Year in Pictures

I have to admit having an IPhone has changed my life. I now have the ability to take and save pictures and I love it! I have never been great at remembering to have a camera and take pictures so having a phone that can do this is super helpful!

In January it was COLD! I also celebrated Christmas with the nephews and a birthday with A.

We spent a lot of time inside close to the stove!

Instead of Christmas presents I opted to give PTO days to my nephew L and W and spend the time with them.

I took L to Monkey Joes


I drove to High Point and went to lunch with W and his parents


I took A to Monkey Joes to celebrate her birthday

In February I met with the lawyer and signed paperwork. We had snow and ice, so I stayed with Tiff in order to be able to get to work. Our offices did not close so I made it as easy on myself as possible.

My paper signing outfit, yes I had one!


Jack is NOT a fan!


Navigating the road


Fun times with Tiff and K


I drove down to spend time with my SC nephews

In March I ran my 4th half marathon, I took my final CIC exam and Patrice had baby W.





Sweet baby W!!!

April was the month that my divorce finalized! I spent more time with nephews and went to Heart Quest.



Easter weekend


Bootcamp


Heart Quest


Jack was so happy to have me home after my week away at HQ

May was so much fun!

My nephew turned 2 and we celebrated at Mom and Dad's house.

Patrice and I helped our preschool teacher celebrate retirement


Nicole and I had a GNO


The month ended and I took Mom to the Brad Paisley concert and we had so much fun!

In June

Jack had a play date with Raven and Kahne


I got all dressed up for the NSCAR Southeastern Regional banquet


L turned 3

July was such a fun month!

Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda visited and we had a girls shopping day

Margs and I enjoyed having the whole pool to ourselves

August brought a new job, I started with my new company on August 17



I went to the Dirty Dancing Festival in Lake Lure, NC





Tiffany REALLY wanted this App brewing pint glass so we tipped the manager really well to find it in dish and drove back after the restaurant closed to retrieve it.


Nicole came back to running after injury


Patrice and I helped Ally (Patrice's sister and one of my previous roommates) celebrate at her bridal shower

A came over and Jack Banner was in heaven having his short girl!

September was CRAZY! I was home one weekend out of the entire month.

Labor Day weekend I visited Jess and her family. Lucky is the absolute sweetest!


On our way to the girls reunion Margs and I connected with our friend Christina inWilmington


We enjoyed seeing our friends Brandy and Michelle who lived beside me in college. The beach was absolutely amazing! I remembered sunscreen except for my legs and I ended up with the worst case of sun poisoning ever!


We went to dinner on Saturday night and sat outside listening to the ocean.


Patrice and I flew down to FL and while she worked I enjoyed some pool time.


We got to go on a dinner cruise. This guy totally photo bombed our picture!

October was the women's conference at church that was AMAZING!


Then I drove down to celebrate Ally and Aaron's wedding in Isle of Palms.

Morning run view

Baby W


October finished out with the fall festival at church and I handed out lots of candy!


In November I went to my CIC celebration dinner


And celebrated Thanksgiving a few times over!


December started off and I was in my happy place, the nursery!

We celebrated Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and the time with my family was so special!

The Saturday after Christmas I went to Patrice's parents and we had dinner and celebrated Christmas again. This picture's caption is "we tried" LOL! L is 3, and he was super happy to see me but NOT happy to have his picture taken!

I'm so excited for what 2016 holds. My word for 2015 is thankful, my word for 2016 is expectant!

Reflection in verses

When I think back over the years this reference has been one of my main stays. It is no accident that these verses are often a running banner going through my mind whenever I’m in uncertain circumstances.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

This past year as I was starting to navigate dating again these verses became a focus because I know where my trust is. I know that when I left D I trusted fully in the Lord. I knew that He would provide, that He was leading me, and that He was faithful and true. Once everything finalized I entered a new season and suddenly I was having to trust Him once again in a way that I never had before.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” Isaiah 26:3-4

For years I have loved these verses. Even when I was doing an incredibly lousy job walking it out I have known that when I seek the Lord I find Him. My desire is to continue seeking Him every day with all that I have. Everything that I do, everything that I have should flow from this concept of seeking Him with everything in me.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:12-13

When I put God first I don’t have to be anxious. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to struggle or strive. He has provided for my every need. He knows what my future holds.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Mathew 6:33-34

I recognize how far away I’ve been from God. I recognize how far I’ve come. I’m thankful that God has never left me. I understand how undeserving I am and how great His love is. I want to love others because I want them to know and understand how much more the Father loves them!

“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Matthew 6:37-38

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.” Deuteronomy 6:5-6

When I was married these were key verses. I wanted to make sure that my focus remained positive, even when it was incredibly difficult. I had these verses written out and in front of me so that I would remember them. After I left and as I was moving through the journey these verses remained a focus. Then I started dating again and once again I found the need to focus on my praises, and what I’m thankful for.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

In September of 2014 I had a prophecy spoken over me that I will succeed in everything I do. I’ve seen this being fulfilled as I walk in His word and in His grace. He provided an open door to begin working with victims of trafficking. He provided an open door for a new job opportunity. He provides for me every step of the way and I trust in His promises and His word.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Psalm 1:1-3

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

This is more recent, although I’ve always loved these verses. I wrote about what true love is and how much God loves us. I have a deeper appreciation and understanding for what it means to love, and not hold back, and not be fearful. I’ve come to understand that when I trust the Lord with my whole heart, when my heart is completely tied to His I don’t have to fear because He will guard and protect my heart.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

I’m thankful that everything I’ve been through has not crushed me, has not driven me to despair. I understand that this life I have with Him allows me to move confidently and shine all the brighter to bring others to Him.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I don’t have everything figured out. I grew up and coat-tailed on the faith of my parents and what I was being taught. I didn’t really believe what I was learning because it meant my life was going to be extraordinarily boring. I wanted to party, I wanted to have fun. I think about the story of the prodigal son and how he chased the party and he found himself in the pen with the pigs. While I didn’t find myself in quite that situation the situation I did find myself in was extreme. My rebellion, my selfishness, my need to control and dictate and force solutions brought me to broken surrender. In the shattered pieces a rebuilding began. When I reflect on where 2015 started and where 2015 is ending I am humbled, I am full of gratitude and I am ready to continue to follow wherever God is leading and however it might look, regardless of whatever challenges and obstacles I may face. I know that He is always good, He is always faithful and His word is true.

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.” Philippians 3:12-16

2015 in review

To sum up 2015 in a word – Thankful

I closed out 2014 ready to begin my count down to the filing. I knew I would be filing the paperwork for my divorce finalization on February 5 and quite honestly that date could not come soon enough for me.

January was FAHREEZING cold! I am so thankful that my parents have a wood stove! Work was insane! My coworker/friend said goodbye to her husband after his long struggle with his health. While she was out I was handling a workload that I thought might just put me under! Somehow I managed it, that’s only by God’s grace and His help!

February 5 I was at the lawyer’s office bright and early to sign the paperwork. We filed that day. I would have to wait several more weeks before the nice judge signed the papers and let me change my last name back! That afternoon I toasted with Patrice and then went to a women’s event at church. That weekend I went to a dream conference on how to better understand and interpret dreams.

March was my 4^th half marathon. I ran it and the following week I had my final CIC test. The all essay 2 hour exam was tough but I passed and achieved my designation. I attended a training class to get my foot in the door working with individuals who have been trafficked. It would take several more weeks before further doors were opened. Patrice had baby W and moved to Winston Salem and then a few months later moved to Durham where they are now settled, hopefully for a while.

April 1 my divorce finalized. THANKFUL. I could share many stories and explain further but it’s in the past and I’m free and I don’t have to reflect further over my ex-husband. I am learning as I move forward how to understand myself better and continue to be mindful of my patterns and the ways I handle situations.

I had my first date after divorce on April 23. He was so very nice, funny, and easy to talk to. The date lasted several hours and I thoroughly enjoyed his company! My yearlong sweets fast ended and I fell face first into ice cream, candy and cookies! Friday, the day after my date, I got a letter from my lawyer explaining that because my ex-husband was too impatient to wait for the mailed paperwork and he requested that my lawyer email the documents I ended up owing the lawyer money instead of being paid in full. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been THAT angry! That weekend I had to figure out how to pack for a week away in the middle of nowhere. I’m a planner, I like to know how things are going to go. I like to know what to expect and it suddenly hit me that during this week I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Talk about freaking out! I reverted to being 10, and melting down… It was bad! So bad in fact that my parents drove me to the church where the bus was leaving from to make sure I actually left for Heart Quest.

For years I had been struggling with my voice and if I was under stress or sick my voice would be gone. Most of 2015 I was losing my voice several times during a week. The Sunday that I left I had no voice. It did come back while I was on the bus but that week I lost my voice multiple times.

I will forever be thankful for what my Heart Quest allowed me become. The year of separation and even before that during my marriage God had been working on me. Growing me, shaping me and allowing me to break free from old patterns and grow more into who He has planned all along. Heart Quest, as I’ve said before, was a completion of some things and a start to others. That final morning we were there 2 of my HQ sisters prayed for me including praying for my voice. From that morning on I have not lost my voice. I’m humbled by God’s grace because my voice had been destroyed because of my abuse. I totally didn’t deserve that healing because of what I had been doing for the past 15 years but because God is God not only have I been walking in freedom from bulimia for over a year and a half now but He healed my voice as well.

May I was supposed to run another half but I was dealing with injury from the March race so I took it easy from running in order to heal. I could run short distance but not the miles required for a half. My nephew turned 2 and we had a party for him. The weather was warming and spring was quickly moving towards summer.

June was full! I was supposed to go to a concert with the guy who I had met in April but he wasn’t able to go and then he fell off the face of the earth. I was able to accept that and let it go. I took my Mom to the Brad Paisley concert instead and we had so much fun together! I attended the National Society Children of the American Revolution Southeastern Regional (#nscarseregional2015) and I wore pretty dresses and caught up with old friends. Uncle Roger and Aunt Linda came to town and I went shopping and had fun with Mom and Aunt Linda.

In July my brother and SIL welcomed another little boy bringing my nephew count to 6, although I have a few more that I consider nephews so I think I’m at like 9 right now. I would love to add a girl to the mix, but I’m thankful for the boys and I think they are all wonderful!

I never made it to the lake house because life was crazy, it was really hot and the house has to be opened and the AC running to be comfortable and basically life just got in the way. I visited my friend Margs in SC and enjoyed a day at the pool. I got to have dinner with my other Margaret that night and enjoy catching up with her.

August arrived and with it a new job. I left the company I had been with for almost 6 years for a new opportunity and it was such a God thing the way everything worked out! I went to the Dirty Dancing Festival at Lake Lure and had so much fun I already booked a house to go back next year. My birthday was amazing and I had a wonderful day in Boone followed by a fun dinner at home. I ended the month and the first weekend of September I got to drive to NoVa to visit Jess.

September ended up being insane! The second weekend was the only weekend I was home. The 3^rd weekend I had the girls beach reunion, and it was amazing! The last weekend I went to FL with Patrice and we had an amazing time in Tampa!

October arrived and with it the women’s conference at church and my friend Ally’s (Patrice’s sister) wedding at Isle of Palms. Her wedding was the weekend after the historic SC flooding and driving through Columbia I could see the devastation and it was heartbreaking!

I took my conceal carry class and passed and then October slipped away and November came. November was filled with friends and family. I enjoyed 3 Thanksgivings, one at work, one on the Sunday before with my brother and SIL aunts and uncles and then on the actual day of Thanksgiving and yes I did a LOT of running during this time!

December arrived and has been a whirlwind of a month. Work got crazy and I was writing report after report and now it seems to have slowed down once again.

So much has happened and so many memories have been captured and I am overwhelmingly thankful for all the blessing in my life! 

surrender

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.” Ezekiel 36:26-28 I was reminded of this verse yesterday and it relates to my Heart Quest from April of this year.

When I reflect back these days it is with a tremendous amount of thankfulness and awe at God’s grace. When I can look back and see clearly my faults, flaws and weaknesses and know that I’ve been forgiven and made new, it’s humbling. I’ve been healed and set free and I don’t take that for granted!

Prior to meeting my now ex-husband I was constantly striving. I thought I had figured out that I had to let go of things but I wasn’t able to fully release my grasp. Leading up to when I got married I had plenty of flags that had I just taken a moment to process, and reflect, I might not have gotten married. It’s because of my inability to take a step back, reflect and process that my marriage was so necessary.

From the start, literally, that marriage was a nightmare. The girl who had always leaped first and figured everything out afterwards had landed in a situation where nothing she could say or do was going to fix the absolute brokenness of her marriage. She learned that what she could control was how she reacted to things. Instead of staying in situations where she was not safe she learned to quickly pick up the dog and get in the car. Ultimately that girl finally learned the true meaning of surrender, trust, letting go and letting God and that she was so much stronger than she ever realized. When I reflect back it’s easier to reflect in third person because who I was and what I experienced are no longer who I am today although admittedly these factors are contributors to the why I am where I am.

God has allowed me to tell my story and I am careful to give Him the glory. Every detail of the journey He has been with me and He has been and is faithful. During the year of separation and divorce finalization He allowed me to see what I needed to see and hear what I needed to hear. The opportunity to attend Heart Quest and hear His voice and allow Him to complete some chapters and start new ones has been the most amazing blessing! I don’t take this life that I have for granted!

I came home from HQ and that was when I was able to get connected to helping with the fight against human trafficking. I was already involved in church but I became even more connected. I am always aware that the world can be really small but I have learned that God has a unique way of weaving people into my life so that I am ultimately able to connect them to other people and advance what He is doing in various ministries.

During the time I was separated I was very careful that I did not date. I did not look up ex-boyfriends. I did not reach out to old “friends”. Originally when I left I had no intention of ever dating again. Right before I left on HQ I actually had a date and during HQ I realized that making that vow was wrong and I repented. I was essentially shutting down any kind of future blessing God might have for me because of that statement.

The date with the guy before HQ was really fun. He’s super sweet and super nice and I liked him tremendously. I was also able to accept that God was removing him from my life when he fell off the face of the earth after the 2^nd date.

Before I got married the one area of my life that I never, ever surrendered was my dating life. So needless to say it’s been an interesting journey over these past few months as I have moved forward with my life. I ran into the guy from high school, we had two amazing dates, and then he fell off the face of the earth.

My life is busy and full and amazing! I have been blessed beyond anything I could hope or imagine! There are certainly hopes and dreams that have come back to life again but I can surrender those to the author of my life and know that since He’s holding the pen He will work out all the details!

5 minutes

I've been MIA from this space for so long I can't even recap it all!

After Thanksgiving I started working 50+ hours a week because our crunch time at work is now. I write reports for work and while I love that God brought a job to me that is heavy on the writing by the time I was working on my last report yesterday I could barely form a cohesive sentence. I will say that thesaurus.com is my new best friend! My vocabulary has probably tripled over these past few weeks!

Thanksgiving was amazing. I had a work Thanksgiving the Wednesday a week before. I had a family Thanksgiving on the Sunday before and on Thanksgiving we had my Aunt and Uncle and Granny Green over for dinner and Mexican Train.

I ran a 10K race Thanksgiving morning and admittedly I'm a little bummed that my time was not anywhere close to my PR the year before! The following Saturday I had a chance to redeem my time when I ran a Rudolph 10K except the course was a double loop and it was unbelievably hilly! I'm not great with hills and so my time was respectable but not awesome.

After that race I went to my friend Paula's little boys 2nd birthday party. Instead of presents she requested bags of dog food for a foundation that provides food for local dogs whose families are on food assistance programs so the families don't have to give their human food to their fur family.

The rest of Saturday I worked from home.

I can't believe Christmas is next Friday! Even working as much as I have been I've been able to still be consistent with my workouts, for the most part. While there is a part of me that currently wants to go home and consume a few bottles of wine at the end of the day instead I go home and work a little bit more and then go to the gym. Once December wraps up life at work will resume a more normal pace.

Fortunately most of my Christmas shopping was done before Thanksgiving because otherwise I would be scrambling!