I was asked over dinner a few weeks ago if I believe in love at first sight. It kind of threw me because I hadn't thought about it in a really long time. To be honest, no I don't. I think you can look at someone and there be something special about them but to truly love someone it means getting to know them.
I always believed that love worked this way... you meet "the one" everything magically "falls into place" and then you ultimately marry each other and work everything out as it comes along. The reality is I've been in a few serious relationships. My statement when those didn't work out is that sometimes "love" just isn't enough. This is actually not accurate, "infatuation" isn't enough. Maybe there was some love in the mix but not the kind of love needed to sustain anything lasting. I was blindly willing to believe that it would just all work out.
Going back to the bad news boy who I originally met in college and then met up with (in a bar) in Charlotte right after I graduated from college. He had that under the skin effect on me. I would have willingly done anything for him because I just thought he was so amazing. In truth he wasn't. He had a lot of things he needed to work out and it has taken him a lot of years and he still continues to work through the battle with addiction. He takes responsibility for his actions now and has a better understanding of what is important in life. He is still in my life and I still care "about him" but I fully understand there is no going back. We closed a chapter in our life many years ago where we were unhealthily attached to one another.
Then I had the man in the other city. He was fun and charming and what good times we had. The catch, I always had to go to him. I was the one doing all the traveling. I was supposed to move to the new city but I realized that if I moved my entire life for this person it would be the biggest mistake I could make. I came to understand that I would end up resenting him because I knew he would never make me a priority in his life.
Then there was the one who I had met in college. The very first guy to ever kiss me. He and I reconnected a couple years ago and I still felt all those sparks. The reality was he was no where near ready to give up his freedom and he was singularly focused on what he needed to do. There was no room for me anywhere in his life. We would try again and fail again because while we definitely care about each other there is just no way that he and I work in a functional healthy "relationship".
Then there was the one who changed my life forever. We met, there was "spark". Then I met his little girl and my heart was gone. I don't think you can fall in love with a guy at first site but I definitely believe you can fall in love with a child in a heartbeat. I was very cautious about my relationship with her. It would be several weeks before I said to her "I love you". He and I were inseparable. Every free moment we were together. We were living together at the end of the first weekend. Talk about some crazy insane infatuation that was us. We experienced his shoulder surgery together. I was living his divorce as he was going thru it. I was having to see the ugliness of the custody battle with his nightmare witch of an ex wife. To this day I can't hear that woman's name without my stomach clenching. She is just pure unadulterated evil and while now it's easier then it used to be I still have to turn my thoughts to prayer whenever I've had thoughts of her creep back up. What started off with such a physical intensity was something I had never experienced. I think a big part of it for me had to do with the beautiful little girl who became such a part of my life. The relationship between he and I started to detoriarate. Perhaps this had more to do with me and my inability to communicate and my own insecurities. When we had a conversation about keeping things fresh and we had not yet hit the year mark of our relationship it was a flag. When I woke up in the middle of the night and looked in the mirror at a face I no longer knew I ran away. I lost whatever I ever had of who I was in that relationship and that is a scary place to be.
I was a broken person. It was finally time for me to really release everything back to the Lord and understand that me trying to live life on my terms was just not working. Now this isn't something that just "happens" over night. I've started reading a book by Chip Ingram titled Love Sex and Lasting Relationships. These relationships that I've described fall into what Mr. Ingram describes as "Hollywood Love". Find "the one", fall madly deeply head over heels in love believing this person will fulfill all your needs wants and desires, marry the person and believe it will all just work out and when this falls apart repeat steps 1,2 & 3 with the "newer, better" person.
In this blog I've talked a lot about relationships that I've failed at. I tried to put everything on my terms. Mr. Ingram is putting into perspective what I've been slowly learning for a long time now. It takes more than "a feeling" it takes more than just believing in a "happy ending". The foundation for my life is established thru being the person God has called me to be and walking in Him. I'm only half way thru the book. I plan to go back thru once I finish and read the book again. This year has been a year full of joys and sorrows. God is so faithful. He has been reminding me a lot lately that it is through nothing that I have done that I have been saved. I have been saved by His grace. John 3:16 "For God so LOVED the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." What a priceless gift we have been freely given. If God loves us that much then only He can be all that we need, only God can fill the empty places in our heart. No human relationship can take the place of the relationship that the Lord desires to have with us.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
after the appointment
The spot on my back is to be watched but no need to biopsy it. I am SO relieved!
Spots
I had a spot on my back this summer that I noticed b/c it would sometimes sting in the shower. Then it went away. This morning it was back. I am a little concerned b/c my Grandaddy had numerous cancerous places removed, my Mom has had places removed and my Aunt has had places removed. I called my Mom and my Aunt's dermatologist this morning and they had a cancellation so I leave in 10 minutes for this appointment.
I know that God is in control, I know that this is probably nothing and yet I'm still anxious. I'm holding onto 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".
I know that God is in control, I know that this is probably nothing and yet I'm still anxious. I'm holding onto 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".
Monday, November 10, 2008
Confusing Times
I'm struck today by how uncertain things seem. I talked to a client who was telling me that business is down and 2009 looks worse. I know that my Mom just lost a very dear friend completely unexpectedly, she was 39. I have other friends with other situations going on in their lives and in all this it would seem that God might be very far away. But I know that He is always with us.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 calls us to "Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".
John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
John 14:27 " "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
No matter what the situation, I know that I must continue to pray. I know that I have to trust and obey and believe. I'm uncertain about many things but I know that ultimately God is the one in control, not me!
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 calls us to "Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".
John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
John 14:27 " "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
No matter what the situation, I know that I must continue to pray. I know that I have to trust and obey and believe. I'm uncertain about many things but I know that ultimately God is the one in control, not me!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
McCain's remarks from 11/4/08
I pulled this from McCain Bloggette, a blog I have followed and enjoyed. What a great man, as is shown by his remarks
"Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening. My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly."
"A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him. To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love. In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving. This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight."
"I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too. But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound."
"A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters. America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States."
"Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth. Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer him my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day. Though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise."
"Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face. I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited."
"Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again. We fought - we fought as hard as we could. And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours."
"I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you."
"I'm especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign. I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me. You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign. All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude and the promise of more peaceful years ahead."
"I am also, of course, very thankful to Governor Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I have ever seen, and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength... her husband Todd and their five beautiful children... for their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough and tumble of a presidential campaign. We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country."
"To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly, month after month, in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship."
"I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been."
"This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Senator Obama and my old friend Senator Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years."
"I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century. Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone, and I thank the people of Arizona for it."
"Tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Senator Obama - I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here."
"Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history. Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much."
"Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening. My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly."
"A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him. To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love. In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving. This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight."
"I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too. But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound."
"A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters. America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States."
"Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth. Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer him my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day. Though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise."
"Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face. I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited."
"Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again. We fought - we fought as hard as we could. And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours."
"I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you."
"I'm especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign. I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me. You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign. All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude and the promise of more peaceful years ahead."
"I am also, of course, very thankful to Governor Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I have ever seen, and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength... her husband Todd and their five beautiful children... for their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough and tumble of a presidential campaign. We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country."
"To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly, month after month, in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship."
"I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been."
"This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Senator Obama and my old friend Senator Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years."
"I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century. Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone, and I thank the people of Arizona for it."
"Tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Senator Obama - I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here."
"Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history. Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much."
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Old Habits
ask anyone who has dated me and they will tell you that I'm nearly impossible to date. i tend to act quickly and think about it later. i understand that you have to spend time with someone in order to really get to know them. it's so hard when you work a lot, and right now the person i'm seeing works a lot and spending time with each other is a challenge.
today I had a conversation with the current guy I'm seeing about taking our time and getting to know one another. i understand the point that was made but in the back of my mind i began to think this is really just him telling me that this is not going to work. this is really my cue to exit and run away because i'm just going to get hurt. i'm not good at relationships anyway so what makes me believe i can ever make this one work.
i have to factor in the circumstances, i'm home sick, i don't feel good, i'm overly emotional, i'm crying at the drop of a hat today. these factors are not conducive to rational thoughts. i'm hoping after a good nights sleep i'll have a better perspective in the morning.
today I had a conversation with the current guy I'm seeing about taking our time and getting to know one another. i understand the point that was made but in the back of my mind i began to think this is really just him telling me that this is not going to work. this is really my cue to exit and run away because i'm just going to get hurt. i'm not good at relationships anyway so what makes me believe i can ever make this one work.
i have to factor in the circumstances, i'm home sick, i don't feel good, i'm overly emotional, i'm crying at the drop of a hat today. these factors are not conducive to rational thoughts. i'm hoping after a good nights sleep i'll have a better perspective in the morning.
Dream Recognized
In Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I have a Dream” speech he talks about
“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
http://www.usconstitution.net/dream.html
These statements from Dr. King’s speech have actually been realized with this election. For this I am so excited! A generation of children will know that they have the opportunity to be ANYTHING be that president, a professional athlete, a movie star a singer, the sky is the limit as to what they can achieve. This is a historical and landmark moment for our nation.
I can’t help but think about the generation of children who have been brutally murdered who never lived to see this moment because of laws that were made that did not protect them. For while I’m excited that parts of Dr. King’s dream have been recognized I also wish that it could have been a President elected who believed in the sanctity of human life, both at conception and during and after delivery. Mr. Obama is widely recognized as one of the most liberal men in Washington and that is why I write this.
The prevalent thought in my mind yesterday was that no matter what the outcome God is still God. God is powerful and mighty, greater than any man or woman who will sit in that oval office with the title of President. What has been meant for evil God can turn around and use for His glory and good. If we will do as called in 2 Chronicles 7:14 “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
Without a question the reason that Mr. Obama was elected is due to the fact that our nation is hurting. We are in economic turmoil, people are suffering and everyone was screaming for a change. The change that is coming is disconcerting to many Christians. Now it would be easy to fall back and give up, to say that this is it and roll over. But we serve a mighty God. God is capable of using this president and if we all pray like we’ve never prayed before then we can bring about an even greater change of heart. There are many liberals who have just been voted in to office and it would seem that the outlook is bleak for protecting life. But God is able to bring about miracles and wonders, not the least of these would be changes of heart.
Remember the story of when Saul met God on the road and his life was forever changed. Paul would go on to bring nations to Christ. If this story was to happen today how would we as Christians be looking at this individual? Would we possibly be saying things under our breath and believing that there is no hope and not trusting in God’s amazing plan? Paul brought about great change and God used him in a mighty way. A man who once brought death to the Christian church in the end gave up his life for the same cause.
Through out the Bible God used men and women as leaders who from our human perspective we would have never thought they could do the job. Moses had a stutter. David in the beginning was just a small shepherd and then he committed murder and adultery but God used him! Saul lost his mind at the end but God used him. Solomon walked away from God at the end of his life but God had used him. Rahab was a prostitute but God used her to hide Joshua’s men when they first entered into the promise land. The Bible is full of ordinary and sometimes less than desirable men and women who He used to bring about change for Him.
God has given Mr. Obama much intelligence and talent. God can also use this President in ways that we can not even begin to imagine. We must pray protection over the Obama family, more than ever before they will be targeted and we must pray that no harm comes to them.
As Christians we must pray without ceasing. Pray for a change of heart on the issues of life and sanctity of life. Pray for those who seem to want to be taken care of by the Government and seem to want the Government to have control over every aspect of their lives. This is not how it was meant to be and we must pray for them. We must pray like we have never prayed before that these government leaders who have been elected into office will seek the Lord everyday. Above all we know that God is still God. He loves us! Jeremiah 29:11-13
“11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12) Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13) You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
http://www.usconstitution.net/dream.html
These statements from Dr. King’s speech have actually been realized with this election. For this I am so excited! A generation of children will know that they have the opportunity to be ANYTHING be that president, a professional athlete, a movie star a singer, the sky is the limit as to what they can achieve. This is a historical and landmark moment for our nation.
I can’t help but think about the generation of children who have been brutally murdered who never lived to see this moment because of laws that were made that did not protect them. For while I’m excited that parts of Dr. King’s dream have been recognized I also wish that it could have been a President elected who believed in the sanctity of human life, both at conception and during and after delivery. Mr. Obama is widely recognized as one of the most liberal men in Washington and that is why I write this.
The prevalent thought in my mind yesterday was that no matter what the outcome God is still God. God is powerful and mighty, greater than any man or woman who will sit in that oval office with the title of President. What has been meant for evil God can turn around and use for His glory and good. If we will do as called in 2 Chronicles 7:14 “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
Without a question the reason that Mr. Obama was elected is due to the fact that our nation is hurting. We are in economic turmoil, people are suffering and everyone was screaming for a change. The change that is coming is disconcerting to many Christians. Now it would be easy to fall back and give up, to say that this is it and roll over. But we serve a mighty God. God is capable of using this president and if we all pray like we’ve never prayed before then we can bring about an even greater change of heart. There are many liberals who have just been voted in to office and it would seem that the outlook is bleak for protecting life. But God is able to bring about miracles and wonders, not the least of these would be changes of heart.
Remember the story of when Saul met God on the road and his life was forever changed. Paul would go on to bring nations to Christ. If this story was to happen today how would we as Christians be looking at this individual? Would we possibly be saying things under our breath and believing that there is no hope and not trusting in God’s amazing plan? Paul brought about great change and God used him in a mighty way. A man who once brought death to the Christian church in the end gave up his life for the same cause.
Through out the Bible God used men and women as leaders who from our human perspective we would have never thought they could do the job. Moses had a stutter. David in the beginning was just a small shepherd and then he committed murder and adultery but God used him! Saul lost his mind at the end but God used him. Solomon walked away from God at the end of his life but God had used him. Rahab was a prostitute but God used her to hide Joshua’s men when they first entered into the promise land. The Bible is full of ordinary and sometimes less than desirable men and women who He used to bring about change for Him.
God has given Mr. Obama much intelligence and talent. God can also use this President in ways that we can not even begin to imagine. We must pray protection over the Obama family, more than ever before they will be targeted and we must pray that no harm comes to them.
As Christians we must pray without ceasing. Pray for a change of heart on the issues of life and sanctity of life. Pray for those who seem to want to be taken care of by the Government and seem to want the Government to have control over every aspect of their lives. This is not how it was meant to be and we must pray for them. We must pray like we have never prayed before that these government leaders who have been elected into office will seek the Lord everyday. Above all we know that God is still God. He loves us! Jeremiah 29:11-13
“11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12) Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13) You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
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