Colossians 3:12-14 "Therefore as God's chosen people holy and dearly loved clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity."
I started thinking about love. I was going thru a frustrating situation and I was really asking the Lord for direction and guidance and to help me better understand what it is to love someone. I'm a Christian my desire is to be set apart and make a difference in the world around me. I want to be a light to those whom I come into contact with.
God's perspective on love is very different from the love that the world understands. 1 John 4:9-10 "This is how God showed His love among us He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us. Before we ever accepted Him He sent Jesus into the world so that we would be able to have Salvation and redeemed our chance to have the personal relationship with Him. He gave us His example of what love is.
1 John 4:16 & 18-19 "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us."
I've been hurt badly by guys who have said that they loved me. So much so that anytime I'm starting a new relationship often times I feel very fearful when I start to realize that I'm "falling" for the person. But something I'm beginning to understand is that when I give it up to the Lord, when I trust in Him implicitely and when I'm not trying to push to have my own way then I'm protected. Will it still hurt when it does not work out. YES! But because God loves me so much and He meets ALL my needs then I don't have to be fearful of love. I love not just romantically but family and friends wholeheartedly and with all that is within me because of the fact that I have the example of God's love for me. The actual model we have of love is perfect. Love becomes distorted and thrown around and it's easy to say but the reality of true love means remembering that God is love.
Romans 8:1 "Therefor there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Our mistakes and sins are covered by the blood. We have been set free. Our hope and our future is found in the Lord. We are free to love and be loved. I don't have to fear that my past makes me not good enough. I don't have to walk under a cloud believing that because I've failed at so many past relationships that I'm forever doomed to be alone. I'm NEVER alone my Father God is always there, always loving, always good!
1 Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain Faith, Hope and Love; but the greatest of these is love."
I'm working very hard right now to remember to take everything to the Lord in prayer and not get so worked up and not get frustrated or disappointed. This is all a learning process for me. I am only now beginning to understand how to do all this and I still fall short! I will be a work in progress until either the Lord takes me home or comes back for us. Psalm 1:1-3 "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD,and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Busy Weekend
I had the most incredible fun yet busy weekend!! Friday night was the outside reception for Ally and Patrice's cousin Bethany. It was so so so beautiful, her parents have this huge house with a gorgeous backyard and there were lights and tables set up outside and yummy food but the best part was seeing my best friend who I don't get to see nearly as often as I would like since she and her husband live just outside of Tampa.
Then Saturday I helped out friends with my Mom and Dad. Becca had always wanted to have her reception at the Beaver Dam house in Davidson so it was an outside tent reception and it was HOT!!! Mom and Dad and I helped get the tables ready and helped all morning Saturday then we grabbed lunch and relaxed for a little while before the wedding and reception. It was beautiful and Becca said it was exactly how she always imagined it so that was exactly what we wanted to hear =)
Yesterday at church the message was again fantastic! I'm thankful for all that the Lord has done and continues to do in my life and the lives of my family and friends!
Then Saturday I helped out friends with my Mom and Dad. Becca had always wanted to have her reception at the Beaver Dam house in Davidson so it was an outside tent reception and it was HOT!!! Mom and Dad and I helped get the tables ready and helped all morning Saturday then we grabbed lunch and relaxed for a little while before the wedding and reception. It was beautiful and Becca said it was exactly how she always imagined it so that was exactly what we wanted to hear =)
Yesterday at church the message was again fantastic! I'm thankful for all that the Lord has done and continues to do in my life and the lives of my family and friends!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Another song that is stuck in my head
Rascal Flatts "What Hurts the Most"
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....
This song is stuck in my head
Britt Nicole "Don't Worry Now"
Yeah
Seven years old, you heard me cry
I don't wanna say goodbye
To the only man that I love
My daddy and everything he was
I don't think I can live without you
Dad, I know your breaking in two
With tears running down his face, he says we're gonna make it
We're gonna make it
[CHORUS]
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be ok
I've been trying to find a way to understand
When I can't see the picture of God's plan
Why would He let us hurt so bad?
Could anything good come of these feelings that I have?
He loved me more than the sand on beaches
He loved me more than the grass is green
And even though he had to go I always knew his love was part of me
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's taken so long to let this go
It's taken so long to feel that
Your right here next to me
And I can finally breathe
It's taken so long but now I know
I had to find out on my own
When nothing could convince me
Your love it convinced me
That it's gonna be ok
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be
It's gonna be ok
Yeah
Seven years old, you heard me cry
I don't wanna say goodbye
To the only man that I love
My daddy and everything he was
I don't think I can live without you
Dad, I know your breaking in two
With tears running down his face, he says we're gonna make it
We're gonna make it
[CHORUS]
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be ok
I've been trying to find a way to understand
When I can't see the picture of God's plan
Why would He let us hurt so bad?
Could anything good come of these feelings that I have?
He loved me more than the sand on beaches
He loved me more than the grass is green
And even though he had to go I always knew his love was part of me
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's taken so long to let this go
It's taken so long to feel that
Your right here next to me
And I can finally breathe
It's taken so long but now I know
I had to find out on my own
When nothing could convince me
Your love it convinced me
That it's gonna be ok
When you feel like you are all alone
Just like your best friend up and gone
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
I've been there yeah, I know how it feels
To wonder if love is even real
Don't worry now
Don't worry now
It's gonna be
It's gonna be ok
Yesterday's Sermon
I've been thinking about the message it was so incredible. Pastor Billy's sermon was about the story of when Jesus and the disciples were on the boat and the big storm came up. The disciples were freaking out and they go and wake Jesus up and they reproach him saying, "don't you care if we drown?" Jesus was right there with them, he would have drowned right along with them. They didn't think Jesus could save them...
Billy used the version of the story that is in Mark 4:35-41. It starts off and the disciples made the decision to leave the crowd and go with Jesus. There was an aside taken at this verse to point out that to follow Christ almost always means leaving the crowd behind. Then they go out on the boat and the storm comes up. After Jesus calms the storm the disciples were afraid. They realized that even the wind and waves obeyed Jesus.
Back to where I was going. So in the storms of life Jesus is RIGHT THERE WITH US. We live in a fallen world. God didn't say that just because we have accepted Jesus in our hearts and are Christians that we are never going to have troubles and storms. God is good, all the time, He does not go against His nature. But we live in a world where storms come up. God does not cause these storms. Often times it is not something we have done that cause these storms. But when they come up Jesus is right there with us going through them too. We are never alone. We have hope because the same Jesus who was in that boat with the disciples is with us even now.
Billy used the version of the story that is in Mark 4:35-41. It starts off and the disciples made the decision to leave the crowd and go with Jesus. There was an aside taken at this verse to point out that to follow Christ almost always means leaving the crowd behind. Then they go out on the boat and the storm comes up. After Jesus calms the storm the disciples were afraid. They realized that even the wind and waves obeyed Jesus.
Back to where I was going. So in the storms of life Jesus is RIGHT THERE WITH US. We live in a fallen world. God didn't say that just because we have accepted Jesus in our hearts and are Christians that we are never going to have troubles and storms. God is good, all the time, He does not go against His nature. But we live in a world where storms come up. God does not cause these storms. Often times it is not something we have done that cause these storms. But when they come up Jesus is right there with us going through them too. We are never alone. We have hope because the same Jesus who was in that boat with the disciples is with us even now.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Hollywood
Friday night I went to see the movie "The Proposal" with my friend who had also had a very rough week. On Wednesday her ex boyfriend called to give her the rundown on his latest date and the guy she had been talking to called 10 minutes later to let her know that "this just wasn't going to work out between us..." So my week had been a little rough. I had to finally just give up that the guy I've been seeing and I are just not going to work out because I can't seem to be whatever it is he's looking for and this is really hard b/c I fell head over heels for him. So she and I decided to take a girls night Friday and go see the movie.
The movie was fabulous and as we were leaving we were talking about it. We agreed that it had been exactly what we needed. We also acknowledged that probably a woman wrote the script and no guy is ever going to be like Ryan Reynolds character.
This evening I'm sitting home watching "The Holiday". Again a movie I'm watching to lift my spirits but I know that it's a script and in real life it does not work this way.
But the good news... God is in control. He has a plan for my life. I just have to wait on Him to show me the next door that He will open. I have a hope and a future and it is in the Lord!!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
waiting
It's hard when you feel like God is telling you to wait. My natuaral instincts are to act quickly. I'm hurt I want to lash out. I want to walk away. I want to hold onto the hurt.
I'm learning how to walk in the Spirit. How to continually put hurts back into God's hands. How to pray through things.
The tears of frustration and hurt that fall are ok. It's been a really long time since I cried over anything significant and not just a sad movie or book. I know that God's done some incredible things with my heart.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Quote
Today my heart had been so heavy. I was hurting. At lunch I went home to let the puppy out and love on him a bit. As I was driving back to work the DJ was talking about how a friend of hers forwarded her a quote
"I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." - Martin Luther
This was so clearly a word that God had for me right at that moment. A lightness came into my heart. I realized that I have tried and tried to hold onto relationships. I have tried to do things on my own and it just does not work, I lose every time. I took that moment to pray and thank the Lord for His best.
When I got back to work my brother had forwarded me an email on Christian relationships that was so good!
18 LIES - a 2-part devotional
***
9 Lies Men Tell Themselves About Women
Julie Ferwerda
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
So you’re wondering … what does a woman know about what guys think? I just so happen to have some great male perspective for this article, namely from my insightful husband, Steve. But also, I used to be the woman in some of these points, so I also know how women play on men’s weaknesses.
Christian men and women in the dating world are met with so much wrong thinking in their relationships. It’s my hope to help you identify certain destructive lies in your thinking before it is too late.
LIE #1: She’s flirting with me because she thinks I’m great.Truth: While it seems innocent and fun, flirting is not a behavior that women who are trying to attract the right kind of man indulge in. Most women who flirt are looking for attention, not just from one certain great guy, but from any who will give them the attention they crave. Why? Likely she either has a poor self-image and she’s searching for ego strokes, or she is desperately looking for approval that she didn’t receive from her father. The trouble is, flirtatious women often have a hard time leaving that trait behind when they get married, and they inappropriately (and dangerously) continue to search for the approval of men long after “I do.” Also, women who need this type of attention can tend to be high maintenance in relationships, always craving more attention.
LIE #2: She doesn’t realize what her revealing clothes are doing to me.Truth: More likely than not, when she bought those clothes she was thinking about how you (and every other man) would drop his jaw when she walked by. While many women don’t realize the extent of men’s visual stimulation (since it’s quite different than women), most know exactly what they are doing to you. It’s called putting you under a spell to get what they want from you. Proverbs calls this a “seductress” with clear warning: “a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim, and increases the unfaithful among men.” Proverbs 23:27-28
LIE #3: Her lack of faith won’t pull me down.Truth: Solomon, the wisest man and king who ever lived, fell for this lie. Believing he was smarter than God gave him credit for, he stubbornly ignored God’s warning not to marry the pagan women of other nations because they would turn his heart after their false gods. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened—and it cost him greatly. In the end, he walked away from his faith. So if the wisest man who ever lived, the one who had been visited by God himself on two different occasions and who even built God’s temple, wasn’t strong enough to stay devoted to God while going after unbelieving women, how could you be any different?
LIE #4: She’s clingy, but I like to be needed. She’ll settle down once we’re married.Truth: According to studies, men thrive on being needed, but this can backfire because many women out there are desperate to get married for the wrong reasons. A woman with “emotional gaps” will put expectations on you that you’ll never live up to, no matter how much time, love, or words of encouragement you give her, because she has mistaken you as the answer to her longings. After the wedding, you’ll disappoint her because you can’t do or be enough, and she may turn to other things for comfort—food, other men, alcohol, or shopping, to name a few. Depending on you occasionally for emotional support, or to help with certain things (like changing her oil or mowing her lawn) are great, but when it comes to emotional neediness, it’s a red flag and it’s not going to get better until she gets help.
LIE #5: If she knew who I really am, she wouldn’t want me.Truth: This fear motivates men to tell women what they want to hear instead of being open and honest about who they really are. When this happens, the relationship is built on a lie, increasing the chance of relationship failure later on. It also increases a man’s anxiety over exposure and rejection, creating a cycle of deceit. The woman you’re dating deserves to know exactly who you are and what kind of person she’s agreeing to love. It’s not fair to give her false hope. As an example, going to church with her before you are married or pretending to be a spiritual leader, with no intention of continuing later, is not an honest representation of yourself. If she is a good match for you and she’s operating under grace, she’ll love and accept you, warts and all.
LIE #6: She wouldn’t just date me for financial reasons.Truth: Think again. A woman’s greatest need is for security, according to studies. That doesn’t mean that all women are gold diggers, but you have to search out motives. There’s many a financially distraught woman thinking that getting married to someone financially stable will solve all of her problems, whether or not the man is right for her. Watch for a few factors. Does she manage her own money well? Is she stable financially on her own? Does she display expensive tastes out of her budget? Does she focus on her lack of finances or on your comfortable lifestyle? If you are concerned, be sure to approach this matter privately with a qualified pre-marriage counselor (her pastor?) for some objective help in discerning her motives. This may sound harsh, but you don’t want to risk marrying a woman who only loves your money.
LIE #7: When I marry her, my lust problem will be solved.Truth: This is a frequent misconception for men who are waiting to have sex until marriage. They think, “When I’m able to have sex with my wife, I won’t be tempted by pornography or dwell on lustful thoughts anymore because I’ll have an outlet for my sexual energy.” I think honest men will tell you that marriage did not solve their lust problem. In some cases, it aggravated it. This is due primarily to the fact that lust isn’t a sex problem. It’s a heart problem. And just like a fire, when you begin to feed it, it gets hotter and hungrier, not satisfied. When a man gets married, he may be even more focused on sex and can still feed his lustful thoughts with images and fantasies. The only answer is to starve the fire of lust to make it eventually die down. Flee, as the Bible says, from sexual temptation.
Many men also go into marriage expecting their wife to be a sex goddess—ready for a romp 24/7. Relationship problems, low sex-drive, busy schedules, interruptions from kids, and physical problems can all contribute to marital sex not being as plentiful as you hoped.
LIE #8: She nags, but what woman doesn’t.Truth: Frequent nagging is a control problem. If you want to be mothered for the rest of your life, then go ahead and accept the challenge. If not, either make sure she deals with her control problem before marriage, or move on until you meet up with a more relaxed woman who doesn’t need to micro-manage your life.
LIE #9: Her past is her past—I don’t need to know.Truth: Wrong! Her past becomes your past. You need to dig during the dating relationship to see if there are any big issues lurking in the deep waters beneath the surface. What was her relationship like with her dad? Has she ever been sexually molested or abused? How have men treated her in past relationships? How has she treated men in the past? All of this you need to know now, or you could be shocked and deeply affected later when huge roadblocks and past skeletons emerge in her sexual or emotional intimacy.
*******
9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men
Julie Ferwerda
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Sitting across the table from my beautiful friend in the quaint coffee shop, my worry mounted. She was sharing details about her new whirlwind relationship that had begun a couple months earlier.
“I finally met that guy I’ve been talking to on the Internet. After calling and text messaging constantly for the last two months, we decided to take it the next level—so we met half way last weekend. It was amazing. He’s perfect for me! He is so kind, smart, funny, dynamic … he is too good to be true!”
Exactly! I thought to myself.
“And did I mention he is financially secure? Not that money is important.” Her apparent excitement said the opposite.
“Is he a Christian?”
“We met at an online matchmaking site!”
“Is everyone on that a Christian?”
“Well … he hasn’t really been going to church—but he definitely loves God.”
Saddam Hussein claims to love God. “How do you know that?”
“He told me so! I just know God brought us together.”
“You’ve only known him for two months. Why do you think God brought him into your life?” I had to pinch myself under the table not to sound condescending.
“Because … it just feels so right when we talk. We have so much in common. He really loves me.” Oh, oh. I can see we’re in trouble now. …
“So … since he’s such a great Christian guy, I’m sure he didn’t try to get you to sleep with him. I mean, he’s protecting your purity and all, right?” I had a bad feeling about this guy already. My cynicism was beginning to show.
“Well … he’s not legalistic about it. I mean, we are adults and he said as long as we’re committed to each other it’s the same as being married.” Her own convictions had seemingly evaporated overnight.
“So if you know each other so well, what are his weaknesses?” Besides not being a Christian, trying to get you into bed at the first chance, and being a liar.
“He might be just a little bit compulsive. Is it normal for a guy to ask you to take off your shoes before you get into his car? But I guess I don’t mind too much … he has so many other great qualities, what could be so bad about that?”
I’d had conversations like this with women dozens of times. In fact, for most of my own life, I was the one lying to myself. If anyone knew the lies women tell themselves to justify getting into bad relationships that led to bad marriages, it was me. And now, my precious friend, the one with whom I had discussed these lies with over and over, was falling into to them much too easily. I began to pray that she would see the truth before it was too late.
What about you? If you are still trying to hold out for God’s best but you find yourself identifying with some of the conversation above, read on. It’s not too late for you to begin identifying the lies you tell yourself so that you can avoid an empty marriage and shattered dreams.
LIE #1: A Christian man must be God’s best choice of a mate for me.
First of all, just because a man calls himself a Christian doesn’t mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a man’s faith is action—not trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. God’s choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you.
LIE #2: If it feels right, it is right.
Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Feelings change day by day, and they can lie to you. Women who rely on them to make important decisions are going to be extremely disappointed, making one mistake after another. The decision must be made objectively and prayerfully. Sexual sin in the relationship will cloud objectivity and good judgment.
LIE #3: I can overlook a few character problems (a.k.a. red flags)—no one is perfect.
If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage.
LIE #4: I really know him after spending so much time talking to him.
Phone and heart-to-heart conversations are no substitute for real life situations. He can tell you anything you want to hear while hiding behind a phone. But get him with his family, or behind a rude driver, or at a restaurant getting poor service, and then you begin to see what kind of a person he really is. A wise woman will wait it out awhile to observe his responses in every possible difficult and awkward situation.
LIE #5: He always tells me the truth.
If you think that then you don’t know most men in this world. Most men are very good at telling women what they want to hear in order to get what they want—sex. Pressure for sex from a “Christian man” should be the number one indicator of a dishonest man with underlying bad intentions and hidden motives.
LIE #6: Coincidences are a sign from God.
Satan, the master liar and counterfeiter, is cooking up coincidences to get you off track, so beware! He doesn’t want you to wait for God’s best. He wants to handicap your services for the Kingdom by getting you to settle for a miserable and empty marriage. Ask for godly counsel from objective bystanders, pray hard, and stay intent upon God’s will and not your own.
LIE #7: It’s normal for him to pressure me for sex. That’s just how men are.
True godly men live to please God and not their own selfish desires. They honor women as the treasure they are, treating them with absolute purity as Jesus would have done. They care more about the purity of their Christian sisters than a quick thrill for the moment. Sex before marriage is a sin and if a guy is pressuring, he doesn’t care about what God thinks and he doesn’t care about you either.
LIE #8: There are many quality romantic perfect men out there, just like in the movies.
Women have so filled their minds (and hearts) with Hollywood ideals about men, two tragedies have resulted. First, no man could ever live up to that fictitious standard so they are unfairly compared and criticized. Secondly, a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship can tend to fill in missing information about a man with imagined ideals before she even knows him. She ends up “falling in love” with an idea, not a person. When the man begins to show signs of human weakness, she is disappointed but holds onto the relationship hoping the man she first imagined will return. The few real quality men out there are the ones who are living to please God. You will need God’s help to find them.
LIE #9: When I find a man and get married, I will finally feel happy and complete.
If that’s true, why are so many women getting divorced (or wishing they were)? Why do Hollywood stars ditch beauties for someone else? The truth is, you will only feel happy and complete when you let God be your first love. No man—especially one who is not God’s best for you—will even come close. When the excitement wears off (and it will), you will feel more alone than when you were single.
By telling ourselves the truth, we have every chance to find the very best man that God wants to give us. A great example is my friend. She ended up getting out of that wrong relationship and listening to God for direction in her dating life. A few weeks ago, I attended her wedding. Just before she walked down the isle, she closed the door of the little room behind the three of us.
“We need you to say a prayer for us,” her eyes radiated happiness.
It was the beautiful sentiments of the groom—God’s best for her—that showed the day to be what I had hoped for her all along. “Yes, please pray for us. It’s the only way to begin our lives together. The day just won’t be right without it.”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit: Waiting for God’s Best After Failed Relationships and has written articles for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen girls. To order the book or to find out more go to www.julieferwerda.com.
"I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." - Martin Luther
This was so clearly a word that God had for me right at that moment. A lightness came into my heart. I realized that I have tried and tried to hold onto relationships. I have tried to do things on my own and it just does not work, I lose every time. I took that moment to pray and thank the Lord for His best.
When I got back to work my brother had forwarded me an email on Christian relationships that was so good!
18 LIES - a 2-part devotional
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9 Lies Men Tell Themselves About Women
Julie Ferwerda
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
So you’re wondering … what does a woman know about what guys think? I just so happen to have some great male perspective for this article, namely from my insightful husband, Steve. But also, I used to be the woman in some of these points, so I also know how women play on men’s weaknesses.
Christian men and women in the dating world are met with so much wrong thinking in their relationships. It’s my hope to help you identify certain destructive lies in your thinking before it is too late.
LIE #1: She’s flirting with me because she thinks I’m great.Truth: While it seems innocent and fun, flirting is not a behavior that women who are trying to attract the right kind of man indulge in. Most women who flirt are looking for attention, not just from one certain great guy, but from any who will give them the attention they crave. Why? Likely she either has a poor self-image and she’s searching for ego strokes, or she is desperately looking for approval that she didn’t receive from her father. The trouble is, flirtatious women often have a hard time leaving that trait behind when they get married, and they inappropriately (and dangerously) continue to search for the approval of men long after “I do.” Also, women who need this type of attention can tend to be high maintenance in relationships, always craving more attention.
LIE #2: She doesn’t realize what her revealing clothes are doing to me.Truth: More likely than not, when she bought those clothes she was thinking about how you (and every other man) would drop his jaw when she walked by. While many women don’t realize the extent of men’s visual stimulation (since it’s quite different than women), most know exactly what they are doing to you. It’s called putting you under a spell to get what they want from you. Proverbs calls this a “seductress” with clear warning: “a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim, and increases the unfaithful among men.” Proverbs 23:27-28
LIE #3: Her lack of faith won’t pull me down.Truth: Solomon, the wisest man and king who ever lived, fell for this lie. Believing he was smarter than God gave him credit for, he stubbornly ignored God’s warning not to marry the pagan women of other nations because they would turn his heart after their false gods. Sure enough, that’s exactly what happened—and it cost him greatly. In the end, he walked away from his faith. So if the wisest man who ever lived, the one who had been visited by God himself on two different occasions and who even built God’s temple, wasn’t strong enough to stay devoted to God while going after unbelieving women, how could you be any different?
LIE #4: She’s clingy, but I like to be needed. She’ll settle down once we’re married.Truth: According to studies, men thrive on being needed, but this can backfire because many women out there are desperate to get married for the wrong reasons. A woman with “emotional gaps” will put expectations on you that you’ll never live up to, no matter how much time, love, or words of encouragement you give her, because she has mistaken you as the answer to her longings. After the wedding, you’ll disappoint her because you can’t do or be enough, and she may turn to other things for comfort—food, other men, alcohol, or shopping, to name a few. Depending on you occasionally for emotional support, or to help with certain things (like changing her oil or mowing her lawn) are great, but when it comes to emotional neediness, it’s a red flag and it’s not going to get better until she gets help.
LIE #5: If she knew who I really am, she wouldn’t want me.Truth: This fear motivates men to tell women what they want to hear instead of being open and honest about who they really are. When this happens, the relationship is built on a lie, increasing the chance of relationship failure later on. It also increases a man’s anxiety over exposure and rejection, creating a cycle of deceit. The woman you’re dating deserves to know exactly who you are and what kind of person she’s agreeing to love. It’s not fair to give her false hope. As an example, going to church with her before you are married or pretending to be a spiritual leader, with no intention of continuing later, is not an honest representation of yourself. If she is a good match for you and she’s operating under grace, she’ll love and accept you, warts and all.
LIE #6: She wouldn’t just date me for financial reasons.Truth: Think again. A woman’s greatest need is for security, according to studies. That doesn’t mean that all women are gold diggers, but you have to search out motives. There’s many a financially distraught woman thinking that getting married to someone financially stable will solve all of her problems, whether or not the man is right for her. Watch for a few factors. Does she manage her own money well? Is she stable financially on her own? Does she display expensive tastes out of her budget? Does she focus on her lack of finances or on your comfortable lifestyle? If you are concerned, be sure to approach this matter privately with a qualified pre-marriage counselor (her pastor?) for some objective help in discerning her motives. This may sound harsh, but you don’t want to risk marrying a woman who only loves your money.
LIE #7: When I marry her, my lust problem will be solved.Truth: This is a frequent misconception for men who are waiting to have sex until marriage. They think, “When I’m able to have sex with my wife, I won’t be tempted by pornography or dwell on lustful thoughts anymore because I’ll have an outlet for my sexual energy.” I think honest men will tell you that marriage did not solve their lust problem. In some cases, it aggravated it. This is due primarily to the fact that lust isn’t a sex problem. It’s a heart problem. And just like a fire, when you begin to feed it, it gets hotter and hungrier, not satisfied. When a man gets married, he may be even more focused on sex and can still feed his lustful thoughts with images and fantasies. The only answer is to starve the fire of lust to make it eventually die down. Flee, as the Bible says, from sexual temptation.
Many men also go into marriage expecting their wife to be a sex goddess—ready for a romp 24/7. Relationship problems, low sex-drive, busy schedules, interruptions from kids, and physical problems can all contribute to marital sex not being as plentiful as you hoped.
LIE #8: She nags, but what woman doesn’t.Truth: Frequent nagging is a control problem. If you want to be mothered for the rest of your life, then go ahead and accept the challenge. If not, either make sure she deals with her control problem before marriage, or move on until you meet up with a more relaxed woman who doesn’t need to micro-manage your life.
LIE #9: Her past is her past—I don’t need to know.Truth: Wrong! Her past becomes your past. You need to dig during the dating relationship to see if there are any big issues lurking in the deep waters beneath the surface. What was her relationship like with her dad? Has she ever been sexually molested or abused? How have men treated her in past relationships? How has she treated men in the past? All of this you need to know now, or you could be shocked and deeply affected later when huge roadblocks and past skeletons emerge in her sexual or emotional intimacy.
*******
9 Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men
Julie Ferwerda
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Sitting across the table from my beautiful friend in the quaint coffee shop, my worry mounted. She was sharing details about her new whirlwind relationship that had begun a couple months earlier.
“I finally met that guy I’ve been talking to on the Internet. After calling and text messaging constantly for the last two months, we decided to take it the next level—so we met half way last weekend. It was amazing. He’s perfect for me! He is so kind, smart, funny, dynamic … he is too good to be true!”
Exactly! I thought to myself.
“And did I mention he is financially secure? Not that money is important.” Her apparent excitement said the opposite.
“Is he a Christian?”
“We met at an online matchmaking site!”
“Is everyone on that a Christian?”
“Well … he hasn’t really been going to church—but he definitely loves God.”
Saddam Hussein claims to love God. “How do you know that?”
“He told me so! I just know God brought us together.”
“You’ve only known him for two months. Why do you think God brought him into your life?” I had to pinch myself under the table not to sound condescending.
“Because … it just feels so right when we talk. We have so much in common. He really loves me.” Oh, oh. I can see we’re in trouble now. …
“So … since he’s such a great Christian guy, I’m sure he didn’t try to get you to sleep with him. I mean, he’s protecting your purity and all, right?” I had a bad feeling about this guy already. My cynicism was beginning to show.
“Well … he’s not legalistic about it. I mean, we are adults and he said as long as we’re committed to each other it’s the same as being married.” Her own convictions had seemingly evaporated overnight.
“So if you know each other so well, what are his weaknesses?” Besides not being a Christian, trying to get you into bed at the first chance, and being a liar.
“He might be just a little bit compulsive. Is it normal for a guy to ask you to take off your shoes before you get into his car? But I guess I don’t mind too much … he has so many other great qualities, what could be so bad about that?”
I’d had conversations like this with women dozens of times. In fact, for most of my own life, I was the one lying to myself. If anyone knew the lies women tell themselves to justify getting into bad relationships that led to bad marriages, it was me. And now, my precious friend, the one with whom I had discussed these lies with over and over, was falling into to them much too easily. I began to pray that she would see the truth before it was too late.
What about you? If you are still trying to hold out for God’s best but you find yourself identifying with some of the conversation above, read on. It’s not too late for you to begin identifying the lies you tell yourself so that you can avoid an empty marriage and shattered dreams.
LIE #1: A Christian man must be God’s best choice of a mate for me.
First of all, just because a man calls himself a Christian doesn’t mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a man’s faith is action—not trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. God’s choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you.
LIE #2: If it feels right, it is right.
Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Feelings change day by day, and they can lie to you. Women who rely on them to make important decisions are going to be extremely disappointed, making one mistake after another. The decision must be made objectively and prayerfully. Sexual sin in the relationship will cloud objectivity and good judgment.
LIE #3: I can overlook a few character problems (a.k.a. red flags)—no one is perfect.
If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teachability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage.
LIE #4: I really know him after spending so much time talking to him.
Phone and heart-to-heart conversations are no substitute for real life situations. He can tell you anything you want to hear while hiding behind a phone. But get him with his family, or behind a rude driver, or at a restaurant getting poor service, and then you begin to see what kind of a person he really is. A wise woman will wait it out awhile to observe his responses in every possible difficult and awkward situation.
LIE #5: He always tells me the truth.
If you think that then you don’t know most men in this world. Most men are very good at telling women what they want to hear in order to get what they want—sex. Pressure for sex from a “Christian man” should be the number one indicator of a dishonest man with underlying bad intentions and hidden motives.
LIE #6: Coincidences are a sign from God.
Satan, the master liar and counterfeiter, is cooking up coincidences to get you off track, so beware! He doesn’t want you to wait for God’s best. He wants to handicap your services for the Kingdom by getting you to settle for a miserable and empty marriage. Ask for godly counsel from objective bystanders, pray hard, and stay intent upon God’s will and not your own.
LIE #7: It’s normal for him to pressure me for sex. That’s just how men are.
True godly men live to please God and not their own selfish desires. They honor women as the treasure they are, treating them with absolute purity as Jesus would have done. They care more about the purity of their Christian sisters than a quick thrill for the moment. Sex before marriage is a sin and if a guy is pressuring, he doesn’t care about what God thinks and he doesn’t care about you either.
LIE #8: There are many quality romantic perfect men out there, just like in the movies.
Women have so filled their minds (and hearts) with Hollywood ideals about men, two tragedies have resulted. First, no man could ever live up to that fictitious standard so they are unfairly compared and criticized. Secondly, a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship can tend to fill in missing information about a man with imagined ideals before she even knows him. She ends up “falling in love” with an idea, not a person. When the man begins to show signs of human weakness, she is disappointed but holds onto the relationship hoping the man she first imagined will return. The few real quality men out there are the ones who are living to please God. You will need God’s help to find them.
LIE #9: When I find a man and get married, I will finally feel happy and complete.
If that’s true, why are so many women getting divorced (or wishing they were)? Why do Hollywood stars ditch beauties for someone else? The truth is, you will only feel happy and complete when you let God be your first love. No man—especially one who is not God’s best for you—will even come close. When the excitement wears off (and it will), you will feel more alone than when you were single.
By telling ourselves the truth, we have every chance to find the very best man that God wants to give us. A great example is my friend. She ended up getting out of that wrong relationship and listening to God for direction in her dating life. A few weeks ago, I attended her wedding. Just before she walked down the isle, she closed the door of the little room behind the three of us.
“We need you to say a prayer for us,” her eyes radiated happiness.
It was the beautiful sentiments of the groom—God’s best for her—that showed the day to be what I had hoped for her all along. “Yes, please pray for us. It’s the only way to begin our lives together. The day just won’t be right without it.”
I couldn’t have agreed more.
Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit: Waiting for God’s Best After Failed Relationships and has written articles for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen girls. To order the book or to find out more go to www.julieferwerda.com.
Trust
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 It's hard when I think that everything is working and everything is awesome and then it all falls apart.
I can't be anything or anyone other than who I am. I don't talk unless I have something to say. I don't feel the need to fill the air around me with unecessary noise. I like to read, I like to spend time with people I love. I like to take my time getting ready and I will give myself 2 hours just so I don't feel rushed. I love to bake and try new recipes. I love to shop for everything from food to shoes it doesn't matter it just depends on what I'm in the mood for. I love sappy funny romantic comedies that want to make you believe it really all can work out just so even though I'm realistic enough to know that a good relationship takes work.
I believe that life is what you make of it. 1 Thessolonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." As a Christian I know this is what I'm supposed to "make of it". God never promised us that the road would be easy. If we didn't have challenges then we would never grow. God is good ALL THE TIME! Our circumstances do not dictate who God is. God is always good.
I look at my life, at my accomplishments and my failures and the times I've struggled and where I am now. Did I ever believe I would see my 30th birthday, not until the past year. My motto in college was that I would destroy my body and not make it to see 30. I've had to repent from that.
I look at where I've come from, the choices and decisions that I've made. I will always be a work in progress until God deems it time to bring me home. Until that time my purpose is to serve the Lord. To be a light and tell others about the amazing message of salvation.
Relationships, finances, work, all these come secondary to the true purpose of seeking to know and understand the one who created me. I always have to remember that when I put the Lord first everything else falls into place.
I can't be anything or anyone other than who I am. I don't talk unless I have something to say. I don't feel the need to fill the air around me with unecessary noise. I like to read, I like to spend time with people I love. I like to take my time getting ready and I will give myself 2 hours just so I don't feel rushed. I love to bake and try new recipes. I love to shop for everything from food to shoes it doesn't matter it just depends on what I'm in the mood for. I love sappy funny romantic comedies that want to make you believe it really all can work out just so even though I'm realistic enough to know that a good relationship takes work.
I believe that life is what you make of it. 1 Thessolonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." As a Christian I know this is what I'm supposed to "make of it". God never promised us that the road would be easy. If we didn't have challenges then we would never grow. God is good ALL THE TIME! Our circumstances do not dictate who God is. God is always good.
I look at my life, at my accomplishments and my failures and the times I've struggled and where I am now. Did I ever believe I would see my 30th birthday, not until the past year. My motto in college was that I would destroy my body and not make it to see 30. I've had to repent from that.
I look at where I've come from, the choices and decisions that I've made. I will always be a work in progress until God deems it time to bring me home. Until that time my purpose is to serve the Lord. To be a light and tell others about the amazing message of salvation.
Relationships, finances, work, all these come secondary to the true purpose of seeking to know and understand the one who created me. I always have to remember that when I put the Lord first everything else falls into place.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
When I am hurt and confused
God reminds me that He is always with me. It was interesting Sunday night I had a conversation regarding the fact that I don't "open" up. I asked how I had given this impression and what I needed to do to remedy the situation. The response I got was "I don't know. I shouldn't have said anything." I was beating myself up over this later on. I was in the shower and I was just berating myself for being a failure and not knowing how to communicate and it went on. And then the voice of the Spirit broke thru.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean no on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Philippians 4:8-9 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well."
All these scriptures are coming to mind and so clearly I knew that despite my own feelings of unworthiness and failure I have been made complete by the fact that I am a child of the most High. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17. How great is the love that the Father has for us. How perfect is the plan that He has for us that He knew before the world even existed. What an amazing God who loved us so much, His love is unfathonable.
So Monday came and Tuesday and along with Tuesday came the realization that as much as I loved the guy I've been seeing I can't change or fix anything and when you love someone sometimes it is best to just let them go. It hurts it's not easy and the emotions are complicated. I'm continuing to pray that God heals hurts and builds him back up. I know that God is in control! "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean no on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
Philippians 4:8-9 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well."
All these scriptures are coming to mind and so clearly I knew that despite my own feelings of unworthiness and failure I have been made complete by the fact that I am a child of the most High. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17. How great is the love that the Father has for us. How perfect is the plan that He has for us that He knew before the world even existed. What an amazing God who loved us so much, His love is unfathonable.
So Monday came and Tuesday and along with Tuesday came the realization that as much as I loved the guy I've been seeing I can't change or fix anything and when you love someone sometimes it is best to just let them go. It hurts it's not easy and the emotions are complicated. I'm continuing to pray that God heals hurts and builds him back up. I know that God is in control! "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Test Day
It's been such a busy few weeks that I kept pushing the fact that something wasn't quite right to the back of my mind. Back in April my stomach didn't feel right and I had a pain in my side but eventually it subsided and I went on about life. I haven't been losing weight the way I was when I first started running but I chalked that up to bad eating and not enough excercise.
Last Tuesday I had a low grade fever and I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, this continued Wednesday and finally Thursday I went in to see the doctor. After discussing what had been going on she determined that it was necessary to run a test. An ultrasound to determine if this isn't some kind of cyst or my gall bladder.
I had a busy weekend. I ran another 5K, which I didn't even run that well b/c I did not want to push my body too hard and have something happen. Then the day itself was just on the go followed by a concert that night and staying out really late. Sunday I had church and a birthday party for my dad followed by truth project. The pain in my side was coming and going.
Last night I walked Jack, went to the gym, gave Jack a bath, cleaned my bathroom and then finally went to bed.
Today I have to go in for the ultrasound. I can't eat all day long and it's 9, I don't leave for the appointment til 2 and I am SO hungry. Typically I can go without eating and it doesn't bother me but when you tell me I can't then of course my contrary nature wants to have something to eat. I can't drink anything either and this is even more difficult since I am so thirsty and I always have water at my desk. Last night my side was really hurting and today I feel nauseous and it's been hurting since I woke up. I have to go in for the test and then hope that it's all over before 5 because I have to go and close at the restaurant.
I was having a conversation last night regarding my week and what is going on and they said you are always so busy. I am, it's not really intentional it's just the way my life goes. I don't necessarily desire to have to be running all the time. In fact I wish I had more time to train for running and more time and the money to do things I would like to do. I feel like I'm constantly on call. I really appreciate my quiet moments at home when nothing is expected of me and I can just spend time with Jack. I feel guilty because I wonder if he's not turning out the way he is because I can't spend enough time with him. Or it could just be his personality but I'm doing my best to work with him and spend time with him. I know he should be house broken and I know that he shouldn't be biting and I know that I've not done the training thing the way it probably should have been but really there are only so many hours in a day and when I got him I still think it was something I needed to do.
Last Tuesday I had a low grade fever and I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, this continued Wednesday and finally Thursday I went in to see the doctor. After discussing what had been going on she determined that it was necessary to run a test. An ultrasound to determine if this isn't some kind of cyst or my gall bladder.
I had a busy weekend. I ran another 5K, which I didn't even run that well b/c I did not want to push my body too hard and have something happen. Then the day itself was just on the go followed by a concert that night and staying out really late. Sunday I had church and a birthday party for my dad followed by truth project. The pain in my side was coming and going.
Last night I walked Jack, went to the gym, gave Jack a bath, cleaned my bathroom and then finally went to bed.
Today I have to go in for the ultrasound. I can't eat all day long and it's 9, I don't leave for the appointment til 2 and I am SO hungry. Typically I can go without eating and it doesn't bother me but when you tell me I can't then of course my contrary nature wants to have something to eat. I can't drink anything either and this is even more difficult since I am so thirsty and I always have water at my desk. Last night my side was really hurting and today I feel nauseous and it's been hurting since I woke up. I have to go in for the test and then hope that it's all over before 5 because I have to go and close at the restaurant.
I was having a conversation last night regarding my week and what is going on and they said you are always so busy. I am, it's not really intentional it's just the way my life goes. I don't necessarily desire to have to be running all the time. In fact I wish I had more time to train for running and more time and the money to do things I would like to do. I feel like I'm constantly on call. I really appreciate my quiet moments at home when nothing is expected of me and I can just spend time with Jack. I feel guilty because I wonder if he's not turning out the way he is because I can't spend enough time with him. Or it could just be his personality but I'm doing my best to work with him and spend time with him. I know he should be house broken and I know that he shouldn't be biting and I know that I've not done the training thing the way it probably should have been but really there are only so many hours in a day and when I got him I still think it was something I needed to do.
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