Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Opinions
I have been reading and keeping up with everyone but currently my laptop is at Mr. Cleans and I won't see him til Thursday so I'm not able to comment. Sunday Mr. Clean met my family from Pittsburgh. He went to church with all of us and then Bean and Jelly came into town to have lunch with us. We had all finished lunch and Mom was talking about how Bean's life is moving along according to how he planned, graduate college, get masters, get good job, get married, buy house, and all that is accomplished. Then she looks at Mr. Clean and asks what his plan is. She had a right to ask but in front of everyone and the way she asked I wanted to go under the table. Mr. Clean was fine, he wasn't upset by it and also didn't give a straight answer. Last week the emails from my mom started. The first was an email telling me a conversation she had with her friend regarding said friend's granddaughter. Back story, my parents have friends that they have been friends with for longer then I've been alive. This means that these friends all feel they have a right to input opinions into my life. This particular friend's granddaughter I do love and I have a special place in my heart for her. However, the email tells me that if granddaughter isn't a flower girl she will be just heartbroken. I don't have a date… The next day I get an email telling me my mom is trying not to fret because Mr. Clean is close to his family and she's worried that we will spend more time with his family then mine. My mom has an opinion for everything and is quick to share it with me. I know that I'm going to hear everyone's opinions via my mom and I've got to figure out how to navigate this. Currently I'm in the process of going through my house. He's in the process of going through his house. We are happy and not in a hurry to set a date. I had an idea and he wasn't in tune with what I was thinking so for now I'm happy to just focus on everything I have going on and enjoy not having to answer to anyone at this point in time. I have been on my own in my house for the past 6 years. I've had roommates but they were people in my house, so I was the one in control, for the most part. This is all about to change and this is going to be an adjustment. This week is crazy busy and I just hope I can get everything done that I have to get done work wise!! Hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday
It has been a crazy week. I have today off from the full time job although I do have to work tonight. Trying to make sure everything was done before I left and get everything wrapped up left no additional time during the day.
My family from Pittsburgh arrived last night. I was supposed to have to work at the restaurant but they ended up not needing me so I went over to my parents with Jack to have dinner. The 2 girls, who are almost 5 and 2 1/2 are for whatever reason scared of dogs. I had Jack's soft muzzle on him for a long time and they would still scream or cry anytime he came near them. What a difference from baby girl who adores Jack and always wants to know where he is and what he's doing and love on him.
Today is shopping with the girls although I will truly not be making any purchases. I've got the huge task of going through my house and either keeping, selling or donating and it's going to be a process!!! Last night I went through 3 drawers and I have a huge bag now to give away (think Kohls BIG bag and it's that size). My rule for now is if I didn't wear it this past year, and I'll see how much I can eliminate that way. I love clothes and shoes so I tend to hold onto things instead of letting go.
Tomorrow my PA family will be visiting some friends who live in Charlotte so that gives me a day to spend with Mr. Clean and baby girl. He wasn't able to make dinner last night but he should be able to be there on Sunday to meet everyone.
I hope that everyone has a fabulous Friday!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Rest of the weekend and Monday
Saturday afternoon after I said good bye to Mr. Clean I had to get ready for work. MG and her boyfriend, Mr. Goodwrench arrived. They were going to a wedding and reception that was close to my house so I cleaned the extra room for them. We talked and I shared the proposal story, then I had to head out for work.
Saturday evening the patio was again crazy busy, the inside of the restaurant less so. My coworkers were all so excited for me. I was still processing. I'm thrilled, excited, ecstatic, so joyful and happy and the questions are at times overwhelming. Trying to make sure that I let everyone know and making sure that I notified family as soon as possible. My phone actually shorted out at one point on Saturday from overload. I was first out Saturday night and hoped to meet MG and Mr. Goodwrench out but all the excitement of the day, plus being up since 5:45 caught up with me and I ended up having to regretfully pass on meeting them out, MG totally understood and we knew we could catch up at brunch the following morning.
Sunday morning I did not go to church since I had out of town guests. Mr. Clean met us at my house and we went to brunch. Our original choice had actually closed so we opted to go to Vivace, it was amazing!!! Our server, he was fantastic!!! We sat at brunch for 3 hours just talking. After brunch MG and Mr. Goodwrench headed out for Ikea before driving home. Mr. Clean and I took advantage of being right at Trader Joes, which is located in the same area as the restaurant. The rest of the day was low key, we just hung out and talked about location and what we're thinking and what we will do and it was a good time to talk and share ideas. He scored Jack's eternal gratitude by giving him bites of roast while he was putting together the beef noodle stew.
This morning I arrived at work and told my friend/Coworker first about my news. Then I had to go tell my 2 underwriters. Then I told FRB. I explained that I know we haven't talked a whole lot but I wanted her to hear from me this news. She was very happy for me and hopefully it helps for less awkwardness. Apparently she never received my email response January 2010 that I sent and then resent, which I felt bad about, I did respond 2 times and she never got it. Word has made it's way around the office that I'm engaged and I'm once again receiving lots of questions. Everyone is so excited for me so it's more just curiosity and I'm thankful for everyone's interest and excitement, it's really appreciated!!
Comments on my post from Saturday have all made this even more special, y'all are awesome!! Thank you!!
Saturday evening the patio was again crazy busy, the inside of the restaurant less so. My coworkers were all so excited for me. I was still processing. I'm thrilled, excited, ecstatic, so joyful and happy and the questions are at times overwhelming. Trying to make sure that I let everyone know and making sure that I notified family as soon as possible. My phone actually shorted out at one point on Saturday from overload. I was first out Saturday night and hoped to meet MG and Mr. Goodwrench out but all the excitement of the day, plus being up since 5:45 caught up with me and I ended up having to regretfully pass on meeting them out, MG totally understood and we knew we could catch up at brunch the following morning.
Sunday morning I did not go to church since I had out of town guests. Mr. Clean met us at my house and we went to brunch. Our original choice had actually closed so we opted to go to Vivace, it was amazing!!! Our server, he was fantastic!!! We sat at brunch for 3 hours just talking. After brunch MG and Mr. Goodwrench headed out for Ikea before driving home. Mr. Clean and I took advantage of being right at Trader Joes, which is located in the same area as the restaurant. The rest of the day was low key, we just hung out and talked about location and what we're thinking and what we will do and it was a good time to talk and share ideas. He scored Jack's eternal gratitude by giving him bites of roast while he was putting together the beef noodle stew.
This morning I arrived at work and told my friend/Coworker first about my news. Then I had to go tell my 2 underwriters. Then I told FRB. I explained that I know we haven't talked a whole lot but I wanted her to hear from me this news. She was very happy for me and hopefully it helps for less awkwardness. Apparently she never received my email response January 2010 that I sent and then resent, which I felt bad about, I did respond 2 times and she never got it. Word has made it's way around the office that I'm engaged and I'm once again receiving lots of questions. Everyone is so excited for me so it's more just curiosity and I'm thankful for everyone's interest and excitement, it's really appreciated!!
Comments on my post from Saturday have all made this even more special, y'all are awesome!! Thank you!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Saturday
Friday night at the restaurant we were busy on the patio but slow inside. I ended up not closing because the other hostess wanted the hours. I called Mr. Clean and we were talking he asked what time my parents usually go to breakfast. He and I had talked about him coming to pick me up since I had to take my car to the dealership to get the power steering replacement recall done. I told him they probably would go around 10:30. He asked if they ever go earlier, and I said well let me call Mom and find out. I called my Mom and found out they were going to be at breakfast at 10:15. I called Mr. Clean back we agreed he would pick me up and we would meet my parents and Grandmommy.
This morning I woke up early and did my 8 mile run. I made sure to include hills so it was a slow run but it was a beautiful morning!!! I finished my run, got ready and headed to the dealership. Mr. clean picked me up and we made our way to the restaurant. Once inside he said he forgot to lock the car so he went back to the front of the restaurant. He actually went out to the car. He came back in and sat down and then he proposed. Yes he proposed. I can't remember all that he said because I was so overwhelmed. I'm so incredibly thankful!!! He started by telling me that he had gone to my parents early this morning. Yesterday evening he finally got a hold of my mom on the phone and asked to stop by this morning. This morning he went over and went through a lot of questions and my parents gave their blessing. So before they arrived he asked me to marry him.
Mom, Dad and Grandmommy arrived and my face gave away my news. They are happy for me and I know that the questions asked were not easy questions. I'm so thankful that he went to my parents and answered everything I know they threw at him. It was not only a big deal to me but also a big deal to my parents. I love this man, I'm so thankful that I've met him. After breakfast we went and picked up baby girl and I met baby girl's Mom. I like her. My immediate impression is that she and I will get along just fine, unlike the situation with CF&G and that nightmare ex who still appears in my nightmares on occasion. Baby girl's mama is a different story and while she will never be my BFF she will be a part of our life and I am thankful she is not scary or evil.
We came back to my house to walk and enjoy our time together. He called his parents, we were going to try and go over to give the news in person but his Mama is sick. He broke the news over the phone and his parents are thrilled. I'm just on cloud 9!!!
Friday, March 18, 2011
This week and up and coming
Last night instead of a run I went into my extra room and found the floor. I had Christmas wrapping paper and leftover boxes, I had the suitcase from Vegas (don't judge) I had baby gifts that needed to be shipped, it was a mess!!! I was motivated because MG will be here Saturday with her boyfriend and although I offered my bed they are bringing their air mattress.
I need a roommate and I'm still actively searching but I also really love having a catch all room. There are still nails in the walls from the previous roommate so I hung some pictures in there to make the walls look less bare. I try to keep the room roommate ready so I don't have to haul a whole lot out of there when/if I do find someone.
I'm amazed at how this week has flown and I shouldn't be but I am. I blinked and it's Friday!! My family from PA is coming to town next weekend and will meet Mr. Clean. I'm so excited that they are meeting him. We have shopping plans Friday, then Saturday they have plans with other Charlotte friends so I have some time to spend with Mr. Clean and then I'll go to church with him Saturday night. Then Sunday I'll go to the church I've been going to but my whole family will be coming with me, I’m so excited about this!! After church we'll have lunch at Mom and Dad's and I'm hoping Mr. Clean and Baby Girl will join us.
Then the next week is my trip to DC. Lisa (who I've never met but I consider a wonderful friend) and I are running the Cherry Blossom 10 miler. I get the opportunity to spend time with my friend Jess, and hoping she takes me up on the offer to help her some while I’m there. I think I might also get to meet Becky and possibly Mandy (I am pretty sure) and I'm super excited to meet these girls!!!
This week I found out that my Dad's youngest brother and his family are coming out from Southern CA. This is going to be the week before Easter. I haven't seen my 2 cousins since I was 12 and they were 2 and 6 or something like that. I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to get to know them!! There are just so many things happening and I will try to remember to take pictures, or steal pictures!!
I need a roommate and I'm still actively searching but I also really love having a catch all room. There are still nails in the walls from the previous roommate so I hung some pictures in there to make the walls look less bare. I try to keep the room roommate ready so I don't have to haul a whole lot out of there when/if I do find someone.
I'm amazed at how this week has flown and I shouldn't be but I am. I blinked and it's Friday!! My family from PA is coming to town next weekend and will meet Mr. Clean. I'm so excited that they are meeting him. We have shopping plans Friday, then Saturday they have plans with other Charlotte friends so I have some time to spend with Mr. Clean and then I'll go to church with him Saturday night. Then Sunday I'll go to the church I've been going to but my whole family will be coming with me, I’m so excited about this!! After church we'll have lunch at Mom and Dad's and I'm hoping Mr. Clean and Baby Girl will join us.
Then the next week is my trip to DC. Lisa (who I've never met but I consider a wonderful friend) and I are running the Cherry Blossom 10 miler. I get the opportunity to spend time with my friend Jess, and hoping she takes me up on the offer to help her some while I’m there. I think I might also get to meet Becky and possibly Mandy (I am pretty sure) and I'm super excited to meet these girls!!!
This week I found out that my Dad's youngest brother and his family are coming out from Southern CA. This is going to be the week before Easter. I haven't seen my 2 cousins since I was 12 and they were 2 and 6 or something like that. I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to get to know them!! There are just so many things happening and I will try to remember to take pictures, or steal pictures!!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
On the way back to work
Driving back to work on my lunch a song was playing on the radio. I'm pretty sure it was Phillips Craig and Dean, Your are God Alone, not positive and I'll check on this once I'm home and can access what I need to verify. I was thinking about where I'm at and what is going on. I'm happy, walking on air kind of happy. I'm also blessed and amazed.
4 years ago during this time I was dating a guy who had a little girl. They were my world and I loved them. The mistakes I made from the begining are just too many to list. The biggest being I moved in with him and lived there for a few months before I was just unable to handle the guilt and I moved out and back to my own condo. When he and I broke up the hope and love that had always been such a constant in my life withered. I had made a lot of mistakes before him as well but this was the final straw and it broke me.
I realized today that the hope and love that withered because of that situation and all that happened before that particular relationship, during and afterwards has been revived. Because I’ve committed to put the Lord first no one and nothing can take away that hope and love again. It's real and I know and understand this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I'm excited and thankful!!!
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
4 years ago during this time I was dating a guy who had a little girl. They were my world and I loved them. The mistakes I made from the begining are just too many to list. The biggest being I moved in with him and lived there for a few months before I was just unable to handle the guilt and I moved out and back to my own condo. When he and I broke up the hope and love that had always been such a constant in my life withered. I had made a lot of mistakes before him as well but this was the final straw and it broke me.
I realized today that the hope and love that withered because of that situation and all that happened before that particular relationship, during and afterwards has been revived. Because I’ve committed to put the Lord first no one and nothing can take away that hope and love again. It's real and I know and understand this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I'm excited and thankful!!!
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
With a Cherry on Top
Thank you Jennifer!!! Jennifer at What Would Jen Do has awarded me this award! I love her blog too!! She's got some great giveaways going on right now and I've mentioned the shirtless Friday posts before :)
To accept this award, list 3 things you love about yourself
I can usually find my way to someplace new with very little problem as long as I have good directions. When mapquest gives me lousy information it frustrates me!!
I try to encourage those around me and keep a positive attitude for others, even though at times my own feelings may not reflect this if you're encouraging others you end up encouraging yourself.
I love that I can think of creative or personal gifts to give. Yes I will go the gift card route when it fits the situation but finding gifts for my family and friends (as long as I have the funds) is something that I'm good at.
Post a picture you love
I almost stole Jen's picture of Voodoo and MoJo (her dogs) but I resisted temptation :) Instead I'm posting the picture of baby Jack Banner. I love pictures so it's hard to choose just one!
He still looks like this he just weighs 15lbs more, that little face gets me!!!
Now I have to pass this on to 5 other blogs I just adore - Which really this is tough because there are WAY more than 5 so I'll go with blogs I've been following the longest (and these are in the actual order)
Me and My Boys
Sam's Club Stories
Dude and Sweeties
New Mom in the City
Sassytimes
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
An amazing meal and a few details
Last night I was finally able to use the gift card I received a few weeks ago. My manager had been after me to come in so he could "spoil me" in his words. I have been so busy and on the weekends I’m working or with Mr. Clean and usually we have baby girl and we are doing something with our families.
Last week we were going to try and go to a wine tasting and then Mr. Clean was sick and we cancelled so we didn't see each other until Saturday. Saturday night I looked at our reservation list for Monday and it was a good night to visit, aka not busy. Monday's are a lighter work day for him so I suggested to him that we go to dinner and use my gift card.
All day yesterday I got questions on what I planned to wear and I hadn't thought about it. We'd been on the phone so long Sunday night and then I had to get up so early for work I just hadn't had time to think about it. I didn't have a lot of time to get ready but I went through my closet in my head on my way home. I took Jack out, plugged in my curlers, touched up my make up rolled my hair, and tried on my skinny jeans. THEY FIT and they fit well. So I knew I would be wearing the jeans and I have a really pretty purple ruffle lace top (hard to explain and I forgot to take a picture) that I wore along with my gold high high heels. Mr. Clean liked the outfit and when my manager saw me his jaw dropped. He's used to seeing me all dressed up for the restaurant but not all dressed up casually.
Mr. Clean always looks really good, and last night was no exception. We arrived and one of my favorite servers was working so I asked if I could have her section. She is the one who nicknamed me cupcake on Valentines. When we sat down she told us it was 1/2 price bottles of wine night and we decided on a bottle of the La Crema Pinot Noir, oh my goodness!!! I usually will only drink white when I'm out since red wine turns your teeth purple or gray. However Mr. Clean really likes reds so I figured I could make an exception for the evening. I'm glad I did, that wine was fantastic!!
We started off with the tuna tartar appetizer. There was a salad special last night of spinach, red onion, goat cheese, walnuts, bacon, boiled eggs and apples with a sherry vinaigrette dressing, we split this salad and it was perfect!! I ordered the bouillabaisse which has mussels, clams, shrimp, scallops and white fish in a broth that is just amazing!!! I ordered a side of lobster mac and cheese. Mr. Clean ordered the spicy duck entrée and ordered the asparagus side and then we shared the sides. Our meal was SO yummy!!! It was wonderful to sit next to each other in this private tucked away little corner booth and just talk and enjoy a meal and spend uninterrupted time together. By the time we finished there was no room left for dessert.
It was one of those perfect evenings that are sometimes hard to find in the craziness of everyday life. I appreciate that I've met someone who challenges me and allows me to stand up for what I believe in and respects me. In my previous post I ended by saying that I believe that you can be happy being single and still date. Because I was able to let go of my expectations and because the relationship with Joe moved me past the hurt from Jeff I was free to just have fun and meet people and I met Mr. Clean. I experienced that knock you off your feet kind of attraction that doesn't happen with everyone (because I've dated enough now to understand this). This attraction can fade as fast as it did with Jeff or it can grow as it is with Mr. Clean.
He's coming around to Jack Banner and Jack is doing well with baby girl. She calls him Jack Banner or Jack and always has to know where he is. We've met each other's families, and we like each other's families. Through all this my biggest challenge is remembering to put my relationship with the Lord first. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement and wonderment and in the past I've been guilty of putting whatever guy I was dating over and above everything else and this time I refused to do that. It works better that way. Mr. Clean is a man, he has flaws and faults and quirks. I know that as great as he is, he's not ever going to be able to replace the Lord in my life and I have said a lot of I give this back to you Lord prayers, and so has Mr. Clean, we've talked about it. We both know where we stand with one another and for the first time, I'm talking and communicating and not running away or bottling things up.
Last week we were going to try and go to a wine tasting and then Mr. Clean was sick and we cancelled so we didn't see each other until Saturday. Saturday night I looked at our reservation list for Monday and it was a good night to visit, aka not busy. Monday's are a lighter work day for him so I suggested to him that we go to dinner and use my gift card.
All day yesterday I got questions on what I planned to wear and I hadn't thought about it. We'd been on the phone so long Sunday night and then I had to get up so early for work I just hadn't had time to think about it. I didn't have a lot of time to get ready but I went through my closet in my head on my way home. I took Jack out, plugged in my curlers, touched up my make up rolled my hair, and tried on my skinny jeans. THEY FIT and they fit well. So I knew I would be wearing the jeans and I have a really pretty purple ruffle lace top (hard to explain and I forgot to take a picture) that I wore along with my gold high high heels. Mr. Clean liked the outfit and when my manager saw me his jaw dropped. He's used to seeing me all dressed up for the restaurant but not all dressed up casually.
Mr. Clean always looks really good, and last night was no exception. We arrived and one of my favorite servers was working so I asked if I could have her section. She is the one who nicknamed me cupcake on Valentines. When we sat down she told us it was 1/2 price bottles of wine night and we decided on a bottle of the La Crema Pinot Noir, oh my goodness!!! I usually will only drink white when I'm out since red wine turns your teeth purple or gray. However Mr. Clean really likes reds so I figured I could make an exception for the evening. I'm glad I did, that wine was fantastic!!
We started off with the tuna tartar appetizer. There was a salad special last night of spinach, red onion, goat cheese, walnuts, bacon, boiled eggs and apples with a sherry vinaigrette dressing, we split this salad and it was perfect!! I ordered the bouillabaisse which has mussels, clams, shrimp, scallops and white fish in a broth that is just amazing!!! I ordered a side of lobster mac and cheese. Mr. Clean ordered the spicy duck entrée and ordered the asparagus side and then we shared the sides. Our meal was SO yummy!!! It was wonderful to sit next to each other in this private tucked away little corner booth and just talk and enjoy a meal and spend uninterrupted time together. By the time we finished there was no room left for dessert.
It was one of those perfect evenings that are sometimes hard to find in the craziness of everyday life. I appreciate that I've met someone who challenges me and allows me to stand up for what I believe in and respects me. In my previous post I ended by saying that I believe that you can be happy being single and still date. Because I was able to let go of my expectations and because the relationship with Joe moved me past the hurt from Jeff I was free to just have fun and meet people and I met Mr. Clean. I experienced that knock you off your feet kind of attraction that doesn't happen with everyone (because I've dated enough now to understand this). This attraction can fade as fast as it did with Jeff or it can grow as it is with Mr. Clean.
He's coming around to Jack Banner and Jack is doing well with baby girl. She calls him Jack Banner or Jack and always has to know where he is. We've met each other's families, and we like each other's families. Through all this my biggest challenge is remembering to put my relationship with the Lord first. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement and wonderment and in the past I've been guilty of putting whatever guy I was dating over and above everything else and this time I refused to do that. It works better that way. Mr. Clean is a man, he has flaws and faults and quirks. I know that as great as he is, he's not ever going to be able to replace the Lord in my life and I have said a lot of I give this back to you Lord prayers, and so has Mr. Clean, we've talked about it. We both know where we stand with one another and for the first time, I'm talking and communicating and not running away or bottling things up.
Lessons learned from dating
I've always been one to look back and reflect on why I did or did not do something. After Jeff (previously referred to as JM there's pretty much no chance he will ever come across this blog) I was so hurt! When I think of that relationship it reminds me of a very bright fast flame that was super hot and then suddenly is out and cold. When Joe contacted me I liked what he had to say. Talking to him was kind of stilted but he seemed really nice. I got excited about meeting him. I had the bad date with the engineer. Before we ever met in person Joe had mentioned the Vegas trip.
Our first date, was not the worst date ever, but it was also not good. I should have walked away, looking back now I see this. I was on my way and I asked for clarification on direction and he sent me the exact opposite direction of where I needed to be. Then he had no idea where I was and could not tell me how to get to where he was. Once I finally arrived our conversation was still stilted. I liked that he was looking for marriage and family and he had no debt and he was a Christian. With Jeff, because of conversations that he had introduced, I had started thinking about marriage and family again. I lost sight of the fact that I was happily living life on my own and suddenly I was focusing on this again.
I appreciated that he drove to me. I kept trying to make myself feel something that just was not there. Our date when he took me to the Biltmore I walked into his house and there was a pile of dishes in the sink, he didn't even have a clean mug and had to wash one before offering me coffee. He said well you like to clean just wash those up. He thought he was joking, but the reality was he really believed that I would just happily clean up after him. He displayed that at my house all the time, he left stuff all over the place. We actually spent quite a bit of time together before Vegas because he had a close by contract job. So I made dinner a few times and I quickly saw the writing on the wall of what life would be like with him. This was actually what reminded me that I am completely happy, on my own!
I'll never forget sitting at the airport having lunch on our way to Vegas. The guy sat there and literally shoveled huge mounds of food into his mouth. There are times, like when you're eating wings, when you are not expected to have great manners. Then there are times when you are at a nice dinner when you should use the best table manners you have. There are also times when you are grabbing a quick bite and it is fine to eat quickly, but the display that day is still burned on my memory. I completely understand that everyone's parents teach table manners differently. However, whatever manners this guy once knew he lost somewhere along the way. I guess that is what happens when you eat most of your meals out of cans while on a job site. When we did go to the nice dinner his manners where somewhat better but all the other meals, were not much better then the airport incident.
I knew that he felt more strongly for me then I did for him and I felt guilty because of it. If I could have I would have broken up with him the day we got back from Vegas but I thought that would be just wrong. So I gave it time, and our communication lagged and finally I was able to tell him that our relationship was over. I so appreciated the supportive comments from the break up post! It helped me a lot!!
He emailed me a few weeks later to let me know he received his things that I had shipped back to him. He said he didn't understand. I did not respond. I do not think that giving him a laundry list of all the things that drove me insane would be helpful or edifying for him. I received a list like that and while I did learn from it I also realized that he didn't deserve a list like that from me. This whole relationship taught me to be a lot more honest with myself. I ended the relationship and did not allow it to drag on for months. I realized that I was ok being single, that I didn't need anyone, and that I was really happy just as I was.
I believe that you can be happy being single and still date. I signed up for Eharmony because it was free, then I ended up paying because I wasn't about to talk to someone without seeing pictures first. I didn't have expectations I just like to have stories to tell. When I was younger my mission was to get married, then after last summer I realized that I'm happy single. However, there is something fun about going out with someone and being treated to a glass of wine or a beer and if I like them enough to a great dinner. Because I was able to let go of my expectations and because the relationship with Joe moved me past the hurt from Jeff I was free to just have fun and meet people.
Our first date, was not the worst date ever, but it was also not good. I should have walked away, looking back now I see this. I was on my way and I asked for clarification on direction and he sent me the exact opposite direction of where I needed to be. Then he had no idea where I was and could not tell me how to get to where he was. Once I finally arrived our conversation was still stilted. I liked that he was looking for marriage and family and he had no debt and he was a Christian. With Jeff, because of conversations that he had introduced, I had started thinking about marriage and family again. I lost sight of the fact that I was happily living life on my own and suddenly I was focusing on this again.
I appreciated that he drove to me. I kept trying to make myself feel something that just was not there. Our date when he took me to the Biltmore I walked into his house and there was a pile of dishes in the sink, he didn't even have a clean mug and had to wash one before offering me coffee. He said well you like to clean just wash those up. He thought he was joking, but the reality was he really believed that I would just happily clean up after him. He displayed that at my house all the time, he left stuff all over the place. We actually spent quite a bit of time together before Vegas because he had a close by contract job. So I made dinner a few times and I quickly saw the writing on the wall of what life would be like with him. This was actually what reminded me that I am completely happy, on my own!
I'll never forget sitting at the airport having lunch on our way to Vegas. The guy sat there and literally shoveled huge mounds of food into his mouth. There are times, like when you're eating wings, when you are not expected to have great manners. Then there are times when you are at a nice dinner when you should use the best table manners you have. There are also times when you are grabbing a quick bite and it is fine to eat quickly, but the display that day is still burned on my memory. I completely understand that everyone's parents teach table manners differently. However, whatever manners this guy once knew he lost somewhere along the way. I guess that is what happens when you eat most of your meals out of cans while on a job site. When we did go to the nice dinner his manners where somewhat better but all the other meals, were not much better then the airport incident.
I knew that he felt more strongly for me then I did for him and I felt guilty because of it. If I could have I would have broken up with him the day we got back from Vegas but I thought that would be just wrong. So I gave it time, and our communication lagged and finally I was able to tell him that our relationship was over. I so appreciated the supportive comments from the break up post! It helped me a lot!!
He emailed me a few weeks later to let me know he received his things that I had shipped back to him. He said he didn't understand. I did not respond. I do not think that giving him a laundry list of all the things that drove me insane would be helpful or edifying for him. I received a list like that and while I did learn from it I also realized that he didn't deserve a list like that from me. This whole relationship taught me to be a lot more honest with myself. I ended the relationship and did not allow it to drag on for months. I realized that I was ok being single, that I didn't need anyone, and that I was really happy just as I was.
I believe that you can be happy being single and still date. I signed up for Eharmony because it was free, then I ended up paying because I wasn't about to talk to someone without seeing pictures first. I didn't have expectations I just like to have stories to tell. When I was younger my mission was to get married, then after last summer I realized that I'm happy single. However, there is something fun about going out with someone and being treated to a glass of wine or a beer and if I like them enough to a great dinner. Because I was able to let go of my expectations and because the relationship with Joe moved me past the hurt from Jeff I was free to just have fun and meet people.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Pictures from Saturday 3/12/11
Saturday morning 5:50 my alarm went off and I hit snooze. I had to be at NH's place at 6:45. Fortunately she lives close and the time didn't spring until the next day!!! I left my house late but arrived at her place at exactly 6:45. We made our way uptown and picked up our chips, said hi to my chiropractor and headed out into the cold. The race started at 8am.
This first shot is crossing the 277 bridge we were running from uptown towards Southend
The apartments to the left were where my friend MG lived during her last year in Charlotte. I have many many good memories at this place!! The race traffic was starting to finally thin out at this point.
Making our way down the highway...
This is a shot of one of the Southend dive bars
Prices Chicken is legendary in Charlotte, and yet I've never eaten here.
BoJangles chicken is what I grew up on. This is the Southend Bo'Jangles which as soon as I got past the smells from here I started smelling the doughnuts baking at the bakery, ahhh it smelled amazing!!!
I was over 2.5 miles in a this point of the race and had just heard that I was running a little better then a 9 minute mile or something like that, this is also where my stomach had started trying to cramp.
I love this shot, it's just so cool to run in this part of the city!! We're running underneath 277, yes the course was a huge loop and a great easy course to run!!
This is Panther's stadium and at this point I was having to focus on breathing and trying to manage the cramp. It's my fault I didn't drink enough water the day before. I also worked at the restaurant and probably didn't eat enough the day before either. I'll really have to be more conscious of what I eat and how much water I'm drinking the week of the 10 miler or I will definitely be hurting!!!
This first shot is crossing the 277 bridge we were running from uptown towards Southend
The apartments to the left were where my friend MG lived during her last year in Charlotte. I have many many good memories at this place!! The race traffic was starting to finally thin out at this point.
Making our way down the highway...
This is a shot of one of the Southend dive bars
Prices Chicken is legendary in Charlotte, and yet I've never eaten here.
BoJangles chicken is what I grew up on. This is the Southend Bo'Jangles which as soon as I got past the smells from here I started smelling the doughnuts baking at the bakery, ahhh it smelled amazing!!!
I was over 2.5 miles in a this point of the race and had just heard that I was running a little better then a 9 minute mile or something like that, this is also where my stomach had started trying to cramp.
I love this shot, it's just so cool to run in this part of the city!! We're running underneath 277, yes the course was a huge loop and a great easy course to run!!
This is Panther's stadium and at this point I was having to focus on breathing and trying to manage the cramp. It's my fault I didn't drink enough water the day before. I also worked at the restaurant and probably didn't eat enough the day before either. I'll really have to be more conscious of what I eat and how much water I'm drinking the week of the 10 miler or I will definitely be hurting!!!
I need caffeine!!!!!
I'm not a fan of losing the hour of sleep. I LOVE the longer daylight but I am MISSING the sleep. I was up late on Saturday night. I worked and then I got home and I made dark chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.
Recipe is easy 2 1/2 sticks of butter a cup of sugar, a cup of brown sugar, 2 egss, 2 tsp vanilla 1 tsp almond extract, a heaping tsp cream of tartar, about (I use a tsp to measure all this) a 1/4 tsp baking soda and baking powder, I dash the salt shaker once or twice then I use about 3ish cups flour, the dough rolls in my fingers and isn't sticky. Add a bag of the dark chocolate chocolate chips and 2 of the small size bags of macadamia nuts, bake at 350 to the doneness you desire. I don't use exact measurements and I go by taste so this is the recipe as best I can type it out.
Sunday morning I met my friend KH and E-man at church. It was a really fantastic message. I'm appreciating the sermon series, for more information go here. After church Jack and I drove up to Mr. Clean's. We spent time at his house for about an hour before we put Jack in his new crate, located not on the back porch but inside, and left for his parent's house. Luckily for me his mom knows I try to watch what I eat and she's doing WW so she had turkey burgers for the 2 of us. I met his grandmother and we spent a couple hours just hanging out with his family.
I was home around 6:30 and Jack and I relaxed. Then around 8 he called me, the next thing I knew it was 11:30, I don't have a clock in my room so I wasn't looking at the time while we were talking. It was good conversation and he's easy to talk to but oh my goodness I am SO sleepy today!!! Tonight we have plans to use my gift card to my restaurant and have dinner. I'm looking forward to the evening!!!
I hope everyone had a great weekend!!
Recipe is easy 2 1/2 sticks of butter a cup of sugar, a cup of brown sugar, 2 egss, 2 tsp vanilla 1 tsp almond extract, a heaping tsp cream of tartar, about (I use a tsp to measure all this) a 1/4 tsp baking soda and baking powder, I dash the salt shaker once or twice then I use about 3ish cups flour, the dough rolls in my fingers and isn't sticky. Add a bag of the dark chocolate chocolate chips and 2 of the small size bags of macadamia nuts, bake at 350 to the doneness you desire. I don't use exact measurements and I go by taste so this is the recipe as best I can type it out.
Sunday morning I met my friend KH and E-man at church. It was a really fantastic message. I'm appreciating the sermon series, for more information go here. After church Jack and I drove up to Mr. Clean's. We spent time at his house for about an hour before we put Jack in his new crate, located not on the back porch but inside, and left for his parent's house. Luckily for me his mom knows I try to watch what I eat and she's doing WW so she had turkey burgers for the 2 of us. I met his grandmother and we spent a couple hours just hanging out with his family.
I was home around 6:30 and Jack and I relaxed. Then around 8 he called me, the next thing I knew it was 11:30, I don't have a clock in my room so I wasn't looking at the time while we were talking. It was good conversation and he's easy to talk to but oh my goodness I am SO sleepy today!!! Tonight we have plans to use my gift card to my restaurant and have dinner. I'm looking forward to the evening!!!
I hope everyone had a great weekend!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday
I ran a 5K this morning through Southend of Charlotte. I've never run through this area before and it was fabulous!! I took pictures which I will share soon!! My chip time was 28:12, I did not beat my October 5K time but I did not expect to. At 2.5 miles I was running at around a 9 minute mile and doing great, then I cramped and in order to avoid stopping and walking I backed off my pace. My friend NH rocked her first 5K and I think I got her hooked. I'm hoping she'll run another race with me!!
After the morning run I had to get ready to meet Mr. Clean and baby girl as well as my Mom and Grandmommy for lunch. This was the first time my Grandmommy met Mr. Clean and the first time baby girl has met my family. After lunch we said good by to Mom and Grandmommy and came back to my house to take a walk. I purchased a soft muzzle for Jack and it worked really well. I spoke to him constantly and told him what a good boy he is. He did not like having this on his face but he did not growl when baby girl would pet him and kiss him. He followed her around when we got back from the walk to make sure that he knew where she was. I'm hoping that eventually they do become friends.
I had to work tonight and we were celebrating the week with a Mardi Gras theme. Our restaurant was all decorated and festive looking!! The new hostess did a fabulous job!! I went on a wait at 8 and was concerned but fortunately enough tables turned that the wait did not go too long. In the area where I work everyone wants to eat between 7-8 which means that the table won't turn til somewhere between 9-10. I only have so many tables and people think I'm wrong when I'm quoting them the wait time but I'm not. I know what I'm doing!!!
Tomorrow is lunch with Mr. Cleans family and he has already forewarned me we are having hamburgers. I don't eat hamburgers. I just don't and I don't eat hot dogs. A typical hamburger has around 23 grams of fat and a typical hot dog around 16-18. I've known this since I was 12 or 13 years old. The fact that I already know I will have to eat one tomorrow to be polite has me a little unsure, which is stupid it's just food and just a hamburger and I've had to eat one once before just to be polite but really just the idea of it makes me feel like I'm going to gain 10 lbs. I'm sure it will be fine and I'm worrying over nothing. I just hate that something so ridiculous makes me feel like this.
With the time change, waking up tomorrow for church is going to be fun... Not so much but I am looking forward to it, no reason other then the sermon series has just been incredible these past few weeks. I hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!!!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Fashion Friday 5K weekend and weekend plans
I really love my outfit today, unfortunately I'm not getting pictures that show it very well. The top came from Marshall's in 2008 and the jeans are my new Gap jeans. So I used 2 pictures out of the 20 attempted shots to at least try and show what I'm wearing.
It's Friday and I'll be working tonight which means that I'll go home and change after the day job. I love wearing jeans on Friday and I really love that all of my jeans are fitting again!!!
It's Friday and I'll be working tonight which means that I'll go home and change after the day job. I love wearing jeans on Friday and I really love that all of my jeans are fitting again!!!
Last year at this time I was gaining weight and I was so frustrated! Nothing was fitting, nothing felt right. It's a continuing process and a lifelong awareness. I have realized that my insecurities could make me come across as vain much like a shy person can come across as being stuck up.
Last night I picked up my race number and I'm ready for Saturday!! My friend NH is running her first 5K and I'm so excited for her!!! After we picked up our numbers I decided that instead of running I would be productive around the house. I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the floors and cleaned my bathroom.
Mr. Clean and I will see each other, some Saturday and then on Sunday. He told me that the crate is now in place and ready for Jack's next visit. I'm ready to see him, he's been sick this week so I suggested we cancel our Tuesday night plans in order for him to rest. This allowed me to make a trip to Walmart since I seemed to have run out of everything all at once! I've missed him and I'm looking forward to having time together this weekend!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Running, work and the failure mentality
I did not get the run in. I did not factor how I would feel after yesterday mornings appointment. I actually didn't expect to have my tooth opened up again so perhaps that was why I didn't think about it. I do plan to try for another run tonight. I got a mile on the treadmill then I quit. My mouth throbbed and I figured it was time to just give it up. The good news, my shoes arrived!!
Work has become interesting, there are tons of new requirements, new things we are supposed to keep track of. It's all very corporate and very regimented. For a person who is not regimented and usually just blows through tasks to get them done this will be a challenge. It's a "growth" opportunity.
I suppose that in life we just keep facing the growth opportunities for areas where we are not so strong. For me this would be paying attention to detail and taking my time and following through. When I look back at the pattern of my life, through school and then previous jobs, this is definitely a "growth" opportunity that follows me.
I'm currently 10lbs away from my goal weight. I have been working to lose weight, and this is an ongoing all the time journey that never ends. There is a voice that is always there, always saying I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not ever enough. There are days when I can tune this voice out and days when it's so loud in my head that there is no escaping.
When I had the meeting last week with my manager and my average scores caused a frown and a grave you need to be above 90% I freaked. Because that voice told me I can't. It told me I'm stupid and dumb and not good enough and a failure. Except by now at this point in my life I actually have learned that I can, especially when it comes to what I do in my current job.
For whatever reason growing up I had a failure mentality, I honestly don't know where it came from. If it was too hard I didn't want to try. Perhaps this is innate laziness? Perhaps it was a fear of not being good enough and just not trying? Maybe I started school too young and I should have been held back for a year in order to mature. At this point it's all in the past. I've come to realize that a lot of times if I will just try then I surprise myself.
I graduated from college. This wasn't something I ever planned, but my Grandaddy started talking to me about college when I was in the 8th grade. It wasn't an option it was a fact, I was going. I was blessed that my Grandaddy paid for my college. I needed that experience. It was the first time in my life when I saw that if I worked hard enough I could actually make excellent grades, I coasted through school until college.
My first semester in college I brought home less then stellar grades and I knew if I wanted to stay I had to make better grades the next semester. The next semester I worked hard and made the Dean's list. I didn't have to take math that semester and that made a huge difference. Even to this day anything math related goes over my head and I get completely lost. I can add and subtract and multiply and divide and I count on my fingers when leaving a tip on occasion. My brother is an engineer and took all kinds of advanced math classes, he got the entire portion of math genes that were to be had because apparently I took none.
When I dated CF&G I tried running, he was the wrong person to try and run with and it was awful. A few years later one January day in 2009 I needed to get a workout in and decided just to run as far as I could. I realized it wasn't so bad and I was surprised. Then I started talking to my former running buddy and she convinced me to do a race. I started running to see how far I could go. I ran the first race and I was amazed at how I felt when I crossed that finish line. I ran 3 1/2 marathons in 2010, had you told me this time in 2009 when I was first starting to run that I would have accomplished that I would have laughed at you.
The growth opportunity my job is presenting freaks me out. I have to work, and step outside my comfort zone. I work 2 jobs and I constantly stay on the go and yet if I'm honest I'm also lazy. I fight it, I try and be aware of it.
There is being lazy and there is avoiding exhaustion and I am learning the difference. At my full time job I can't just do enough, I actually have to work a little harder. It's not impossible, it's completely within my realm of capability. I have 10lbs that I want to lose, this is harder, but again completely within my realm of control to make it happen.
In my life I have to accept and understand that I am not in control. I believe that the Heavenly Father has a purpose and a plan for me. I believe that He is control and He knows my needs before I even understand what the need is. I want to control and manage and have all the answers. I want to know the answers because then that makes it easy, but that's not how life rolls.
Jesus never promised that life would be easy. As a Christian I'm not guaranteed that I will live life floating along on a cloud with plenty of money and good things. As a Christian even if I do everything I'm supposed to do I'm not guaranteed that I will never face job loss, difficulties death or suffering. I started to believe that I wasn't married because I hadn't lived my life the way a good Christian would. That's a lie. Even if I "do" everything I was taught I was supposed to it doesn't mean that I will get married and have a perfect married life. Just because I follow whatever rules I believe I'm supposed to follow doesn't mean I get whatever I want.
"Doing" everything I've been told is not what's going to get me to heaven. I've been saved by grace and love because Jesus died for me so that I can have forgiveness and eternal life. His death gave me the promise of eternal life with no separation from the Father. I've been instructed to love others and be an example of Jesus to them. I have to live life to the fullest making every effort to be the best that I can and as I continue to grow in this I expect that the awful voice that is always telling me what I’m not is eventually going to have to fade to where I no longer hear it.
Work has become interesting, there are tons of new requirements, new things we are supposed to keep track of. It's all very corporate and very regimented. For a person who is not regimented and usually just blows through tasks to get them done this will be a challenge. It's a "growth" opportunity.
I suppose that in life we just keep facing the growth opportunities for areas where we are not so strong. For me this would be paying attention to detail and taking my time and following through. When I look back at the pattern of my life, through school and then previous jobs, this is definitely a "growth" opportunity that follows me.
I'm currently 10lbs away from my goal weight. I have been working to lose weight, and this is an ongoing all the time journey that never ends. There is a voice that is always there, always saying I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not ever enough. There are days when I can tune this voice out and days when it's so loud in my head that there is no escaping.
When I had the meeting last week with my manager and my average scores caused a frown and a grave you need to be above 90% I freaked. Because that voice told me I can't. It told me I'm stupid and dumb and not good enough and a failure. Except by now at this point in my life I actually have learned that I can, especially when it comes to what I do in my current job.
For whatever reason growing up I had a failure mentality, I honestly don't know where it came from. If it was too hard I didn't want to try. Perhaps this is innate laziness? Perhaps it was a fear of not being good enough and just not trying? Maybe I started school too young and I should have been held back for a year in order to mature. At this point it's all in the past. I've come to realize that a lot of times if I will just try then I surprise myself.
I graduated from college. This wasn't something I ever planned, but my Grandaddy started talking to me about college when I was in the 8th grade. It wasn't an option it was a fact, I was going. I was blessed that my Grandaddy paid for my college. I needed that experience. It was the first time in my life when I saw that if I worked hard enough I could actually make excellent grades, I coasted through school until college.
My first semester in college I brought home less then stellar grades and I knew if I wanted to stay I had to make better grades the next semester. The next semester I worked hard and made the Dean's list. I didn't have to take math that semester and that made a huge difference. Even to this day anything math related goes over my head and I get completely lost. I can add and subtract and multiply and divide and I count on my fingers when leaving a tip on occasion. My brother is an engineer and took all kinds of advanced math classes, he got the entire portion of math genes that were to be had because apparently I took none.
When I dated CF&G I tried running, he was the wrong person to try and run with and it was awful. A few years later one January day in 2009 I needed to get a workout in and decided just to run as far as I could. I realized it wasn't so bad and I was surprised. Then I started talking to my former running buddy and she convinced me to do a race. I started running to see how far I could go. I ran the first race and I was amazed at how I felt when I crossed that finish line. I ran 3 1/2 marathons in 2010, had you told me this time in 2009 when I was first starting to run that I would have accomplished that I would have laughed at you.
The growth opportunity my job is presenting freaks me out. I have to work, and step outside my comfort zone. I work 2 jobs and I constantly stay on the go and yet if I'm honest I'm also lazy. I fight it, I try and be aware of it.
There is being lazy and there is avoiding exhaustion and I am learning the difference. At my full time job I can't just do enough, I actually have to work a little harder. It's not impossible, it's completely within my realm of capability. I have 10lbs that I want to lose, this is harder, but again completely within my realm of control to make it happen.
In my life I have to accept and understand that I am not in control. I believe that the Heavenly Father has a purpose and a plan for me. I believe that He is control and He knows my needs before I even understand what the need is. I want to control and manage and have all the answers. I want to know the answers because then that makes it easy, but that's not how life rolls.
Jesus never promised that life would be easy. As a Christian I'm not guaranteed that I will live life floating along on a cloud with plenty of money and good things. As a Christian even if I do everything I'm supposed to do I'm not guaranteed that I will never face job loss, difficulties death or suffering. I started to believe that I wasn't married because I hadn't lived my life the way a good Christian would. That's a lie. Even if I "do" everything I was taught I was supposed to it doesn't mean that I will get married and have a perfect married life. Just because I follow whatever rules I believe I'm supposed to follow doesn't mean I get whatever I want.
"Doing" everything I've been told is not what's going to get me to heaven. I've been saved by grace and love because Jesus died for me so that I can have forgiveness and eternal life. His death gave me the promise of eternal life with no separation from the Father. I've been instructed to love others and be an example of Jesus to them. I have to live life to the fullest making every effort to be the best that I can and as I continue to grow in this I expect that the awful voice that is always telling me what I’m not is eventually going to have to fade to where I no longer hear it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday
I had a visit to the endidonist (sp?) this morning. Back in October I had a root canal, which got infected. So my dentist referred me and this special dentist retrieved what my dentist did. Then my dentist did a temporary filling before the build up and crown. When I went back for the build up and crown the tooth still hurt so the filled the tooth and said they were going to wait.
I was so unhappy with the entire process that I cancelled the next appointment. Then I waited a while and then made an appointment with a new dentist. I really like the new dentist!! The new dentist requested I go see the special dentist to have the tooth looked at. This morning I was back in the special dentist office and…. THEY OPENED UP MY TOOTH AGAIN and cleaned it out and I'm back on medicine to clean out infection. Let me tell you, laying in the chair while having your tooth cleaned out is NOT ON MY LIST of top things I ever want to do again!!! Fortunately I wasn't charged for today's procedure and hopefully when they file last November's retrieval with my insurance I will get some money back. I paid out of pocket for the retrieval. I have to go back in 3 weeks to have it checked. The good news the special dentist has an appointment at 7:20 am which means I don't have to miss that much work.
My sweet friend/coworker brought me a piece of her husband's birthday cake, white chocolate cake with butter cream icing, nothing takes away the taste of the dentist like cake and even though 1/2 my mouth is numb the other side works just fine.
I'm hoping my new running shoes arrive today for my 7 mile run I'm attempting tonight. I ran 6 miles on Saturday in my new shoes but the new shoes I got are going to work much better for short distances. They are very light and I like them a lot but for that distance I got a blister. Fortunately I ordered the same shoes that I have always worn and I know that they work fantastic for longer distances!! The 10 mile race is fast approaching!! I have a 5K this Saturday morning which is why I'm trying to run 7 in the middle of the week, I can do it, I know I can!!
I was so unhappy with the entire process that I cancelled the next appointment. Then I waited a while and then made an appointment with a new dentist. I really like the new dentist!! The new dentist requested I go see the special dentist to have the tooth looked at. This morning I was back in the special dentist office and…. THEY OPENED UP MY TOOTH AGAIN and cleaned it out and I'm back on medicine to clean out infection. Let me tell you, laying in the chair while having your tooth cleaned out is NOT ON MY LIST of top things I ever want to do again!!! Fortunately I wasn't charged for today's procedure and hopefully when they file last November's retrieval with my insurance I will get some money back. I paid out of pocket for the retrieval. I have to go back in 3 weeks to have it checked. The good news the special dentist has an appointment at 7:20 am which means I don't have to miss that much work.
My sweet friend/coworker brought me a piece of her husband's birthday cake, white chocolate cake with butter cream icing, nothing takes away the taste of the dentist like cake and even though 1/2 my mouth is numb the other side works just fine.
I'm hoping my new running shoes arrive today for my 7 mile run I'm attempting tonight. I ran 6 miles on Saturday in my new shoes but the new shoes I got are going to work much better for short distances. They are very light and I like them a lot but for that distance I got a blister. Fortunately I ordered the same shoes that I have always worn and I know that they work fantastic for longer distances!! The 10 mile race is fast approaching!! I have a 5K this Saturday morning which is why I'm trying to run 7 in the middle of the week, I can do it, I know I can!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Short form update
Friday night at the restaurant was slow, fortunately for me, not so great for the restaurant. I was home by 10:45 and I had to be up early Saturday. I was at my parents at 9 to help clean, my mom decided to do breakfast at their house. I was happy because this meant Jack could join me.
Mr. Clean was still sick so meeting my family was probably last on his list of things he wanted to do but he came anyways because he knew it mattered to me. The initial meeting went well. Once that was over I went for a run and then had to rush to get ready and be at work at 4. We were once again kind of slow and since I was first in that meant I was home before 9, which was nice!
Sunday morning church was again just amazing and then I came home to spend some time with Jack. I met Mr. Clean and baby girl for lunch followed by IKEA. It was a really fun day!!
Instead of running tonight I decided to give my legs a break. I've been kicking in my sleep and it's waking me up. It's weird and I feel bad because a few times I've accidentally kicked Jack. Wednesday night I need to get 7 miles in, hopefully!!
Hope everyone has had a fabulous Monday!!
Seven
To accept this award, I must:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their blog.
2. Post seven random facts about yourself.
3. Pass on the award along to 15 other worthy bloggers.
Jen at What Would Jen Do gave me this award, thank you Jen!! I look forward to Fridays even more now because of her shirtless Fridays!!
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Seven Random Facts
1. Lately I have had to refocus at work I really do like what I do and those that I work with but the quality control checking UGH!! It's good for me and character building!!! In school I used to get in trouble for the exact same thing, rushing and not taking my time...
2. Yesterday I had the experience of taking a 2 year old through IKEA, and she did SO well!!!
3. I skipped out on the gym tonight to stay home and spend quality time with Jack he's on my lap now.
4. I haven't cut my hair since July, I totally need a trim!!!
5. I laughed yesterday in church at this line, some people's attitudes age like fine wine, others like bad milk...
6. I've spent quite a bit of time today researching toddler beds and twin beds, I really don't see the point behind a toddler bed..
7. I spent way too much money last week at the pet store on Jack, but he's got a snazzy new collar and leash, he has already destroyed the frog toy but the monkey is holding on. The new brush is working well too!!
———————–
I’m passing this one on to:
Friday, March 4, 2011
Further conversation
After yesterday mornings email and texts I felt better. I had made my stand, and also realized that Mr. Clean is serious about me, about us, it's fast and yet he's 40 and I'm 31 so if a guy doesn't have an idea of what he wants by now then I've come to realize that isn't the type of guy for me anyways.
Whenever I'm about to make a big commitment I get a little freaked out. Right before closing on my condo I called out to work and took off to Boone for the day to talk to my friend who I worked for at the bridal store. I really wanted to close out my bank accounts and take off across the country. Instead I talked to my other mama and calmed myself down. The day I stood at my kitchen sink washing dishes and looking around me I knew I had made the right decision. The night I brought Jack Banner home, I freaked out in the car on the way home thinking WTH have I done??? I might not have done the greatest job and he's a work in progress like his Mommy but he's mine and we are works in progress together.
When Mr. Clean first contacted me I responded and then promptly deleted his email. I thought he was handsome, and his pics included one of his little girl, meaning my rules were in jeopardy. He emailed me a day later asking if I had received his email, mine had ended up in his junk mail. I responded that yes I had and requested details on the story between he and his little girls mom. Once I understood those details I agreed to a date.
Driving to the date, I almost turned the car around. I stood waiting for him and wanted not to like him. He showed up and he's tall and handsome and the conversation was easy. We set our next date before the first one ended. He called me the next day, because even though I HATE talking on the phone he's easy enough to talk to that I actually like talking to him. He doesn't expect me to do all the talking and it makes it much easier. That Friday night we were on the phone again, and he invited me to breakfast on Saturday. There went that rule of not meeting the child. The following day we had our date and he showed up with the stocking, and it's the most original fun thing any guy has ever done for me.
I made time the following week to actually see him. I wanted to, because he's easy to be with. That Friday night we saw each other, and he made me dinner. He can cook, oh my goodness can he cook!! Saturday he asked me to bring Jack to meet baby girl. This (according to his mom and sister) is huge, not only did he allow a dog in his house but he had the dog around his baby girl. I've had trouble grasping how much of an adjustment this is and I'm starting to get that it's a very big deal. When something isn't a big deal for me it's hard to understand why it's such a big deal for someone else, but I'm starting to get it. That Sunday I met his Dad and we spent time at his parent's house, it's easy to be around his family which is important!
Mr. Clean called once he was done at work. He's got whatever crud that is going around so he feels less than stellar. After asking about my day and me asking about his he said we had to talk about the email and texts and that he wasn't wanting to drag it out or make a further issue but that we needed to close it out. We talked further about Jack and the crate, based on statements he made; it made me realize that he actually is coming around to accepting Jack. I believe that me not backing down and being at a place in my life where I can stand up for myself and what matters to me is a new achievement for me.
My flight defense kicked in but he talked to me about it, and we talked through it. Key fact we actually talked which again is a new achievement for me. I followed up our conversation with an email because I figured he would already be asleep and sometimes I can't think of all that I need to say during a conversation. His response back to that email put the writing on the wall for me. Together we're excited for what the future holds. From here out I plan to talk more about the fun stories and less about the actual relationship.
Whenever I'm about to make a big commitment I get a little freaked out. Right before closing on my condo I called out to work and took off to Boone for the day to talk to my friend who I worked for at the bridal store. I really wanted to close out my bank accounts and take off across the country. Instead I talked to my other mama and calmed myself down. The day I stood at my kitchen sink washing dishes and looking around me I knew I had made the right decision. The night I brought Jack Banner home, I freaked out in the car on the way home thinking WTH have I done??? I might not have done the greatest job and he's a work in progress like his Mommy but he's mine and we are works in progress together.
When Mr. Clean first contacted me I responded and then promptly deleted his email. I thought he was handsome, and his pics included one of his little girl, meaning my rules were in jeopardy. He emailed me a day later asking if I had received his email, mine had ended up in his junk mail. I responded that yes I had and requested details on the story between he and his little girls mom. Once I understood those details I agreed to a date.
Driving to the date, I almost turned the car around. I stood waiting for him and wanted not to like him. He showed up and he's tall and handsome and the conversation was easy. We set our next date before the first one ended. He called me the next day, because even though I HATE talking on the phone he's easy enough to talk to that I actually like talking to him. He doesn't expect me to do all the talking and it makes it much easier. That Friday night we were on the phone again, and he invited me to breakfast on Saturday. There went that rule of not meeting the child. The following day we had our date and he showed up with the stocking, and it's the most original fun thing any guy has ever done for me.
I made time the following week to actually see him. I wanted to, because he's easy to be with. That Friday night we saw each other, and he made me dinner. He can cook, oh my goodness can he cook!! Saturday he asked me to bring Jack to meet baby girl. This (according to his mom and sister) is huge, not only did he allow a dog in his house but he had the dog around his baby girl. I've had trouble grasping how much of an adjustment this is and I'm starting to get that it's a very big deal. When something isn't a big deal for me it's hard to understand why it's such a big deal for someone else, but I'm starting to get it. That Sunday I met his Dad and we spent time at his parent's house, it's easy to be around his family which is important!
Mr. Clean called once he was done at work. He's got whatever crud that is going around so he feels less than stellar. After asking about my day and me asking about his he said we had to talk about the email and texts and that he wasn't wanting to drag it out or make a further issue but that we needed to close it out. We talked further about Jack and the crate, based on statements he made; it made me realize that he actually is coming around to accepting Jack. I believe that me not backing down and being at a place in my life where I can stand up for myself and what matters to me is a new achievement for me.
My flight defense kicked in but he talked to me about it, and we talked through it. Key fact we actually talked which again is a new achievement for me. I followed up our conversation with an email because I figured he would already be asleep and sometimes I can't think of all that I need to say during a conversation. His response back to that email put the writing on the wall for me. Together we're excited for what the future holds. From here out I plan to talk more about the fun stories and less about the actual relationship.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Should I stay or should I go? I'm staying!
After our date last night I woke up this morning and completely panicked. So I sent the following email:
"I've been thinking all night. I hope that you're feeling better!! I'm sorry you're sick! I just can't shake off parts of the conversation from last night that we had. I don't think you will ever want Jack. Dogs just are not your thing.
The more I thought about the parrot cage and how I would feel, I know that for me it just wouldn't be a big deal. I love children and animals. I'm not a cat person but I would certainly have a cat if the person I was dating came with one. It's not something that really upsets/annoys/or otherwise discombobulates me.
I'm not looking to give up my dog and I don't ever want to feel guilty for having him. I think perhaps I'm just not the right girl for you. I asked about the sleep crate and you said you just didn't know. While Jack isn't human he is my dog and he's always slept in the same room as me and up until last year it was in the sleep crate.
I think that if circumstances were different then we could absolutely work. You said after you got off the phone Tuesday night you gave it up to God. It was interesting that you said that. I've been giving this up to God all along. I come as a package deal and I don't want to feel guilty for it. I think last nights conversation just opened my eyes to the fact that the dog is just a factor that will ever be ok with you.
I'm sorry. I just can't shake the impression from last night that this is something that is just not going to change. I wish you the very best."
I sent the email this morning and of course it made me run behind for work. I pretty much immediately got a text from Mr. Clean
Mr. Clean "That's just BS. If I'm trying to figure Jack out, have had him around baby girl, made plans for a crate, and planned on meeting your family on Saturday, I'm confused..."
Me "I don't think you're ever going to be ok with Jack and last night made me realize that."
Mr. Clean "I may or may not be but you just decided I wasn't worth sticking around a couple more weeks to find out."
Me "I'm tired of getting hurt and staying around a couple more weeks just allows you to hurt me more"
Mr. Clean "I'm not hurting you I'm trying harder then I've ever tried and I wish you could see that"
I'll summarize the rest I texted that the situation is scary and I'm not going to let him hurt me. His response was that it's scary for him too but he's not running away from it he's facing it. He said what if he does get there regarding Jack. He asked me to try, which is a fair request.
The fact that he made me cry is not really a bad thing. This past summer was a journey for me of learning who I am and where I stand. I realized that I had jumped from relationship to relationship and I had quit really feeling anything. I wanted a certain result and I would just take whatever I could get which is why I dated M3 and RS. There were other factors but basically it boils down to that.
When I met S because we liked to do similar things I thought that he would eventually feel for me what I felt for him, but he never did. Instead we just continued to move further and further apart. He was shutting me out and building a wall between us but did not have the wherewithal to actually break up with me.
When we finally did break up I had to take what he had said and sort through it. I started dating again and I met someone who got past the walls that I had built. He was fascinating and amazing and knocked me off my feet only to disappear a short time later. He made me realize that while letting those walls down is scary it's also necessary.
Joe came into my life and I wanted to make it work. He said all the right things, he was a nice guy. From the very first date my feelings regarding him where MEH!!!!! This never got better. The trip to Vegas just sealed his fate, there was no way I could get past the fact that I just didn't feel the same way about him that he did for me.
Then I got a request from a guy named Mr. Clean and I didn't want to go on our first date but I did. I've rambled about him quite a bit. There will be more rambles to come. Jack Banner is my sweet, cute, adorable, fabulous, puppy and I love him. I think it's possible that Mr. Clean might just come around. He's fully aware that this is a non negotiable. So we will see what happens, and we shall see what my family thinks on Saturday...
"I've been thinking all night. I hope that you're feeling better!! I'm sorry you're sick! I just can't shake off parts of the conversation from last night that we had. I don't think you will ever want Jack. Dogs just are not your thing.
The more I thought about the parrot cage and how I would feel, I know that for me it just wouldn't be a big deal. I love children and animals. I'm not a cat person but I would certainly have a cat if the person I was dating came with one. It's not something that really upsets/annoys/or otherwise discombobulates me.
I'm not looking to give up my dog and I don't ever want to feel guilty for having him. I think perhaps I'm just not the right girl for you. I asked about the sleep crate and you said you just didn't know. While Jack isn't human he is my dog and he's always slept in the same room as me and up until last year it was in the sleep crate.
I think that if circumstances were different then we could absolutely work. You said after you got off the phone Tuesday night you gave it up to God. It was interesting that you said that. I've been giving this up to God all along. I come as a package deal and I don't want to feel guilty for it. I think last nights conversation just opened my eyes to the fact that the dog is just a factor that will ever be ok with you.
I'm sorry. I just can't shake the impression from last night that this is something that is just not going to change. I wish you the very best."
I sent the email this morning and of course it made me run behind for work. I pretty much immediately got a text from Mr. Clean
Mr. Clean "That's just BS. If I'm trying to figure Jack out, have had him around baby girl, made plans for a crate, and planned on meeting your family on Saturday, I'm confused..."
Me "I don't think you're ever going to be ok with Jack and last night made me realize that."
Mr. Clean "I may or may not be but you just decided I wasn't worth sticking around a couple more weeks to find out."
Me "I'm tired of getting hurt and staying around a couple more weeks just allows you to hurt me more"
Mr. Clean "I'm not hurting you I'm trying harder then I've ever tried and I wish you could see that"
I'll summarize the rest I texted that the situation is scary and I'm not going to let him hurt me. His response was that it's scary for him too but he's not running away from it he's facing it. He said what if he does get there regarding Jack. He asked me to try, which is a fair request.
The fact that he made me cry is not really a bad thing. This past summer was a journey for me of learning who I am and where I stand. I realized that I had jumped from relationship to relationship and I had quit really feeling anything. I wanted a certain result and I would just take whatever I could get which is why I dated M3 and RS. There were other factors but basically it boils down to that.
When I met S because we liked to do similar things I thought that he would eventually feel for me what I felt for him, but he never did. Instead we just continued to move further and further apart. He was shutting me out and building a wall between us but did not have the wherewithal to actually break up with me.
When we finally did break up I had to take what he had said and sort through it. I started dating again and I met someone who got past the walls that I had built. He was fascinating and amazing and knocked me off my feet only to disappear a short time later. He made me realize that while letting those walls down is scary it's also necessary.
Joe came into my life and I wanted to make it work. He said all the right things, he was a nice guy. From the very first date my feelings regarding him where MEH!!!!! This never got better. The trip to Vegas just sealed his fate, there was no way I could get past the fact that I just didn't feel the same way about him that he did for me.
Then I got a request from a guy named Mr. Clean and I didn't want to go on our first date but I did. I've rambled about him quite a bit. There will be more rambles to come. Jack Banner is my sweet, cute, adorable, fabulous, puppy and I love him. I think it's possible that Mr. Clean might just come around. He's fully aware that this is a non negotiable. So we will see what happens, and we shall see what my family thinks on Saturday...
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Conversations, Work, Dog People, Remembering to give it up in prayer
It's been a very crazy few days. I'm behind on reading and commenting and I apologize! Monday was a typical day after for taking the day off on Friday. Yesterday was crazy busy and then… I had a meeting with my manager to review my development plan for the year. During the meeting I mentioned less than what they are supposed to be quality control scores. Her reaction freaked me out. She was very grave about the scores and I had all kinds of thoughts racing thru my brain.
I went home and I was upset and trying to sort it all through. I went for a run (it was awesome) and then Mr. Clean and I started talking on the phone. We were both tired. After I explained the story he started asking what I wanted to do and what my plan was and was just firing all kinds of questions at me. To the point where I almost started to cry and I was able to change the subject; I cry over sappy stuff but when it comes to my personal life then it's not typical for me to cry.
Our next topic of conversation was Jack and the crate that Mr. Clean is getting from his sister. He had thought about it and figured out he could put this crate on the heated back porch and create a doggy door for Jack. I was trying to sort through the information and I kept saying no or not giving positive feedback. This is my dog which is my baby and he is important to me. I was trying to figure out the music for him and how he would handle being in that space and basically I was trying to process and make sure that my puppy would be able to handle this. He got mad at me for shooting everything down. He was trying to figure out how to make it work to have a crate and a space for Jack and I wasn't giving him any positive responses just a lot of no's.
I'm not used to dating someone who is just not a dog person. He's never dated anyone with a dog. I have friends who are not dog people and because they have explained it to me I do get it. I didn't want a dog for a long time because I knew how much responsibility it would be. Mr. Clean had cats and understands cats but not dogs and they are 2 polar opposite animals.
Finally he got so upset with me that he really did make me cry and I told him I needed to go. I got an apology texted to me a few minutes later. I had it explained today that it would be the equivalent of me dating someone with a parrot and them telling me that they needed to keep this parrot cage in my house and the parrot would come with them every single time they came to visit. Which makes sense, if you're not a dog person and you didn't grow up with dogs then it's hard to understand how I feel about my Jack.
I've made it so clear that Jack and I are a package and he's trying to understand that. In all honesty this could be what breaks the relationship. It's early enough in that I would certainly rather know now. I'm in a place in my life where I'm happy and I don't need anyone. I like this guy a lot, he made me cry so this is a huge indicator of how I feel. I'm also not going to compromise what's important to me. I did not adopt a dog to hand him off to someone else 2 years later, he is mine I knew what I was signing up for when I adopted him otherwise I never would have.
When I got to work this morning I sat down with my boss and went over what I can do and what I need to do and what steps I'm going to take in order to pro-actively improve. Once I sat down and talked to her I felt a million times better. I was freaked that I was about to lose my job and that's just not the case. However, I do need to pay a lot more attention and focus a lot more on what I'm doing. I tend to move quickly and sacrifice quality and that has definitely been indicated by the scores I'm receiving. For the 1 100% I get I also receive an 80 something and a 70 something. I need to be a lot more consistent and I can be, it's just a focus thing.
I emailed Mr. Clean about the fact that we had the talk and that I now have a plan in place. He responded back that he will see me tonight. Last night I told him to just keep me posted if he wanted to keep our date for tonight. So we're on for this date but it could be that he's just going to meet with me to tell me it's just not going to work between us and if he does I will appreciate the honesty.
After our phone conversation last night I gave it back up in prayer. I've been doing that a lot with this relationship. I realized that for me it works best if I put God first and allow everything else to come after. I've oftentimes gone into relationships and allowed the guy to take up so much time that I push other things aside. I've prayed about the situation as far as his feelings towards Jack as well as other things that are going on that we've talked about. It will be interesting to see what I have to say after our date tonight!
I went home and I was upset and trying to sort it all through. I went for a run (it was awesome) and then Mr. Clean and I started talking on the phone. We were both tired. After I explained the story he started asking what I wanted to do and what my plan was and was just firing all kinds of questions at me. To the point where I almost started to cry and I was able to change the subject; I cry over sappy stuff but when it comes to my personal life then it's not typical for me to cry.
Our next topic of conversation was Jack and the crate that Mr. Clean is getting from his sister. He had thought about it and figured out he could put this crate on the heated back porch and create a doggy door for Jack. I was trying to sort through the information and I kept saying no or not giving positive feedback. This is my dog which is my baby and he is important to me. I was trying to figure out the music for him and how he would handle being in that space and basically I was trying to process and make sure that my puppy would be able to handle this. He got mad at me for shooting everything down. He was trying to figure out how to make it work to have a crate and a space for Jack and I wasn't giving him any positive responses just a lot of no's.
I'm not used to dating someone who is just not a dog person. He's never dated anyone with a dog. I have friends who are not dog people and because they have explained it to me I do get it. I didn't want a dog for a long time because I knew how much responsibility it would be. Mr. Clean had cats and understands cats but not dogs and they are 2 polar opposite animals.
Finally he got so upset with me that he really did make me cry and I told him I needed to go. I got an apology texted to me a few minutes later. I had it explained today that it would be the equivalent of me dating someone with a parrot and them telling me that they needed to keep this parrot cage in my house and the parrot would come with them every single time they came to visit. Which makes sense, if you're not a dog person and you didn't grow up with dogs then it's hard to understand how I feel about my Jack.
I've made it so clear that Jack and I are a package and he's trying to understand that. In all honesty this could be what breaks the relationship. It's early enough in that I would certainly rather know now. I'm in a place in my life where I'm happy and I don't need anyone. I like this guy a lot, he made me cry so this is a huge indicator of how I feel. I'm also not going to compromise what's important to me. I did not adopt a dog to hand him off to someone else 2 years later, he is mine I knew what I was signing up for when I adopted him otherwise I never would have.
When I got to work this morning I sat down with my boss and went over what I can do and what I need to do and what steps I'm going to take in order to pro-actively improve. Once I sat down and talked to her I felt a million times better. I was freaked that I was about to lose my job and that's just not the case. However, I do need to pay a lot more attention and focus a lot more on what I'm doing. I tend to move quickly and sacrifice quality and that has definitely been indicated by the scores I'm receiving. For the 1 100% I get I also receive an 80 something and a 70 something. I need to be a lot more consistent and I can be, it's just a focus thing.
I emailed Mr. Clean about the fact that we had the talk and that I now have a plan in place. He responded back that he will see me tonight. Last night I told him to just keep me posted if he wanted to keep our date for tonight. So we're on for this date but it could be that he's just going to meet with me to tell me it's just not going to work between us and if he does I will appreciate the honesty.
After our phone conversation last night I gave it back up in prayer. I've been doing that a lot with this relationship. I realized that for me it works best if I put God first and allow everything else to come after. I've oftentimes gone into relationships and allowed the guy to take up so much time that I push other things aside. I've prayed about the situation as far as his feelings towards Jack as well as other things that are going on that we've talked about. It will be interesting to see what I have to say after our date tonight!
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