Clothes Switch, Numbers, Life Lately

Monday once I was home with Jack I knew I needed to switch out my clothes from warm weather to cooler. I had checked the weather and knew by the end of this week it was going to be chilly. After I cleaned the bathrooms I went to the storage unit to pull out my clothes and shoes.

I found that my big wardrobe box that had coats in it had collapsed. I know cardboard doesn’t last forever. I had already thrown away the other big wardrobe box because it had collapsed. Last year I switched out cardboard boxes for sturdier storage containers because I could see it was necessary. I had to throw away 2 of my coats because they had mold. The rest of my clothing is kept in plastic storage bags in my cedar chest so it’s more protected from mold. There hasn’t been actual water in the unit just a lot of moisture due to the rain we’ve had here. I try not to open the door unless it’s completely dry outside in order to help prevent excess moisture from getting in.

I did the bi-annual clothing swap and at the same time went through and pulled things that I no longer want to keep. I shopped my closet back in the summer and gave away a big bag full of clothing so there was less this time to donate then when I swapped wardrobes this past spring.

Tuesday night I did a workout DVD called Breathless. It’s a Tabata style workout and it is definitely a challenge! Wednesday I had a routine doctor’s appointment and of course that means stepping on the scale. Over the years my weight has been a long running issue with me. From April 2014-April 2015 I cut out all sweets, I didn’t lose a pound. In October 2014 I did a 21 day workout challenge in order to try and fit into an outfit for a party. The outfit did fit, but it didn’t fit correctly so I ended up wearing something else. I didn’t lose any weight but the outfit fit, which doesn’t make all that much sense to me.

In May/June I did a 30 day no sweets fast because of some things on my prayer list. In July I agreed to a 90 day no sweets no white bread/carb challenge with Patrice because she wanted to lose the W weight for her September even in FL. Once again I didn’t lose a pound, she lost her baby weight. Our 90 day challenge ended during our visit to FL and that following Monday (9/28) I started a modified Daniel fast because I was praying for the women’s conference that just happened. I say modified because I still drank coffee, everything else I stuck to (no meat, dairy, leavening, or processed foods).

While I wasn’t expecting to lose weight during any of this I also didn’t expect to gain weight. My Daniel fast ended at 11:30 on Saturday and I did have a burger, fries and a dr. pepper from Wendy’s. I did have ice cream. I did enjoy good food at the wedding. I ran 4 miles on Sunday. Monday I was back on track. Imagine my horror and dismay when the scale at the doctor’s office told me I was up 8 pounds from the last time I remember stepping on the scale back in the summer. I am currently 23 pounds from my ideal weight.

I saw the number and the negative spiral was intense. It’s amazing how those 3 numbers can so quickly take me to a very dark place. I reached out to Patrice via text about the numbers, I asked why I bother to stay in recovery. I really can’t explain the intensity of these emotions as I drove back to the office and worked to pull it together. Of course I started praying.

The 2^nd breakout session last Thursday was about our identity in Christ. I really thought once I got to the year point in my personal recovery that I would no longer struggle quite so much regarding food. I still have days when I struggle. As I was praying words and verses from the session were coming back to me. Particularly Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” The thoughts that I was dealing with after seeing the scale were dark and hateful. I was being reminded that I have been made in the image of God and those numbers are not who I am. 

When people look at me they don’t see those numbers. When I was helping set up the venue for Alley’s wedding her husband’s mom came over to me and said that whenever she started to feel overwhelmed and like it wasn’t all going to get done she would look at me and I would be smiling and she would breathe and know that it was going to be ok. That has stayed with me. I knew everything would come together. I had prayed the entire drive to the venue because it was raining, the rain cleared as we began setting up and the sky was stunning! I prayed as we were setting everything up. I prayed through the ceremony. I spiraled for a moment, I have struggled and I am still struggling with frustration over my weight. I realize that at the end of the day there is a much bigger picture and I refuse to allow the enemy a foothold when it comes to the freedom from bulimia.

After my appointment I had a work appointment in Kernersville. I opted to take my car because it made more sense navigationally. Driving that familiar route brought back all kinds of memories but fortunately I didn’t cry this time, which is a first. When I got off on my exit directly in front of me was the restaurant where Josh and I had breakfast New Year’s morning 2008. We had gone to a house party at friends of his and we were on our way back to his house. Until this past NYE that had been my favorite NYE.

The meeting went well. I decided to stop for coffee before driving back. The Starbucks was right beside a place where Josh and I had hung out with friends of his the night before we went to an App football game. I smiled, and remembered. The sting is gone. I know he’s happy. I know he and his wife are good together. I know that the details have all worked out the way they were meant to. I am thankful.

I got home around 6:15 and decompressed and then I did go to the gym. I thought about doing 4 miles but I was tired, I need new running shoes, and quite honestly I just didn’t feel like it. I stopped after 2 miles.

Yesterday during lunch I went to Target and purchased lunches and breakfast. I opted for organic/non gmo frozen entrees. During the Daniel Fast I tried a few and I appreciated that they had good flavors. They are minimally more expensive then the weight watcher and healthy choice options and content wise they seem to be a better choice. Last night I had to pick up my packet for my race on Saturday. Then I went for a walk and enjoyed the beautiful fall weather. It’s been a short week work wise but crazy busy! I think I’m definitely finding the groove!

flags, reset, research, work

Yesterday I was in my yahoo email looking for an email in my sent folders. I apparently had already deleted the years previous to 2011 but all of 2011 was still there. I read an email to D, and I cringed. After I read that one, and moved it to the D folder, I deleted the rest of the emails in that folder.

It's interesting what you can see from the perspective of after the fact. Looking back I can understand the flags that were all over the place before I got married. I was talking to Tiff last night and interestingly enough part of our conversation was about understanding what to look for in the initial first dates phase. I think now, better than ever before, I can understand the process of determining the make or breaks when it comes to initially getting to know someone.

Last night I was going to go to the barbell strength class at the gym but I got home and I was tired and then I started researching something on amazon and I never made it back out again. I’m a little (or lot right now) discouraged about where I am with weight and size etc. I try to not focus or dwell on it but I really am irritated that I can’t figure out a way to move the scale in the right direction. So thanks to amazon I have a protein shake mix arriving at my house tomorrow. I have the beach trip this weekend so not sure exactly how this will work but I’m wondering if maybe somehow I can “reset” my body to actually let go of some weight.

The initial research started because Patrice was looking for something and I was helping her. I have an innate ability to research and find a lot of information. She will tell me she can’t find anything and I will research and find tons of stuff. I sometimes amaze myself at the information I can find via the internet!

This morning I had my first solo underwriting call. I did ok. I’m not thrilled with how it went but in all honesty a lot of the standard questions that are typically asked did not apply to the company I was talking to. Fortunately my assistant jumped in and helped me and overall we were able to get the information we needed.

Overall I’m so excited about my job and how very very cool that it is I would think it’s too good to be true except for the traffic I deal with!

Life, and rabbit trails

Wednesday morning I started reading a book called Birthing the Miraculous by Heidi Baker. She and her husband live in Mozambique and they have a huge mission for children. Early on in the book she talks about how Mary said yes to God when the angel came to tell her that she was going to have the Messiah, even though it wasn't easy. She likely faced ridicule and condemnation and all sorts of unpleasantness but she said yes anyways.

I got back to work yesterday and the amount of items that needed to be accomplished was overwhelming and I am nowhere near caught up!

I went to my coworker/friend's husband's funeral yesterday and it was such a beautiful service. His youngest brother talked about his life and it was so full of living and love!

I worked late and drove from my office up to the Concord church. There was a women's event last night. I love the fact that I'm back at church. I'm so thankful that God worked out the details so that I was able to return home!

Last night the message was about how Abraham is called God's friend in the Bible. Not that Abraham called God friend, but God called Abraham His friend. Abraham said yes to God at all costs. Even when God wanted him to sacrifice Isaac on Mt Moriah Abraham knew that God had promised through Isaac that he would have more descendants than the stars he knew whatever God was asking of him God would still follow though on His promises. He said yes to God.

Clearly there is something powerful when we say yes to God. So last night God got after me about my days countdown under my scripture verses. It's fine to post the scripture verses but I don't need to be counting it down the way that I have been. It's using God's word for my purposes instead of meditating on the scripture for me. So the scriptures will still be posted minus the daily countdown. 

Today God also got after me about the fact that I've been spinning and spinning about what Daron is posting, and why Daron is SO WRONG, and why is he such a jerk, and on and on. God moved me from the situation last year. God has been faithful every step of the way. When I focus on what D is doing I lose sight of what God is doing. When I focus on what D is posting and doing I go down the rabbit trail of misery, fury and discontent. When I focus on the Lord I see His goodness and His faithfulness.

SO as I move into these final days I've got to work on keeping my focus where it belongs. I don't want to continue to vent and give attention to someone who I can't control, I certainly can't change, and who, quite frankly, is none of my business. I'll be trying to be much more cognizant of staying off the rabbit trail!

Today at work was just as crazy as yesterday. I had my review and fortunately I have really impressed everyone this year. I'm glad that as hard as my job can be I am be recognized for my contribution.

I got home from work and fell asleep. I went to the gym instead of my meeting tonight and I ran 3 miles. Tomorrow I'm going to a class on Israel that I'm looking forward to!

Life moves forward! 

New Opportunity

This year I've interviewed for 4 new career opportunities. The first interview was for a position where the candidate had already been identified and I was late posting. I didn't know the position existed, and so they told me to keep checking back.

The next interview was for the underwriting development program, and it was tough, and I was one of the top candidates but according to HR I didn't quite fit the business need.

I interviewed for a position that was in insurance risk control. I've long been fascinated by this part of insurance. They let me know I was one of the top 2 candidates but they went with someone who had done a better job of finding opportunities to learn for the role in previous positions.

A few weeks ago I saw a position open up that was similar to what I do now. I talked to one of the managers about the opportunity, and posted for the job. I had a phone interview, and in person interview and today I accepted the offer.

I am very excited!!! I am very thankful! I specifically prayed that if this was not the direction that the door would be shut. I specifically gave thanks in prayer and knew that no matter the outcome God knows the plans that He has for me. Over the next 2-3 weeks I will be transitioning into the new role.

3 consecutive months in a row

I mentioned in a post not that long ago about how I had run into JM in July and hair plug guy in August and that it was still possible to keep that streak going in September. Sure enough last night that streak continued. We were super busy we had large parties all coming in between 6 and 6:30. Plus it was beautiful outside so the patio was hopping.

I had just seated a patio table and I'm walking back in and I say hi to the guest and realize that it's IJ. Now this was a brief blip that took place during the same crazy time period as CK and crazy cokehead so not my favorite time in the history of my story. This guy is the smartest guy I've ever met and considering the intelligence of some of the ones I've dated that is actually quite a statement. (I have a thing for really really smart guys). We smiled and said hi and because we were so busy that was the extent of it. It was nice to have a run in with someone I didn't mind running into.

I asked our event coordinator, who has dated like I have, how it is that none of her ex's ever come in. We agreed that it's because she's smart and always kept the radius of where they lived farther out. Although now the guy she's seeing is local and I always get my favorite answer when I ask how he is, it's a variation of fabulous, fantastic, wonderful, etc. I love when my friends are happy, it's just a delightful thing!!!

I found a few more people last night on Twitter, so I followed. Tonight I hope to have more time to figure out setting up my profile and reading what people tweet. Then I might start to understand how it works. My cousin told me yesterday I need to accept that it's 2011 and get a phone with internet I told her my excuse is that I'm CHEAP.... I know with my next phone I'll have to do this. The catch is I will probably always be looking at my phone once I have internet on it.

Driving in to work this morning it was dark the whole way. That makes it tough but the power nap when I got here helped. I also fell asleep in the car before I had to be at the restaurant. It's cool enough now where I can do this. When it's super hot you bake in the car so it's not possible to fit in the power naps. This particular week is my exhausted week and for whatever reason this week I'm even more exhausted then normal so I'm taking advantage of whatever extra sleep I can get.

I mentioned I had soup for lunch yesterday but Brueggers doesn't have bread bowls. I'm still craving a bread bowl of soup so I'll most likely be enjoying Panera's bread bowl today. I've started reading the Big Stone Gap series, the first one, and I wish I actually had the time to sit down and read it through. I'm catching it in bits and pieces but that's ok, it's funny and sweet and it's making me laugh!!!

when you leave your makeup at work

Yesterday afternoon I pulled in to my parking spot at the restaurant only to realize that my bag, that had all my makeup in it, was still sitting under my desk at the full time job. When I work both jobs I just put my convenient makeup bag in a bag and carry it with me to work.


My immediate thought was I wonder how busy we are tonight maybe they won't need me. Then the thought right after that was, I'm already off this Friday I need to work tonight. I began sorting through the situation in my head.

I figured out that I could wake up early and arrive at work early and just do my makeup at work. The next thought was what about Jack? Leaving early would mean an excessively long day in the crate. I also have a scheduled dentist appointment on Thursday at 7 AM and had already been trying to figure out a solution regarding Jack not having to spend too much time in his crate.

I called my mom. I asked if I could bring Jack over in the morning and pick him up on Thursday. This would cover both this morning and Thursday morning. Mr. Clean has come a very very long way when it comes to helping with Jack. I'm so thankful that he helps me and takes him out when I can't be there. Mornings are always rushed for him and Jack wants to sniff every blade of grass in effort to avoid the crate so I knew that it would be the best solution to let Jack stay with the grandparents.

I got home last night and Mr. Clean was actually surprised and asked why I felt it necessary to take Jack to my parents. He and Jack had a great night last night and he's definitely coming around to having a dog.

I went ahead and loaded Jack's big crate and bag in my car and got everything ready. This morning I plugged in the hot rollers and rolled my hair. Put Jack and my work clothes in the car and headed to my parents. I got Jack settled in at Mom and Dad's and changed into my work clothes and took the rollers out of my hair.

I arrived at work, and fortunately my desk is at a door. So I put my purse up, grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom. I had already thought about the fact that I didn't want people walking in to me doing my makeup in the bathroom which made me feel awkward. Instead I opted to make use of the handicap stall at the end. It was early, 6:45 so not that many people are here at that time, but still there's just something weird about having to do your makeup at work.

It's not my best makeup job ever but not the worst either. The best part is Mr. Clean is accepting Jack and Jack is cooperating with Mr. Clean!!

Work, excitement, notes and short week

Monday night I had to work and rumor has it that across from the restaurant a suspicious looking package was found because the bomb squad was there. All the news trucks showed up but when I checked this morning they apparently did not report on it. It was a slow night for the restaurant so I was out shortly before 9.


I turned onto the route that would take me home and I saw all these flashing lights. I didn't understand what was going on but the road was clearly blocked so I turned around. I detoured home going the back way, having to back track a bit to do this.

I looked this morning on the news to see if it was an accident. It turns out that another suspicious package was found and this one actually did get reported. It shut down that road until around 6 this morning. It had actually just reopened when I was leaving for work.

I've started reading another book, The Language of Love and Respect, so far I've really appreciated it! I've also been working on my thank you notes. I'm slowly making progress. I was in such a funk for so many weeks that I just couldn't write to people thanking them for gifts that they gave thinking I was so happy. Now that life is turning around I have the motivation to write again.

This morning I woke up to the sweetest note on the mirror, post it notes first thing are always a way to make my day!

I'm catching up at work just in time to take off 2 more days. My birthday is Sunday so I treated myself to Friday and Monday off from both jobs, whooohooo!!!! Happy Tuesday!!!

computer training puppy training and work

What is it about computer training that sucks the energy out of a person? This week I participated in training for a new system roll out. I will be working in one of the pilot states which meant that I had to sit through training all day Tuesday and half a day Wednesday.

Monday I worked all day long. Tuesday it was all I could do to stay awake on my drive in. I now have an hour commute each way. I'm still adjusting to my new schedule which includes 3 nights a week at the restaurant. I wake up at 5, Monday, Wednesday and Friday I usually won't be home until close to 11pm. I will adjust, I can do this, it's just a matter of adjusting my body to it.

Tuesday we had training from 8-5. In order to make up time to leave early on Thursday I arrived at work at 7:15. By the time 5pm Tuesday rolled around I was in serious zombie state. I arrived home and Jack had torn a hole in the carpet. Which meant that the rest of the night did not go well, at all.

Jack is my baby, I love him to pieces. I've also realized that he needs to be crated when no one is home. It's his space, his safe place and he knows that he is secure and where he is supposed to be. The crate he has during the day is large and actually for a much larger dog then Jack. Mr. Clean felt bad for Jack being crated all day and tried to be nice by baby gating him in the kitchen so he could make a trip to the store. He came home and the carpet was destroyed. Had he texted and asked me about leaving Jack out like that I would have said no please crate him. With a dog you can't punish behavior after the fact. You have to control the environment and not allow them to find trouble.

At my condo once Jack was trained I was able to let him have run of the living room and kitchen and I shut the bedroom and bathroom doors. In the new house JB is learning the rules, and he will it just takes time.

Wednesday I had another 1/2 day of training followed by working at the restaurant. I was SOOOO happy Thursday was my Friday. I left work on Thursday and I know it will be waiting for me but I needed to get away, mentally I need to be away from both jobs for a while.

Thursday Night

Today at work was unreal. I have a scheduled day off tomorrow which meant that by end of today I needed to have a certain number of things done. I had planned accordingly and was prepared to knock everything out by end of the day.

We had a change in division of work a few weeks ago now and I have 2 underwriters not just 1. I kept my original underwriter, who I LOVE, and gained another. The one I gained is high maintenance. I like her a lot but she's inevitably always got a rush something or other. This makes my life interesting and usually I can keep up. Today I was handed 3 rush items in addition to the tasks that were pressing that needed to be done today. I looked at the long list and I could have cried at my desk. Or lost my voice from the stress of it.

I managed to get quite a bit done before lunch. Then after lunch I was able to accomplish quite a bit more. Plus I handed off 2 items to another account manager who could help me with the rush re-write that had to be done. One of my tasks required entire re-entry, then backing out endorsements, then cancelling those policies. It was a major time consuming undertaking. I left work 15 minutes later then normal. The good thing... I called the restaurant to tell them I was going to be late. I was told it was slow and I didn't have to come in unless I wanted to. I needed the hours but by the time I was driving home my arm was numb. I was thankful for the reprieve.

In the post before this one I shared a scene from the movie I watched tonight. Facing the Giants is one of my very favorite movies. I am always reminded that nothing is impossible with God. I am reminded that I have to give Him my best all the time. The scene I shared especially hit me tonight. In a lot of ways right now I feel like I'm that player on the field and I'm blindfolded and not sure where I'm at. I've just started dating someone new. Someone I like a lot. But there are questions. A lot of questions. Tonight as we were talking on the phone I pointed out that Jack and I are a package deal and I waited a long time before adopting my puppy. He got really quiet and got off the phone shortly after. What I didn't say is that Jack Banner has been the most consistent guy in my life after God, and the guys in my family. Guys I date come and go but Jack is mine.

I had a call yesterday from our HR lady. I really like her a lot! I had interviewed for the position that is the step above mine back in December. I wasn't sure what to expect in the interview and didn't really know how to prepare. I never heard back and I didn't follow up. I determined after the fact as I was observing what was going on in my office that it wasn't really a position I was interested in pursuing at this time. The HR lady called me in to her office to tell me that they had hired a college graduate. She asked me if I would like feed back from the interview and I said of course.

Apparently it came across that I just thought this was the next step and I didn't really "want" to be an underwriter. Which in all honesty I found insulting. But stepping back and being honest again, it was a moment when I realized that aside from my underwriters and my manager other people don't recognize how fantastic I am at what I do. These 2 manager who interviewed me don't know me. So when I asked about the hours, or something along those lines they took that to mean I did not want to work the hours of an underwriter. This insulted me, I work so hard and to be taken for someone who wouldn't put in the time for the job is completely incorrect. This is another lesson I have to take away, that you can't believe that people just know how hard you work and what a fantastic job you do.

I don't say that I do a fantastic job to boast I say this because I just know that I do. The feedback from my manager, my underwriters and my agents is where my statement comes from. I remember when I interviewed for my current position I looked at the guy interviewing me and said that I would be the best candidate for the position because I had everything it took and more to do an exceptional job. I have proven this, both to the company and myself.

In truth I didn't want the position that I was interviewing for. I see what my underwriters go through. I think that there are unrealistic expectations. Perhaps because of this when I asked and answered questions I did not have a college students perspective I have a real life perspective. The company I work for hires a lot of fresh out of college graduates to train and the one thing that I find as they move up in the company... They are completely out of touch. I've worked both sides. I know how it is. I know what agents face. I know what CSR's deal with. I have a perfect understanding of what they walk into each day.

So I walked out of the HR lady's office feeling out of sorts. While I knew I did not want the position my automatic next question is what do I want? I remember years ago when I interviewed for my first job in insurance and the regional vice president asked me where did I see myself in 5 years. I looked at him and thought I want to be married with kids but I can't say that in an interview. I was 23 years old, I had just turned 23. As I looked at him I just flat out said I don't know. He laughed and I got that job. It was the beginning of my career in commercial insurance. When I left that company in June 2006 I was excited to move to the agency side. I loved that job, and when they announced it was going away in December of 2006 my thought was what do I do now? In May 2007 I took a position because I was led to believe it was a good opportunity. I started looking for a new job the first week. I wasn't able to leave until October 2009.

I feel at a crossroads. Not sure what the next step is for my career. Not sure what direction I will go. I love what I do, but I also know I need change and growth. I'm in a new relationship and I'm starting to wonder how much longer he will last. He doesn't seem to warm to the idea of having Jack around in his house and I can't constantly leave my dog, it's not fair to Jack. So I've prayed. I've handed it over. Nothing is impossible with God and God is in control. This is not for me to worry on. This is a time for me to hand it up and say, I let go. No matter what happens I will love and serve the Lord. I'm in a great place in my life. Life is about change and growth so even though I feel uncertain in my next career step where I'm at right now is a great place. With this relationship, it's only been a week. I've prayed that if he can't accept my dog that he will be honest and just let me go. It seems to me that if I can accept all that comes along with him then if he can't accept a very cute 17lb character of a puppy dog then he's not the right guy for me anyways. Better to know now.

I'm so thankful I have tomorrow off. I have a scheduled dentist appointment. I had a root canal back in November and then finally had the tooth sealed in December. I've not gone back since. I'm pretty sure tomorrow the new dentist is going to tell me that I'm going to lose my tooth. It hurts and I know that a crown is just not going to be able to go onto my sore tooth. I have put off going in because I understand what I'm most likely going to hear. After the dentist I need to get a run in. Then Mr. Clean and I have a date. After the way things ended on the phone tonight I have a feeling tomorrow night might be an ending and if it is then for that, while it will hurt, I will be just fine. I've prayed many times this week about our relationship and I've given it up because I know that God's in control.

Happy Friday to all :)

work, weekend, reality, randomness

Last night at the restaurant we had over 300 people, on a Thursday…. 100 of those guests were part of a private party that bought out our lounge. This made seating tricky, we had no where for people to wait and no place for guests who did not have a reservation.

I have tonight off. I have told EVERYONE who asks me about my weekend that I have the evening all to myself. I suppose it's kind of sad that I am this excited over an evening of downtime. Naturally there are chores that need to be done. I'm still debating on whether or not I will attempt any of them tonight.

It's an interesting feeling to be resigned to the fact that I might not meet anyone I want to marry. It's like a weight has been lifted. I don't want to resign myself to being someone's housekeeper or maid. Despite past statements I'm not a gold digger just looking for an open bank account. And honestly after reading poop whisperer today I'm feeling pretty confident that I can go through life without being pregnant and be perfectly ok with it!! I'm not a mom but I do love that blog, it's fabulous!! Hearing about real life kid stuff from real life mom's is eye opening and helps me keep things in perspective. Because if I'm going to go through pregnancy I had better REALLY REALLY REALLY love my husband. That said the guy will have to really love me because I can't imagine I would be an easy pregnant person to deal with.

I'm out the door and so excited to start my weekend!!! Happy Friday everyone!!!

Solutions, Diversions, Football and Time to myself

Thank you so much for the ideas to get rid of the headache. I did neck stretches and I plan to go and purchase a humidifier tomorrow. I was in bed at 8 last night. While this helped the pain tremendously I'm fighting the annoying voice that is now screaming at me that I'm going to gain too much weight because I haven't been sticking to any kind of gym or workout routine.

At work I'm enjoying having enough that I look busy but not enough that I can't keep up with google reader and enjoy various other internet diversions. The downside to the time to enjoy other internet diversions is the huge temptation to shop. So many places to buy so many things it's hard to resist!! I get a new underwriter March 1 and then I will actually be swamped all the time, not excited about this prospect but I look at it as job security. I interviewed for a job within the company in December and I have not been called back for a second interview. I have not followed up and I've decided not to. The position I currently have is a more secure position then the position that I interviewed for as far as measurable results. I can unequivocally show that I excelled in my current position because of xyz, the other position would be more sales based results and with the current market that is just not a great way to be reviewed or held accountable for results.

My bosses boss is in town and is a huge HUGE Steelers fan. It's so entertaining to have her in the office. In our meeting yesterday she had on the Steelers lanyard and there was the whole production of having Steelers pencils, notepad, mug, etc. Due to numerous boyfriends being football worshippers, plus App has done really well the past several years; I've come to appreciate the game. Different boyfriends have pulled for different teams and I generally just watch for the enjoyment of being lazy. While they watch I read or play on the internet half paying attention to what is happening. The ex-boyfriends who I don't like, I usually pull for the team who is playing against that team.

I have no ties to Wisconsin and no ex-boyfriends who I don't like who were Steelers fans so the decision on which team to cheer for this year for the Super Bowl is the Steelers. Provided I actually watch the big game. I am in Pittsburgh at least once a year to visit my family there. My Aunt L speaks highly of quite a few of the Steelers players. I know he's full of himself and made awful personal choices but Roethlisberger is an amazing QB. I hadn't really thought about this until yesterday. JM introduced me to a blog that I read for entertainment. It's a guy's blog and for a lot of it I should be completely offended but I work in restaurants and because of that I am not easily offended by anything. Here's the link but be warned if you are easily or not even easily offended you will be offended. The writer is from Boston so it's no wonder I find such enjoyment reading, despite not being able to successfully date Yankee boys I do enjoy their accents, attitudes and irreverence. Yes I know it's wrong but there's a side of my personality that gets me in trouble and my liking this blog is that side of my personality… Anyways he pointed out on his blog that despite Roethlisberger's bad decisions and bad behavior he is a QB who shows up and gets the job done, every single time.

Tonight I'm in for another crazy evening at the restaurant. On top of being restaurant week both the private dining rooms are booked and we have a party that has bought out our lounge area. It's going to be interesting but the good part is I don't have to close. There will be 2 of us tonight and my Co-Hostess has already agreed to close for me. Tomorrow is Friday and I actually have a Friday night that will be ALL MINE!!!! I'm so excited!!!

Holiday Party - Mrs. Clause

Today we had our holiday office party, here's a before picture. I'm sorry it's blurry I didn't take it but I wanted to show you the before because the after gets embarrassing, a little bit...


We were given a paper bag and broken up into teams, think the bride in a bag game except it was santa. I was the only girl, the youngest, and the least tenured member of our team. So that meant that I was going to be the one to wear the costume. I agreed because really I'm not creative, AT ALL when it comes to stuff like this and I figured I would have it the easiest.


I determined I needed a fur collar and cuffs, we took the tissue paper and made a skirt and tied it with a black belt, then no outfit would be complete without a wand...


And here I am, slightly embarrassed but it was fun. I didn't win, but I think it counts that I participated and I was the only Mrs. Clause :)

Friday, Its Cold, Running and Downtime

It's already Friday. I'm surprised because usually the week after a short week goes by very slowly, this week has flown by!!! I suppose that might be because I have had so much to do/get done before today. Monday night I slacked off and then I had to make up for that on Wednesday. I worked Tuesday night and last night and then tonight I work but I'm not closing so I will be able to go and pick up my friend from the airport. I took the afternoon off from here so that I can fit a run in and do some last minute picking things up around my house combined with quality time for Jack before I have to be at work.
Last night they had the Christmas tree lighting in the circle where my restaurant is. The tree is SO beautiful and it's awesome that every time I look out the door I see the tree!! Our restaurant is festively decorated for Christmas so it's a great atmosphere right now!!
Because I live in Charlotte, and I've grown up here I was expecting this but, the weather. It stayed warm all the way through November like it did last year. I knew that the cold was coming. It has arrived!! I just looked at the temp on my google page and it says 30. We'll have some warm days still, where the temp will go back to the 60's. I determined yesterday that I am a warm weather girl. While I love the holidays and I certainly love having all 4 seasons I have realized that I prefer warmth to chill. Now for running, actually, I do prefer the cold. My best runs have consistently been in chilly temperatures. The only downside is the reaction my body naturally has to cold is that my nose starts running and then try running and what you have to do to fight that sniffle, not so pleasant. I will have to get mucinex before next weeks run to try and combat this.
I'm looking forward to having tomorrow off, a Saturday that I do not have to work and I get to hang out with a very fun friend. I still have no idea what we are going to do, the options have been given but no plans are set. I'm good with that, I would be just as happy to lay on the respective couches and watch movies all day but somehow I doubt that is going to happen. It's supposed to be rainy and cold tomorrow, so I'm glad that most of the options I gave were all indoors!!
My schedule next week is as crazy as this week. I work Tuesday and Wednesday night. Thursday night I'm supposed to go to a work ornament exchange but I'm on the fence about going because I have to go pick up my packet for the race. Then Friday night I have to work and Saturday is the day of the big race!! Then Sunday I babysit. Fortunately I do not believe the next week is going to be quite so crazy!! I guess that if I wasn't busy I would not know what to do with myself but I have to admit I'm looking forward to the holidays because I know this gives me a certain amount of downtime to just be and to me that sounds wonderful!!

I PASSED

Remember the ridiculously hard test I talked about 5 weeks ago? Mabye not, nevermind... In insurance there is a designator that is CIC, Certified Insurance Counselor the class went from 1-5 Wednesday, 8-5 Thursday, 8-5 Friday and on Saturday morning for 2 hours there was an all essay test. I was nervous and I studied and I put a whole lot of effort into it.
I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A HAPPY DANCE GOING ON AT MY CUBE RIGHT NOW

Wednesday - This one is long

I was mostly blog absent yesterday because of the gigantic policy that I had to put together the renewal information on. It was ridiculously huge and due by today and it was just crazy all the STUFF that had to be sorted and put into a semblance of order... But I sent it over this morning and yay it's done!!
After the wedding and flirting with the very handsome 6'6 groomsman I've been doing some thinking. Where I've been, how I've handled things, how I want to be less worried about the control aspect of meeting someone. I guess because of how I’ve usually met people I know right off the bat that they are interested in a relationship. I go match/eharmony because it gives me a certain amount of control over who I’m dating, plus I get a lot of information up front. With S even though his email said otherwise I did quite a bit of holding back it wasn’t til the end that I was having so much trouble with everything but there was a reason, I instinctively knew that something wasn’t right and I was really really struggling with all of it and the fact that there was no communication and he didn’t ever give me anything to go on, he got mad when I brought up the whole you introduced me as your friend, and I SWEAR to you I was very calm and rational and I waited til we were in the car and didn’t create a scene or anything when this happened.
On my way into work this morning I was thinking about how usually the way I know someone likes me is because I hear from them right after the date when they’re leaving or an email that night or just some instant communication. With the guys that I’ve actually dated there has always been a steady stream of contact at least initially. One of the hardest parts of when I was talking to JB was knowing that I had to back way off because of the fact that if I contacted him like that then he would get freaked out, I freaked him out anyways but I broke up with him to date M3 who blew my phone up with text messages and would email me all day long, until he didn’t and he did that 180, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act and then called me clingy, whatever, don’t act one way for weeks and then suddenly change and expect me to understand especially when you’re not even explaining to me what’s going on in your life. He had issues. Clearly I have my own but he had more.
I say all that because I have to explain what I’m used to. With S initially we would talk a lot over email but it was mainly surface stuff and as we continued to date it didn’t get any deeper and when I tried to talk about church, he got mad at me. Perhaps the way I handled it wasn’t the best but here I was and it was just hitting me that he really didn’t want to have anything to do with it at all. Then I tried to ask, after 6 months, how he felt about me, because every other guy that I’ve ever dated (except JL) has said I love you within the first few weeks. TRUST ME I KNOW THAT THIS DOESN’T MEAN A WHOLE LOT. The reason I stayed with S as long as I did is because I tried to recognize that actions speak louder than words, but his actions quit saying anything other than I’m no longer really wanting to date you but I don’t have the guts to break up with you on my own so I’m distancing myself and then I break up with him and he gets mad (granted I did it over email) but really he’s the one who was so flipping hard to talk to that I went the easy way. Yes I’m aware email is not the way you should break up with people.
I’ve been sorting through all these past relationships since CF&G. Because after CF I think is when I really started just trying to date to forget. No I hadn’t gone long term single before him either really but there was a reason after our breakup that I was in such a hurry to meet someone and get married. My age played a role but more than that it was G. Having had a little person and having every weekend consumed by little kid stuff and then suddenly not. It was 2 years before I could walk past little girls clothes at target and not get teary. It wasn’t a good situation, by any stretch of the imagination but there were really deep hurts that I had no idea what to do with, so I wanted to move on as quickly as possible. Then I was about to turn 30 and I dated RS and that was a lesson in people don’t ever really change. They may clean up their life but their innate self is always going to be a certain way. Blessing in disguise, absolutely!! The way I met S was such a cool story and initially everything was so great and I really thought there was something to it. He said I was one of his shortest relationships and I just don’t get it, he was one of my longest. I really don’t understand how a girl can go that long in a relationship not knowing where she stands, at all. To bring this back around I was given fair warning that the groomsman was a wild one and to be perfectly honest it became a game to see if I could hold his attention for the evening and I did, and it was even more of a rush to tell him good night and leave in the cab, alone. Which may sound slightly crazy but I left the guy who is used to always taking the girl home at the end of the night. In my mind I played a game and I won and that to me was such a turning point.
I do know that I like where I’m at, I’m thrilled about my new restaurant job, I started last night and it's beautiful and I am excited to be there! As far as if I date again it's entirely possible that someone new will come into my life and if that happens I'm not opposed to it but I'm also completely happy to be unattached. It was 2 calendar months single on Monday, this is actually the longest I've been single since probably 2002ish?? I'm not even sure anymore but suffice to say it's been a long time. I have my low moments and the amount of processing and sorting throught stuff has really surprised me.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday and an upcoming book review

Friday night I mentioned that I worked at the restaurant. There are stairs and I was wearing a strapless dress that is just a little bit too big, I've since realized I probably need to have it altered. The hem kept catching in my shoes and there was awareness on my part all night to keep the dress in place.
This restaurant is much trendier then the previous restaurant and I saw all kinds of fashion hits and misses. I saw fabulous shoes, and not so fabulous shoes. I also saw a lot of very thin women. But very thin in a healthy toned way. Then there was the young woman who came in who was scary skeleton thin. This was a beautiful woman, except when she went to open the door I was scared her arm would break. You could see every single bone in her body it seemed. I know that when she looks in the mirror she doesn't see what we all saw. It made me want to cry, because I know that she doesn't understand how very frightening it is to look at her. That image is still haunting me several days later.
Saturday after my disappointing run I came back to the house and rested til it was time to go to work. I knew I would be closing and I knew it would be a late night. Saturday night we had 329 guests. It was crazy busy and packed. At one point I couldn't hear for all the noise in the restaurant. We had several large parties and it was organized chaos. I have to say that the girl who was in charge of assigning tables is the best hostess I've ever worked with, she kept the front moving and we never went on a wait for our reservations. Walk Ins were quoted anywhere from an hour to a 30 minute wait as the evening progressed. She just has the knack for fluid movement at the front door. It is such an absolute pleasure to work with someone who has that kind of skill!! I did not leave the restaurant til 11:30.
Sunday I decided to sleep in, I needed to rest knowing that I had to be back at the restaurant at 4. I was so glad to know it would be my final night. While I enjoyed the hostesses that I worked with I just don't think the hours or the environment is quite what I need every week on top of my full time job. I arrived at 4 and it was a very slow 5.5 hours. Of course we had 3 tables walk in right at 9 when the restaurant closed so that meant that I didn't actually leave until 9:30 but that was fine, it was my last night.
I received a book for my birthday called If the Buddha Dated. I've read a few chapters so far and there will be a review coming. I took a world religions class in college and studied many different religions. I had to just read as information and turn off my own personal belief filter. I have to do that again with this book. What I believe is not negotiable and while I do think that the book has points to it I'm having trouble not inserting what I believe over top of what the book is trying to say. I'll review it once I'm finished with it.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend!! Happy Monday!!

Days off = Overwhelmed

I had 2 fantastic days away from my desk. Yesterday afternoon I met up with Jess and crew and it was so much fun. Her kids, oh my word they are pretty, and she's not kidding you just want to eat Livie up, ahhh!!! Jess is just awesome and I'm glad we were able to catch up. Last night I was asleep by 9pm. This morning I arrived bright and early, and I have SO MUCH TO DO. I'm quickly posting because I needed to take a mental break. I've been here an hour and ten minutes and I've already done more work then what I normally stretch out for 2 hours... It's fine, I got it, I can do this! It's just I feel a little sick right now and I hate that feeling.
My devotion this morning was on patience. It's not the first one this week on that subject, think God is trying to relay something to me?
I train tonight at the new restaurant, I'm excited but terrified. For no good reason other than the change and being pushed out of my oh so comfortable comfort zone.
Resisting Perfection did a post this morning on remembering that what others think about us isn't as important as the focus we put on it. It was an awesome reminder!
Loves of Life did a post yesterday about how God has it, it was fabulous, another great reminder! If you read the post and you pray, say a prayer for her family members who are over in Africa, and the family members who will be joining them.

Now I've had my mental health minute and I'm diving back into work.

Restaurant, Mosquitos, Almost Friday

I did the squats/lunges/adductor/abductor on Tuesday, today, not nearly as sore as last week. I was in SO much pain last Thursday but this week I'm ok. So I will do these again tonight, or some variation. I plan for 3 miles, I want to save my legs for Saturday's run. I'm closing at the restaurant again tomorrow night so I know my legs are going to be tired from standing.
Last night at the restaurant we were busy. I had a lady come in for a dinner being held in one of our private dining rooms. She informs me that she knows where it's at and will be going to the ladies room before going back. My Co-hostess told me she found her wandering trying to find her party. A few hours later I had another woman come in and loftily inform me that she would find them no need for me to help her. My job, as the person standing there at the door is actually not to surf the internet and play on facebook all night long. I really am there to pleasantly greet you and assist you to find your party. It is not a bother, it is not an inconvenience, it is my JOB. You walking around looking for your party makes you look dumb but if you don't want or need my assistance then I'm not going to be rude about it. It would be one thing if the restaurant was small and intimate but it's not and it helps to have someone assisting you.
Mosquitoes, oh my word!!!! I don't know why but suddenly I can't walk out the door to take Jack out without being attacked. I'm not sure what they've done or have not done that has suddenly caused so many to be around. I hope that they go away again soon!!! I'm thankful that Jack is on heartworm medication as bad as they have become around my house! I've been extremely careful this summer about making sure that he gets his medicine on the exact day!
This week has flown by I'm having trouble believing that tomorrow is Friday. Although I did wake up and had to stop and ask myself what day is today??

This monday was not a holiday day

Last night I was thinking about the fact that last week I had Monday off and wouldn't it be nice if I had this Monday off again!!! No such luck, I’m sitting in my cube at work… It's grey outside because it's supposed to rain so I'm going through the emails and tasks and trying to sort things out by order of importance. I'm only on my first cup of coffee so right now I'm waiting on that to kick in and trying to resist the idea of going to the break room to see if there are any cookies left over from last week. I keep reminding myself that I'm not happy about how these pants fit this morning and a cookie will SO NOT help with this.
K and I watched "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". I love this movie, I really do! I tried to take Jack for a quick walk last night but the thunder and dark clouds cut our walk short.
On my drive in this morning (despite thinking about how I would love to have had today off) I was thinking about how blessed I am to have this job. After 2 1/2ish years at the last one where it was horrible I'm so incredibly thankful to have a wonderful job where I don't dread the office. It was this time last year when I was written up for a mistake that I made. It was a mistake and perhaps I deserved to be written up but I needed another of me in order to do all the things that I was required to do. Then the next week (which will be next week of this year) I was told that I couldn't properly do my job and they had hired someone else to take my place and they were demoting me and cutting my salary by 6K and I would be at the front desk (basically as a glorified receptionist.) To add insult to injury the lady that they hired to replace me had started at the same time I had. She left giving less than 24 hours notice to move to another state. So they informed me of all this on a Tuesday. The following morning the lady called them and said she had taken another position that offered more money. Considering that they were going to pay her a higher salary than anyone else in the office, which was why they cut my pay, it was almost funny. They had to call me back in to the office that afternoon and tell me that everything was staying as it had been and I would not be demoted. I was searching for a new job and it was at this time that RS and I started seeing each other once again. I agreed to move to Greenville and started looking for opportunities down there. In fact I turned down an interview in Charlotte for a job I probably would have been offered because of him. In the grand scheme of things it worked out so well because he and I broke up. I submitted my resume for my current position, they called me and interviewed me by phone, they brought me in the next week for an in person interview and then they offered me the job the next week. Nothing has ever felt as good as walking into that office with my letter to give notice. I had complained about previous jobs but that experience taught me that no matter how bad you think it might be, it could always be worse!!
My friend/coworker who introduced me to the Italian guy, I was able to get her in for the interview here and she was offered the job and the old agency is still ticked that she left. My agent who I worked with as her CSR she was able to find another position recently as well. So we all have the common experience of our past employer and we all REALLY appreciate our new opportunities!!

Cocktails, Couture, Restaurants and Cleaning

I've been working a lot lately. I can't complain, I don't have a roommate and the extra hours are certainly needed. I also realize that I'm blessed. Not only do I have these jobs but I actually really enjoy them. I work with such fantastic people that the hours at the store and restaurant fly by! When I work at the bridal store I'm surrounded by gorgeous clothing and I get to catch up on everyone's lives. I'm especially excited about this Saturday night. We will be having cocktails and little finger foods during the sample sale where fabulous gowns will be up to 75% off. I know it's going to be a fun night, I just hope that there is a good turn out of brides to be!!
When I work at the restaurant I have fantastic ladies plus my neighbor who is a host (couldn't leave him out) to talk to. I enjoy the pace of working in a restaurant. I also appreciate the fact that I can catch up on my Facebook time.
S never gets upset or irritated at my schedule he understands that I have to work. I try very hard to make sure that we do see each other at some point. He also does his part so that he can see me.
I did skip out on the gym last night. I was supposed to do weights but I opted to stay home with the puppy since I'm going to be gone the rest of the week. I took Jack Banner for a quick walk, I planned for a longer one but the sky looked ominous and it was thundering. I managed to get a load of laundry done and the bathroom cleaned. I have discovered that toilet bowl cleaner works wonders when you realize that you're out of soft scrub. I scrub with that rinse and then finish off with Windex and paper towels. My shower is gleaming as is my toilet and sink. I think it has something to do with the bleach in the toilet bowl cleaner. Hopefully the bathroom scrubbing will count towards weight training, LOL.
I'm still praying that the right roommate will be sent my way. It's a fantastic reminder that I'm not in control!