Hailey suggested yesterday I try google reader, IT WORKED!!! I can read blogs but I don't think I can comment out of google reader, instructions?
I've said I'm trying to keep an open mind as far as tomorrow's date goes and I am. However driving back from lunch I was thinking about the date Sunday. There were no doors held open for me, this is a negative. I appreciate when the door is held open. There were also 3 different times when I could have used a hand when trying to navigate uneven terrain. I had on heels and we were walking across uneven grass. If I had lost my balance I would have been really less than impressed since the ground was kind of damp.
The traits of his that remind me of the others are not the positive traits. I will see how tomorrow nights date goes however I also know that I will probably be cutting him loose afterwards. For the simple fact that I am just about positive that continuing to see him would just be settling on my part.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday
I still have no access to many of your blogs at work. If you have your own blog address then I can read and this makes me happy!! I'm trying to make sure to go back and read once I get home. I know I will have access again at some point...
My Christmas presents have started to arrive and it is so much fun to see the boxes arriving at my door!! Last night I had 3 boxes, it was fabulous!!
I went back to the dentist for the tooth that I didn't lose but I have a feeling by the time it's all said and done I will be wishing I had just said pull it. There is now a "build up" on the tooth and the next step will be the temporary crown. It's still "healing" so we did not put the temp crown on it yesterday afternoon.
I should have run last night but I was lazy, very lazy. I did get the bathroom cleaned, and that was it.
I had an hour long phone conversation, I hate talking on the phone. However, this is a developing story. I've mentioned I un-hid my match profile and then when I received an email I paid for the membership. There was a guy, SA, who winked at me the day before. I thought he was incredible but since he only winked I refused to pay. When I had paid anyways I shot him an email saying I was flattered by the wink but since I don't do long distance he was out of luck. He responded back and we end up going back and forth over email and I'm intrigued... So then finally after many many emails I give him my number and he calls. Despite the 2 hour distance factor (I know 2 hours is nothing HOWEVER when you work like I do and have my schedule 2 hours is impossible, I have issues with the one who lives in Mooresville) so anyways we talked, for a long time.
It will be interesting the first time I can meet this long distance one is 12/19 so we shall see. He's trying to convince me that there is a chance it could work but it would take a whole lot for him to prove that one to me.
As for the guy I had the date with on Sunday our next date is tomorrow night. He texted me last night, I put my finger on what bothers me about him today driving in to work this morning. He reminds me of AP, the guy I dated a long time ago who is actually the reason I ever signed up for match for the first time. He also reminds me a little bit of RS and then with where he lives there is the S factor. So really this poor guy is pretty much doomed but we’ll see how our date goes tomorrow. I'm trying to remain open minded...
My Christmas presents have started to arrive and it is so much fun to see the boxes arriving at my door!! Last night I had 3 boxes, it was fabulous!!
I went back to the dentist for the tooth that I didn't lose but I have a feeling by the time it's all said and done I will be wishing I had just said pull it. There is now a "build up" on the tooth and the next step will be the temporary crown. It's still "healing" so we did not put the temp crown on it yesterday afternoon.
I should have run last night but I was lazy, very lazy. I did get the bathroom cleaned, and that was it.
I had an hour long phone conversation, I hate talking on the phone. However, this is a developing story. I've mentioned I un-hid my match profile and then when I received an email I paid for the membership. There was a guy, SA, who winked at me the day before. I thought he was incredible but since he only winked I refused to pay. When I had paid anyways I shot him an email saying I was flattered by the wink but since I don't do long distance he was out of luck. He responded back and we end up going back and forth over email and I'm intrigued... So then finally after many many emails I give him my number and he calls. Despite the 2 hour distance factor (I know 2 hours is nothing HOWEVER when you work like I do and have my schedule 2 hours is impossible, I have issues with the one who lives in Mooresville) so anyways we talked, for a long time.
It will be interesting the first time I can meet this long distance one is 12/19 so we shall see. He's trying to convince me that there is a chance it could work but it would take a whole lot for him to prove that one to me.
As for the guy I had the date with on Sunday our next date is tomorrow night. He texted me last night, I put my finger on what bothers me about him today driving in to work this morning. He reminds me of AP, the guy I dated a long time ago who is actually the reason I ever signed up for match for the first time. He also reminds me a little bit of RS and then with where he lives there is the S factor. So really this poor guy is pretty much doomed but we’ll see how our date goes tomorrow. I'm trying to remain open minded...
Monday, November 29, 2010
I might have
Participated in the online shopping deals going on today.... These were just too fabulous to pass up!!! Found them here...
Family Opinion
I received in my email from my Mom this morning and she told me about Bean and Jelly's opinion of JM.
"Don’t know if it will make you feel any better but Bean didn’t think JM was interested in making any commitments. Bean felt the vibes of making money and staying on top of business were more important to JM than getting into a long term serious relationship. Could be you threaten JM’s plans and he wasn’t ready to make priority changes. They both thought he was interesting but neither felt that he was the one for you."
While to a certain extent I had reached this conclusion to see it in writing had a certain impact. I can have my own thought regarding the matter but when those thoughts have been confirmed by other statements as well as this today it makes me realize, yet again, that everything truly does happen for a reason.
"Don’t know if it will make you feel any better but Bean didn’t think JM was interested in making any commitments. Bean felt the vibes of making money and staying on top of business were more important to JM than getting into a long term serious relationship. Could be you threaten JM’s plans and he wasn’t ready to make priority changes. They both thought he was interesting but neither felt that he was the one for you."
While to a certain extent I had reached this conclusion to see it in writing had a certain impact. I can have my own thought regarding the matter but when those thoughts have been confirmed by other statements as well as this today it makes me realize, yet again, that everything truly does happen for a reason.
Still no access
This has been the longest running no access to blogs and I'm not worried. At some point it will come back. I just have to do better about commenting from home. I can still access blogs that have their own domain so I'm not totally shut out but it is definitely a bummer to not be able to click and read immediately.
It's such a Monday and I have plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully everyone has a fabulous Monday! :)
It's such a Monday and I have plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully everyone has a fabulous Monday! :)
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday
I decided Wednesday night to unhide my match profile but I did not pay for the membership. This meant my profile could be viewed but if I received communication I would not be able to see it. I told myself if I received any emails I would pay for the membership for one month. Saturday I received an email so I paid in order to read what he had to say.
He was very nice, I liked his profile so we exchanged an email and then phone numbers. I'm not one to continue to go back and forth on email because I've found it's much more effective to just meet in person. As long as you meet in a public place and let at least 2 people know where you are going I feel that you are fine. He called me last night and we talked for 2 hours, then he asked me out for today.
I had nursery duty at church this morning. I love nursery duty!! We had 4 little ones and I read books and raced cars and helped with puzzles. I met the guy up at Birkdale and we sat and talked for a long time, then we walked for a minute then we went to another place and sat outside on the heated patio and talked some more. Originally from Buffalo he's interesting. The downside I did not feel the instant chemistry I felt with JM. Perhaps it's just too soon out from that experience. Perhaps that feeling means nothing and I must let it go. Maybe it's the fact that this guy lives one exit up from S on the highway and being up there is all negatively associated with my previous job and S. I don't know. I give the guy a lot of credit, he is a sweetheart and he is very very cute in a way that is hard for me to describe but he's good looking. I don't know the date lasted hours and I just had him keep talking as much as possible I avoided talking about myself. I definitely think he has potential and I guess in the case of JM expecting lightening like that ever again is just wishful thinking...
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Last long run before...
Yesterday morning I slept in til 9 it was wonderful!! Then I got up and went to the gym, it was raining enough that I could not do my long run outside. So I determined I needed to maintain a speed anyways and the best way for me to do that is the treadmill. For the first 9 miles I was ok, great actually. Mile 10 I struggled, mile 10.5 was almost torture and the last .5 mile was all I could do. I know that for the race itself I will be fine. Before Atlanta I never completed a 12 mile run and I did just fine so I know that with plenty of stretching and eating right before the Charlotte 1/2 I will be just fine. I must have some kind of mental block before my last long runs because it was a struggle to convince myself to get it done. Once I started I felt great. I have to say blogging about it and talking to people holds me accountable. I've said I will do this and told enough people that I didn't want to say, meh I changed my mind.
I spent the rest of yesterday being incredibly lazy. I had things to do but my couch was comfortable and Jack Banner was cuddly and it was just so easy to lay around until I had to get ready for work. We were busy enough at the restaurant last night that it went by quickly!
This morning I went and registered for the 1/2 so I'm officially in and will be running on 12/11. I will run my 3rd 1/2 of 2010 and celebrate afterwards appropriately. I'm not nervous about the run but I am a little nervous about figuring out where to park and how to handle that aspect. I hate having to deal with uptown and when I go out I usually cab it or someone else is driving. It will all work out, I'll do research next weekend when I'm up there.
Now I really need to get to work to finish swapping out my closet. It's only been something I've been kind of working on since 10/31, with our hot/cold weather it hasn't been a huge priority but with company coming next weekend I know I need to buckle down.
Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Work Thanksgiving Thankful
I hope that everyone has had a fabulous Thanksgiving!! I was hopeful that yesterday I would be told we were able to leave early, no such luck! The 3 days of my work week I had no blog access at all, unless the blog is it's own domain. Bummed me out and I felt so out of touch! I also had an enormous work project all day Tuesday so it is probably a good thing I did not have access as I was possibly a little more productive then my normal productive, I'm good at my job just saying. So yesterday afternoon my intention was to run, except I got home and decided to rest my legs for my long Friday run. I watched SATC movie, the good one and then Definitely Maybe and cuddled with Jack and enjoyed a very low key evening.
This morning I woke up to rain and cool temps. I took Jack for a walk, got ready and he and I went to pick up my Grandmother. She has just moved to a new place that we are all so excited about!! She has a beautiful apartment in a place where there are a lot of people her age and there is always a lot going on and it's an ideal situation. The bonus is she is now only 15 minutes away from me as opposed to 45 minutes to an hour. I went and picked her up and we drove over to my parents. Then I helped my mom. I was amazed at the amount of food but so very pleased with myself for keeping my hands out of the pre meal snacks and I ate a very reasonable plate of food and left the table feeling full but not ridiculously stuffed. I was on dish duty and there were A LOT of dishes. My cousin is back from Italy, so that was fabulous!! My other cousin who is a student at Johnson and Wales fixed the turkey and it was amazing, his skills continue to improve every year and it's neat to recognize. My brother and Jelly were with her family so we definitely missed having them with us! I couldn't help but think about last year and how it was when S met all of my family. I am so thankful that I kicked that one to the curb.
I finished up the last of the dishes and JB and I came home and watched National Treasure 1 & 2. Tomorrow I will attempt to run 12 miles. It's supposed to be raining so I might have to do this on a treadmill... My knee started bugging me during my walk today so I made sure to do my foam roller this evening.
I'm so thankful for the many blessings that I have. As I was driving today I realized that I am blessed and I would not trade my life. I'm also aware that 2011 is fast approaching and I'm excited to see what this new year will bring.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday
Still no access at work to your blogs, hence the serious lack of commenting and oh do I feel behind!!!
I had a huge work project yesterday and received major kudos for being a part of the team who completed the project!!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
I had a huge work project yesterday and received major kudos for being a part of the team who completed the project!!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
No access, family, friends
I'm so bummed I was able to read a few blogs this morning and then my work internet started blocking them. This happens every so often and usually (knock on wood) I get access back at some point. I hope I get it back soon!! I haven't been able to comment when the comments are at the bottom of the blog post for a week or 2 now, again work internet is hit or miss about showing this and not showing this. If comments take you to another page or the pop up window then I can still comment. I choose to be thankful I do have access most of the time.
After being stood up twice on Saturday I woke up Sunday ready for a new day. I took Jack out, had plenty of time to get ready for church. I sent Knoxville boy an email, even though he didn't deserve it, and told him if he was ticked off at me for the night before then I was sorry but I wasn't going to pick him up and I wasn't going to watch a movie at his place because he doesn't have a couch. He finally responded last night that he appreciated me looking out for him like that. Really I wish he would just go away. I'm trying to be nice but I think he's becoming my next Ballantyne Guy…
I also sent an email yesterday morning to JM. I said I wasn't going to but I had things that I wanted to say, in order to let it go and move on. I wrote up front that I knew he wasn't going to answer but I needed to send this email for me. I said that I know that it was a very short amount of time but I did not understand how we went from talking about me attending a big work event, meeting his son and flying me to Boston to him completely falling out of my life. I said something about the fact that perhaps someone resurfaced in his life. I truly believe that this is the case and I felt the need to say so, right or wrong I am not an idiot and I didn't say it in a threatening way, just a very matter of fact way. I told him that if this was actually because of work then he needed to find a balance because he wasn't going to say on his death bed that he wished he had worked more. I kept it short and concise and said what I had to say. Naturally I will not hear back. In talking to a friend of mine last night and recapping I realized how fast it all started, it was a pattern I used to have a lot in my mid 20's I would meet someone who was all in and then suddenly they were gone. When I met CF&G it started so fast, much like this with JM and then it lasted and I truly believed that JM was going to be around a long time so that's probably why I didn't try to slow anything down. I'm done talking, writing and thinking about it, chapter closed and life is moving on.
I got to church yesterday morning and my mom asks if I'm going to see my Grandmother. It had never occurred to me. She just moved the day before into her new place; I figured she would be tired; I am picking her up Thursday I just planned to see it then. I thought I would give her a few days to get settled. My mom gets all hurt that I don't even ask about it and I don't have plans to go see her. HELLO I JUST GOT TO THE SEAT AT CHURCH AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING. For me when I moved into my place I didn't want a lot of people over, I needed time to get settled. This is how I felt my Grandmother might feel. I know she's excited about her wonderful new place and believe me I'm very excited for her and I think this is an ideal situation. Maybe it was selfish of me yesterday that I didn't ask but Bean and Jelly were with us and we were all at lunch and Mom says you haven't even asked and is again acting hurt. I know she's moving, I know she has a place what more is there to tell me? Maybe I should put a disclaimer on all this that apparently this week I've got a raging case of PMS that is making me feel like a world class witch. I get away from my family and my plan was to run 9 miles at the gym. I got home; changed clothes took JB out and went to the gym. I start running and I can't get into a groove. I accidentally hit the stupid stop button 1.5 miles in and I hate when I do this. So I start it up again and run 2.5 more and I was miserable so I just stopped. I went home put on dry clothes and took Jack for a walk. But I was so tired walking him I even had to cut that one short. I went to the grocery store to pick up stuff for this week and shortly after I got home I got a text from a friend of mine asking what my plans were, so I agreed to meet out for a drink. I'm glad I did, we had a really good time, which comes as no surprise since we always do!
I was tempted to sign back up for match this weekend but I'm sticking to my no dating until after the holidays decision. I have enough going on that I have no reason to add one more thing to my life.
This morning FRB comes into the kitchen while I'm making breakfast at work. I say good morning, I get her usual I have to acknowledge you exists right now and it pains me greeting. It's been a year next month just let it go please!!!!!!!!
I hope y'all had wonderful weekends!!
After being stood up twice on Saturday I woke up Sunday ready for a new day. I took Jack out, had plenty of time to get ready for church. I sent Knoxville boy an email, even though he didn't deserve it, and told him if he was ticked off at me for the night before then I was sorry but I wasn't going to pick him up and I wasn't going to watch a movie at his place because he doesn't have a couch. He finally responded last night that he appreciated me looking out for him like that. Really I wish he would just go away. I'm trying to be nice but I think he's becoming my next Ballantyne Guy…
I also sent an email yesterday morning to JM. I said I wasn't going to but I had things that I wanted to say, in order to let it go and move on. I wrote up front that I knew he wasn't going to answer but I needed to send this email for me. I said that I know that it was a very short amount of time but I did not understand how we went from talking about me attending a big work event, meeting his son and flying me to Boston to him completely falling out of my life. I said something about the fact that perhaps someone resurfaced in his life. I truly believe that this is the case and I felt the need to say so, right or wrong I am not an idiot and I didn't say it in a threatening way, just a very matter of fact way. I told him that if this was actually because of work then he needed to find a balance because he wasn't going to say on his death bed that he wished he had worked more. I kept it short and concise and said what I had to say. Naturally I will not hear back. In talking to a friend of mine last night and recapping I realized how fast it all started, it was a pattern I used to have a lot in my mid 20's I would meet someone who was all in and then suddenly they were gone. When I met CF&G it started so fast, much like this with JM and then it lasted and I truly believed that JM was going to be around a long time so that's probably why I didn't try to slow anything down. I'm done talking, writing and thinking about it, chapter closed and life is moving on.
I got to church yesterday morning and my mom asks if I'm going to see my Grandmother. It had never occurred to me. She just moved the day before into her new place; I figured she would be tired; I am picking her up Thursday I just planned to see it then. I thought I would give her a few days to get settled. My mom gets all hurt that I don't even ask about it and I don't have plans to go see her. HELLO I JUST GOT TO THE SEAT AT CHURCH AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SINGING. For me when I moved into my place I didn't want a lot of people over, I needed time to get settled. This is how I felt my Grandmother might feel. I know she's excited about her wonderful new place and believe me I'm very excited for her and I think this is an ideal situation. Maybe it was selfish of me yesterday that I didn't ask but Bean and Jelly were with us and we were all at lunch and Mom says you haven't even asked and is again acting hurt. I know she's moving, I know she has a place what more is there to tell me? Maybe I should put a disclaimer on all this that apparently this week I've got a raging case of PMS that is making me feel like a world class witch. I get away from my family and my plan was to run 9 miles at the gym. I got home; changed clothes took JB out and went to the gym. I start running and I can't get into a groove. I accidentally hit the stupid stop button 1.5 miles in and I hate when I do this. So I start it up again and run 2.5 more and I was miserable so I just stopped. I went home put on dry clothes and took Jack for a walk. But I was so tired walking him I even had to cut that one short. I went to the grocery store to pick up stuff for this week and shortly after I got home I got a text from a friend of mine asking what my plans were, so I agreed to meet out for a drink. I'm glad I did, we had a really good time, which comes as no surprise since we always do!
I was tempted to sign back up for match this weekend but I'm sticking to my no dating until after the holidays decision. I have enough going on that I have no reason to add one more thing to my life.
This morning FRB comes into the kitchen while I'm making breakfast at work. I say good morning, I get her usual I have to acknowledge you exists right now and it pains me greeting. It's been a year next month just let it go please!!!!!!!!
I hope y'all had wonderful weekends!!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Saturday, emails, and upcoming visitors
Last night I closed at the restaurant. It was busy but it wasn't. I had every intention of waking up this morning and going for my run. Except when I woke up to my alarm I just rolled over and went back to bed. I thought I will wake up again in a bit and go do the long run on the treadmill. Except I didn't. I slept until 9:30 and I did get up in time to take JB for a walk. I was meeting Miss K for lunch at 12 and knew that I had to be at least 1/2 way ready for work tonight, plus I take a while to get ready anyways. I was at the designated spot promptly at 11:55 for our 12pm agreed upon time. I texted her to say hey I'm here. Then I texted to say hey I grabbed a table on the patio. It was such a gorgeous day here!!! I called her at 5 minutes after 12 thinking she might be lost. Then I called at 12:10 and still no answer. I told my waiter that I had been stood up and placed a to go order. Then I came home, enjoyed my lunch and took a nap. As I was getting ready for work she called to apologize but I was outside with JB. So then she texted that she had totally forgotten and did not have her phone with her. So I texted that I was glad she was ok. I was supposed to buy her lunch today since her birthday is this coming week. I set this up with her 2 weeks ago because this was my first availability.
It was a good night at work, not as busy as I would have liked. I was supposed to go out with the guy from last week, remember the annoying conversation one that I talked about here? Well he asked if I wanted to hang out so I said yes. I texted when I got out of work. He had already been drinking. OK I'm not going to drive over your way to go out someplace close to your house and I'm not going to go over to watch a movie at your house... If he wanted to hang out he needed to come my way, so once again I told him that we would just reschedule because he didn't need to be driving. I really resent getting stood up 2 times in the same day.
I do plan on my long run tomorrow after church. I really need to make it happen, so if I write it usually I will...
I sat down tonight after arriving home and for the first time ever I felt alone, really alone, and it was awful. Normally I don't mind coming home and having the place to myself. I almost wish the whole JM thing had never happened, I feel so dumb that it has bothered me so much. My friend reminded me yesterday of a comment that she received "Rejection is God's protection". As much as I would like to email again and beg for an explanation I realize that this would potentially make me look desperate and I am far from desperate. I would love to have an answer but I also do not want to contact him, his lack of communication and the way he dropped me is closure enough.
I do have an exciting visitor coming to town in 2 weeks and I am SO excited. We haven't seen each other in 4 1/2 years so it's going to be so much fun to help him celebrate his birthday! We met forever ago on Match and stayed friends. He lives in Philly and didn't have plans for his birthday so I told him to head south. This would have been the weekend of JM's big work event and meeting his little boy so to have such a fabulous event happening instead makes me look forward to the weekend for a whole other reason. In a separate post I'll cover all the potential things we might do. If it was a girl I would take her shopping but since it's a guy I had to put my thinking cap on!
I hope that everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
5QF
I love playing along with this and if you want to play too go here to My Little Life. Rules for Five Question Friday: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post. Answer them, then watch for the linky to appear Friday morning and link up your post!
1. What Christmas song do you loathe? I actually, and this sounds terrible, have an aversion to all Christmas music. I know this is truly awful and makes me sound like Scrooge and I'm not. The deal is, I work in a restaurant, and I have to hear it all the time and before the restaurants I worked at a *shudder* Hallmark store at Christmas time… I still love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but not the music. We have radio stations here in Charlotte that go to all Christmas music and I take them out of my preselected stations until after Christmas. My only exception to this is I can handle when the Country stations play some Christmas music, those I don't mind at all.
2. Do you and your significant other cuddle at night or sleep on opposite sides of the bed? I don't have one, unless you count Jack Banner. Saturday morning I woke up and Jack Banner was on his back with his little head on the pillow next to me. Oftentimes he curls up at the backs of my legs because I sleep with my legs bent. So JB is a great cuddler!!
3. Have you ever had surgery? I've had my wisdom teeth out and I just had a root canal…
4. When do you typically have your holiday shopping done? This answer I've realized is, it just depends on the year… Because it's changed and I'm almost done now, but I did most of it yesterday, see below post…
5. If money were not an issue (and you HAD to pick something), what would your ultimate luxury item be? A very wealthy husband who I didn't marry for his money, but this is a perk I find out after the fact. Much like in the movie How to Marry a Millionaire when Lauren Bacall finds out that Cameron Mitchell is actually not a gas pump jockey. Go here for the picture of that scene.
OH and one more thing, y'all I just won my very first giveaway and I'm so excited!!!! Lenae, at Just Lenae is celebrating her birthday with a giveaway, which is so cool!!! AND I WON!!!
1. What Christmas song do you loathe? I actually, and this sounds terrible, have an aversion to all Christmas music. I know this is truly awful and makes me sound like Scrooge and I'm not. The deal is, I work in a restaurant, and I have to hear it all the time and before the restaurants I worked at a *shudder* Hallmark store at Christmas time… I still love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but not the music. We have radio stations here in Charlotte that go to all Christmas music and I take them out of my preselected stations until after Christmas. My only exception to this is I can handle when the Country stations play some Christmas music, those I don't mind at all.
2. Do you and your significant other cuddle at night or sleep on opposite sides of the bed? I don't have one, unless you count Jack Banner. Saturday morning I woke up and Jack Banner was on his back with his little head on the pillow next to me. Oftentimes he curls up at the backs of my legs because I sleep with my legs bent. So JB is a great cuddler!!
3. Have you ever had surgery? I've had my wisdom teeth out and I just had a root canal…
4. When do you typically have your holiday shopping done? This answer I've realized is, it just depends on the year… Because it's changed and I'm almost done now, but I did most of it yesterday, see below post…
5. If money were not an issue (and you HAD to pick something), what would your ultimate luxury item be? A very wealthy husband who I didn't marry for his money, but this is a perk I find out after the fact. Much like in the movie How to Marry a Millionaire when Lauren Bacall finds out that Cameron Mitchell is actually not a gas pump jockey. Go here for the picture of that scene.
OH and one more thing, y'all I just won my very first giveaway and I'm so excited!!!! Lenae, at Just Lenae is celebrating her birthday with a giveaway, which is so cool!!! AND I WON!!!
Christmas Shopping
It was driving me crazy that I was so far behind on Christmas shopping!! I realized in talking to a friend that perhaps the reason the past 2 years I have waited so long is the fact that I found presents for people who had passed away or were no longer in my life. This apparently had more of an impact on me then I realized. I think the economy has also played a role. That being said yesterday I was just completely not in work mode and I started shopping around online. I have to admit I did purchase, for me, this little number...
Then I got down to business and went to Kohls.com. I had the 15% off coupon for the early Thanksgiving shopping and let me tell you, I racked up!! Now on my list of people to buy for there are only a few, My Aunt MA, my 2 uncles, my Grandmother and my 1 cousin. That's it. I am SO excited!! I love everything that I found and I know everyone is going to like what I got. Additionally, my company has a plan set up where you can buy additional PTO hours. If you don't use them you can sell them back at the end of the year. SOOOOOO what this means is with the hours that I sold back, I sold back all of mine, I will be able to pay all this off at the next bill, which makes me very happy!!
To be honest I did not miss having to walk around the store with my arms weighed down and having to go up and down the elevator, I shop at a 2 story store usually. So now I just have to pick up the rest and I am DONE!!!!
To be honest I did not miss having to walk around the store with my arms weighed down and having to go up and down the elevator, I shop at a 2 story store usually. So now I just have to pick up the rest and I am DONE!!!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday thought, Running, Thankful
I know that I have to let go. I know that it's never going to make sense. I know that you can't force someone to want to be with you. Yesterday marked 4 weeks since that first date and Saturday would have been a month. I try not to dwell on it. I have a lot going on and with holidays coming especially Thanksgiving being next week there is so much to look forward to.
I just don't understand. I don't. How do we go from talking about me going to a big deal work event and meeting the boy and flying me to Boston to nothing? I wonder who that woman was and if that's who he's with now. I know that I would have resented always coming second to his job, I already had indicators that I was going to have to do a lot of accepting and taking a back seat to everything else. It still hurts and really it was such a brief time that it shouldn't still hurt. To send an email or try to contact him would be the absolute most pointless thing I could do. This just doesn't make any sense to me and as often as I push the questions away there are times when they come back and then I have to push them away again.
Last night I had 2 long phone conversations with 2 different friends. I hate talking on the phone and the first conversation was 2 hours, the second conversation was an hour. There was so much to say in both conversations that I didn't mind. My dislike for the phone is when someone calls you who has nothing to say and wants you to do all the talking. Text me, it's easier! Those conversations that I had last night were necessary and could not have been covered via texting so therefore they get the phone pass…
I also made it to the gym. I say made it because oftentimes now that it is so dark outside so early all I really want to do is go home and crawl underneath my covers. What is keeping me motivated right now is the knowledge that I am running another 1/2 in December and I have to run or I will fail miserably when the race comes. I also did arm weights and leg lunges and squats. The best part of last nights run, I ran 3 miles in 26:40. I realized I was just coasting through my runs at my comfortable pace and when I do that I'm not forcing my body to work and it gets complacent and then I quit losing weight. Hopefully with me pushing the pace and working harder I will start to see more of a difference. My long runs are still slow and while I hope to break my Miami 1/2 pace in Charlotte I'm just not sure. That is my goal and with me moving faster in my short runs I do believe this will help but ultimately I think this might not be the race where I do that, we'll see there are still a few weeks left!
I got the question again last night (second phone conversation), so you're not married why. I gave what has become my standard answer, because I have been looking too hard. After I got off the phone I was thinking and I realized that the answer I give is truthful. It also doesn't bother me so much the way it has previously. I am taking another break from dating, again this doesn't bother me. I am extremely aware of how quickly time moves. We're going to be celebrating Thanksgiving next week. Yet my decision to take another break is based on my upcoming race and the holidays. It's too complicated to try and start something with someone when the holidays are here. In my first conversation I reminded my friend that God is always good and He always works things out according to His purpose and plan. His purpose and plan may not make a whole lot of sense to us, and certainly might not look the way we expect it to but somehow we always get through the tough times, even when the tough time is losing everything we own and having nothing. I thought back to summer of 2009 when everything seemed to be shredding in my own life and how that bottom (although for me I didn't lose everything) then meant that I was able to move forward again. I thought about where I've been and how I've been blessed. There have been the unexpected blessings and the times that my parents have stepped in and helped me. Yes I'm 31 and I still go to my parents for help. I should be able to handle everything on my own but I'm blessed that they help. Whether it's been coming over at night because I called in tears so out of breath I couldn't breathe because of breaking up with CF&G, new tires for the car, the AAA membership, coming over to walk JB when I've had something going on, driving to Pittsburgh, keeping JB for a weekend, they are just so good to me. Life is full of highs that are made that much sweeter because of the lows that we go through.
I just don't understand. I don't. How do we go from talking about me going to a big deal work event and meeting the boy and flying me to Boston to nothing? I wonder who that woman was and if that's who he's with now. I know that I would have resented always coming second to his job, I already had indicators that I was going to have to do a lot of accepting and taking a back seat to everything else. It still hurts and really it was such a brief time that it shouldn't still hurt. To send an email or try to contact him would be the absolute most pointless thing I could do. This just doesn't make any sense to me and as often as I push the questions away there are times when they come back and then I have to push them away again.
Last night I had 2 long phone conversations with 2 different friends. I hate talking on the phone and the first conversation was 2 hours, the second conversation was an hour. There was so much to say in both conversations that I didn't mind. My dislike for the phone is when someone calls you who has nothing to say and wants you to do all the talking. Text me, it's easier! Those conversations that I had last night were necessary and could not have been covered via texting so therefore they get the phone pass…
I also made it to the gym. I say made it because oftentimes now that it is so dark outside so early all I really want to do is go home and crawl underneath my covers. What is keeping me motivated right now is the knowledge that I am running another 1/2 in December and I have to run or I will fail miserably when the race comes. I also did arm weights and leg lunges and squats. The best part of last nights run, I ran 3 miles in 26:40. I realized I was just coasting through my runs at my comfortable pace and when I do that I'm not forcing my body to work and it gets complacent and then I quit losing weight. Hopefully with me pushing the pace and working harder I will start to see more of a difference. My long runs are still slow and while I hope to break my Miami 1/2 pace in Charlotte I'm just not sure. That is my goal and with me moving faster in my short runs I do believe this will help but ultimately I think this might not be the race where I do that, we'll see there are still a few weeks left!
I got the question again last night (second phone conversation), so you're not married why. I gave what has become my standard answer, because I have been looking too hard. After I got off the phone I was thinking and I realized that the answer I give is truthful. It also doesn't bother me so much the way it has previously. I am taking another break from dating, again this doesn't bother me. I am extremely aware of how quickly time moves. We're going to be celebrating Thanksgiving next week. Yet my decision to take another break is based on my upcoming race and the holidays. It's too complicated to try and start something with someone when the holidays are here. In my first conversation I reminded my friend that God is always good and He always works things out according to His purpose and plan. His purpose and plan may not make a whole lot of sense to us, and certainly might not look the way we expect it to but somehow we always get through the tough times, even when the tough time is losing everything we own and having nothing. I thought back to summer of 2009 when everything seemed to be shredding in my own life and how that bottom (although for me I didn't lose everything) then meant that I was able to move forward again. I thought about where I've been and how I've been blessed. There have been the unexpected blessings and the times that my parents have stepped in and helped me. Yes I'm 31 and I still go to my parents for help. I should be able to handle everything on my own but I'm blessed that they help. Whether it's been coming over at night because I called in tears so out of breath I couldn't breathe because of breaking up with CF&G, new tires for the car, the AAA membership, coming over to walk JB when I've had something going on, driving to Pittsburgh, keeping JB for a weekend, they are just so good to me. Life is full of highs that are made that much sweeter because of the lows that we go through.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Bottle Cap, AAA and Shopping
I had a bottle cap in my tire??? How??? I have to say that my AAA membership and the tire warranty my Dad purchased when he (my parents and brother gave me tires for my 30th birthday) bought the tires has paid for themselves!!! I had a flat tire in February, it was a nail that time. I am so appreciative that all I have to do is pick up a phone and call and some nice technician comes and puts my donut on. Then I just have to take the car to where the tires were bought and they fix it for me. Plus I get free tire rotations and since the car was due for this I went ahead and had them rotate my tires.
It may seem like these see boring as gift ideas but to me, they are invaluable!!! I HATE having to worry about stuff like this and to know that it's taken care of makes me feel 100% better!!
Bonus I only have to make up 10 minutes for work!!
I've got shopping on the brain and it's dangerous!! I have this desire to just go knock out all my Christmas shopping but unfortunately that's not entirely do-able. I will go this afternoon for a quick trip to get some of it at least started!!
They decorated my restaurant yesterday for Christmas and it looks SOOOO pretty!!! I love this time of year and I look forward to the crazy business of the Holidays!!
Finally I was talking to my underwriter regarding the bottle cap in the tire and then it came up the plans for the November birthday cake tomorrow. So this started a conversation regarding what I have in my fridge. I wonder if I'm not worse than a single guy. Currently in my refrigerator there is 1 1/2 flour tortillas, 1 egg, Brummel and Brown, 7 Bud Light Limes a half gallon of milk and assorted condiments. My cabinet is not much better. I have 2 boxes of mac and cheese, a large can of chicken broth, 2 bags of popcorn and a can of soup… I guess this is why it's so expensive when I decide to actually make a meal, I rarely have what I need on hand and I have to go buy everything. What do you have in your fridge?
It may seem like these see boring as gift ideas but to me, they are invaluable!!! I HATE having to worry about stuff like this and to know that it's taken care of makes me feel 100% better!!
Bonus I only have to make up 10 minutes for work!!
I've got shopping on the brain and it's dangerous!! I have this desire to just go knock out all my Christmas shopping but unfortunately that's not entirely do-able. I will go this afternoon for a quick trip to get some of it at least started!!
They decorated my restaurant yesterday for Christmas and it looks SOOOO pretty!!! I love this time of year and I look forward to the crazy business of the Holidays!!
Finally I was talking to my underwriter regarding the bottle cap in the tire and then it came up the plans for the November birthday cake tomorrow. So this started a conversation regarding what I have in my fridge. I wonder if I'm not worse than a single guy. Currently in my refrigerator there is 1 1/2 flour tortillas, 1 egg, Brummel and Brown, 7 Bud Light Limes a half gallon of milk and assorted condiments. My cabinet is not much better. I have 2 boxes of mac and cheese, a large can of chicken broth, 2 bags of popcorn and a can of soup… I guess this is why it's so expensive when I decide to actually make a meal, I rarely have what I need on hand and I have to go buy everything. What do you have in your fridge?
It comes in 3's
As I sat to write this I thought about saying I want a do over for the month of November, or even end of October beginning of November. I had to have a root canal, then I had to have the root canal re-done. I met this guy who ribbitted big time. But then I also have to remember that I had the most incredible first date ever. I had a trip to Pittsburgh to spend time with my Godfamily. I had the opportunity last Saturday to spend time with my Grandmother. So while these past several weeks have had some hard hurting lows they have also had some really good things as well.
Last night I worked at the restaurant. We had crazy wind and rain come through right at the end of the night. Fortunately when I left to walk to my car it had lightened up. I needed to stop and get gas and as I was pumping the guy next to me said "hey did you know your tire is low?". I hate dealing with car stuff, hate, hate, hate, hate it!!!!! I've been lucky that when the 98 Camry started needing a ton of things I just upgraded to a Rav 4, then I was fortunate that Mazda bought me out of the lease and I got the car I have now, the 07 Mazda 3. Now I've had my car for 3 going on 4 years and it's coming to the point where last year I had to have new tires and this year I had to have something flushed and there is always something and really I just want to say ok next, but reality I have to wait til 2012 to do that. So whenever anything happens it makes me anxious and nervous. Fortunately every year my parents give me Triple A for my birthday. This started when I had the 98 Camry and was stranded because of a dead battery in 2004. So I tried to call my parents cell phones to get instructions on how to put air in the tire but both their phones were off. Then I tried calling a friend of mine but again no answer. So I figured this is why they pay for Triple A and I made the phone call and the nice dispatcher told me the guy would be there in 35 minutes. Fortunately I was at a gas station in a well lit area. The guy came and put my donut on and I have to take it to the tire place today to have them check my tire. I know this is all just part of life, I also know that it's never just one thing, we're usually hit with about 3 things and then life resumes to normal. I would say the frog, the root canal and the tire count as my 3 things and it can go back to normal now!!!
Last night I worked at the restaurant. We had crazy wind and rain come through right at the end of the night. Fortunately when I left to walk to my car it had lightened up. I needed to stop and get gas and as I was pumping the guy next to me said "hey did you know your tire is low?". I hate dealing with car stuff, hate, hate, hate, hate it!!!!! I've been lucky that when the 98 Camry started needing a ton of things I just upgraded to a Rav 4, then I was fortunate that Mazda bought me out of the lease and I got the car I have now, the 07 Mazda 3. Now I've had my car for 3 going on 4 years and it's coming to the point where last year I had to have new tires and this year I had to have something flushed and there is always something and really I just want to say ok next, but reality I have to wait til 2012 to do that. So whenever anything happens it makes me anxious and nervous. Fortunately every year my parents give me Triple A for my birthday. This started when I had the 98 Camry and was stranded because of a dead battery in 2004. So I tried to call my parents cell phones to get instructions on how to put air in the tire but both their phones were off. Then I tried calling a friend of mine but again no answer. So I figured this is why they pay for Triple A and I made the phone call and the nice dispatcher told me the guy would be there in 35 minutes. Fortunately I was at a gas station in a well lit area. The guy came and put my donut on and I have to take it to the tire place today to have them check my tire. I know this is all just part of life, I also know that it's never just one thing, we're usually hit with about 3 things and then life resumes to normal. I would say the frog, the root canal and the tire count as my 3 things and it can go back to normal now!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It was a dark and rainy afternoon...
It's dark and rainy and I've been fighting the heavy eyelids that accompany this time of day anyways. I've tried browsing online but really I need to get out and look. Christmas is fast approaching and I have gifts to purchase. I have to work at the restaurant tonight and I'm curious how busy we will be. Sometimes when the weather is like this no one come out, other nights everyone wants to get out of the house. The flow of this restaurant reminds me of the restaurant I worked at 5 years ago, and it makes it easy for me to readjust to a busier restaurant again.
I was sitting thinking about how busy it will be for the holidays and then after that will be Valentines. Valentines is such a scam, I've felt this way for a long time. I still want to be acknowledged but due to working in a Hallmark store then a restaurant I usually work and to me it's a little ridiculous the pressure put on this one day. The best valentines ever was 2009, I adopted Jack Banner. The 2.9 lb fur baby stole my heart and still does.
I noticed while browsing people.com that Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially engaged. While the idea of the fairytale is lovely I think the pressure and annoyance of the crazy cameras in my face all the time would drive me crazy. I have to admit I am excited to see what she chooses for her gown, this will probably be the only thing she has much say in. I have to give her credit they have been dating forever and I don't care who he is I don't have that kind of patience.
The bad part about sitting at my desk fighting sleep is this also makes me hungry except I know I'm not hungry I'm just bored. Not that I do not have plenty of work to do but it's the kind of bored brought on by sitting at a desk in a cube and looking outside and it's dark and rainy and while I do love my job days like today all I want to do is nap!! I think putting my head on my desk and falling asleep would be frowned upon so instead I'm trying to pretend that I'm actually working when in reality I'm writing…
I was sitting thinking about how busy it will be for the holidays and then after that will be Valentines. Valentines is such a scam, I've felt this way for a long time. I still want to be acknowledged but due to working in a Hallmark store then a restaurant I usually work and to me it's a little ridiculous the pressure put on this one day. The best valentines ever was 2009, I adopted Jack Banner. The 2.9 lb fur baby stole my heart and still does.
I noticed while browsing people.com that Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially engaged. While the idea of the fairytale is lovely I think the pressure and annoyance of the crazy cameras in my face all the time would drive me crazy. I have to admit I am excited to see what she chooses for her gown, this will probably be the only thing she has much say in. I have to give her credit they have been dating forever and I don't care who he is I don't have that kind of patience.
The bad part about sitting at my desk fighting sleep is this also makes me hungry except I know I'm not hungry I'm just bored. Not that I do not have plenty of work to do but it's the kind of bored brought on by sitting at a desk in a cube and looking outside and it's dark and rainy and while I do love my job days like today all I want to do is nap!! I think putting my head on my desk and falling asleep would be frowned upon so instead I'm trying to pretend that I'm actually working when in reality I'm writing…
Friendship, Running Sugar
I hope everyone had a great night!! Last night I was reminded that my true friends let me use them as sounding boards even when I know that I may be acting over the top and my text messages and emails can be ridiculously dramatic. These past several months I know I've written a lot about the ups and downs of dating and learning about me and I have definitely gone to friends for advice and to occasionally be talked of the ledge of crazy. I talked to PMG last night because I needed to run something by her. Her response reminded me that I am truly blessed by my friendships that I have. I am so thankful for my friends who I have known forever who know me well enough to call me out and question me and love me and support me. I'm also thankful for the friendships I've made through this blog. I've had the opportunity to meet Jess first through her blog and then in person, to reconnect with Hailey, and there are others who I talk to and I feel lucky. I'm fortunate that I've met you through your blogs and had the opportunity to get to know you because in my opinion we see inside each other's lives and in a lot of cases inside each other's heads. Jess always says it's pre-screening friendships and that is really true! I gain followers and then I lose them and I'm never sure why but I have to let it go. I love my followers and appreciate that y'all read and comment and make me feel special. When it comes down to it I write for me and I would rather lose a follower then not write what I'm thinking or feeling. I know I go through and edit my list of blogs that I follow on a regular basis. It's nothing personal and I have to keep that in mind with my own list of followers. However, those of you I consider my friends I would hope y'all would let me know why you were mad or upset or not liking the blog anymore instead of just dropping off my list!!
Moving on…. Last night I was able to get the place straightened up and I made it to the gym. I need to clean the bathroom but I figure I can get that done on Wednesday. I ran 3 miles last night my final mile I ran at an 8:40 pace which made me very happy!!! I struggle sometimes with motivation but once I'm running I feel great. It's just getting myself out the door to actually go!! Since I've started pushing my pace I've noticed this is helping me to actually move the scale in the right direction. If I would cut out the ridiculous amounts of sugar that I eat I would probably see even more of a difference!! I've been making the effort to be more calorie conscious but that just means I track the candy and sweets in addition to my regular food and cut out the regular food when I've eaten too much candy and when you're trying to train for a race this is self defeating. So I'm kind of working on it, kind of not. I gave away all the marshmallows that I bought that I posted about here. I brought the brownies that I made Sunday in to work yesterday to share. I have the best of intentions and then I hear the candy bucket calling…
Moving on…. Last night I was able to get the place straightened up and I made it to the gym. I need to clean the bathroom but I figure I can get that done on Wednesday. I ran 3 miles last night my final mile I ran at an 8:40 pace which made me very happy!!! I struggle sometimes with motivation but once I'm running I feel great. It's just getting myself out the door to actually go!! Since I've started pushing my pace I've noticed this is helping me to actually move the scale in the right direction. If I would cut out the ridiculous amounts of sugar that I eat I would probably see even more of a difference!! I've been making the effort to be more calorie conscious but that just means I track the candy and sweets in addition to my regular food and cut out the regular food when I've eaten too much candy and when you're trying to train for a race this is self defeating. So I'm kind of working on it, kind of not. I gave away all the marshmallows that I bought that I posted about here. I brought the brownies that I made Sunday in to work yesterday to share. I have the best of intentions and then I hear the candy bucket calling…
Monday, November 15, 2010
Clarification, Closets, Wish List, Running
I should probably explain that JN is a friend and will remain just a friend. I have a set personal rule that I don't date anyone who is separated. Divorced yes, separated no. I learned my lesson with CF&G. I will date someone who has children, this does not bother me, I will be cautious about it though. I've had a lot of time to think about this over the past few months.
It's Monday afternoon and I couldn't feel less like working. I really would like to go home and take a nap!! I was talking to MG via email and she said that she was probably going to be having her family Thanksgiving at her house. My response is that we really must be grown ups now. Yes, most of my friends are married; it's just odd to hear that we are now fixing our own Thanksgiving dinners. I will be going to my parent's house. It's the first time in a long time Thanksgiving will not be down at the farm. I would rather have it at my Mom and Dad's because this means that Jack Banner gets to join in the celebration and beg everyone to just drop him a little piece of that human food he loves so much.
My friend PYS called me, it's been at least a month or two ago now. Her closet had collapsed. I'm now concerned that my closet could do the same thing that hers did. I have yet to finish switching out my wardrobes and since the extra room is empty I've got way too much clothing in there, it looks like I could open my own store. What can I say, I LOVE clothes and shoes. Life is short but long enough that I'm always in need of that next cute outfit!!
I rented The Proposal from RedBox on Saturday night. I saw this movie in the theatre and thought it was awesome so I'd been wanting to rent it again. I was so disappointed. I don't know if I was just tired, or distracted but the second time watching it I was honestly a little bored. I have so many movies that I can watch over and over again and not get tired of and I had thought about asking for this one for Christmas but now, I'll be removing that from my ever growing list that's in my head. I really need to start transferring the list to paper so I don't forget anything.
I need a roommate, this thought frequently goes through my mind. I knew it would probably take a while to find someone again I was hoping that I would be wrong, turns out I was right. I think part of why it takes such a long time is my place is not big and there is only 1 bathroom. I love it, and the location is fantastic so it just takes finding the right person and it will all work out.
It's been almost a year since the falling out with my FRB. I don't care anymore but law have mercy is it still awkward when she is in the office!!
I've determined I'm not going to run a turkey trot race this year. Instead I'm going to run my long run on Friday morning and get it over with!! Maybe, I guess this depends on what I have going on, I don't drink (alcohol) the night before a long run so this is what I did the weekend of my birthday so I could drink Friday and Saturday night but I thought about it and since I'm working Friday and Saturday night I don't think it really matters all that much…
I need to run tonight and I'm hoping I have enough light to run outside. I'm thinking that while I'm training for this next 1/2 I'm going to quit making plans for Monday and Wednesday nights so that I can get my runs in and then relax with no obligations. I work Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights so that leaves Thursday nights for hanging out with people. Since I'm taking a break from dating (again) this should work out well for me!
It's Monday afternoon and I couldn't feel less like working. I really would like to go home and take a nap!! I was talking to MG via email and she said that she was probably going to be having her family Thanksgiving at her house. My response is that we really must be grown ups now. Yes, most of my friends are married; it's just odd to hear that we are now fixing our own Thanksgiving dinners. I will be going to my parent's house. It's the first time in a long time Thanksgiving will not be down at the farm. I would rather have it at my Mom and Dad's because this means that Jack Banner gets to join in the celebration and beg everyone to just drop him a little piece of that human food he loves so much.
My friend PYS called me, it's been at least a month or two ago now. Her closet had collapsed. I'm now concerned that my closet could do the same thing that hers did. I have yet to finish switching out my wardrobes and since the extra room is empty I've got way too much clothing in there, it looks like I could open my own store. What can I say, I LOVE clothes and shoes. Life is short but long enough that I'm always in need of that next cute outfit!!
I rented The Proposal from RedBox on Saturday night. I saw this movie in the theatre and thought it was awesome so I'd been wanting to rent it again. I was so disappointed. I don't know if I was just tired, or distracted but the second time watching it I was honestly a little bored. I have so many movies that I can watch over and over again and not get tired of and I had thought about asking for this one for Christmas but now, I'll be removing that from my ever growing list that's in my head. I really need to start transferring the list to paper so I don't forget anything.
I need a roommate, this thought frequently goes through my mind. I knew it would probably take a while to find someone again I was hoping that I would be wrong, turns out I was right. I think part of why it takes such a long time is my place is not big and there is only 1 bathroom. I love it, and the location is fantastic so it just takes finding the right person and it will all work out.
It's been almost a year since the falling out with my FRB. I don't care anymore but law have mercy is it still awkward when she is in the office!!
I've determined I'm not going to run a turkey trot race this year. Instead I'm going to run my long run on Friday morning and get it over with!! Maybe, I guess this depends on what I have going on, I don't drink (alcohol) the night before a long run so this is what I did the weekend of my birthday so I could drink Friday and Saturday night but I thought about it and since I'm working Friday and Saturday night I don't think it really matters all that much…
I need to run tonight and I'm hoping I have enough light to run outside. I'm thinking that while I'm training for this next 1/2 I'm going to quit making plans for Monday and Wednesday nights so that I can get my runs in and then relax with no obligations. I work Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights so that leaves Thursday nights for hanging out with people. Since I'm taking a break from dating (again) this should work out well for me!
Thankful for perspective
Last Thursday night I met up with a friend of mine, JN, we'd lost touch for several years. Here's the back story, we went to school from either first or second grade together. He was actually held back at the beginning of the school year and ended up in my class. His birthday is in September so this makes sense that he would have been one of the youngest in his class and boys mature slower then girls so they determined it made sense for him to repeat either first or second grade. I'm pretty sure it was second. We were not friends in the early years of school, just in the natural way of little kids and the views boys and girls have of each other. Although ironically enough through second grade my best friend was a little boy named Brian. Funny I just thought of that. Anyways, by the time we reached 6th grade our class was growing closer together. There were only 4 girls and then I think maybe 6 or 8 boys. 7th grade and 8th grade the class was similarly small so we knew each other and were probably a mix of brothers and sisters and some crushes thrown in. I always think of my 7th and 8th grade year as a huge time of change. I hit my highest weight and then lost a lot of weight. I considered myself to be the fat one. High school we all went our separate ways but saw each other every week in church and youth group. I was always PMG's sidekick. She and JN had a thing for each other that was always flirtatious but they always dated other people at their respective schools.
Life moves on and we all loosely kept in touch. PMG and JN and I all hung out together summer of 1998 and then we lost touch with him after that summer. He was married and working on the marriage and she and I were in school and focused on that. She went on to get married in 2007 and I have chronicled my dating adventures over the past several years here and here and here and well just look under the my story relationship tags and you will find the chapters, it's a lot and it's confusing I know. A few Sundays ago JN was at church. I thought he left during the last song so I went ahead and left because I had things I needed to do. He came up and asked my mom where I went. So I sent his mom a message through FB asking her to let him know I was sorry that I had missed catching up with him. She sent me back his number telling me he said to give him a call sometime. Last Thursday he and I caught up on the phone for an hour and a half at the end of the call he asked if I wanted to meet him out sometime. I agreed to lunch this Saturday forgetting that I was helping move my grandmother. Instead we agreed on drinks Thursday night.
While catching up further it completely caught me by surprise when he stopped me in mid sentence. I was relaying a story about after college and made the statement that I wasn't pretty up until after college and that was when he stopped me and asked me what I was talking about. I said how long have you known me you know this and he said no that's not true. This completely caught me off guard. I guess we are our own worst critic I look at pictures from those year of my life and I cringe. My perception of myself from this point in time is that I didn't date that much because I was ugly. Perhaps in evaluating from a distance it might have been other factors namely my own perception of myself as fat and ugly. I know so many beautiful confident women of all shapes and sizes who have completely disproven my early belief that men only want women who look like the women in magazines and on TV.
So on this Monday, halfway through November, I am thankful that I'm not where I was 8 years ago (I say 8 years ago because college was a blast and I loved it and my complicated love life soap opera started when I was 22-23 here is that part of the story). I'm thankful that life moves on and I'm blessed.
Life moves on and we all loosely kept in touch. PMG and JN and I all hung out together summer of 1998 and then we lost touch with him after that summer. He was married and working on the marriage and she and I were in school and focused on that. She went on to get married in 2007 and I have chronicled my dating adventures over the past several years here and here and here and well just look under the my story relationship tags and you will find the chapters, it's a lot and it's confusing I know. A few Sundays ago JN was at church. I thought he left during the last song so I went ahead and left because I had things I needed to do. He came up and asked my mom where I went. So I sent his mom a message through FB asking her to let him know I was sorry that I had missed catching up with him. She sent me back his number telling me he said to give him a call sometime. Last Thursday he and I caught up on the phone for an hour and a half at the end of the call he asked if I wanted to meet him out sometime. I agreed to lunch this Saturday forgetting that I was helping move my grandmother. Instead we agreed on drinks Thursday night.
While catching up further it completely caught me by surprise when he stopped me in mid sentence. I was relaying a story about after college and made the statement that I wasn't pretty up until after college and that was when he stopped me and asked me what I was talking about. I said how long have you known me you know this and he said no that's not true. This completely caught me off guard. I guess we are our own worst critic I look at pictures from those year of my life and I cringe. My perception of myself from this point in time is that I didn't date that much because I was ugly. Perhaps in evaluating from a distance it might have been other factors namely my own perception of myself as fat and ugly. I know so many beautiful confident women of all shapes and sizes who have completely disproven my early belief that men only want women who look like the women in magazines and on TV.
So on this Monday, halfway through November, I am thankful that I'm not where I was 8 years ago (I say 8 years ago because college was a blast and I loved it and my complicated love life soap opera started when I was 22-23 here is that part of the story). I'm thankful that life moves on and I'm blessed.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Conversation
I was supposed to have had a date today with Knoxville boy, the one before JM. I wasn't feeling it but was going to go to see if in person I felt differently. When he started telling me he was confused and not sure and blah blah blah I just got irritated. I told him never mind. So he told me to call him sometime today. I had no intention of doing so. I figure I'm letting it go and I was probably leading him on anyways, maybe not which was why I was going to go out with him again but more than likely I just was leading him on since I was more dreading today's date then looking forward to it. When he said call him I figured I would just drop it and he would go away. He just called me. He wanted to know where we stood. I explained he doesn't know many people in Charlotte and I was going to be nice and hang out with him because he asked if we could still hang out. He was on his way out of town, he travels all the time for business, so I was able to end the conversation in 10 minutes. I just feel like I lost respect for him when he was acting so wimpy about this whole thing. Hang out with me, see what happens, you don't need all the answers before we get together to have a simple drink.
I am feeling a little like Charlotte from SATC before she meets Trey the morning after Staten Island except I haven't been dating since I was 15... I can't help but wonder, WHERE IS HE???? Yet I'm also aware that I am fine on my own and I would rather be where I am now then tied to someone who makes me miserable because I rushed into something and made the wrong choice. I've had 2 people in the past week make the comment that they can't believe I'm not married yet, they don't mean this as insulting just in surprise. I've got a great answer that I use, I've been looking too hard instead of just letting go of it. Once again I have to let go. I'm not going to lead Knoxville boy to believe something that isn't true or isn't there. I'm not going back on Match. I'm taking a break until January and then I will try EHarmony again.
Good bye
The email I want to send to JM but I feel would be pointless so instead I am going to say good bye this way.
Dear JM,
You've hurt me and yet I have to be thankful that it happened so early in because later on would have been excruciating if it hurts this much now. When I met you it took my breath away. I wasn't even excited for our date and within the first few moments you had me completely captivated. I will probably never know or understand what happened. I wasn't lying when I wished you the very best in what would be our last correspondence that was my email to you.
I don't understand how you go from talking about making plans for meeting your son and going to your work event and going with you to Boston to suddenly nothing at all. Everything in me believed that this was special and real and I felt all lit up inside. I took you to meet my brother because I believed you would be around a while.
This has certainly left me doubting myself. In time I know I'll be ok again. It was only 2 weeks really and that is no time in the grand scheme of things. I believed that we would be crossing things off our list and going back for repeats. I was falling so hard and so fast and while that scared me a little bit it had been so long since I'd felt that for anyone. Your lack of communication is communication enough. Perhaps I was selling myself short anyways. Who really wants to be with someone who can't break away from work long enough to live life, I don't want to come second to someone's job, I've done that before it doesn't work very well for me.
I know that God has a purpose and a plan. I know that He is in control. I know that this is just one more time when I have to look at the blessings in my life and appreciate that ultimately God knows better than me how it is all supposed to be. When my heart hurts with the weight of disappointment I only have to look back and remember that He has always shown me that He is faithful and He works in ways that I do not understand.
You've hurt me and yet I have to be thankful that it happened so early in because later on would have been excruciating if it hurts this much now. When I met you it took my breath away. I wasn't even excited for our date and within the first few moments you had me completely captivated. I will probably never know or understand what happened. I wasn't lying when I wished you the very best in what would be our last correspondence that was my email to you.
I don't understand how you go from talking about making plans for meeting your son and going to your work event and going with you to Boston to suddenly nothing at all. Everything in me believed that this was special and real and I felt all lit up inside. I took you to meet my brother because I believed you would be around a while.
This has certainly left me doubting myself. In time I know I'll be ok again. It was only 2 weeks really and that is no time in the grand scheme of things. I believed that we would be crossing things off our list and going back for repeats. I was falling so hard and so fast and while that scared me a little bit it had been so long since I'd felt that for anyone. Your lack of communication is communication enough. Perhaps I was selling myself short anyways. Who really wants to be with someone who can't break away from work long enough to live life, I don't want to come second to someone's job, I've done that before it doesn't work very well for me.
I know that God has a purpose and a plan. I know that He is in control. I know that this is just one more time when I have to look at the blessings in my life and appreciate that ultimately God knows better than me how it is all supposed to be. When my heart hurts with the weight of disappointment I only have to look back and remember that He has always shown me that He is faithful and He works in ways that I do not understand.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Work, Running, Dating
I worked last night and got very lucky that the other hostess closed for me. This morning I was up bright and early (although not as early as I meant to be) at 7 to go for my run. I ran 11 miles, I know that I can run the 1/2 on 12/11 now I just need to work on increasing my pace. It was not a fast 11 miles by any stretch of the imagination but I also took off all last week from running and this morning I just set out to see how far I could run. I also was on a little bit of a time crunch since I had to go and take my Grandmommy for her hair appointment and it takes a good 45-hour to get down to where she is. Fortunately I was good on time and got her to her appointment on time then lunch then a quick trip to pick up prescriptions took forever then driving her home and calling my manager to say that I was going to be a few minutes late. I was about 10 minutes late but fortunately I have a good manager who understands. Tonight at the restaurant was smooth and fabulous and I love nights like tonight!!
I was supposed to have a lunch date tomorrow with a guy that I had gone out with a few times before JM. I wasn't really feeling it but figured I would go to be nice. Well he kept saying he was confused and finally I just told him that I was going to cancel since he doesn't seem to want to go. He asked me to hang out and I agreed that to me should be enough. No I did not admit that I met someone while he was not contacting me and I found that guy to be my dream guy but apparently I have a faulty detection system because the dream guy ribbitted big time and fell off the face of the planet. So instead of a date tomorrow it's an all about me day, even better!!!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Lunch
I had to make a quick stop at WM on my way back from lunch. As I was walking the door these greeted me, the picture, found here, doesn't do them justice. These are huge!!!! Just think 2 big marshmellows smushed together plus a little more. OH MY WORD they are soooo good!!!
I PASSED
Remember the ridiculously hard test I talked about 5 weeks ago? Mabye not, nevermind... In insurance there is a designator that is CIC, Certified Insurance Counselor the class went from 1-5 Wednesday, 8-5 Thursday, 8-5 Friday and on Saturday morning for 2 hours there was an all essay test. I was nervous and I studied and I put a whole lot of effort into it.
I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A HAPPY DANCE GOING ON AT MY CUBE RIGHT NOW
I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A HAPPY DANCE GOING ON AT MY CUBE RIGHT NOW
5QF
It's time again for 5QF if you want to play along go link up at My Little Life. Rules for Five Question Friday: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear tomorrow morning! And remember...HAVE FUN!! This is a fun and easy post, so enjoy it!!
1. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? When I had to have the cortisone shot in my elbow, I almost levitated off the table. Now I have a chiropractor who keeps the carpal/neck/too much computer issues in check.
2. How much sleep do you get at night? It really just depends, I function best on 8 hours but last night I didn't go to bed til almost midnight and I was up at 6 because it's Friday and I still had to come to work
3. How long did you believe in Santa Claus? How did you find out that he does not exist? I actually never believed in Santa, my parents told us the story but always kept Christmas to the birth of Jesus and my brother and I would receive 3 gifts a piece from our parents representing the 3 gifts the wisemen gave Jesus. When I worked in a Hallmark store one of my coworkers was a high school girl. She was talking to another coworker as they were stocking Christmas cards, in normal conversation voice she was explaining how she never believed in Santa, our manager quickly went over and ended that conversation, fortunately there were no small children in the store at that point in time.
4. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? A-Team. I don't miss S, at all, but I miss the fact we used to go to movies on a regular basis. I went to see A-Team because he went to see SATC 2 with me and that was our agreement. I actually enjoyed it more than SATC 2.
5. What do you wear to bed? Usually a T-Shirt, depending on how cold it is long or short sleeve and then shorts or yoga pants, again depending on how cold it is.
1. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? When I had to have the cortisone shot in my elbow, I almost levitated off the table. Now I have a chiropractor who keeps the carpal/neck/too much computer issues in check.
2. How much sleep do you get at night? It really just depends, I function best on 8 hours but last night I didn't go to bed til almost midnight and I was up at 6 because it's Friday and I still had to come to work
3. How long did you believe in Santa Claus? How did you find out that he does not exist? I actually never believed in Santa, my parents told us the story but always kept Christmas to the birth of Jesus and my brother and I would receive 3 gifts a piece from our parents representing the 3 gifts the wisemen gave Jesus. When I worked in a Hallmark store one of my coworkers was a high school girl. She was talking to another coworker as they were stocking Christmas cards, in normal conversation voice she was explaining how she never believed in Santa, our manager quickly went over and ended that conversation, fortunately there were no small children in the store at that point in time.
4. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? A-Team. I don't miss S, at all, but I miss the fact we used to go to movies on a regular basis. I went to see A-Team because he went to see SATC 2 with me and that was our agreement. I actually enjoyed it more than SATC 2.
5. What do you wear to bed? Usually a T-Shirt, depending on how cold it is long or short sleeve and then shorts or yoga pants, again depending on how cold it is.
Fashion Friday
I had an idea in my head for a dress to go out in to celebrate the completion of my 3rd 1/2 marathon in 2010. I still have to register, I still need a roommate, these are things that need to happen, but I believe it will work out. I was doing a little online browsing on the Belks site, where I have a store card, and found this little number.
But they didn't have my size
I decided to run into the store real fast yesterday afternoon and see what I might find. They are having their 30% off the clearance price sale right now. I had an idea in my head and was delighted to find that there were options that fit my idea!!! I tried on the one shouldered option but it didn't hang right and then I tried on...
This little number!! It fit just the way I wanted, and with dark hose and shoes I think it's going to be exactly what I want!!!
I loved it but they didn't have my size. Then I found this dress,
But they didn't have my size
I decided to run into the store real fast yesterday afternoon and see what I might find. They are having their 30% off the clearance price sale right now. I had an idea in my head and was delighted to find that there were options that fit my idea!!! I tried on the one shouldered option but it didn't hang right and then I tried on...
This little number!! It fit just the way I wanted, and with dark hose and shoes I think it's going to be exactly what I want!!!
All pictures pulled from the Belk website
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Picture
I have a friend who is on a business trip to Miami. I requested pictures. I had to share... I'm so jealous!!! Wish I was there!!
Veteran's Day
I would like to take a moment to say thank you. I know that there are families who have sacrificed much for our freedoms. I know that there are wives and children and husbands who are praying for the safe return of a loved one.
I may be biased but I feel that I live in the greatest nation in the world. I know we are not without our faults but I love my country. Sunday there was a gentleman who fought in world war II. When asked why he gave his time and service he said "I wouldn't have it any other way".
Thank you to all those who have served, who are serving and to those who have sacrificed their lives so that I have the freedom of living in this great country!!
I may be biased but I feel that I live in the greatest nation in the world. I know we are not without our faults but I love my country. Sunday there was a gentleman who fought in world war II. When asked why he gave his time and service he said "I wouldn't have it any other way".
Thank you to all those who have served, who are serving and to those who have sacrificed their lives so that I have the freedom of living in this great country!!
Thursday
Hmmm this is going to be a lot of things all thrown out on the page.... Yesterday afternoon after work I stopped by the grocery store. I agreed to make a meal for a family at church who just had a new little baby girl. I was originally going to thaw out a pork loin and do green beans and mac and cheese but I forgot (or just decided to do something else subconsciously) to get the pork loin out of the freezer. I decided to get a pan of frozen lasagna (I have readers right now who are probably cringing but hey I know it tastes good) and then I got a can of green beans along with balsamic dressing and a can of mushrooms, so that if they want they can do the green beans with the balsamic dressing and mushrooms, because it's yummy!! I also got garlic bread sticks and apple pie. My thought process is they will probably have company and even if they don't want this meal, or all of this meal tomorrow night they might just appreciate having this meal on hand if they have company. I'm pretty excited about it and the fact that I got it all for under $20.
I got home and relaxed and loved on JB for a bit and then despite the fact that I wanted to wallow and be sad I put my running shoes on, gave JB his treats and headed to the gym. I did weights, for the first time in waaaayyyy too long and yes I feel it today. Then I ran, and I ran 3 miles in 27 minutes and I was ecstatic. The last bit I ran at a flat 8 minute per mile pace. I was pleased and felt good and ready for a shower!!
This time change has really messed me up, I feel exhausted by 9 but that's because my body believes it to be 10. I wish that we could just keep the spring time as I like having the light for longer. I guess that's selfish but I like coming home and having enough time to go out for a run and heading out at 5 is really pushing whatever daylight is left!
I have to go back to the dentist today to finish up what he did last week then I have to go back to my dentist to get the crown, it's a lesson in patience and the part I'm thankful for is that I didn't lose my tooth, that was what I thought would happen and I'm glad that this isn't the case.
I hope that everyone has a fabulous Thursday!!
I got home and relaxed and loved on JB for a bit and then despite the fact that I wanted to wallow and be sad I put my running shoes on, gave JB his treats and headed to the gym. I did weights, for the first time in waaaayyyy too long and yes I feel it today. Then I ran, and I ran 3 miles in 27 minutes and I was ecstatic. The last bit I ran at a flat 8 minute per mile pace. I was pleased and felt good and ready for a shower!!
This time change has really messed me up, I feel exhausted by 9 but that's because my body believes it to be 10. I wish that we could just keep the spring time as I like having the light for longer. I guess that's selfish but I like coming home and having enough time to go out for a run and heading out at 5 is really pushing whatever daylight is left!
I have to go back to the dentist today to finish up what he did last week then I have to go back to my dentist to get the crown, it's a lesson in patience and the part I'm thankful for is that I didn't lose my tooth, that was what I thought would happen and I'm glad that this isn't the case.
I hope that everyone has a fabulous Thursday!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Amazon Boycott
Girls Night
I am mentally preparing for another girls night out with my friend MG. We're hoping to have this night in December, yes I have to plan this far out. I hope to celebrate running the Charlotte 1/2, my 3rd 1/2 in 2010. I figure sequined and shortish should do nicely for my celebrating, plus very very high heels. So this dress that I found over at piperlime I thought was super cute. And now I better actually get back to work before I get myself in trouble!!
Shoes
We all know that money can't buy happiness but it can buy SHOES!!!! When I was out on Sunday with my Aunt L, Mom and K I found these at Kohls. Photo is courtesy of Kohls.com. Not only do I think they are fabulous they were also originally $60 and I got them on sale for $20 and PA doesn't have tax on clothing and shoes, SCORE!!!
All the time
I love going out of town but it's always hard to come back because there is so much to catch up on!!! Monday afternoon as soon as I got home I changed clothes and Jack and I ran together. I was so proud of my puppy he ran 4 miles. I try to be careful about the distance that he goes but he had energy at the end to still try and chase squirrels so I think he was ok. I was happy to run under a 10 minute mile. I know a watch that tracks this would be helpful but I have a feeling it would be the same story as my ipod, it would just sit on my dresser because I don't understand how to make it work.
I worked at the restaurant last night. After a not so great Saturday a week and a half ago they are trying to make blanket statements about how things should be. Apparently our kitchen melts down fairly easily. This annoys me and reminds me of how spoiled I was by my last restaurant. I know that I need to do my part to help with everything including telling guests that yes you might see an open table but our kitchen is behind and I'm sorry but you are going to have to wait while our kitchen catches up. This is going to start showing up in our reviews because if I walked in on a Tuesday night when we only had 150 (not even) and we went on a wait, to me that is just unacceptable. It will be interesting to see how this works itself out as we move towards the holidays.
Tonight I plan for another run and weights, I haven't done weights in way too many weeks!!! I also have to say I'm still fighting off disappointment, it's there. It makes me feel a little edgy, a little like biting off everyone's head who talks to me. I have to keep that in check. Life moves on, disappointments happen. I have another friend who told me yesterday that she's pregnant, I am so excited for her!! So many friends have recently announced that they are expecting and I share their joy and let go of the question of when will it be me, there is a big important first for me involving a license and wedding band before this one happens! A friend who believed that she and her husband were going to have their baby by adoption a few weeks ago had the heartbreak of the mom changing her mind. I got a text on Monday that they have been chosen again, details to come. I've been telling her that God has their baby they just have to keep believing and trusting. This is hard to do when it's something you want so much. In all our lives we have things we want SO much, sometimes it is to find the right guy, sometimes it is to have a baby, for some it's a change in job the list goes on. I know that God knows our needs and provides, looking back I can give examples in my own life. But when you're going through heartbreak or struggles or disappointment it's sometimes easy to just look at that instead of looking forward. When I was at church on Sunday with my Godfamily I was praying for my friend and the baby that I know God has for her and her husband. I looked over at a little girl who is an absolute miracle. I remember praying for her when she was born, she had cancer. I think there were other things that were wrong as well but I would have to ask my Godmother to remind me of the whole story. When I looked at her, she is an absolutely 100% healthy normal little girl, I was reminded that God is still the God of miracles and He can. Sometimes the way He CAN isn't the way we WANT and instead of getting mad or disillusioned we are called to give thanks, all the time. God is good ALL the time, there is a reason He has instructed us to give thanks. Have you ever noticed that when things just seem black as blackest night around you and you just dwell on that and focus on that it just seems to become worse and worse? But when you start trying to think of the positive you allow a glimmer of light into the darkness. It takes time, it's not easy and the negative keeps trying to push the positive because the truth is the enemy wants to steal our joy. The enemy wants to keep us focused on the misery and negativity instead of allowing the joy of the spirit in our lives. We all need to vent, we all have times when we need love and encouragement. As I typed I had so much negativity and frustration and the more I typed the more peace I had. So now that it's all out, Happy Wednesday everyone!!!!
I worked at the restaurant last night. After a not so great Saturday a week and a half ago they are trying to make blanket statements about how things should be. Apparently our kitchen melts down fairly easily. This annoys me and reminds me of how spoiled I was by my last restaurant. I know that I need to do my part to help with everything including telling guests that yes you might see an open table but our kitchen is behind and I'm sorry but you are going to have to wait while our kitchen catches up. This is going to start showing up in our reviews because if I walked in on a Tuesday night when we only had 150 (not even) and we went on a wait, to me that is just unacceptable. It will be interesting to see how this works itself out as we move towards the holidays.
Tonight I plan for another run and weights, I haven't done weights in way too many weeks!!! I also have to say I'm still fighting off disappointment, it's there. It makes me feel a little edgy, a little like biting off everyone's head who talks to me. I have to keep that in check. Life moves on, disappointments happen. I have another friend who told me yesterday that she's pregnant, I am so excited for her!! So many friends have recently announced that they are expecting and I share their joy and let go of the question of when will it be me, there is a big important first for me involving a license and wedding band before this one happens! A friend who believed that she and her husband were going to have their baby by adoption a few weeks ago had the heartbreak of the mom changing her mind. I got a text on Monday that they have been chosen again, details to come. I've been telling her that God has their baby they just have to keep believing and trusting. This is hard to do when it's something you want so much. In all our lives we have things we want SO much, sometimes it is to find the right guy, sometimes it is to have a baby, for some it's a change in job the list goes on. I know that God knows our needs and provides, looking back I can give examples in my own life. But when you're going through heartbreak or struggles or disappointment it's sometimes easy to just look at that instead of looking forward. When I was at church on Sunday with my Godfamily I was praying for my friend and the baby that I know God has for her and her husband. I looked over at a little girl who is an absolute miracle. I remember praying for her when she was born, she had cancer. I think there were other things that were wrong as well but I would have to ask my Godmother to remind me of the whole story. When I looked at her, she is an absolutely 100% healthy normal little girl, I was reminded that God is still the God of miracles and He can. Sometimes the way He CAN isn't the way we WANT and instead of getting mad or disillusioned we are called to give thanks, all the time. God is good ALL the time, there is a reason He has instructed us to give thanks. Have you ever noticed that when things just seem black as blackest night around you and you just dwell on that and focus on that it just seems to become worse and worse? But when you start trying to think of the positive you allow a glimmer of light into the darkness. It takes time, it's not easy and the negative keeps trying to push the positive because the truth is the enemy wants to steal our joy. The enemy wants to keep us focused on the misery and negativity instead of allowing the joy of the spirit in our lives. We all need to vent, we all have times when we need love and encouragement. As I typed I had so much negativity and frustration and the more I typed the more peace I had. So now that it's all out, Happy Wednesday everyone!!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Why I've been so vague
I was pretty vague as far as what was going on. In truth it was not earth shattering. I mentioned that I had the best date ever a few weeks ago. After that I didn't say anything I didn't want to jinx it. I should have just spilled it then I wouldn't have had to be so vague. JM was the guy I had that date with. He had to go out of town the day after our date and I heard from him non stop while he was out of town. In fact I met him out at 10:30 that following Sunday for a drink just to see him. Everything in me said that this was something unlike the others and that he was special. I saw him Monday night, I saw him Wednesday night and I saw him all day last Sunday (10/31). I was lying on the couch watching football and had the thought that there would be many Sundays like this to come. I heard from him Monday of last week then nothing Tuesday but we had tentative plans for Wednesday so I shot him an email about what our plan would be. He responded back that he needed to move it to Thursday I emailed back why that wouldn't work since I was packing and going to my parents. So he said he would try and work it out. Wednesday I didn't hear from him all day long. I then had a dental appointment and found out I might be losing my tooth, so when I got home I emailed requesting a rain check. I got a response an hour later that said of course I could have a rain check. That was it, nothing Thursday, nothing Friday, nothing Saturday. Saturday afternoon I sent a text saying hey it's been a little bit the cold and snow made me think of your recent trip. I was confused, here is a guy who I understand is busy but there had been communication from the night we met until Monday and then suddenly, NOTHING.
I got nothing back, this from the guy who would usually respond to a text in 5 minutes. So when we got home that night I shot him an email and said that I was pretty sure it's nothing I've done and that I had really enjoyed spending time with him and requested that he leave my bowl in front of my door. About an hour later I got an email saying that no he's just been crazy busy and he's sorry and he gets so busy with work and then feels guilty for being really late or having to cancel and that he thinks I'm very sweet and understanding. OK, now here's why I sometimes hate FB. He had become friends with a woman on there and she was liking all his pics and status's. I don't know who she was but he was having time to update his status on Thursday and while I don't know this what if they were talking all day Thursday the way he had talked to me? I know this seems like a huge leap for me to take but when you've had this type thing happen before it makes you wonder. I honestly in my gut don't feel this to be the case but I have heard nothing at all for days from a guy who blew up my phone initially.
I responded back to his email and explained that I liked him a lot (this is short version) and that I can understand being busy and that I can understand when he has to be late or cancel and that I don't get mad easily. I explained that I don't handle it well when 3 days go by and I hear nothing at all because I am female and I tend to believe the worst and that would be that he's moved on and no longer interested. I told him that I would work with his schedule and that I just wanted him to be honest. I said that if it's just being busy and not something else then we can work on that you just explain to me how it has to be and I will be honest if I can handle it or not. I told him I wasn't looking for an immediate response. That was Saturday night, nothing has been sent back to me. I feel like there has been a bait and switch. I can't understand how the guy who couldn't wait to see me and contacted me every day suddenly pulls so far away that he disappears. We were planning for me to meet his son. We were planning for me to go up to Boston. We were talking about things coming up. He was the one asking I was agreeing. I wasn't suggesting he was talking about it and I was telling him I would make it happen if he wanted me to join him. I have often been criticized by my girls for being pushy but this time this wasn't me it was him. My gut tells me it's not over but realistically everything points to it's done. He's 38 years old and I'm 31 I don't have time for games, in the sense that I am busy. I have a full life. I don't need someone jerking me around making me believe that they are the most amazing guy ever and then suddenly dropping off the radar entirely. Yes his job is crazy insanely busy and yes he told me up front it had always been his mistress but he also said he wanted to work on that. So I let it go. I'm not contacting him again. I want my bowl back I'm tired of losing dishes and glassware to guys. I made dinner last Sunday which is why he has the bowl in the first place. If I don't hear from him by next Sunday I'll shoot an email on Monday asking for my bowl back and then I will drop it. I can ask for a replacement for Christmas.
So I had an absolutely fabulous time with my family, I got an awesome pair of new shoes! My dog survived his time with the dogsitter and the worst that happen was he peed on my bed, which I've been able to clean. Life moves on, I have 2 dates this week. I don't expect anything and I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I allowed myself to trust and showed myself that I am capable of having *those* kinds of feelings the kind of excitement and anticipation and joy over someone who I find special, that I thought were long dead.
I got nothing back, this from the guy who would usually respond to a text in 5 minutes. So when we got home that night I shot him an email and said that I was pretty sure it's nothing I've done and that I had really enjoyed spending time with him and requested that he leave my bowl in front of my door. About an hour later I got an email saying that no he's just been crazy busy and he's sorry and he gets so busy with work and then feels guilty for being really late or having to cancel and that he thinks I'm very sweet and understanding. OK, now here's why I sometimes hate FB. He had become friends with a woman on there and she was liking all his pics and status's. I don't know who she was but he was having time to update his status on Thursday and while I don't know this what if they were talking all day Thursday the way he had talked to me? I know this seems like a huge leap for me to take but when you've had this type thing happen before it makes you wonder. I honestly in my gut don't feel this to be the case but I have heard nothing at all for days from a guy who blew up my phone initially.
I responded back to his email and explained that I liked him a lot (this is short version) and that I can understand being busy and that I can understand when he has to be late or cancel and that I don't get mad easily. I explained that I don't handle it well when 3 days go by and I hear nothing at all because I am female and I tend to believe the worst and that would be that he's moved on and no longer interested. I told him that I would work with his schedule and that I just wanted him to be honest. I said that if it's just being busy and not something else then we can work on that you just explain to me how it has to be and I will be honest if I can handle it or not. I told him I wasn't looking for an immediate response. That was Saturday night, nothing has been sent back to me. I feel like there has been a bait and switch. I can't understand how the guy who couldn't wait to see me and contacted me every day suddenly pulls so far away that he disappears. We were planning for me to meet his son. We were planning for me to go up to Boston. We were talking about things coming up. He was the one asking I was agreeing. I wasn't suggesting he was talking about it and I was telling him I would make it happen if he wanted me to join him. I have often been criticized by my girls for being pushy but this time this wasn't me it was him. My gut tells me it's not over but realistically everything points to it's done. He's 38 years old and I'm 31 I don't have time for games, in the sense that I am busy. I have a full life. I don't need someone jerking me around making me believe that they are the most amazing guy ever and then suddenly dropping off the radar entirely. Yes his job is crazy insanely busy and yes he told me up front it had always been his mistress but he also said he wanted to work on that. So I let it go. I'm not contacting him again. I want my bowl back I'm tired of losing dishes and glassware to guys. I made dinner last Sunday which is why he has the bowl in the first place. If I don't hear from him by next Sunday I'll shoot an email on Monday asking for my bowl back and then I will drop it. I can ask for a replacement for Christmas.
So I had an absolutely fabulous time with my family, I got an awesome pair of new shoes! My dog survived his time with the dogsitter and the worst that happen was he peed on my bed, which I've been able to clean. Life moves on, I have 2 dates this week. I don't expect anything and I'm not going to beat myself up over this. I allowed myself to trust and showed myself that I am capable of having *those* kinds of feelings the kind of excitement and anticipation and joy over someone who I find special, that I thought were long dead.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sunday
I can truly say that I've let go of what's been bothering me over the past few days. I sent an email and said what I had to say and let go. Whatever happens, happens. God is in control, I no longer feel anything other than peace.
I shopped til I dropped yesterday with some of my favorite people in the world. I had a yummy dinner, I relaxed.
Today we had church, it's cold up here!!! I'm getting ready to go enjoy a Mexican lunch and lazy Sunday. Life is good!!!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Girls Shopping Trip
So excited!!! I love these days when I head out with my Mom and Godmother and Godsister and we hit the stories. We were going to go to the outlets but it's sooo cold and all the outlets requiring walking around outside. We've done this in the past but today we just decided on the mall.
After my conversation with Mom and Aunt L (Godmother) last night I have realized that truly nothing is Impossible with God. I also had this verse as I was falling asleep.
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways submit to Him and He will set your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.
As I give thanks for the blessings in my life and enjoy my time with my family I know that God has a purpose and a plan for me. Letting go of what I want is hard but I know that ultimately God's plan is best.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Girlfriends In God Email November 4
November 4, 2010
Everything Will Be Okay
Today's Truth
Isaiah 43:2 (NLT) "When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."
Friend to Friend
I am an avid reader. In fact, reading is one of my favorite ways to escape the sometimes chaotic pace of daily life. I also enjoy browsing through bookstores, especially the ones that provide cushy chairs where customers can sit quietly and read without being disturbed.
It is easy to tune out your surroundings and lose yourself in the pages of a good book. I was doing just that when I heard a familiar voice. Looking up, I spotted one of my friends, Carol, who was asking an employee where she could find a new suspense novel that had just been released. The young man quickly handed Carol the book from his personal stash behind the counter and went back to work. I watched a smile spread across Carol's face as she examined her new treasure while gently turning the book over in her hands and flipping through pages. Carol then did something I absolutely could not believe. She turned to the last several pages of the book and began reading.
It was time for an intervention. I was ready for the task.
I quickly put the book I had been reading back on the shelf. I needed to focus on the obvious needs of my friend. With a quick wave, I got Carol's attention and made my approach. After a quick hug, I said, "It is so good to see you. How have you been?" We spent a few minutes catching up on what was happening in our lives.
I could not help myself. "Are you buying that book?" I asked. It was an honest question because, for the life of me, I could not understand why anyone would want to buy a suspense novel when they already knew how it ended. Excitement danced in her eyes as she responded, "Yes, I am. I can't wait to read it. The ending is awesome!"
Now I can understand reading the first few pages or scanning the table of contents before buying a book. I can even comprehend reading a few paragraphs here and there to get an idea of the story line. That makes sense to me. Carol's perspective did not. "Okay. I have to confess that I saw you reading the last few pages of the book. Why in the world did you read the ending? Won't that spoil the story for you?" I asked.
"Not at all," Carol quickly responded. "Before I buy a book, I always read the ending to make sure I really want that particular book," she explained. It was worse than I thought. Seeing the look of disbelief on my face, she laughed and admitted, "I know. It sounds crazy, but I have to know that everything turns out okay before I commit to reading the book."
The more I thought about Carol's words, the more I realized that as followers of God, we need to do the same.Billy Graham once said, "I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right."
When we focus only on what we can see and understand or explain, we will worry. Fear and doubt will become familiar companions if we live each day against the backdrop of this broken world. Our only hope is God. And it is not enough to just know about Him. We must know Him. A personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ assures us that no matter what the world throws our way, it's all going to be okay.
Let's Pray
Father, I am tempted to worry about so many things. Our world is a mess! Forgive me for focusing on anything or anyone but You. Thank You for the Bible that equips and empowers me to live each day. Right now, I declare that You are my only Hope. Please help me to remember that You really are in control.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Nothing is Impossible with God
One of my very favorite movies is Facing the Giants! I have posted a few times about different scenes and how I've applied them to my life. Tonight I was washing my face, crying because I'm a girl and I'm upset and I kept hearing the line from the movie, it's at the end, "You tell me what is impossible with God? NOTHING is impossible with God!" Then Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." My devotion from yesterday was about trusting in the Lord and the plans that He has for us.
In my head I know that nothing is impossible with God and in my heart I know this, I just have to keep telling myself because that's how I hold onto it.
Added
As I was typing this post I heard my mom discussing what is going on with my Godmother so I went out and told mom she wasn't being as quiet as she thought and I wasn't mad but I did let her know I knew what they were talking about. As I opened up to them about how I was feeling there was such a release. I have no idea what God is doing or what His plan is but I know that His plan for me is greater then anything I could ask or imagine!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Let go
“I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” Martin Luther Sometimes it's hard when you have found something that is so exciting, fresh, new and different to remember to take a step back. In this life it is crazy, busy, exhausting and wonderful!!
I am excited for my upcoming trip. Last night I figured out what will go into my suitcase.
Today I need to remember that God is good all the time, that He has a purpose and a plan. That holding on to what I want with a death grip is pointless. I believe that what is meant to be will be and I can not push, shove, or maneuver what isn't to be into being.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." Hebrews 11:1-3
I am excited for my upcoming trip. Last night I figured out what will go into my suitcase.
Today I need to remember that God is good all the time, that He has a purpose and a plan. That holding on to what I want with a death grip is pointless. I believe that what is meant to be will be and I can not push, shove, or maneuver what isn't to be into being.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." Hebrews 11:1-3
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
This week
It has been just a little crazy!!! Sunday there was a drive up to see Bean and Jelly and share breakfast and catch up. Then I worked at the restaurant Monday and Tuesday night. I've had to be at the full time gig every morning at 7 because I go to the dentist this afternoon to finally get the crown for my tooth that had the root canal. I have errands to run after that and then tomorrow I NEED to get a run in because then I have to pack. Tomorrow night my house sitter/dog sitter arrives and I will head out. I am going to Pittsburgh for the weekend. I am so excited to see my Godfamily!! It's going to be cold, but that's ok!! There will be shopping and lots of conversation and I get to see my girls!!!
At the full time job there is a project I'm helping with similar to the one I had to help with last time so it's just craziness, hence the reason for my light posting.
Hope everyone is having a great week!!
At the full time job there is a project I'm helping with similar to the one I had to help with last time so it's just craziness, hence the reason for my light posting.
Hope everyone is having a great week!!
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