerns. They came back with an email to him, explaining that what he had done was not ok. We were only hours out from our meeting and he had already rolled right over the established boundary.
I'm so very thankful for the leadership at the church. I have long respected and appreciated the church where I have been such a part for the past several years and this whole situation has made me all the more thankful and appreciative.
I'm also very thankful that I have been able to return to the church that I attended before I got married. I have joined a small group that is awesome. I'm going to start volunteering in the nursery. It has been such a blessing being back!
My Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda were in town this week so I took Tuesday off to spend the day with Mom and Aunt Linda which was awesome! We had such a fantastic visit with them! I also highly recommend taking a day off during the week after the spring forward time change. I am still exhausted but that definitely helped a lot!
Life is moving forward. I don't know what the future holds but I know that I am blessed!
I agreed to share the story compiled in an email and I agreed to a joint counseling session. I realize that I did not have to do this but I felt that this was what I needed to do.
I put together the email and allowed a very in depth personal look into my life, and my marriage. I held nothing back. It was intimidating but I realized that I have nothing to lose and that in order for anyone to understand the incredible challenges this is what I could do for myself.
I have prayed, and prayed, and I believe that every decision that I have made from the day I moved to today as I write that I have sought with my whole heart to honor God and I have tried my best to be the woman that He is calling me to be.
The response to my email was one of encouragement and understanding. I was told that I had loved well and that even though that wasn't always healthy (and I totally acknowledge that my marriage was in no way shape or form healthy) that I had truly loved.
I set the joint meeting up for this past Wednesday. I can not begin to explain how terrified I was. The questions and doubts and fear of the unknown and what to expect made concentrating a challenge. My work internet has blocked all blogging sites and where I used to be able to write out thoughts at work now I'm cautious because I have been in trouble once for typing, and clearly whatever I'm typing is not work related.
I drove to the meeting on Wednesday and I prayed and I praised. The scripture verse that a friend gave me was Isaiah 45: 2-3 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."
The scripture verses given to me as I prayed: Psalm 139, vs 5 vs 7 and vs 23-24 "You hem me in behind and before and you lay your hand upon me." "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" "Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
I sat and allowed the pastor and counselor to direct the meeting. I listened as Daron shared and I was cautiously hopeful that he is truly allowing God to work, really work, in his life. Once we were reaching the close of the meeting I very hesitantly agreed to an individual meeting with the counselor and then another joint meeting with Daron.
There was an email later on that evening from Daron and I forwarded the email to the pastor and the counselor with my concerns. They came back with an email to him, explaining that what he had done was not ok. We were only hours out from our meeting and he had already rolled right over the established boundary.
I'm so very thankful for the leadership at the church. I have long respected and appreciated the church where I have been such a part for the past several years and this whole situation has made me all the more thankful and appreciative.
I'm also very thankful that I have been able to return to the church that I attended before I got married. I have joined a small group that is awesome. I'm going to start volunteering in the nursery. It has been such a blessing being back!
My Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda were in town this week so I took Tuesday off to spend the day with Mom and Aunt Linda which was awesome! We had such a fantastic visit with them! I also highly recommend taking a day off during the week after the spring forward time change. I am still exhausted but that definitely helped a lot!
Life is moving forward. I don't know what the future holds but I know that I am blessed!
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