Mandisa: Stronger - Official Lyric Video

I mentioned that this song has been one of my "theme" songs for months now. I heard an interview with Mandisa and she talked about how the night before she went in to record this song she was really struggling with the fact that she had been working to lose weight and was feeling so discouraged. She recorded this song and the day that it was released (or something along these lines) was the day she hit the 100 pounds loss mark. For me this song has reminded me that God is right there, all the time.

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

unexpected presents and changes in plans

Yesterday at work was mostly productive despite the trouble I was having with my focus. Last night at the restaurant we were busy, but never went on a table wait. It started raining around 8 and it was cold!!!! We were enjoying upper 70's temps on Wednesday night this morning it's 30 degrees, such is life in Charlotte in October. I love NC!!!

I got home last night and waiting for me on the bathroom counter top was a purple pearl necklace, GORGEOUS!!!! A set of candles that smell amazing!!!!! A card that was so incredibly sweet I was speechless. It was so thoughtful and wonderful and I was truly blessed by it!!!

I was supposed to pick up Girl Clean this morning but her mom texted me to say that she had been up since 4 crying and coughing. I texted back to let me know if there is anything I can bring over. It's not our official visit weekend, that's next weekend, so while I was prepared to make it a couch Saturday and take care of the Girl I'm also not going to argue with her mom that it's in her best interest to stay where she is. When you're 2 1/2 and sick I would imagine all you want is your mommy, no matter how much you love everyone else.

I went to upload wedding pics to FB only to realize I have no idea where the CD of wedding pictures is. I uploaded 3 that I had and called it a day.

I moved the trainer visit to 2 weeks to tomorrow. It's in Jack's best interest that we are able to follow up on all the stuff we will learn.

As I type I'm contemplating the idea of trying to make sunny side up eggs or whatever it is that you call eggs where you break the yolk. I'm thinking I will just run over to the diner that is 2 seconds away and order breakfast for Mr. Clean instead, in my book that totally counts!!! He's still sleeping anyways.

Happy Saturday to all!!!

Thought Form

This week has been a week of varying emotions. Part of this is the contributing factor of where this week falls in this month. Yet this month hasn't been as bad as previous months. I did a post earlier this week in which I did some reflecting on who I am, where I've been, and how I underestimate my own strength sometimes.

I mentioned a book I was reading and I've been encouraged to find that many suggestions I've already followed. I realized that my prayers for wisdom gave me an understanding that has shown me, with the research I've been conducting, that I have already been implementing so many positive actions. I certainly am no expert, I certainly have only just started on this journey. I'm thankful that I have so much information available.

Yesterday driving to work I was frustrated, aggravated, upset, angry, and so ready to throw up my hands. I had every right to have these feelings. I had information from a conversation the previous evening that did not go over well with me. I prayed, and prayed and cried and stated my exact feelings. The song that came on the radio was Kutlass "What Faith Can Do". This has long been one of my favorite songs, because I know that it's so true. The next song was Mandisa's "Stronger" which has been my song for the summer, and remains one of my current "theme" songs.  Instead of stuffing my feelings and opinions down I addressed them, and the person who upset me. We reached an agreement, which I was pleased with.

This week I have directly addressed situations that I did not agree with, discussed them, and reached tenative agreements regarding what the next actions will be. I found a trainer for Jack, and I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to work with her. I rescheduled Sunday's session because I realized Jack will be at my parents from Sunday to Sunday so spending all day in training only to take him to the Grandparents for a week would not be beneficial to Jack. The session has been bumped out and I look forward to this!
I am learning, I am a work in progress, I am blessed, I desire to be a blessing to others!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Via

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for a steady Monday and Wednesday night at the restaurant, it was awesome!!!

I'm thankful for the absolutely gorgeous weather!!!

I'm thankful that I found a trainer for Jack.

I'm thankful that I get to get out of town next weekend!!!!!

I'm thankful that God hears our cries and reminds us that He is God

I'm thankful for wonderful families who love and support us

I'm thankful for a husband who cooks amazing meals and does his best to be a good husband

I'm thankful for recognizing my own strength and remembering that I never have been and never will be one to look for confrontation but when faced with it I will stand my ground.

I'm thankful for having my puppy home, he's my little sunshine

I'm thankful that we have a girly girl who loves tutu's and Barbies

I'm thankful we have an amazing church!!!

I'm thankful that I was able to dispute a QC(work thing) error and have the error removed.

I'm thankful for friendship and the love and support that I receive and try and remember to give back

I'm thankful that my friend who I ran the Charlotte 1/2 with last year had her beautiful beautiful baby girl I got the text at 4AM

I'm thankful for texting which allows me to find out this kind of information so soon

I'm thankful to know we have been redeemed and the battle is already won!!!

Crosswalk Girlfriends

I haven't posted a devotional in a while but this one today was so completely on the mark that I just had to share.

October 25, 2011

The Power of One Broken Seed
Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth
The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise (Psalm 51:17, NLT).

Friend to Friend
I am famous for my “brown thumb.” Even though we have moved several times over the years, changing climates, states, neighborhoods and soil conditions, nothing has altered the fact that if I touch any living plant, its chances for survival are slim. My husband has fared no better in his numerous attempts to plant trees and flowers. I fear that the “brown thumb” disease is contagious. There is more. I see undeniable evidence that this gardening malady is hereditary. My son, bless his heart, has tried to rescue wilted flower after crispy plant from his mother’s clutches. But there is hope! My daughter, Danna, is not only able to keep living plants alive for an impressive amount of time, she can plant seeds and green things will actually grow! It is absolutely amazing to me!

When Danna was in kindergarten she had a very creative science teacher, Miss Kay, who constantly planned fun activities and projects for the children. Danna loved her and was always talking about what she learned in science class. One day, as I waited for Danna in the carpool line, I spotted her standing by Miss Kay, grinning from ear to ear, jumping up and down as if she simply could not wait for me to get there. I pulled up, Danna hopped into the car, gave a huge sigh of satisfaction and stretched out her tiny hand, proudly displaying the reason for her enthusiasm - a wadded up paper towel.

Now I am normally very good at being excited about the things my kids find important, but for the life of me, I could not fathom why Danna would be so thrilled with a crumpled paper towel. “Honey, what is that?” I asked. She looked up at me with sparkling brown eyes and whispered, “Mom, there are seeds in here. Miss Kay gave them to me and I am going to plant them and they are going to grow. Can you believe it?”

Given my morbid experience with seeds, I declined to answer that question but instead, chose to join my daughter in her excitement – until I saw the seeds. Evidently, Danna had been carrying them around all day because when she carefully unfolded the paper towel, all I could see was a big mess of broken, mismatched, crushed and crumbled seeds. Looking into the eager eyes of my daughter I said, “Honey, if these seeds don’t grow for some reason, remember that we can go to the store and buy some new ones.” Clutching the seeds tightly to her heart and safely out of my reach, Danna said, “Mama, they have to grow ‘cause I prayed and asked God to please make them grow and He said He would!” I began planning a trip to the gardening center.

Danna was silent all the way home but when we pulled into our driveway she jumped out of the car and darted into the house, leaving her doubting mother behind. Moments later Danna reappeared with a small paper cup in her hand. I watched as she scooped up dirt from the front flower bed and marched confidently back into the house. I followed her, moaning my silent complaint, “Father, do you realize that your reputation is on the line here? Why did she have to pick that particular flower bed, the one we filled with decorative rocks because nothing, not even weeds, would grow there?” Once again I tried to reason with Danna. “Honey, why don’t we just buy some new seeds?” Ignoring my obvious lack of faith, Danna stuffed the broken seeds down into the cup, marched to the kitchen sink and, placing the cup under the faucet, turned the water on full blast. Just as fast as the seeds and dirt spilled over the edge of the cup into the sink, Danna scooped them up and poked them back in, all the way to the bottom of the cup so they could not escape.

“Miss Kay says that they have to have sunshine to grow.” With this announcement, Danna placed her soggy cup of broken, mismatched seeds on the kitchen window sill that looks out over our screened-in porch; a place purposely designed to receive no sunlight at all. By this time, I knew my words were falling on deaf ears and decided to let God handle this one on His own.

Several days later, I was standing at the kitchen sink preparing dinner, when I glanced out on the porch to see my daughter’s faith on spectacular display. A small paper cup filled with green sprouts confronted my doubting heart. I could not believe my eyes. Dropping the potatoes in the sink, I literally ran to Danna’s room shouting, “Danna! Danna! Your seeds are growing!” I found her calmly playing “Chutes and Ladders” with Danielle, her best friend. “Danna! Did you hear me? Your seeds are growing!” A brief glance and knowing smile from Danna said it all. “That is so neat, Mom. I knew they would.” She and Danielle resumed their game, leaving me to gaze in awe and wonder at the faith of my child who dared to believe in a broken dream.

I know that you are desperately clinging to the broken and mismatched remnants of your life, wondering how you can go on. Whispers of the enemy creep into your heart, soul and mind, taunting you with the lie that you are just too dirty and broken for God to love or use. It seems as if nothing and no one can change that reality, so you might as well give up, throwing your life away.

Nothing could be further from the truth, girlfriend. In fact, God is drawn to broken people, choosing the most broken to do His highest work. His light shines best through broken people. Never underestimate the power of one, tiny broken seed. Placed in the right hands, it will surely grow into an expression of His beauty for all to see.

Let’s Pray
Father, I come to You, broken and desperate for Your love and grace. Please heal the broken places in my life. I surrender my hurt and pain to You and ask You to transform it all into something beautiful that glorifies You. I choose to trust You – not my feelings or human understanding. I choose to walk by faith and not by sight.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
If you really want God to change your life and teach you how to embrace your pain, you must be willing to make several choices:

I choose faith over doubt.
I choose to believe God’s Word over man’s wisdom or logic.
I choose to stand firm and trust God when the storms of life come.
I choose to count on God’s holiness and perfect plan for my life instead of my effort.

Trainer, Costume, and Presents

I got home last night and Jack and I went for a 3 mile run. It was beyond gorgeous outside!! I had to really reign him in a few times for acting so aggressively. Once the run was complete we returned home where I quickly showered and Mr. Clean had dinner ready once I was out.

I had a meeting last night at 8 so my evening was a little bit hurried but not too bad. Mr. Clean agreed to bringing a trainer in to work with us to work with Jack. I had researched area trainers and I came across a trainer who specializes in aggressive dogs. I sent an email explaining all the details of the Sunday situation between Jack and Mr. Clean. This trainer had been out of town and so didn't respond to my email until a week later but it's definitely a case of perfect timing. She is available on Sunday to work with us at the house for the day. My mom agreed that my Christmas present budget could be put towards this cause so that I Jack Banner will be more happy, well adjusted, and overall more healthy.

A few points about this trainer, she runs a non profit where she rehabilitates German Shepherds to help locate missing animals. She spends a month in the summer at a wolf place up in the NC mountains. She has a full time gig for money and she does this because she loves dogs and believes that all dogs can be trained and live a disciplined life. I was very honest with her that I have made the error of treating Jack like my baby, which is why now I'm having to bring in someone to show not just Mr. Clean but me how to work with my puppy. I explained that I muzzle him when people first arrive, or in some cases I crate him. She told me that she expects him to bite her and that this will be how she can immediately start working with him. She has 100's of bite scars on her arms from working with dogs. I think this for me was the biggest selling point. She has only had 1 dog that had to be put down and that was because the dog had a treatable medical condition and the family just could not trust the dog. She's been doing this for years and years so that's another selling point for me.

I was immediately comfortable with her. I explained that Mr. Clean is not a dog person and the things that he has done that are positive like Jack's chair and taking Jack for a walk even when he had the stomach bug. So I have not sugar coated anything and she's aware of the details. I'm so thrilled to work with her. I'm not linking anything yet but after Sunday I'll provide a full report and information.

Yesterday I completed the rest of Girl Cleans costume. I told Mr. Clean that next year he needs to get the all inclusive costume bag for walmart rather then the tutu skirt and fairy wings set that he purchased. I'm pleased with the pieces that I found but this has been a ridiculously expensive fairy costume when you add together the 13.99 costume, the 14.99 crown, the $4 top and the $4 leggings. However, I know that she loves dress up so I look at this as more then a 1 time use thing. She can dress up with the tutu, wings, wand and crown and the little top and legging/skirt thing I got will be a super cute outfit for the rest of the long sleeve season.

I told Mr. Clean that I purchased his Christmas present a few weeks ago, this was a few weeks after I purchased it since I purchased this back in August (I think). So now it's bugging him that he doesn't know what it is. He can not for the life of him keep a present a secret for me. The only time he's been able to was the wine glasses he had hand painted for my wedding gift for our wedding. Everything else I receive right away or he tells me that it's coming. So now he's all about trying to figure out how to get me to tell him what it is. As hard as it is for me not to tell, I plan to keep my mouth shut until Christmas. It's a good think I already purchased that and it's out of the way since now the rest of my Christmas budget is going towards the trainer. Mr. Clean did say that we can't not get my family presents so I think that he's going to actually be the one to purchase at least a little something for my parents.

Life is moving along at our house. We have Girl Clean this weekend so I'm looking forward to that and I'm so looking forward to Sunday's session!!! Before the weekend is the rest of this week. Happy Wednesday!!!

She is

In my life when I realize that I don't understand something I research. When I was dating CF&G I did a lot of research. The years following that breakup have had incidents that necessitated reading to learn rather then just for fun. This summer I realized I needed to once again start reading in order to learn. I mentioned yesterday that I had just finished this book and it was wonderful! I checked out this book from the library yesterday. I'm a little over half way through. I have to say that all the reviews are not hype, it's an excellent source of information.

I have had people greatly concerned for me and I appreciate the concern and love. I have a public blog meaning anyone can read. Because I find encouragement and hope and I've found friendship through this community I have no desire to privatize this blog. This also means that I don’t give all details, all information, and I am happy to answer questions or respond to comments when there is an email address attached to the commenter, or I happen to have the commenter's email.

I like to reflect, to think, to research. I had 2 of my closest friends last week tell me that while they understand decisions that I've made and they continue to support and encourage they have at times wanted to tell me what to do. Yet as they watch me grow and learn they understand even more why I am making choices and decisions that I am. Driving in to work this morning I was thinking about who I am, where I've been, what I have accomplished. For a very long time instead of standing my ground and facing issues regarding myself that I did not want to look at I found distractions, and ignored dealing with me.

Dating S was the first time I had really committed to trying to make a relationship work, so when we broke up I had to look at myself. I had to start questioning what changes do I need to make? My friend Dr. MG was the recipient of most of my emails as I worked through various personal break through moments. I also wrote, a lot in order to sort and process. I have often underestimated the amount of strength I have. I don't like dealing with complicated difficult things, and in all honesty who does? But when I am challenged this is when I am reminded of how big God is.

I hate confrontation, I hate having to deal with it so I usually will do everything possible to avoid it. Until I have to face it. I was on a beach trip many years ago now and the person I was with was an alcoholic, which I figured out after this trip. The first night we were there this individual turned really ugly on me and I started drinking to escape. The following day we woke up and went to the beach, we hung out, we left to go on a tour that I really wanted to do for the evening. This individual was just flat out ugly to me about the tour, about many things. I took it, and I took it, and then I had enough, and I stood up and I walked out and I got in a cab, and I went to the hotel and I got my stuff and a friend helped me connect with friends and met us half way and picked me up and brought me home.

When I reach my limit I stand up. I start actively pursuing solutions instead of implementing avoidance. I establish in my mind what is and is not acceptable and I do not waiver. I watched my Grandmommy with my Grandaddy for years. In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding Tula's mother and father are discussing her going to school, her father is against it because good Greek girls get married and have babies. Tula believes it's hopeless. Her mother tells her that the man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck. I witnessed this first hand with my Grandmommy. I realized early into my marriage that I had married someone eerily similar to my Grandaddy. I'm blessed that I watched my Grandparents dance at their 50th wedding anniversary and I cried the day I watched my Grandmommy say good bye. I had the best example I could have ever had in those 2 very special wonderful people.

I am stronger, smarter, and much more stubborn then most who know me realize. I might dislike conflict and I might not initially do what others think I should, but it's my life, and my decisions, and my choices. I have come a long way from that insecure, unsure of herself 20 something who had so much to learn about life, love and the reality that she will always have to face her challenges directly, and with confidence, knowing that she is where the change begins.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12

Miscellaneous Monday

I have discovered the joy that is kid shopping consignment stores. I went in to look for a few things to complete Girl Clean's fairy costume. I found the shirt, that was it. I also found a precious pink suede coat for 6.99 and another little top. SCORE!!!!

I also stopped at the library and the Walmart. I am all about a productive lunch hour!!! The way to get in and out of the library quickly. The online request feature. I find books that I want to read, look for them at the library, request them and I get the call a day or 2 later that my book is in. I just have to go to the hold section to pick it up and check it out.

Yesterday we went to lunch and then ran a few errands. I had a Kohls gift card and I purchased an outfit for Girl Clean. Mr. Clean asked why I didn't purchase anything for me. I told him that as of right now I don't need anything for me, and I don't. The outfit I got for her, too cute to resist!!!! Plus there is still leftover balance for me to get something for me. I have a limit as to how much I will spend on her clothes and I don't go over that limit. Now that I've found the 3 closest consignment stores to my office, bahhahahahahaaha lunch time just became even more fun!!!!

I told Mr. Clean today that for Christmas I want weight watchers online. I'm watching everyone else have success with it and I want to be healthy. So I've asked for this despite the fact that you're husband isn't supposed to buy you something like that for Christmas. For me, I have refused to step on the scale again. I have been trying to avoid the candy and sugar etc. Except for today, I might have had a cookie or 4, a piece of chocolate cake, and starbursts... I need to refind that willpower I had going.

I made cookies yesterday, chocolate chip/butterscotch chip cookies, they were gone by lunchtime at the office.

I finished reading the book Whole. It was wonderful and I am so glad that I read it! I now want to write and tell the author my whole life story, you just relate to her as she talks to you through her writing.

I'm off to the restaurant! Have a fabulous evening!!

transition, errands, training

I have a swollen knuckle on the middle finger of my left hand. It hurts, ridiculously!!! I'm using other fingers to type to avoid the pain as much as possible. It started hurting last night and this morning it's really bad!!!

Saturday I was so excited and happy to see Mr. Clean and Girl Clean cheering me on. So relieved that when Jack Banner came home it was a very smooth transition back. This is not to say that I was not hyper aware of where Jack was at all times. Because of what happened, and because Girl Clean was there I made sure that I watched very carefully anytime they were near each other.

I tended to put Jack in his sleep crate and just place him by me when I needed to keep him contained because I couldn't watch him. Yesterday GC was trying to get to the potty and JB got underneath her feet and she tripped on him and he snapped at her, to which he swiftly got spanked and crated. I know that this is residual from what happened last Sunday but I also know that he has to understand that his reaction is not going to be tolerated by me.

I took Jack for a walk yesterday morning and when other dogs or people would walk by and he would start his barking and going crazy I would force him to sit and force him to look at me and tell him no. I've been doing this I just need to continue with it.

I got home from my walk and was relaxing checking email when Mr. Clean and Girl Clean walked in and Mr. Clean told me that we had been invited to lunch, in 2 hours. For most people this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, for me, well I wasn't showered, Girl Clean needed a bath and Mr. Clean was going to require a shower.

I took my shower, got Girl Clean in the tub, and then I got my makeup and hair rolled. I got her bathed and dressed and her hair blow dried and then I finished my hair. She makes me nervous when she is in the tub because she likes to lay down on her back. The only minor consolation I have is that she doesn't like to put her face in the water so her nose and mouth and eyes are always out of the water. I make sure that I check on her and stay by the bathroom while she is in the tub. Saturday I went to get her a towel and when I checked on her, she had been fighting sleep all afternoon and I found her asleep in the tub. It took a minute, and I'm pretty sure had water hit her eyes or nose she would have been up but regardless I pulled her out which caused a meltdown and then she wouldn't take a nap after that, of course.

I had her dressed in a super cute outfit. I took the rollers out of my hair and then discovered that she had been so engrossed playing with her Barbies that she had an accident on the couch. That meant an entire change of clothes, because even her shirt was wet.

We made it to lunch on time. The Mexican place where we went was super fantastic!!! After lunch we went in search of a crown for her costume. The crown that Mr. Clean purchased on Friday night was too small for her head and she promptly cracked it. The crown that we found yesterday was a ridiculous 14.99 but that's what happens when you pick it up without looking at the price and just making sure that it fits the girls big head! The funny part, we also got her a package of 99 cent plastic rings and she played with the rings for the rest of the afternoon.

Both Saturday and Sunday she didn't make it to the potty in time to do the business of number 2. She has realized that she doesn't like having this in her pants so she goes and tries to dump it in the big potty, not her little potty that she can reach. This results in a mess on the floor. It's lovely going through potty training, I know that this goes by quickly and eventually she'll get it.

I've taken to staying home when Mr. Clean takes her back to her mom. This gives me uninterrupted ME TIME and it's fabulous!!! I can get all sorts of things done.

Race Numbers

Thanks for running The 4.Niner K on October 22, 2011

Below are your personal race results.  You can also check them out online at www.bigfootrunning.com

76 - Your overall finish position
227 - Total finishers in 4.9 k
You finished in top 33% overall

5 - Your age group finish position
13 - Total finishers in your age group Female 30 to 34
You finished in top 38% in your age group

27:52 - Your Chip Time
28:05 - Your Gun time
 9:14 - Your pace per mile

Connect with us...
www.onthemarksports.com
www.bigfootrunning.com 

coming home

this morning I was up bright and early for the 4.9er K. My friend NH ran it with me, Mom and Dad AND Mr. Clean and Girl Clean were there to cheer us on. I was thrilled to see Mr. Clean and the girl as I approached the finish line!!! My injury didn't flare up so I was super thankful for that.

Mr. Clean the girl and I joined my parents for breakfast afterwards. I picked up JB from my parents and brought him home. I have missed my dog. The transition back was seamless. He gave Mr. Clean and Girl Clean hello kisses. I'm beyond thankful that it was so easy to bring him back. Everything is set up and he's wonderful!!

We've cleaned, and done chores and it's been an amazing Saturday!!! So incredibly happy for a truly wonderful perfect day!!!

Fill in the Blank Friday

Feeling Beachie does fill in the blank Friday and this Friday I am playing along!

This week’s statements:

1. I am afraid of____

2. My ___ is my favorite room of my house

3. The last time I _____ I couldn’t ______.

4. I got my first _____ when I was ____.

My Answers:

1. I am afraid of ok here's the deal, it's not really that I'm afraid of but I can't handle violence on TV, the other night we were watching a show and the scene was building and I totally had a moment where I had to turn away very quickly, I just can't handle violence, it's why I don't watch horror movies or excessively violent movies of any kind. 
2.My kitchen is my favorite room of my house. I don't cook but I love this room, it's wonderfully cozy yet the biggest room in our house!
3.The last time I went for a swim it was Labor Day weekend at the Lake House and I had Girl Clean with me in the water, she LOVED it!!!
4. I got my first speeding ticket when I was running late for my Grandmother's Christmas Lunch in December 2005.

digging deeper

I had a comment made about me that basically implied that I am only surface. I only know the encouragement and hope scriptures and just enough that I sound good quoting them.

Considering where the comment came from and the context of this accusation I take it with a grain of salt. Comments like that also cause me to stop and think and reflect. Am I surface? Am I just ambling along avoiding going any deeper then the occasional quick glance at an email devotional?

Initially this summer I pointed all fingers towards another in what was a tough situation and made it all their fault. I began to read and process, because that's how I handle things. I came to understand that I am accountable for me, for my actions, my reactions, and my perception of life. I began to pray for my own heart to change, that I would chase after being who I am being called to be. In this situation I have been amazed by the changes and transformations that I consistently see.

Perhaps if you look at me quickly or spend a little time with me I come across in a variety of ways depending on the context of where you found me. At my desk at work I have papers scattered and I'm always looking at email while working on one or 2 other things. At the restaurant I'm smiling, answering the phone, seating guests and answering questions. While running or walking outside I will usually smile and say hi. At the gym I'm there to work out and I don't make much eye contact with anyone, other then if I'm asking someone if I'm going to mess up their rotation or the front desk people who I greet with a smile and say hi and good bye. At church on the outside you would see a lady who looks like most 30 something's. I'm capable, confident, open, understanding, empathetic, focused, and I try to be genuine. I don't try to be anything I'm not, I'm human and I make mistakes.

I don't spout off scripture verses, I don't beat others over the head with my beliefs. I have a very deep and unshakable knowledge of what and why I believe that there is only 1 God, who is 3 parts, who loves us so much that He sent His Son to redeem us back to Him. If you ask me I will tell you. I share on here, so that I have my own reference to look back on.

I've put time into why I believe this. I've questioned it. I walked away from it for a season. There is much that I see that I don’t always agree with. There is much that I have experienced that causes me to understand why others think it's all fake, or a crutch, or an outdated belief system. There are many teachings that would lead people to believe that just because you state that you are a Christian you will have instant prosperity, instant power of stating something you want to happen and it will be and most importantly that nothing bad will ever happen to you again.

Instant prosperity, yet not in the way that the world knows it, this is not true in the sense that all money trouble will just melt away. WRONG. God absolutely desires to bless us, but this does not mean that I'm going to be driving the latest and greatest $100,000 car or win the lottery tomorrow. God is not our bank and He certainly does not need our money. Yet, he blesses us so that we can bless others. So if I was to win the lottery, there would be a whole lot of organizations receiving donations from me.

This whole stating it and it happening, God isn't a genie in a bottle, we can't confine God to just this rather large entity that grants wishes and desires. He is the one who was, who is and who is to come. He is the beginning and the end. He is so much bigger then we as humans can even fathom. This particular one there are several points, more then I really want to cover in this post.

The idea that nothing bad will ever happen is false. God promises He is there for us. He provides for us, loves us. He does not ever tell us that nothing bad is going to happen. We live in a fallen world, and because of this bad things happen. Yet we have hope for a future because when we put Him first, no matter what, then He takes on all our worry and hurt. It sounds so easy, yet it's not. I want to control, hold onto, and not let go of. The idea of just handing it all over in concept sounds ludicrous. Yet my mom is always telling me that worry takes away from our worship. This is true, it's hard to worry when you are worshipping and difficult to worship when you are worried.

I appreciated that comment after all. I appreciated it because it made me take a look at myself. I had to reflect on who I am and where I stand. Why I make the choices and decisions that I make.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful that I was able to clearly effectively communicate and express information that I needed to convey this week.

I'm thankful that I have 2 jobs, that I enjoy.

I'm thankful that I have supportive friends and family.

I'm thankful that last night was a busy night at the restaurant since Monday night was eerily slow.

I'm thankful that I found the kid consignment store today at lunch and paid $12 for 3 items, which each retailed for more than $12.

I'm thankful that my Grandmother is ready to move to the 2nd floor, so that she can have the care and attention she needs for all the time.

I'm thankful my mom and Aunt are there for her and love her so much.

I'm thankful that I get to run on Saturday with my friend NH and we will have people there cheering us on!

I'm thankful that I signed up for the Turkey Trot 8K today.

I'm thankful that this week I have, for the most part, kept my hand out of the candy bucket at work.

I'm thankful that I have plenty of clothes for winter!

I'm thankful that I will be pulling out my winter shoes and putting away my summer shoes for a season.

I'm thankful that we got the CD of our wedding pictures and will be able to print them off so I can look and see that I truly was on cloud 9 that day.

I'm thankful that I've have been able to rent out my condo and I just have to pay to have the windows sealed, I don't have to do the job myself.

I'm thankful that it's a Girl Clean weekend and we will enjoy our time with her and hand her back to her mom on Sunday.

I'm thankful that Jack Banner is being spoiled at the grandparents.

Like Clockwork, Biting, Upcoming

Last night was one of those ideal restaurant nights. We were busy early on, we were steadily busy. It went like clockwork. I had 2 large private parties and enough diners in the regular dining area that my server numbers were absolute perfection!!!

Nights like last night remind me why I love my part time job. The really crazy off the wall nights. The nights when I walk out thinking I'm so tired. Those nights fade quickly when I have evenings that are as fantastic as last night.

While working I also get to talk to lots of people. Our event coordinator and I were talking and she said I couldn't email this comment to you but you do understand you need to do something about Jack and the biting. I have another friend who had said something similar to me. I completely agree.

While I don't know what happened Sunday and my stance still stands, and I will not give an inch with Mr. Clean regarding my dog, this is something I need to address ASAP with my Jack Banner. I've known for a long time now that my dog bites. He's super cute but I tell people not to approach him. I muzzle him. I have no idea why he's like this. I think it's because he somehow wound up with the worst characteristics of the dachshund and chihuahua.

He can be downright scary to other people. Not going to lie. The event coordinator also made it a point to say it's not my fault. Which it's kind of not but I also have to acknowledge that I haven't socialized him the way I needed to. I've tried, I just haven't been as consistent as I needed to. My other friend who had pointed this out has also said it's not my fault. However, if I'm responsible for him then yes it pretty much is.

Both friends are huge dog people. Both have trained numerous dogs, both have spent hours volunteering with different organizations that work with dogs. I understand that I need to find someone who can work with both Mr. Clean and I on helping Jack understand that biting is not ok. I think more than anything it starts with me because Jack is mine.

Last night I forgot my change of shoes which meant I ended up in heels for 4 hours. This aggravated the injury that I thought I had completely rolled and worked out. I got home last night and re-did the rolling and stretching. It still hurts today. The Saturday race is a hilly course. I know that I can walk if I need to it is just not my preference.

Have I mentioned that I'm doing a Turkey Trot 8K? Super excited about this!!!

Substitutions

Something I was thinking about recently.

I used to escape into a bottle, or 3 of wine. I removed all my alcohol from the house back in July. I still have a glass of wine, margarita, or some type of drink on occasion out with friends but that's the extent of it.

I had talked for weeks about my sugar consumption. I knew that it was not healthy. Yet I just kept going back for more.

I started thinking about how much I use food for comfort. Upset, chocolate, mad, cookie, frustrated, starburst, anxious, laughy taffy, bad morning, let me treat myself to sushi for lunch. I have had a bad day so let me have ice cream now to make up for it...

I'm not special for this thought pattern. I know this is actually something that many individuals probably experience.

I realized just recently that I have to own my feelings, and work through them. Reaching for candy, cookies, bread, whatever, in order to comfort myself leaves me feeling empty.

I crave sugar, and realized that I was allowing my emotions to run away with me thus resulting in some pretty excessive consumption of not so great for me foods.

I'm making a conscious effort to stop and think about why I feel that I "need" that 5th miniature candy bar of the day. I purchased lunch for today and tomorrow and along with those frozen healthy entrees I also purchased the skinny cow chocolate truffle ice cream bars so I could have my something sweet after lunch. Those ice cream bars, oh.my.word. they are AMAZING!!!! I know that I don't handle the whole telling myself 0 of anything, when I do this, it never works for me.

What I can do is evaluate the patterns, that I've seen before, and stop and make changes. Buying Healthy Choice lunches instead of going through the pay by weight salad bar where I never actually make healthy choices for what goes in my container. Who wants lettuce when there are marinated mushrooms available??

I have done a great job cutting out the sugar. I have shocked myself that I was so easily able to give up my alcohol consumption, this is not to say that I do not occasionally look longingly at the wine aisle. A glass of wine at a restaurant is not the same as a bottle of wine enjoyed on the couch in front of a movie. I made this choice for a reason though and it was my choice to make. Just like it's my choice to keep my hand out of the candy bucket at work and candy dish at home.

I did not go run at the gym last night. I had the best of intentions but it was raining and I just didn't feel like going out. Instead? I did a work out DVD since Mr. Clean had gone out to run errands. He came home to me doing lunges and squats. Fortunately he wasn't home in time to see me tripping over my feet in an effort to keep up with the grapevines, and crossover left, crossover right, shuffle, shuffle instructions! I don't think the workout DVD is quite as challenging as the run. I do think that it was better then staying glued to my computer for the evening which is what I really wanted to do.

Tonight I work. Tomorrow night my Jack Banner comes home. He has been spoiled. I got an email this morning that since he had to go out in the rain he got rubbed down with a heated towel when they went back inside. He's lucky to get rubbed down with a dry towel when I take him out in the rain!! I'll be glad to have him home!!!

Conversation

I almost almost almost walked out tonight. The initial conversation did not go well. I had prayed all day. I knew what to expect. I knew what I would hear. I knew and like clockwork it all played out just how I knew it would.

Then when it became clear that I was serious and had 2 bags packed and was pulling out the suitcase he stopped me. We sat down. I stated that if you ever hurt my dog again we're done. I stated that he will have to make amends with Jack.

I got my point across. My message was heard. I've drawn the line, and if it's crossed I will not give another chance. Now is the time to move on and figure out how to move forward.

Life is not perfect. Mr. Clean is not perfect. I am not looking for perfect. I am looking for someone who is willing to work on it, and that is what I have.

where I stand

I looked at the verse of the day on Biblegateway “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 NLT

Last night while at the restaurant I started writing out my thoughts regarding what happened on Sunday.

I have read books and read books and researched regarding various topics for various things that are going on. I have helped with Girl Clean in every way possible but unless she is going to hurt herself or Jack I have not disciplined her. This isn't even discipline this is simply telling her no. I simply do not feel comfortable with anything further then this. I'm married to her Dad but I'm not her Mom. There are probably lots of opinions on this. I don't care what other people think this particular position is mine, and for now it works.

That said I don't even try to claim to be an expert on anything child related, I rarely even offer any kind of opinion regarding said child. It's not that I do not care, it's that I think she has 2 very capable parents. Do I agree with all of her Dad's decisions, no not at all. However, I let it go because I'm not being asked what I think.

I have a dog, a dog that I adopted and accepted responsibility for a long time ago. I have raised my puppy and while I've not done it perfectly I have researched and done my best. I'm still learning. I still read, I still research, I still want to work with my dog on his behavior. In research I was doing today, I've done an excellent job of telling people no when they want to approach Jack. I've known for a long time now that my dog is a biter. I know how to control this. When we're out and not running a lot of times I use a muzzle. When we are at my parents and there are a lot of people, I use a muzzle. Jack hates it but it calms him down enough that once the muzzle is removed he is a much better behaved dog.

This morning I have further researched dog behavior. I found several articles regarding dogs and what causes them to bite and what to do after it has once happened. I have not addressed Sunday's incident yet. I've been calming down, gathering my thoughts, and formulating everything that must be said. I printed off the articles that I read today instead of just emailing them. My recommendation will be that during one of the 3 nights a week that I work that Mr. Clean and Jack attend a training class together. I want Mr. Clean to understand what works and what does not work when it comes to dog ownership.

I am an adult and when it comes to me I can stand up and speak and I have Mr. Clean's respect already. My dog can not stand up, can not speak and right now I have to make sure that my dog is protected. I believe that because Mr. Clean loves me he will be willing to make this effort in order to be able to better understand what he needs to do in order to co-exist with Jack again. I understand that non-dog people don't feel the same way I do about a dog. However, I could not have made it any clearer that I am a package deal and Jack is mine.

I believe very firmly that the deep feelings that Mr. Clean has for me will result in a co-operation in this manner. I believe that while this was a horrific traumatic experience that good can come of it. I believe that God is so much bigger and He is able and we can move forward from this. I have prayed and I have lots of prayers being directed up for me and I am so thankful for this. My dog is mine, and I will not tolerate animal mistreatment, end of story.

3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Better than 2 forward 3 back.

Friday night, great night at the restaurant. On my way home I received a phone call from Mama Clean that Sister Clean was on the way to the emergency room with symptoms of a heart attack.

Saturday morning up early for a 3 mile walk with Jack then I picked Girl Clean up from her mamas. We drove down to the dealership for an oil change. I found out I need to replace my struts. Leaving I noticed a scraping sound, thought that's odd, but maybe it's part of this strut thing.

Visit with my mom went well. Girl Clean's eyes grew huge when we pulled out the Barbie clothes and shoes for her to play with. We went to visit with my Grandmommy for a bit. She's moving to the 2nd floor from her current apartment so that she will have constant care available. She's been having spells and it's scary for her and us.

I checked in with Mama Clean on my way home and found out that it wasn't a heart attack, still very serious but Sister Clean is recovering.

Church that evening was a blur. I looked underneath my car when we got there only to see something hanging down from underneath that had not been re-attached. Mr. Clean was able to find some pipe cleaners and re-attach until I can get back to the dealership today.

Sunday morning I got Girl Clean ready, she looked super adorable in her little outfit for church, her mom was delighted when she saw her. I was thrilled with how the outfit came together and that I was able to have her ready on time. I was getting ready to meet my college roomie for lunch at my favorite Cabo Fish Taco.

I met college roomie and we had an awesome lunch and I thoroughly enjoyed our catching up time, and then when I texted to say I was on my way home the response back was no matter what do not let Jack out of his crate until I talk to you.

I had left Jack out of his crate since Mr. Clean was home and went on to lunch. Mr. Clean went to take a shower and Jack left a puddle in the middle of the floor. Mr. Clean rubbed his nose in it and Jack chewed up his hands because of it. I was doing my best to hold it together as I called my uncle (also Jack's vet) to relay the story. As we talked my Uncle said that this wasn't an unprovoked attack, Jack felt backed into a corner and he fought back. My dog is not going to let anyone or anything corner him without fighting. I have never rubbed JB's nose in puddles because everything I've ever read on dog training says that it is a pointless method and does not teach the dog anything. So having his nose pushed in the puddle along with the probable yelling that was taking place resulted in my dog fighting back.

I got home and after Mr. Clean headed out again I called my mom and asked if Jack could come stay a few days. I packed up his bag and crate and drove to my parents. When I called to check on him later that afternoon my Mom said that he was definitely traumatized but he was ok and they were just loving on him and giving him attention.

I wasn't there I don't know what happened. It's hard because Jack can't talk so I can't get his side of the story. I also know that Jack is a dog, I get this I promise. The very first question I had to ask my uncle was if, because my dog had attacked a human, it meant he had to be put down. I was devastated having to even ask this question and this is what I think sent me into the sobbing that resulted for the next few hours.

There had been a truce established between Mr. Clean and Jack. Jack had been given a chair, even when Mr. Clean was so sick he still took him out to walk. I had been talking at lunch about how well things were going. It never ever fails, if I talk about how great things are something happens. I never want to fail to give God the glory when good things happen but the flip side is that I know as soon as I say something good is happening something awful results.

I obviously dated a lot in the almost 3 years that I have been Jack's mom. I broke up with Mr. Clean because I said you are never going to accept my dog and he swore up and down that I just needed to give him a chance. None of the other guys that I dated ever had any issues with my puppy, they knew that he was my Jack, end of story. So now I'm left exhausted and tired and worried and I'm trying to remember how even if my faith is only the size of a mustard seed it can still move mountains.

The rest of the afternoon was fine, Mr. Clean made sure he cleaned his hands with soap and water and used antibiotic ointment for his hands. We played Frisbee golf and he fixed soup for dinner. I knew that Jack was receiving lots of TLC at my parent's house, and that helped. I just couldn't help but feel heartsick every time I looked at his water dish in the kitchen.

Thursday Night

Yesterday afternoon I left work with plans to go on a stroll with Mr. Clean and Jack. Mr. Clean doesn't believe in excercise, so I had to phrase it "stroll" in order to get him to go. There is a race this weekend, which means that if I go my usual route I have to go directly through race city and race traffic. I thought to myself while driving on 485 that I should probably take the 49 exit. The next thought was, no it's early I will be fine. Except what I didn't know, there was a wreck that had just shut down traffic flow. So I re-routed and ended up taking the alternate, having to back track to get there.

We still made it out for our stroll and I made it home to make a quick clothing change and head back out again. We had a women's night at church last night. Worship followed by this speaker. Driving to church I was nervous, I don't really know anyone at the church we go to. I was going by myself and that is always initially a little scary. I arrived and purchased the latest book, I was hoping there would be a copy there. Then I stood and waited for the door to open. As I was standing I'm looking at 2 ladies across from me trying to figure out if it was who I thought it was. Turns out it was. I never forget that I live in a place that is a very small world. I caught up with one of my high school teachers and then it was time to go in.

As I was sitting I was thinking how amazing God is that he put people there right at the door who knew me and took away my aprehension. Then the worship started and the message and it was so good. As everything was drawing to a close it was getting later and later. I tried to stay focused on the message and in my head I'm thinking ok if I can just be home before 10 I'll be ok. I have to wake up super early so being out during a weeknight unless I'm working is not something I'm often willing to do.

Before the evening ever began, yesterday morning in fact, I prayed that God would meet me there. I prayed that He would show me what He wanted me to see. This week I've been researching and learning and processing. I'm on a journey and it's not a hurry up and get there type trek, it's more of a very slow, 3 steps forward 2 steps back type march. Traditionally any time I go to something like this I have thrown up huge walls and put my gaurd up in order to avoid really having to feel anything. I listen, I'm impacted, but I keep everything at arms length.

I almost made it out too. The ending prayer, the acknowledgement that the time was late. I slip out of my seat and out the door. I go to my car... There is a car parked behind mine. I knew that before I left I was being called to go ask for prayer. It's easy for me to ask for prayer from the distance of not being face to face. I don't actually like having to ask for someone to pray with me in person, why, because it leaves me open to actually having to let God do whatever it is that He is looking to do. Yet last night God had me completely hemmed in. I called Mr. Clean to let him know that there was a car behind mine and I wasn't sure when I would be able to leave. Then I went back in and went to the bathroom then I walked back out to my car, the car was still behind me.

I sat in my car and I knew why there was a car parked behind mine. I knew that I was supposed to go back inside yet again and go ask for prayer. I knew that this was no accident and that I could just sit and wait it out or I could obey the very clear message that I was hearing to go inside and pray. I think perhaps it was less about the prayer and more about the obedience. I've spent my whole life running away from what is not comfortable. I don't like having to deal with me, so I move things around, and stay on the go and I like to ignore direction when I know that it's not going to be easy.

I went back inside, and asked for prayer. We prayed, and talked. There are things that I can not control, can not change, and can not cure. When I look at the now, it doesn't make sense sometimes. I know that God is faithful. I know that He is always good. I know that He is in control. I know that the Master Weaver has a pattern and purpose and I know that His love works my pattern together, growing me stronger and more capable and more able to do great things for Him.

Personality

Jennifer did this quiz this morning and shared the results. I love stuff like this so I did my own quiz. I took it twice to make sure that I answered as honestly as possible

Friendly

You would rather hang out with others than spend time alone, and you'd far rather be doing something with your friends than just sitting around. You're happy in a crowded room, club, stadium, or auditorium.
(I have to say this is part right, but I do value my alone time!!!)

You're not a private person who is ill at ease in a group; you don't view excessive socializing as a waste of time.

Upbeat
You enjoy being around others and others enjoy being around you. You have a "live and let live" attitude; because you know that no one's perfect, you are forgiving and happy to give the benefit of the doubt.

You don't feel the need to be controversial or express contrary opinions all the time. You see no reason to go around rubbing people the wrong way.

Warm
You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.
 (I am of the opinion that not everything I think must be expressed)

Understanding
You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.

Scrupulous
You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Empathetic
You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.

You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.

Conscientious
You feel it's important to work according to a plan and finish every task, to do things correctly and thoroughly.

You are not the kind of person who abandons a project before finishing it, or slacks off when you've lost interest.
 (however I am a huge procrastinator when I don't want to do something or think something is really complicated)

Intellectual
You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.
 (I love to read and I don't mind classical music)

You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.
 (actually I'm ok sticking to the straight and narrow most of the time)

Poised
You tend to feel at home wherever you find yourself, even in unfamiliar settings, with new people. It takes a lot to rattle you, and when rattled you recover quickly and gracefully.

You are usually not self-conscious or nervous when you're in an unfamiliar environment or with people you don't know.
 (I've had to work on this though, it does not come naturally to me)
Cooperative
You enjoy teamwork, play well with others, and prefer getting along to winning.

You're not compelled to win every contest nor to be right all the time.
 (This is so true, competition is not something I really care about which is why I'm terrible at sales)

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful I was able to go to the zoo Monday with Dr. MG, we had such an awesome time.

I'm thankful Dr. MG celebrated 2 years with her guy yesterday, YAY!!!! They went here for dinner, OH MY WORD the yumminess that she described for me!!!!

I'm thankful for google, because I remember life before it and I like being able to look up anything anytime and having instant gratification that the answers are right there!!!

I'm thankful for a busy night at the restaurant, after the initial slow start.

I'm thankful for a husband who can cook, it's just awesome!!!

I'm thankful for the rain we had this week and just as thankful that the sun has appeared again this afternoon.

I'm thankful for the cooler temperatures, it's so beautiful outside!!!

I'm thankful for my friend NH and that she's running the Turkey Trot 8K with me on Thanksgiving, WHOOOHOO!!!!

I'm thankful that my muscle issues seem to have eased and I'm going to be able to run again!!!

I'm thankful for my church and the event tonight that I'm really looking forward to!!!

I'm thankful for opportunities to get away for an upcoming weekend and take a beautiful drive to get there!!!

I'm thankful that I've been able to practice self control and my hand has stayed out of the candy bucket at work and candy dish at home.

I'm thankful that this week at work we get to wear jeans!!!

I'm thankful that I'm finally getting my oil changed this Saturday!!! I'm only a little past due, I try to keep up with it!!

I'm thankful that I get to have brunch with my college roomie and catch up with her on Sunday!!!

I'm thankful that I have so much to be thankful about!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

ouch

Yesterday at work was a typical day back after being away. I had emails to catch up on but it was not overly crazy.


The original plan had been to play disc golf followed by me going to the gym. It rained all day long yesterday. Disc golf was out. I got home and Mr. Clean was making soup for dinner.

When I started my run Saturday morning I noticed that I was tight on my left side in the lower back. I kept running and it worked itself out. However, when I tried to run Sunday shooting pain, which meant Jack and I walked instead of the run I planned. I'm not sure what it is. I started using my foam roller and other stretches on Sunday trying to work out whatever it is that I have done.

I took Jack for another walk Monday and walked around the zoo all day. I think this helped to stretch the muscles. I again made sure to use my roller and I have some racquet balls that I apply to the knots that the foam roller is not able to touch. Based on my description of the pain and a past similar pain I think this is my Piriformis acting up. I looked at google images and I'm 97% positive this is what's going on. It's my fault I don't stretch the way I'm supposed to. I know I need to work on this.

Last night I went to the gym and ran a mile, it was painful to start but I ran through it, towards the end I picked up the pace and I was OK. It was not fun but I think it was necessary. I went and did strength training for my arms and then 2 more miles this time on the elliptical machine. I felt twinges on the elliptical but I felt like I was helping rather then hurting. I made sure that when I got home I once again did the stretches and rolls that I needed to do.

It hurts. I have a race in less then 2 weeks and I know that it's a hilly course. I don't mind walking portions of it. I just hope that my gut instinct is correct and as long as I keep doing what I'm doing I will be able to work out this strain on my own. If not I have the best chiropractor in the world, I just have to figure out when I can get there...

she can do anything

I've recently talked about how Barbie has been introduced into my life again. Girl Clean loves her "babies" (Barbies). I know that this doll has caught flack over the years for presenting an "unrealistic body type" for girls.


I'm certainly no stranger to self criticism when it comes to my own body. Yet I never have nor will I attribute this to a doll that I played with growing up. I say that because as I've thought about it I actually have come to realize that this doll is able to be or do anything.

I have friends right now going through tough situations at work. I drew a parallel to the doll and said remember how when we were little and we played with our doll how she could do anything? I remember playing office, hospital, restaurant, house, TV, library, and the list goes on. This still applies today, put your game face on, put your best foot forward and go out and show that you are confident, capable and unstoppable.

They've adjusted the doll to try and make her more realistic. I never really thought about it when I was growing up. I had several dolls and I dressed them up and created outfits and did their hair. My God sister had a basement full of dolls, clothes, and a long list of the extras, the TV studio, the pool, etc. I loved going to Pittsburgh to visit I could get lost downstairs for hours. She had more clothes and dolls then I did so for me it was always fun to have that opportunity to play.

When I dated CF&G his ex was adamantly opposed to the doll. She wanted her girl to not be in any way shape or form girly. She was terrified her child would be a cheerleader, although why that was so terrifying I'm still not sure. I know that now she's not allowed to play with dolls, at all. Or at least this was the case a year or 2 ago. It thrills me to no end that we allow Girl Clean to be who she wants to be. If she wants to play in the dirt, I cringe but her Dad is fine with it. If she wants to play kitchen, we encourage it. My favorite though, is when I hand her the container that has her babies and she sits for an hour dressing and undressing her doll, totally lost and entranced in the world she creates in her imagination.

Perhaps because it was never pointed out to me, I never thought about the shape of my doll. I always just loved the clothes and shoes and hair. It's no surprise that today I still love clothes and shoes and hair. I also appreciate the fact that as Girl Clean grows up her Barbie will be able to do anything, giving her ideas that she too can accomplish amazing things!

Pictures from the Zoo

Yesterday the temperature was perfect and we actually were able to see a lot of the animals! 

The Otters were just too much fun to watch!!!

I was able to capture both of them before they dived back in the water

Can you see him??

Gorilla

He decided to move around a little

The Giraffes are so amazing!!! Their coats each uniquely different and so gorgeous!!!

Watching them glide across the land is really something!

The Zebra

The Lion was taking a nap on the rock

The baby monkey playing

The baby monkey has been accepted by the other monkeys although the zoo person said that initially there was some Jealousy

The baby monkey, just too cute!!! We stayed the longest just watching her.

Catching up

Friday night I worked, and it was busy between 7-8 then done.

Saturday morning I was up early. I had the Lung Strong 5K, which should have been a 15K, next year. My time was not so great, but it was a run and done. I picked up Girl Clean after the run and we made our way back to the house. We went to a fall festival at Mr. Clean's parent's church for a few hours then the Girl crashed, she was so tired!!! I also fell asleep, on the floor, with Jack sleeping on my chest. Church Saturday night was wonderful!

Sunday I woke up and took Jack for a walk. It was a gorgeous fall morning! Then we got ready and before heading over to the Clean Parent's we took Girl Clean to pick out her Barbie outfit. We told her Saturday if she let us know every time she needed to go potty then she could pick out a new outfit for her "baby" (barbie). I reiterated this several times over the day to make sure she didn't forget and she did awesome! So she got to pick out the outfit and then we went and celebrated Sister Clean's birthday.

Sunday night I watched Jerry McGuire for the first time. I can't believe that I've never seen it before! It's just one of those movies that got by me. I really enjoyed it!

Monday I texted Dr. MG and asked for a plan B. The original plan was a hiking trip to Boone but it turns out that neither of us wanted to make that drive. She suggested the zoo since it's in the middle for both of us. This is just part of why I love my friend so much. We had an absolute blast. We walked around and saw the animals and people watched, the zoo is an amazing place for people watching!!! The giraffes were amazing, they are just so incredible to me!!! They had a baby monkey and we watched her for the longest time. I am so glad that Dr. MG suggested it and we've agreed that we'll have to make this trip a regular thing!!

Show Us Your Life - Pets

Kelly's Korner today is all about pets. Y'all know I LOVE to talk about Jack Banner. I'm so glad that I made the decision to stop by Pet Smart that February 13, 2009 day. I have never once regretted bringing my puppy home.

Baby Jack

Jack's Dog

Checking things out

Sleeping

When I was trying to figure out which puppy to bring home I asked which one was the sleeper and the eater, they told me Jack, I said then he's my puppy

Why is there always a camera in my face???

Writing thank you notes is SOOOO not my thing rub my belly!!!

I'm cute, rub my belly!!!!!

What? Where? SQUIRREL........

I can't believe you just made me take a bath, oh the indignity of it

Another one?

It was clearly time for bed

Like I said I asked which one was the sleeper and the eater

Reminding me to take time to smell the grass

Taking time out from a walk, he's my walking and running buddy!!!

Clearly I have not forgotten to take pictures of Jack Banner!

always

I am aware that there is always need. I am also aware the I can't give to everything all the time. I know this.

I just attended a presentation at work about employee giving. My company matches donations to charity which is very cool.

I've heard a lot about giving this summer. Actually I always have but this summer I acted on it.

The needs in my own community are important too.

The story shared by the representative who had her own story to tell, well I was fighting the tears, because really who wants black streaks running down their cheeks during a company meeting.

I'll be giving. I can figure out a way, it won't be much, at all, but it gets matched. According to what I just heard even a dollar makes a difference.

There will always be need, always be someone who needs a helping hand. Someday I might be that person and I would hope that at that time someone who heard a story was inspired to give too.

Friday, afternoon at the park, numbers, adjustment

It's Friday and it is gorgeous outside!!! The 5K that should have been my 15K is tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, it's going to be a beautiful run!!!

Last night I played Frisbee/Disc golf for the first time with Mr. Clean. He showed me how to play. It's something he enjoys and it's so beautiful outside. It's a good way to walk and talk and spend time together. We took Jack with us and I made him behave as other dogs passed so I was excited to get him out and work with him on that!

I said that I would not complain when the scale caught up to my complete and total disregard for not cutting back on the sugar sooner. I'm going to say this. I wish that I could figure out why I have such a hard time with the simple concept of just don't eat junk. Really, it's not complicated.

Starting at my birthday I threw all common sense out the door, slammed it shut and pushed a chair up under the knob and just indulged, which I've talked about. What I've learned, what I know, is that I have habits that will result in me staring at the scale with the feelings of hopelessness and discontent and furious at myself for not just stopping it.

I've mentioned WW. I think it's a great thing. Why have I not? Money is a factor. It costs something every month and for right now because of my HOA any extra I would have disappears much faster. The other reason, it requires being healthy and being accountable and I don't like having to be accountable for being healthy because it's so much easier for me to do my thing except my thing doesn't really work so well for me.

This summer as I have been praying my perspective on me has changed. These past few weeks I've faced characteristics in myself that I know I have to work on. I know that I'm always a work in progress I know that I do some things very well! I know that my perception of myself should never ever come from the numbers on a scale or the tag in my clothing. I've talked a lot about the clothing and shoes that I either sold or donated. That was hard, very difficult for me to let go of. Yet as the weeks have passed I've realized that because I tend to buy classic cut pieces I still have plenty to work with. Granted it's mostly black and my coworkers have started asking me why I never wear color anymore, but what I have works.

Rachel did a post July 26 Do These earrings make me look fat, which I can't link to right at this moment but I did link to her blog if you click her name. She wrote about insecurity and how she started praying for the Lord to open her eyes so she could see what He sees is beautiful. She talked about she'll still watch what she eats and work out but her life will not revolve around these things. I was so touched by what she wrote.

I'm constantly reading, and another that I've started to follow through my reader is Weightless. There are always post about body image, and learning how to be more positive. The short time I've been subscribed has been enlightening for me.

To be perfectly honest I've reached a place where the call of the sugar and junk sounds much less appealing and much more cacophonous then it ever has before. I've always been a self declared sugar junky. I look at where it leaves me and I'm not happy with what it does to me. I crave it, then I eat way too much, after weeks of indulging the results I have to show are not appealing to me. While my identity does not come from the numbers, I don't like them right now either. As I stood there in tears last night Mr. Clean reminded me that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, and he means that he wasn't just saying it because he's supposed to. It's time for me to finally adjust my perspective regarding food, and my personal numbers (ie: scale and dress size) and continue what started this summer. Seeking to be the person that I'm being called to be.

"But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord who is the Spirit makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18