lunch hour, good deals, excercise

I think my lunch hour during the work week is quite often my favorite time. It's all about me, and it's lovely.

Today I had to go pick up some makeup that I had paid but put on hold in order to get the free gift. It only took a moment to pick up my items and then I headed upstairs. The 50% off the lowest marked price sale is still going on. It's my favorite time of year, Christmas in the summertime!!!

Why upstairs? Well because I realized that now would be the perfect time to find Girl Clean's bathing suit for next year. If I can purchase a $40 bathing suit for $7, I'm all about that!!! Sure enough I found 2 cute bathing suits, 2 cute sundresses and a shorts outfit all for the cost of one of the dresses.

While not the same as the deals I find at Goodwill or in the consignment stores I still like to shop clearance. For bathing suits in particular that's just something I want her to have new. Although she also gets hand me down bathing suits from her cousins. I'm fine with that. To me it's just the idea of a bathing suit worn by some unknown kid that bothers me a little. However to have a bathing suit is better then no bathing suit and if it was cute enough I would probably move past this reservation...

Last night I took Jack for a walk. It's been a while since he's been out. It's so crazy hot and it's not good for him to be out when it's too hot so I know he's been missing the walks and runs. I haven't been running because of my knees so last night we walked. My wonky knee bothered me by the end of the walk, not sure what is going on. Chiropractor appointment on August 9th can't come soon enough!

I have some kind of summer cold, and it's not fun. During the day I'm better then at night. Although right now my coworkers might not understand that statement.

I got an email from my property manager that my tenants want to sign a 6 month lease. I'm good with that. I'm thankful to have the place occupied, guaranteed, for another 6 months!

Yesterday on my lunch I stopped at the store and picked up office snacks. One of the things I picked up was a combo bag of savory flavors for rice cakes. I wish they would throw in a 9th bag so that it would be 3,3 and 3 instead of 4 cheddar, 2 ranch, 2bbq. Oh well, I like to have the variety, in portion size bags, so I don't eat the whole 3 portion bag in 1 sitting.

Tonight is week 4 out of 6 for ballet. I'm debating on whether or not I will make it. I'm kind of waiting to see how I feel as the afternoon goes on...

5 minutes

Friday I mentioned that we were going to a food truck rally. I was excited. I would have preferred to have kept that one as a girls night. However, I was nice and invited Mr. Clean. Who hates the heat. Who loves food, so I figured he might have enjoyed the event.

They advertised kid friendly and it sounded like there would be a lot more kid activities then there actually were. Even so had it just been Girl Clean and I we would have stayed longer then the 45ish minutes we stayed.

I hope they have another event in the fall when the temps are cooler and I can make that one a just Girl Clean and I event. My friend Vada had told me about it and we met her out there. Fortunately she had another friend who joined her so that when we left she still had someone there.

Saturday morning I slept too late to run outside. I've been trying to give my knees time anyways. I went to the gym and took Girl Clean with me to hang out with the kids in the play room. She seems to really enjoy this and it gives me a chance to work out and Mr. Clean needed to do yard work and take his car to vacuum it out.

I had a good workout, 2 miles elliptical, strength training, 2 more miles elliptical. I was pleased but still felt exhausted rather then energized. Girl Clean and I got home and I fed her lunch. We hung out for a few minutes and then headed to the pool while Mr. Clean headed to the store.

She and I stayed at the pool around an hour and a half. She would have stayed longer but it was right in the middle of the day and I was worried about her skin. I re-applied sunscreen at the hour mark. I missed my middle and lower back. Turns out it worked well that we only stayed as long as we did. I got burned, but she was perfectly fine.

She likes to flirt with the life guards. She is 3 1/2. She is a flirt, and likes boys in the 8 and older range. I get a kick out of watching her and can only think we are all in trouble as she gets older.

We had church Saturday night and then Mr. Clean fixed dinner when we got home. He's started actually taking me up on my offer to help. This makes life much more pleasant when he does!

Sunday I woke up and some kind of cold or something had finally taken hold. I texted Margs, with her being pregnant I did not want to put her at risk. However, she said she wanted to see me and didn't care and I promised not to breathe on her.

It was so good to see her!!! She arrived around 12:40 and left at 4:30 when I had to take Girl Clean home. We spent the entire time talking. Love her so much and it's so hard knowing she's so far away in Canada!!!

When I got to Girl Clean's mom's place there was news. Amy got engaged Saturday night. I told her congratulations and to just keep us posted. Mr. Clean said "as long as Justin is as good of a stepdad as you are a stepmom then that is all that matters." Which I've said all along all that matters is how he treats our girl.

I was in bed early last night, and woke up still sick. This stuff needs to move along and move along quickly!!!

Fill in

I got this from Kyria and she got it from someone. I need to do something light, makes me happy.

Maybe I should not have eaten quite so much at lunch, but it was amazing (and free) .
I love the smell of lavender. (and my husband but this was more fun)
People would say that I’m always busy. 
I don’t understand the people who abuse other people or animals.
When I wake up in the morning I hit off and know I have 10-20 more minutes. 
I lost my voice before 10AM this morning.
Life is full of challenges, fun and not fun.
My past is full of family memories.
I get annoyed when people drive aggressively in traffic that is not moving.
Parties are something I tend to avoid, unless it's a virtual party like my pampered chef party going on right now.
I wish I had more money (or actually less debt).
Dogs are always making me smile.
Birds are always using my car as target practice.
Tomorrow I’m not sure what the day will hold.
I have low tolerance for people who are rude and impatient.
I’m totally terrified of someday never being able to have chocolate again.
I wonder why I have so much trouble focusing.
Never in my life have I watched Jaws.
High school was a time that I'm glad is long behind me.
When I’m nervous I flush red!
One time at a family gathering my dog chased my Uncles dog and I was mortified.
Take my advice: Don't spend so much time wishing and planning for the future that you forget to appreciate the little moments happening now.
Making my bed happens on the weekends.
I’m almost always on time.
I’m addicted to sugar
I want someone to remember me for being a good listener and friend

not my week

Honestly this must just not be my week. Sunday night was the whole "overshare" conversation which started Monday on a wonky note.

Monday night I tried to run only to discover the my knee was weird.

Tuesday night was a conversation regarding my husband and how it's not my responsibility to make him do things. It's kind of a long story but in short form I was blamed for enabling, except I don't. Usually when the person who has the disease blames your for enabling, it's not the case. Thank God for Al-Anon I would be so lost without it!

Wednesday night the blinds came down.

Thursday afternoon I walked into the house and it reeked of poop. Jack apparently got scared, or something upset him and there was a mess in his crate. His crate is in our bedroom. There was poop on the wall, when I got him out he tracked it to the door.

Fortunately I got home before Mr. Clean. I had it cleaned up by the time he got home. I also had Jack bathed and the laundry in the washer.

Today was pay day, except everything immediately went back out and then some. I swear I'm trying to give this up. I know that God specializes in the impossible. I have no voice because while I know that stressing is useless I'm doing it anyways.

It's Friday, so glad it's Friday!!!

Margs is in the states from Canada so I will get to see her on Sunday, she's coming to the house. I'm so excited!!!

Tonight we are going to a food truck rally. I'm looking forward to the experience!!! I'm glad Mr. Clean wanted to come, it means he pays!!!

The bright side, we are fast approaching my birthday month. With my birthday month comes birthday cash, praying that nothing else happens so I can maybe finally get caught up again!!!

plans

Best laid plans sometimes just don't work out. Last night my plan was after cleaning the office to take JB for a walk.

I was about 15 minutes in to cleaning the office, dusting the blinds in the 3rd room and the blind string snapped. It's been so hot here and the blinds are old. I called Mr. Clean. He came over and fixed them.

My normal night cleaning is around an hour and 20 minutes. Last night we didn't leave until 7:30ish... We got home at 8. I did give JB one on one time before showering, sending out an email (which took 25 minutes because my laptop is so flipping slow) and went to bed.

I'm doing my best not to stress. I honestly do not understand how I stay so far negative in my budget, ALL THE TIME.

I've switched shampoos, I've switched the water I drink, I've switched to cheaper EVERYTHING.

I had an email that the shower head in the shower at the condo broke off and has to be fixed. This past month I had to pay for AC related maintenance.

I realize and understand that I am blessed. That I live in a country where we have more then enough of everything. I can't undo the bad decisions of the past. I know that this too shall pass. I just wish it would pass a little bit faster!

Short Form

I have an appointment with my chiropractor on August 9 for my knees. Until then I plan to foam roll and do other exercise besides running. I know I'll be fine for the 10K in September training wise and after that appointment I can figure out training for the October 15K.

Last night I was the only one at Girl Clean's ballet class. After class she came back to the house and had dinner with us. She has really taken to ballet and it's fun to see her enthusiasm. She's 3 so who knows how long her interest will last.

I had my meeting at 8. We had so many newcomers that we ditched the usual program and went around and shared what brought us to Al-Anon and what it has done for us. I don't get tired hearing the stories. These ladies who have been in the program for 10+ years have so much experience and I always learn something from them.

Over the past few days I've been looking at beach vacation packages. I haven't been to the beach since January 2010. I miss the beach!!! Unfortunately a beach trip is not happening anytime soon.

I apologize that I have not left comments for weeks now. I've been reading on my Kindle or at work. I love reading about everyone's life and I always have comments but at work I am blocked unless the blog is on it's own and not a blogspot.com address. This makes me sad as I know how much I love comments and I love to leave them!

Happy Wednesday!

crunchy

According to the brief research I just conducted I need to schedule an appointment with my chiropractor asap. I have a call in.

My knees have been crunching on stairs for a long time. I don't remember when it started but I never thought about it overmuch because it didn't hurt.

Then last night my knee was off.

I know that with the right excercise this is fixable. Any excercise suggestions are appreciated!

naps, heat, life in general

I had a brief meeting with my manager yesterday to discuss job performance. I do a good job of staying positive. This is nice to know considering right now I just feel overwhelmed.

It's end of July in Charlotte, it's hot. Last Friday Southpark area flooded. It was the first night of restaurant week. I can only imagine the chaos as all that traffic was trying to navigate through flooding to get to their restaurant for their reservation. So so so thankful I was able to give my restaurant gig up!

I slept in my car for 30 minutes today at lunch. I was so tired. It's the heat, that's the only thing I can think of, that is making me so tired. My car is parked in the shade so I put the sunshield up, rolled the windows all the way down and at 11 there was enough of a breeze that I didn't sweat.

I forced myself to the gym last night. I tried to run but my knee was acting funny, it hurt. Top part middle. Not sure what is going on, also not sure what I might need to do. I did run 5 miles saturday morning and it may have been pushing too hard too fast. I don't know. I ended up mainly on the elliptical. It's not the same but it's cardio.

I feel GINORMOUS. The whole healthy eating, trying to change (old) bad habits, yeah that's not happening. I lasted all of 7 days. In truth I am probably not ginormous. I can't tell because I'm wearing dresses and dresses don't get too tight like jeans do. It's too hot for jeans right now.

Girl Clean has ballet class tonight. This is number 3 out of 6. This fall she will take classes on Saturday mornings at 9:30. I'll go early for my run and then take her to class.

The whole discussion from Sunday about oversharing, after the apology the subject was done. Which is nice, I'm sure it will come up again at some point but overall we seem to have moved past it. Yet again an example of progress.

This evening will be the crazy busy night of the week. Dance class. Possibly taking Girl Clean home or back to her mom's and then my meeting. Good thing I had a nap!

5 minutes

I have so much going on in my head, ugh.

I can't focus lately. At work this is a problem because I need focus in order to do my job. Today I pumped gas, got in my car and realized that I didn't remember putting the cap back. I glanced in the mirror and sure enough the gas cap was still hanging out not screwed into the gas tank.

I had a date night on Friday night that was awesome. We had a coupon for sticky fingers, we got our meals for 10.99. The meal is usually 18.99. We agreed that we might pay 12.99 but not 18.99 for that meal.

After I got gas today I stopped by the grocery store. My husband hates this grocery store so I make sure I now destroy all the evidence when I actually shop there. I ran into one of the guys I worked with at Nobles. He was a bartender, I love both Greg and his wife. Thank goodness for FB so I can keep up with people I like. I think back to the team that I worked with, there was nothing like it. Best restaurant job, hands down, ever!!!

The GM from that job is actually now working for Weigmans, a huge grocery store that we don't have here. They are opening restaurants, and he is in a prime spot opportunity. I love how I can catch up on all these details in a 10 minute conversation.

We watched a movie on Saturday night called Machine Gun Preacher. At the end I was ugly crying. The pictures of the real life kids, wrecked me. Here's the link to check out the true story that the movie is based on.

I ran 5 miles on Saturday morning. The temperature was perfect but the humidity was crazy so I looked like I jumped in the pool with my clothes on by the end of my run.

My husband was furious with me last night because he says I overshare. He apologized this morning. I'm thinking it's a good thing he's never bothered to read the blog...

I appreciated the apology. I thought about what he said, and I questioned myself. In all honesty, while I do share a lot. I also feel like I do a good job of filtering. If I don't, if you ever feel uncomfortable reading, tell me. It won't hurt my feelings. I need the information.

I've been writing about me for so long and I'm such an open book that initially I probably did overshare. However, I try to be respectful. There are times when I start to type a story and think that it's not my story to share so I delete it.

It's so hot today that I can stand still and sweat. I need a fan at my desk!

I feel out of sorts probably due in different parts to the heat, my inability to focus, the amount of work that is waiting for me, and the fact that I'm reminding myself that I need to hand a lot of stuff up and quit trying to hold onto it.

Happy Monday.

light bulb oh and a soap box

"After the receptionist said that I was up a pound, the devil on my shoulder told me that I should have some pizza. Or a cheeseburger. Because hell, I was already up…what’s another bad meal? And then I remembered something my awesome WW leader talked about a few weeks ago. If we realized we messed up at work, would we just say “oh screw it, I’ve already messed up, I should just keep messing up”? No way! We’d fix the problem, be more careful to not make the same mistake, and move on. However, when it comes to weight loss, it’s so easy to just throw up our hands and say “that’s it! I give up! Bring on the nachos!”. Why is that?"

I follow prior fat girl, I am one and I found this blog probably a year ago now. I was reading this contributors post about her weigh in and the fact she was up a pound. Her brain automatically told her bring on the food. I totally get that. Oh my gosh do I get it.

I don't understand what it is that has caused all this confusion and chaos over something that should simply be fuel for our bodies.

I took a survey on FB out of 100 candies I had tried 86. I knew my number would be up there, and it was. The only ones I could not cross off the list where ones I had never heard of. Over the years it's been clear, I love all things sugar. I'm the girl who will eat the frosting off the piece of cake, and go back for more frosting. I don't like cake.

I am right now procrastinating on step 4 out of my 12 steps that I am working. Why? Because I know that this is the step where it becomes about working on me, and there are factors in my life that I know I can't work on unless I'm really ready. I could also leave it alone and move on with the step without confronting it... Not sure yet what I plan to do.

Stepping on soap box:

Yesterday I read a post that was linked to through another blogger. It was about another blogger who had been rather rude regarding Kate Upton. I read through her post, a response post on another blog, and the actual post itself. I found it interesting. There was a huge backlash against the blogger who wrote the original post to the point where she went back and added a disclaimer to what she had written.

There is a huge focus on weight, appearance, etc. If you walk outside you're faced with it. I'm curious what I can do differently that will make any kind of difference.

Stepping off soap box.

progress, running fail and cooking

Last night I got home and Mr. Clean had all the ingredients for dinner out. He hadn't started. Here's the deal with my husband. He is an awesome cook, and most nights he makes dinner. However, if he's already tired, and then starts making dinner, it can put him in a foul mood.

I've expressed, very clearly, that he is not to stress over dinner. If he doesn't feel like cooking, then don't. End of story. I also try really hard not to put time lines on him when it comes to when we eat. I prefer to eat early. I can also throw a bag of vegetables in the microwave and call it dinner. He does not have to cook for me, although I appreciate when he does.

Sunday night I was really happy when he told me that he was scrapping his original plan because he just wasn't up to it. We had a fantastic evening, because he didn't try to do something he didn't feel like doing but felt like he HAD to for me. This is called progress.

As I looked at the ingredients lined up across the counter and table and he was apologizing that it wasn't even started yet I said, no worries. How about I take Jack out and go to the gym and then shower and that gives you time. His response well no it's not going to take that long. Yes it will, is my immediate thought but I kept my mouth shut. I took Jack out and then sat down at the table with him.

We discussed what he had to do, chop all the ingredients for the puttanesca, fix the orzo and cook the fish. As he outlined time frame he came up with about an hour and change. We agreed that I did have plenty of time to go to the gym and if it was ready when I got home I would put off the shower until after we ate. I knew I would be able to shower too, but I kept that to myself.

I left him chopping and fixing and since it wasn't raining I decided to run outside instead… Not a wise decision on my part, at all. It was 6, which means my car was reading 97 and yet I thought I would try…

The first part of the run was actually pleasant. I was in full shade and there was a breeze and it was delightful. Then I got to downtown and there is not a lot of shade and it started to not be so wonderful. I made it out to the halfway point where I turn back and it was blazing hot and I was feeling the heat.

I made myself run anyways. Towards the very end I did have to stop and walk a few times. It was just too hot and I was starting to feel sick. I did run most of it, but my time was atrocious. I could have gone to the gym, run 3 miles, and been home in just about the same time as it took me to run that 3 outside.

I got home and showered. Then I folded laundry, and put clothes away. Then I started a load of laundry. Then Mr. Clean asked for my help. I cooked the fish while he finished up the orzo. I was glad he asked for my help, a lot of times I offer and he will say he doesn't need help. The meal turned out amazing!!!

I cleaned up the kitchen and then sent out my pampered chef party email. I don't like doing actual parties but a friend of mine from high school asked me and I told her I would do a virtual party. Let me know if you're interested, and I didn't email you already, and I'll shoot you the information.

I'm so glad it's Friday. I have a real date tonight, SO EXCITED!!!! Happy Friday!!!

This week

This morning on the news they were talking about a 9 year old who has been diagnosed as a psychopath. I'm currently reading Parenting by the Book. That 9 year old is not a psychopath, he's been in too many therapists offices and his parents were too scared to discipline him. I have a feeling this is what the author of the book I'm reading would say, because it's what he actually does say in the chapter I just read this week.

I've been in a home that has 4 children. It's loud. One child is special needs. Those kids, are awesome. They are kids, and they are allowed to be kids. They also know that the parents are in charge and they are not.

Amy, Girl Clean's mom, is the one who shared the book with me. I love it. I've been forcing Mr. Clean to listen to excerpts from it. It has brought to light beliefs that I have had that are just wrong. Amy and I were talking about it at dance the other night and when I finish she's going to re-read it.

I've also been in a house where the 2 year old was in charge. It was not pleasant. I do not want to go back, and I haven't been back. There is a definite difference in a parent controlled home and a child controlled home.

We had our 2nd ballet class this past Tuesday night. I say we because it was Mr. Clean and I, Amy and her boyfriend and her mom. Girl Clean did awesome! I ran into another friend from high school whose little girl was taking the class. She graduated with my brother, it was fun to catch up!

I've been in training the past 2 days. It was challenging and I'm behind on work. I have too many thoughts in my head right now.

I had an awesome workout Monday night. Tuesday night was dance followed by a quick bite to eat and then my meeting. Last night I cleaned the office. I came home and after taking Jack out I went to bed, at 8. I was exhausted!

Tonight I'm going to try and get a run in. The weather forecast is calling for rain so I will most likely go to the gym.

As of right now we will only have Girl Clean this weekend on Sunday. I'm supposed to go to a work party on Saturday. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of it. I really don't want to go! I'm pretty sure I will come up with a valid reason as to why I'm not going to be able to go!

Yesterday before coming into the office I made a trip to Dunkin Donuts. We needed sugar for the training class so I combined my gift card with another coworkers and we contributed donuts and bagels. This morning for the June and July birthdays there are bagels and pastries. Always something!

I need to factor in time this weekend to do my hair color. I hate when I see my roots!

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, life in general

Friday evening I picked Girl Clean up and we drove through crazy rain to get home. Mr. Clean had to work Saturday so instead of our usual girls night out she and I just headed straight home.

Saturday morning Jack Banner and I ran a decent pace for the 4 miles we ran. It was stupid humid!!! We were out early because I knew I had to get the run and shower in before Mr. Clean got up to get ready.

I called my mom and asked her plans for the day. She liked my idea of the girl the granddog and I coming over so once Girl Clean got up I gave her a quick sponge bath and packed the girl and the dog in the car.

Mom and I made huge progress Saturday. We finished dividing up the family pictures and then started on breaking down reunion, lake, beach and farm pictures by years. Mom is going to put those photos into an album and take them to the lake house. I may not be the best about remembering to take pictures but I love to look through pictures.

The hard part about Saturday morning was the pictures left to go through were from the more recent years. I cried because I was so thankful we have the memories. So thankful for the time we spent together. I made my mom laugh. There were pictures where she wasn't sure of the year and I could look at them, and if I was in the picture, I could tell her the year based on my outfit.

Girl Clean got to watch Tangled, play with Jack and she helped us some as well. We spent several hours at my parents working on this project. We got home and settled Jack back into the house and then, because she had been so good, we had another errand to run. Mr. Clean had given me money. If Girl Clean was good then she got to pick a new pair of "shiny shoes" and pink hairspray color for her hair.

I don't love pink (or any) hairspray color for hair. It's a HUGE mess. However, he wanted to buy it for her. In turn I made sure that when he did this, I wasn't there. I made him be the one to do the application part of it.

Girl Clean picked red shiny shoes, like Dorothy. By the time we made our purchased and drove home it was almost time to leave for church. She hung out with her Dad on the couch while I got her outfit ready. I went with the Dorothy theme. She has a blue gingham dress with a white collar, and she had ankle socks, and I braided her hair. She looked ADORABLE!!! I have pictures on the camera which I will eventually get around to uploading. I'm better then I used to be about this.

The message at church was so awesome. You can never go so far from God that you can't come back. It made me think about my marriage. It was so bad, and yet with God all things are possible. Even a nightmare marriage can be turned around and made right.

Yesterday I left Girl Clean and Mr. Clean to meet my friend Karen for lunch. They did the pink hair spray and went to see the new Ice Age movie. I met Karen at Cabo, (fish taco), one of my favorite places!!!

It was so good to catch up with her! I miss not seeing her every week at church! Her boys are 5 and 3 now. We sat and talked and talked. Finally we had to say goodbye and we promised that we would try to make our next meeting sooner then 14 months.

I got home and was able to get a short nap in before Mr. Clean and the girl got home. Once they got home I took Girl Clean to the pool. Sunday afternoon was not crazy crowded but there were definitely a lot of people there!

While at the pool there was a little girl who was so cute. We learned her name was Leah. She wanted to play with Girl Clean. Girl Clean was shy at first but eventually warmed up. Leah was 4 and no one was in the water with her. She told me she was there with her sister. Her sister (who was probably early 20's I'm guessing with kids of her own) was over in the picnic area. She was adorable and sweet and honestly my heart is still hurting a little. I don't know her story, I don't know the details. All I know is that there is no way I would let my 4 year old be alone in that pool. Sure there are life guards but there are also kids not watching out for little people. It's easy for kids to drift. I watched her a few times get a little worried when big kids came along and she got pushed toward the deeper water.

At the pool there is adult swim at 10 minutes until the new hour every hour. While we were sitting on the wall waiting Leah took off her swimmies. I hear voices calling and they were all telling her to put the swimmies back on. The sister comes over to the edge of the picnic area and almost apologetically is explaining to me that she almost drowned earlier and the life guard had to pull her out of the pool. Again, my heart still hurts. I don't know the story but I do know I met a little girl who just wanted to play, and there was no one in the water protecting her.

We stayed about an hour and 15 minutes then said goodbye to Leah. I had to get Girl Clean home to get her changed to take her back to her mom. While I took her home Mr. Clean fixed dinner. We were both so wiped out from the weekend we were in bed at 9.

I hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend!!!

Currently going on

Somehow it's already been 2 weeks since our OH trip. This amazes me.

I try not to let how fast time move freak me out, but oh my goodness I blink and suddenly it's another month already.

Of course considering last year, and what was going on, I'm really incredibly thankful that I'm on this side of the story.

Last night was the monthly ladies night at church. Walking in I ran into a former coworker. She was the one who trained me in my first insurance job for the work comp carrier. She was there with a friend of hers, whose son is dating one of the girls who was leading worship last night. Small small world! I'm always mindful of this!

The event last night was good. I look forward to these nights!

This week has been full, and I wouldn't trade it. Tuesday night ballet and my Al-Anon meeting. Wednesday night I cleaned the office and came home to take Jack for a short sprint/run. Last night was the ladies night and then tonight I pick up Girl Clean.

Last night I had some vivid dreams, weird ones. I think it's because I ate m&m's right before bed.

I've given up my smart water. I'm trying to be more frugal. So instead of the big smart water bottles I bought a gallon of drinking water from walmart. It is so not the same but I will adjust. 88 cents for a gallon (128oz) compared to 1.98 for 50oz. I am slowly but surely working towards finding ways where I can save.

Speaking of saving. I switched shampoos from the expensive salon stuff to pantene and now I'm using L'oreal. I think I can kind of tell a difference but cutting my hair helped with it's health anyways. It's a great length right now!

Tomorrow I'm hoping to get in a little pool time with Girl Clean. Not sure what she and I will do tonight. Sunday I'm meeting my friend Karen for brunch. We haven't seen each other since my bridal shower, well over a year ago. Thank goodness for email or I would never be able to keep up with anyone!!!

Happy Friday!!!!

busy night

Last night I arrived home. Kissed Mr. Clean, loved on Jack, and headed back out the door. Girl Clean had her first night of ballet class. The studio is about 5 minutes from our house. I was there at 5:35. Class started at 5:45. Girl Clean arrived at 5:43.

I got pictures as she got out of the car. I got pictures before she went into class. The way the studio is they don't allow parents in the room. We were able to watch the screen where there was a live feed of the class. The picture jumped a lot but we were able to see for the most part. Girl Clean did a great job listening and participating!

Amy asked me how she did behavior wise for the week she was with us. I told her that honestly she did well. Because I think she did. I also think that both her mom and I have to remember to follow through. If we tell her to do something we have to make sure that she does it. I also told Amy about the experience with the cat, where she was told not to pet the cat on the cat's stomach and she kept doing it anyways and the result could have been that she was bitten. I also told her about the trip to Kohls and the discussion of well I can't touch but can I touch the wood on the shelf. She likes to see how far she can push you. I just started taking away the privilege. At Kohls I told her she had to stay where I could see her. When she started pushing that one I said she had to come stand with me.

Amy read a book that she's going to share with me. I think as long as she and I can stay on the same page (for the most part) when it comes to Girl Clean then moving forward as she gets older it will be a really positive united front. Sometimes having to communicate so much is a challenge for me and yet it grows me and stretches me and reminds me (yet again) that it's not all about me!

After ballet we said good bye. I spent a few minutes at home and then it was time for my meeting. I gave the program last night and my topic was letting go. Since coming into Al-Anon I can honestly say I've learned a lot about how to let go of the past. Learn from it. Let go of the future, I can't control it. There are things that I shouldn't pick up to begin with, thus eliminating the need to let go of them. It was a great evening!

Somehow it's already Wednesday!

Recently

When we were in Ohio Girl Clean learned for the first time that I am her stepmommy. She was so little when we first got married that we didn't explain this. I've always been Lori, and that's what everyone calls me.

There were so many kids and it came up with them that I am her stepmom. The first time this came up with Mr. Clean and I was on Saturday night after the pool party. It was super late and she was watching TV with M, the little boy she is telling everyone she's going to marry. She came into the room and said, mom, stepmom, and we both said Lori? She said, yes, and then asked us whatever it was that she had come in for.

The next time it came up was last week. Mr. Clean asked her where the bracelet she had on had come from. She said from my stepmommy. He said, "Lori?" She said, "yes, my stepmommy." It was a bracelet that I had given her. The kid has racked up on jewelry as I've been cleaning out my collection.

Sunday on our drive home from OH we were about an hour into the trip when Mr. Clean received a text from Mike. Mike told him "don't screw this one up, I LOVE your wife". I laughed and told Mr. Clean to text him back that I loved him too.

The weeks leading up to the trip Mr. Clean has said a few times that he really hoped I liked Mike and that he really couldn't wait for me to meet his friend. I had reminded my husband that I tend to get along with most people. Mr. Clean had told Mike if I didn't like him he would never know because I would be too polite to show it. Reality, I genuinely usually like most people that I meet. You have to be just an absolute jerk of a person for me not to like you. This is not to say that I don't have some people I like more then others but I will try to be nice to everyone.

Mike's wife Chris was so nervous about us coming. She was worried about me because she had never met me. Which I understand, there are a lot of unknowns when you have a person you've never met coming to your house. It worked out fine. I loved her, and have talked to her a few times since the trip. I'm most excited that they really want to come visit us!

Yesterday on FB Amy (Girl Clean's mom) posted about how thankful she is to have me in their lives. I commented that Girl Clean is a joy and I'm blessed to be a part of her life and that I love them too. I don't always agree but I do always try to make sure that the lines of communication are open. It's so not an easy dynamic and yet God is faithful and as I continually pray I see how life continues to track along for us all.

Today is the first day of ballet class for the summer. We are all super excited about this!!! Girl Clean has been "doing ballet" ever since her ballerina for a day class. I'm amazed at what comes back to me from all my years of class!!

The healthy eating, habits that needed to be broken. The trip derailed that one. As of today I'm trying again. It's so difficult, and yet I know that with God all things are possible and it's a lie that this is something that I can't overcome.

The temperatures are in the 80's today, OH HAPPY DAY!!!! Happy Tuesday!!!

Change is possible

Mr. Clean's birthday this past Tuesday marked another milestone in our relationship. Last year for his birthday I didn't buy a card until the last minute. I purchased cookbooks for his present. I was so incredibly miserable and depressed. I felt like the bottom had fallen out from under me. When I remember what was going on this time last year I truly realize that with God the impossible is possible.

I remember during prayer one day being told that it wouldn’t happen overnight and change would be a process. I remember that as July turned into August, and August into September that there were gradual changes. I remember finding Al-Anon in October. I remember moments from January, February and March that were just not good. Nothing changes if nothing changes and finally in March I left. I realized that I could not continue on with the way that life was.

I took 2 weeks. My parents wanted me to take 4 but I knew that I wanted to continue to work on my marriage and 2 weeks was my time not theirs. I made a complicated situation in regards to my family worse but I don't regret the choice I made.

It has not been easy. I live with someone who is active in the disease of alcoholism. This means that when I feel overwhelmed I take it up in prayer because I understand that there is nothing I can do to change whatever is going on at that moment. I have learned so much, I have more compassion then I have ever had before. I'm thankful because I am blessed and I have so much more then I ever realized.

Through it all I have learned that when I put God first everything else falls into place. He is always good, He is always faithful. The circumstances might not always be good, they might not always make sense. I might not understand why but I know that He is my refuge and strength, my strong tower, an ever present help in times of trouble.

As marriages implode/fall apart/end I know that mine is not immune. I don't pretend that mine is picture perfect, with smooth sailing and life is always a rose garden. I have come to realize that because of how mine began I quickly realized that the one who would fulfill all my needs, the one who would always be there, the one who would love me best and always, is actually the one who had been there for me all along.

He used my marriage to bring me closer to Him then I have ever been before. I kept trying to make my different (unsuccessful) relationships help me find myself, help me find identity. It doesn't work that way. My identity comes through my relationship with the one who made me. Who created all things. Who loves me unfailingly, and who helps me love even when I'm not feeling it on my own. He is the one who was and is and is to come and He always loves.

If you're reading this and your situation is one that you believe is abusive, you didn't cause it. It's not your fault. You have choices. There are places that are there to help. Everyone deserves a safe, healthy environment. If you feel like you are always walking on egg shells, always waiting for the other shoe to fall, that's not how life is supposed to be. There are times when you have to walk away, when the only way to make a change is to put distance into the equation.

No one should accept being treated with anything less then dignity and respect. I will also say that it is possible for people to change. They need to consistently show that change, words can't just be accepted at face value. Words are easy, actions are much more difficult!

time off, projects, it's HOT

Last week I was off Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I worked 1/2 days (7-11) on Thursday and Friday.

After the first 2 days the rest of the week was really enjoyable. Not that Monday and Tuesday weren't it was just different. Girl Clean was tired on Monday and so was I. Mr. Clean was tired on Tuesday. Wednesday he spent most of the day with Girl Clean. I had a race and then spent time with my parents. I had to clean the office so I really wasn't home until dinner time.

Thursday afternoon Girl Clean and I went and spent time with a girlfriend of mine. It was so awesome to catch up with her. Her daughter kept Girl Clean entertained. Friday I drove home and my MIL dropped Girl Clean off at the house. She and I hung out, I cleaned the bathroom, and then I took her to the pool for a little while.

There is a community pool where you can get a family pass for $15 for the summer then each additional visit after is $2.50 for adults and $1.50 for children. I purchased the pass for us because the pool is less then 5 minutes from our house. There was a mom going in with her 2 girls when we got there so I struck up conversation with her and got her to show me where they usually put their bag and how they do things. We only stayed for an hour because it was so hot and there isn't much shade but Girl Clean had a blast!!!

We got home and Mr. Clean was there with dinner started. I changed Girl Clean and threw on some workout clothes and took her with me to the gym. I got a workout in, she got to play with kids her age and Mr. Clean was able to finish dinner. It was a win for us all!!!

The original plan had been for Girl Clean to go back to her Mom on Sunday but her Grandmommy was missing her so instead Mr. Clean met her Grandmommy Saturday at lunch and handed her off. I had an oil change appointment and had promised time with my mom. She and I are going through all the picture albums my Grandmommy did and separating pictures out by family. We worked on that for several hours Saturday and got through several years worth of books!

I was home by 2 and instead of church Mr. Clean and I decided to stay in and relax. He made a yummy dinner. We listened to music it was a really pleasant evening!!! Sunday morning we went to the 9 service at church and then over to his families for his birthday lunch.

After lunch I went to the gym. My car read 104 degrees. Even the gym AC can't keep up with that kind of heat. I went into the movie theatre room. I did 1 mile treadmill, 1 elliptical, repeat once while watching Iron Man 2. I found my secret for how to watch action adventure movies! Last night was low key we watched a movie and I was in bed by 9, what can I say, I'm old!

Ohio trip in pictures

Car ride to OH she slept about 1/2 the trip

Helping Daddy pay for dinner

Charlie the cat

The goat

The donkey

Pool party on Saturday night

Sidewalk chalk art, Girl Clean and the boy she says she is going to marry

Girl Clean and her strawberry shortcake basket

Friends :) Mike is one of Mr. Clean's best friends

2 Peas in a Pod

Mr. Clean and Chrissy, Mike's wife

Girl Clean LOVED Chrissy

Sunday morning before church

Jake the best dog in the world!!!

May/June 2012 in pictures

Jack Banner in his (throne)chair

Craft project with Dad

Finished product

My Jack Jack

Silly girl

Miss T

Ballerina for a day

Looking way older then 3 1/2

Story time

One day down

I know I have to update with pictures soon but this post is about the first day down and start of the 2nd of me staying with Girl Clean this week.

I am in awe of mom's. Whether you work and juggle trying to get everyone out the door. Or if you stay home, which means you don't EVER get a break. Honestly, my desk job, way easier then staying home with a 3 year old all day.

Fortunately yesterday morning Girl Clean slept in until 9:45. This gave me time to get some things started or done yesterday morning. When she woke up she talked to her mom and then took a bath. We had errands to run yesterday. We picked birthday presents for Mr. Clean at Marshalls. We returned some stuff to Kohls. We went grocery shopping at Walmart. We got home and started dinner. Then Mr. Clean got home. I took Girl Clean with me and took advantage of gym child care. That was awesome! My run not so much.

The heat, even in AC, makes running pretty much un-enjoyable. I have a 4 mile race tomorrow morning so I needed to get at least some kind of run in.

I got home and took my shower while Mr. Clean entertained the girl. We have an indoor grill and we had turned that on. It took forever to heat up so we didn't eat dinner until after 8pm. I thought I would have at least a little time after dinner. Not so much. Mr. Clean told Girl Clean to go get into bed. Sounded to me like he was saying go to bed. Apparently that's not what he meant. Who knows. All I know is that I went and put her in her night clothes and pull up. It is what it is. I knew better then to really expect any help this week so I'm doing my best to stay positive.

This morning Girl Clean was up around 8. Currently she's watching Curious George. I'm trying to think through all the things we need to do today. She does way better when we're actually going and doing. It keeps her boredom at bay and keeps me from being a grouchy not nice person. I love her to pieces, and I'm thankful that she has such an awesome mommy who does stay home with her.

For me, I always thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom. God knew what he was doing. I really love my job. I love my freedom. I'm completely happy to have Girl Clean, and that's plenty! This past weekend was so great because everywhere we went there were kids, dogs and cats. She had such a blast playing. Yesterday at the gym there were a ton of kids in child watch. So that gave her the opportunity to play with other kids. I guess I could play Barbies, or kitchen or whatever but growing up I played all that on my own. I could entertain myself for HOURS and then when it came time to play with others well that I didn't do so well.

Girl Clean has a brother and always has people around. I know our house is so not exciting for her. I'm hoping as dance starts and school she will start to make friends and I can work out play dates and fun things like that for when we do have her.

Today we have to go get my race packet, run by the grocery store. It's enough and maybe even though it is Mr. Clean's birthday I'll escape to the gym again tonight!!!

Happy Tuesday!!!

Oh my goodness we just had the most amazing weekend. I'm still just amazed at how good God is. How He worked out all the details.

Mr. Clean used to be a pastor/minister/preacher whatever term, he was an ordained baptist pastor. He was married and there are a lot of details that are not mine to share but when his first marriage ended they moved away from Ohio and the church that they started.

We returned to Medina, OH to visit this past weekend. It was an 8 hour drive. We left at 3:40AM on Friday morning and arrived around lunch. We stayed with the church worship leader and probably the best friend of my husband and his family. I was nervous. Obviously.

The trip could not have gone better. It was so awesome to meet everyone. To spend time and get to know people who had such a huge impact on my husband. I just fell in love with everyone!

We left around 1:15 yesterday. It was HOT and we made it home around 8:45-9. If you're a FB friend you will see a lot of new people popping up on my timeline. I am not kidding I loved everyone so much!

Girl Clean did AAAHHHHMMMAAZZING!!

I highly recommend the car DVD player. Lifesaver!!!!

More to come later and pictures, promise!!!