surrender

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.” Ezekiel 36:26-28 I was reminded of this verse yesterday and it relates to my Heart Quest from April of this year.

When I reflect back these days it is with a tremendous amount of thankfulness and awe at God’s grace. When I can look back and see clearly my faults, flaws and weaknesses and know that I’ve been forgiven and made new, it’s humbling. I’ve been healed and set free and I don’t take that for granted!

Prior to meeting my now ex-husband I was constantly striving. I thought I had figured out that I had to let go of things but I wasn’t able to fully release my grasp. Leading up to when I got married I had plenty of flags that had I just taken a moment to process, and reflect, I might not have gotten married. It’s because of my inability to take a step back, reflect and process that my marriage was so necessary.

From the start, literally, that marriage was a nightmare. The girl who had always leaped first and figured everything out afterwards had landed in a situation where nothing she could say or do was going to fix the absolute brokenness of her marriage. She learned that what she could control was how she reacted to things. Instead of staying in situations where she was not safe she learned to quickly pick up the dog and get in the car. Ultimately that girl finally learned the true meaning of surrender, trust, letting go and letting God and that she was so much stronger than she ever realized. When I reflect back it’s easier to reflect in third person because who I was and what I experienced are no longer who I am today although admittedly these factors are contributors to the why I am where I am.

God has allowed me to tell my story and I am careful to give Him the glory. Every detail of the journey He has been with me and He has been and is faithful. During the year of separation and divorce finalization He allowed me to see what I needed to see and hear what I needed to hear. The opportunity to attend Heart Quest and hear His voice and allow Him to complete some chapters and start new ones has been the most amazing blessing! I don’t take this life that I have for granted!

I came home from HQ and that was when I was able to get connected to helping with the fight against human trafficking. I was already involved in church but I became even more connected. I am always aware that the world can be really small but I have learned that God has a unique way of weaving people into my life so that I am ultimately able to connect them to other people and advance what He is doing in various ministries.

During the time I was separated I was very careful that I did not date. I did not look up ex-boyfriends. I did not reach out to old “friends”. Originally when I left I had no intention of ever dating again. Right before I left on HQ I actually had a date and during HQ I realized that making that vow was wrong and I repented. I was essentially shutting down any kind of future blessing God might have for me because of that statement.

The date with the guy before HQ was really fun. He’s super sweet and super nice and I liked him tremendously. I was also able to accept that God was removing him from my life when he fell off the face of the earth after the 2^nd date.

Before I got married the one area of my life that I never, ever surrendered was my dating life. So needless to say it’s been an interesting journey over these past few months as I have moved forward with my life. I ran into the guy from high school, we had two amazing dates, and then he fell off the face of the earth.

My life is busy and full and amazing! I have been blessed beyond anything I could hope or imagine! There are certainly hopes and dreams that have come back to life again but I can surrender those to the author of my life and know that since He’s holding the pen He will work out all the details!