Perspective

I made a comment on Monday about how I'm actually kind of thankful that I don't have a big following on this blog.

Sometimes I wish that I had more of a voice in the community, but since I can no longer comment from work on most blogs it means that I'm a quiet reader. I am so thankful for the friends that I have made!

I have read a few posts on the big conference that happened last weekend and to be perfectly honest I think it's a shame that in a community where there is a freedom to be honest and real and no holds bar there are apparently a lot of false fronts.

The best part I've found about meeting other bloggers in real life is the fact that I already know them. I've had the chance to see inside their head because that is what true writing is. It's why I so often shared such free detail before I got married. This space was the inside of my head.

These days it still is but I usually write with the knowledge that if Daron or Amy, or Daron's family, ever found this space I would not want some kind of huge drama unfolding.

Fortunately for me my writing is just not that interesting and I don't live in fear of that happening. Especially since I moved my blog this time last year, it has become pretty much unknown. While I love comments and exchanges with others I realize that this still allows me to write freely without fear of repercussions.

I will say that I am choosier these days about the blogs I follow. You can certainly pick up on fake pretty quickly.

I have noticed that some bloggers have gone away and I miss them. Some are going through a dry writing time, and I miss them. I also know I'm not the only one so busy with work and life that posting tends to become sporadic.

I sometimes wish I could reach out the way that I used to. I always had a comment, a thought, and I like to encourage others. For some I can just shoot an email. Maybe someday I'll join the 2000's and get a smart phone, but then you have the whole automatic word fill like what I have on my Kindle that annoys me no end. I try and type in a child's name and get something like Lumpy, really?

I am thankful for the friendships that I've made and I'm thankful for the opportunity to keep writing and keep pouring the thoughts out onto a space so that I can continue to work through this thing called life.

My dress

I received an email in February regarding the North Carolina State conference from my friend Marg's mom. I really wanted to go but I knew I couldn't pay for the hotel and all the registration fees. So I emailed my Mom and told her how much I would really love to be there.

My mom agreed that it would be a fun weekend so she booked the hotel and registered the 3 of us for state conference.

Immediately she asked me what dress was I going to wear for the banquet. I have the dress I wore to National Convention in 2001, and while it fit it was not exactly a comfortable fit. For whatever reason they cut the dress small and it's always required a very tight corset underneath for me to be able to pull it off. I knew that with an active 4 year old I didn't want to be dealing with an uncomfortable corset.

I had checked out Belks, they didn't have anything. Last week it was coming down to the wire and I went back to Belks, still nothing. I was going to just go with the red ballgown. Friday I realized that I really wanted something special and my Mom was offering to pay so I went to the mall on my lunch.

I started at JC Penney, nothing. Macy's, nothing. So I booked it to the other end of the mall and made my way to the dress section at Dillard's. It was one of those aaahhhhhaaahhhhhaaaahhhhaahhhhh light moments. Oh my gosh they had more dresses then the other 3 department stores combined.

The dress was hanging on a rack, the last one like it, beautiful, elegant. I looked at the tag and it was at the top of what I knew my Mom was willing to contribute, but it was such a gorgeous dress I knew I had to try it on.

I tried on another dress and while it was pretty it was not nearly as amazing as the black ballgown that was calling my name.

I purchased it, I knew that it was exactly what I had in my head and it was stunning. I am waiting for my Dad to send me pictures and I'm at work so I can't post pictures from here anyways. I have to admit I can't wait to post them though, the dress was truly incredible!

You can make it from one end of Carolina Place mall to the other, and look through 3 stores in a 50 minute time frame if there are not a lot of people at the mall.

Today at lunch I took the dress to a consignment store. I'm hoping that with prom season being here I will be able to sell the dress. I have nowhere to store it so I figured it made sense to try and sell it.

2013 State Conference

“I believe in the Children of the American Revolution as an organization for the training of young people in true patriotism and love of country, in order that they shall be better fitted for American citizenship. As a descendant of the Founders of my Country, I believe that my birthright brings a certain responsibility to carry on their work, and that as the boys and girls of 1776 took an active part in the War for Independence, so the boys and girls of today have a definite work to do for their Country. As a member of the Children of the American Revolution, I believe it is my to duty to use my influence to create a deeper love of country, a loyal respect for our Constitution and a reverence for its Flag, among the young people with whom I come in contact.”. CAR Creed

Saturday morning after ballet Audra and I drove to Chapel Hill. We attended the 73^rd state conference celebrating the 75^th anniversary of the North Carolina State Society Children of the American Revolution.

We arrived at our hotel and the room wasn’t quite ready.  She and I waited for the business portion of the afternoon meeting to close and joined everyone at the Morehead Planetarium for a very cool presentation on the stars.

We got back to the hotel and checked into our room. Audra loves staying in hotels and she was thrilled to be there. My parent’s arrived and they had an adjoining room so she thought it was the coolest thing ever to go in between the 2 rooms.

The formal banquet began at 6:30. I had purchased a beautiful dress for Audra along with a fantastic pair of shoes, she HATED the whole outfit. In fact Saturday morning she woke up telling me how much she didn’t like the dress and shoes I had for her to wear.

I had a choice to make. I could hold out and force the issue and make her wear the dress or I could pick another dress that she already had and let her remember the event as a very fun time instead of making it a battle of wills over a dress. I had purchased the dress at my favorite consignment store for $13 and the shoes on clearance for $13 so I was only out $26 for her outfit.  The dress she chose to wear Daron’s mom had given her and it worked for the event so I just let it go and let her wear that dress instead.

I have pictures but since I’m posting from work they will come later.

My Dad took pictures before Mom, Audra and I went to the banquet. Audra did so awesome!! The banquet was long from 6:30-9:30 and she did amazing! She kept asking when the dance was going to start. The dance did not start until 10, she fell asleep on my mom probably a little before 9.

She woke up in time for the dance but she was a little intimidated by the members. CAR members are age birth to 22 and at state conference you have a great variety of ages and they are so awesome with the little members! They kept trying to get her to dance but my little dancing queen was not in a dancing mood.

For me going back was just wonderful. I loved seeing everyone and I miss being a part of it all. I simply don’t have the time or money to participate on the senior level, there is so much responsibility involved. I truly wish that I could. I know how wonderful CAR was for me, and I know how much Audra would love being a part of it. It’s possible that in the next few years things might change and I might be able to start up a local society again. I hope that this will be the case but I have no idea what the next few years are going to hold.

Wednesday

It's been a week. Again.

Posts and Kid updates have reminded me how prayers don't hit the clouds and bounce back.

Today at my desk I'm passing the tears off on allergies again but they're actually happy tears.

Yesterday I ran with Jack, I had tears from allergies that were actual allergy tears. Jack has allergies too, I had to wipe his eyes this morning. My skin itches, my nose runs, and I sneeze like crazy, fun times.

I did strength training and toning at the gym on Monday night. I don't really need a trainer since I know how to kick my own tail, I think it's just the accountability factor of answering to someone.

Daron bought me the most gorgeous flowers yesterday for the 2 year anniversary of our engagement date. Totally unexpected, and appreciated!!!

I've been in a sad place too. I always love catching up with Patrice and always feel a little blue after because she is so far away. That added to the fact that Monday was the 1 year date since I left Daron for the 2 weeks last year. I didn't mention that date to him, and I'm thankful that it passed and we're not in that place anymore.

I had the topic (program) for my Al-Anon meeting last night. Progress not Perfection, which I have to remember often. I used to think that I had to have everything just so, and there were things I wouldn't try because I knew I might fail. I work to overcome that fear of failure.

I went shopping yesterday on my lunch at ON. They have really gorgeous colors right now. I figure since I went through my closet over the weekend I "needed" a few things. I'm excited for what I found!

I'm excited that my friend is moving here although I know that it's not a move she's excited for she is making the best of it. I'm just concerned that between her schedule and mine we still might not see each other very often.

Back to work, Happy Wednesday!

5 minutes

I really appreciate my job. It's not perfect but after my last job I always remember that this job is such a walk in the park that I will not complain.

I do get stressed, it can get incredibly busy. I lost my voice twice last week end of day from the sheer amount of work to be done.

I arrived at work at 7 today. I've already completed a few tasks, had a meeting and finished a worksheet handout. It's 8:15am

I have to go to the dentist after work, not excited. Hopefully the fact that I've flossed almost every day since my last appointment in August will be evident.

Friday night I scheduled pictures for Audra. D bought that picture package deal of one free picture a month. We went in December, and missed January and February. So I made sure that before March was gone we got her in for more pictures.

Her Mamaw had given her a really cute pink and brown dress Friday. I threw her brown boots with it and we had an adorable outfit.

We had to bribe her to wear it by telling her she could change into the dress of her choice after having pictures done in our pick.

Saturday morning I was up and out the door for my 4miler race. Unfortunately, and not sure why, I started having stomach issues. This made for a slow race. My chip time was 39:09. I haven't been running I know this. I've been focusing on strength training and toning. I have been trying to build muscle to burn fat in order to maybe eventually lose weight.

I went through my closet on Saturday afternoon. I tried on all the pants and what didn't fit I put them in the donation pile.

See I would love to lose weight. I would love to be a size smaller. Except I've been moaning and complaining forever. When I stepped on the gym scale a few weeks ago and saw that I weighed almost exactly the same as the year before I realized that even working out it's not likely I'm going back down to the size I want to be.

I also recognize that the weight I am now is the weight I was when I was dating Chuck, and Shawn. I can lose weight, but I've not successfully kept it off.

Patrice and Aaron baptized baby L this weekend. I was so excited to see them and L looked so incredibly adorable in his little outfit. If I didn't love her so much I'd be jealous that she's already back to pre L weight and looks gorgeous.

I invited D to join me for the baptism and party afterwards and he opted out. I was fine with him not coming it meant I didn't feel obligated to leave sooner then I wanted to.

Yesterday it was such a pleasure spending time with Patrice and her family. I can't think about the fact that she's in FL and so far away.

I had better get back to work. Happy Monday!!!

Life Lately

Friday at work we had a bridal shower for one of my coworkers who is getting married. She's all cute and adorable and excited and I look at her and hope for her a much happier beginning then mine, and I'm sure it will be.

I picked Audra up on Friday night and we had fun. We danced and had dinner. We went to bed watching Cinderella.

About 2 I was up, and I was up several more times, not fun. I had a stomach bug and I thought maybe it was something I ate at the shower and it was just food poisoning. So I told D to go on to his appointment and I would take Audra to ballet.

I should have called someone else to come help me. She and I were standing at the door when I realized that I had better make it quickly, after I threw up I felt a lot better actually. I made it to ballet and quarantined myself to a corner. Amy texted me back yesterday that Audra is fine. I'm praying like crazy she doesn't get any of this!!!

I have 3 coworkers who had the same thing I did over the weekend. 2 of them were not at the party on Friday.

I'm back to normal today. I was in bed all Saturday afternoon and on the couch most of Sunday. I was hoping for a gym workout followed by a run Sunday but the fever and chills prevented that from happening.

I went to the Abs and Booty class last night. I got a toning workout in at the gym last Thursday night. I tried on skirts last night. I wish I could say that reading inspirations of working out and working weight watchers was enough for me to give up sugar.

I looked for a pill to curb sugar addicts. For real, I googled it. FYI there is no such thing that I could find.

I was trying on skirts because after the weekends fun virus anything pressed against my stomach right now bothers me and makes my stomach revolt.

Sunday my MIL asked if I was pregnant my reply was I still have a fever but I'm feeling somewhat better. I didn't bother to actually answer the question because it's not possible.

I had a conversation with D last night about an opportunity to clean an additional office on Thursday nights. Several months ago I was looking to take on another office to clean on Wednesday nights. This was before I had a big loan payed off and I still had an HOA assessment. He pointed out that I had said I would be willing to help clean another office.

So I really thought about it. With my week and what it looks like. I leave at 6 every day during the week. I drive an hour. I work 7:15-4:15. On Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm home just after 5. On Wednesdays I'm home usually around 7 and on Friday's I'm home usually around 6. The idea of another night cleaning when I already know how my schedule stays and I know that it's not absolutely necessary is not really something I want to do.

So I wrote a letter, because D was already asleep. I told him that while I'm happy to help short term I am not going to commit long term. I feel like if we broke everything down we would see that we each contribute fairly equally just in different ways. I can't say that I do more then he does and he can't say that he does more than me. I think we've established a pretty good balance when it comes to who does what. I was very nice but basically I told him once I have a tenant and if my raise goes into effect then he can take back cleaning the office.

This could all be null and void as he hasn't even yet bid this new opportunity.

This weekend is my 4 miler race, which I am looking forward to. I ran 3.8 the Sunday before last so I know I can handle the distance. I'm a little concerned about the all uphill finish but I'll suck it up and move on Saturday. My time will likely be dismal but I haven't been running. I've been focusing on toning and strength training.

Work is crazy so that makes the day go by fast. Speaking of I had better wrap this up. Happy Tuesday!

February and March

The month of February was such a whirlwind. I had my first race of the season on the first Saturday in February.

I got my taxes done and painted the condo on the 8th. That night I registered for my CIC class.

I took my CIC class the following week, the 13-15th. Then I took the big test on the 16th, drover to Garner, NC after, and then drove home all in snow.

The next weekend Audra had ballet and then we went and hung out with my Mom.

The first weekend in March became an unexpected free weekend. Audra woke up with a fever on Saturday and that meant a day home with us tag teaming church on Sunday. I woke up and ran and then Daron went to the 9 service while I got ready and went to the 11 service.

Amy came over for lunch with Audra's brother after the 11 service and we all sat and talked.

We had the open house, Audra is in the pre-registration process for school. As long as the meeting with the headmaster goes well then she is in.

This weekend Audra has ballet, I have nursery on Saturday night and we will have church on Sunday.

My condo is still empty; I had SO wanted a tenant in by March 1. I believe that everything happens in God's perfect timing and that He will provide in the meantime.

I recently realized that my engagement ring is a citrine stone. So this makes it a lot easier on me when people ask me about what kind of stone I have an actual answer. I do still get asked, and I still receive compliments on it. I cleaned it this morning for the first time in 2 years. I honestly didn't know how to clean it and I had someone tell me just use a toothbrush, soap and warm water. I used baby shampoo, warm water and a toothbrush and my ring looks as gorgeous as the day D gave it to me.

When Audra and D were setting the table for lunch last week Audra told him that she wanted us to all have a sleep over. I know that this sounds strange, but we're trying to work it out. It gives Audra a sense of stability when we are all together. I love Amy and it's fun hanging out with her so I think the only one who is a little weirded out is D.

Of course in trying to figure out the weekend D got a little frustrated with me. This weekend is pretty much the only one to do a sleep over in March. Next weekend I have the shamrock 4 miler race, and baby L's baptism on Sunday. The next weekend Audra and I are going to the CAR state conference and the weekend after that is Easter.

I have accepted life is just not going to slow down so I had better learn how to just roll with it!

Educational Future

I grew up in private Christian School. From 3 year old preschool through the 8th grade I attended the Church school where I went to church with my parents. Then in the 9th grade I attended a private Christian school in Concord.

There are certainly things that happen, no place is utopia. My high school reminds me quite a bit of the high school in the movie Saved. We had wonderful teachers, and I do believe that I received a good education but watching that movie was a lot like watching a day in the life of my high school experience.

Growing up the school that I went to was different. The principal who I had the entire time I attended RCS was so fantastic and I believe that it was his influence that made the experience so valuable. I finished 8th grade the same year he finished serving at the school and decided to pursue new opportunities.

I knew that I wanted to provide my children with the opportunity that I had growing up. I believe that education is so very important. I believe in a Christian education because of my first school experience. I mean I had my 4th, 5th, and 8th grade teachers at my wedding shower and my 4th and 5th grade teacher at my wedding and Patrice and I have been friends since church nursery. There is something so incredibly special about all this to me.

I remember when I was dating Kendall and he told me that Adam and Eve were just a story and that Noah is just a character and none of it was real. He saw no value in private Christian school education either. I've said before that I have lots of friends and they have lots of different views and I am not going to argue with them but when it comes to who I dated they needed to have the same opinions and perspectives as I did on certain subjects, the end.

When D and I first got married I promised to love Audra as if she were my own. There have been some pretty intense challenges for Daron and I especially in the beginning of our marriage. I have tried to keep the challenges from preventing me from loving Audra and for the most part I'm able to do this. I've recognized my challenge of trying to find my own balance in a situation that is sometimes complicated.

Fortunately the easy part has usually (almost always been) Amy and Audra. While there have been situations to come up overall I can always say good things about our relationships.

I drive past my old high school every day on my way to work, every day in general usually. I knew I wanted for Audra a very solid educational foundation. I started researching almost at the beginning. The unspoken prayer of my heart was that I would be able to help send her to school.

The public school system in both Mecklenburg and Cabarrus counties leaves a lot to be desired. They do not have good reputations. In fact Meck county has the reputation of what NOT to do. So not only was my desire based on my personal beliefs but also an understanding that the educational strength of the local public school system is lacking.

I found a school that offers a Christian environment and a Classical education. I researched. A few weeks back D and I told Amy that I would be willing to help pay for Audra's education because it is so important to me. Amy has a friend whose girls attended this school, and they spoke so highly of it and Amy was immediately ready to research further.

When she texted that she just couldn't swing it I asked if I paid fully for Audra if she would be more able to swing it. She said that she would do her best and trust the rest to God.

Last night we went to an open house. For me it was like coming home. The warmth and love that the teachers have for the school and their students is palpable. We learned that a lot of families from our church attend this school. The marketing director in charge of last night's event attends our church. Amy, Audra's brother's Dad, D and I toured and listened and asked questions.

We discovered that for Audra's class there were only 4 spots left and those were not going to be open long. I wrote the check for registration and we returned home where Daron had to work on the questions for the Father. Amy had to fill out the rest of the paperwork. She dropped it off this morning. Provided that the interview with the parent's and headmaster goes well, and I believe that it will, the kids are set for school next year.

It brings tears, which may sound dumb, but I'm just so thankful that the kids have this amazing opportunity! It is an investment in their future, one that is just so worth it! I had already been excited, and Amy had already been excited but seeing the Dad's jump on board and get excited too, was so awesome! I am incredibly thankful!

Leaving it on the field

I have to admit that I feel like I failed. I mentally went into the interviews last Thursday with determination and I walked away, to use a sports analogy, leaving everything on the field.

I posted for the position with the understanding that it would be a God thing if it happened. D said but everything is a God thing, which yes but I meant it would truly be a miracle. I understand just how difficult and complicated the position is. I realized that I lack a major skill for the position, I lack sales skills. I believed that if He was going to move me forward in this role, He was going to give me the skills and wisdom to be able to excel at it.

Because I believed that He would give me the skills and wisdom needed if this was the direction He wanted for me, I was able to interview with every ounce of me believing in me. So now, knowing that this is not His direction for me, I am disappointed.

I had to spend so much time mentally convincing myself that I was a rock star and completely capable for this role that now I am curious as to what I could have done differently or better. I've requested the feed back from my interviews so that I will at least have this information for my benefit.

I have a great job. I have a job I'm very thankful for. I don't take anything for granted! I'm delighted that it's Friday! I'll pick Audra up this afternoon and we will go to ballet tomorrow. I know that all things work together for good, and I know that ultimately I will look back and give thanks that this has worked out the way that it has.