Dinner, Tires, Working out

When S offered to take me to dinner tonight it reminded me that sometimes it's ok to explain hey it doesn't make sense for me to come up because I've got this, this and this going on. I was really happy that he offered, whether it happens or not it makes a difference that the offer was made. I know how hard he works and I know that at the end of the week we're both always really tired! It made me realize that he does still want to see me and spend time with me and this is a good thing!
I got in the car this morning for work and my check tire light came on. I dislike having to do anything related to my car, it's inevitably expensive. I'm also spoiled because it does not happen often. Fortunately with my tires there is a warranty in place so I just have to run by Discount Tire when I leave work to have them check the tires for me. A long time ago my Dad showed me how to check and change a tire but we're talking 9 years ago, I don't remember. I have Triple A I call them they come, they put the spare on, I drive to Discount Tire and they fix it. My parents give me Triple A every year for my birthday so there's no out of pocket expense for me. Fortunately as I was driving at lunch the light went off so I think it may have something to do with the changing air pressure of the weather and I can check this off my list of things I have to do for right now.
I was able to go to the gym last night and get a strength training session in as well as a run. It's my first time at the gym all week because I worked Monday night and Wednesday night and Tuesday night I was so exhausted I just didn't go. I plan for a nice run tomorrow before I have to be at the bridal salon at 11. I've found that I work out for my own sanity. When I was dating CF I cancelled my gym membership. This was a huge mistake on my part. When I work out it's for me and it's not something that I can skip. It was much easier when there was a gym closer to S because I was able to workout with him. I'm hoping that there are unknown plans by my gym to open another location up that way, this would be ideal because otherwise I stay closer to my place in order to get the necessary workouts in. When we first started dating we were training for the 1/2 marathon so we actually spent quite a bit of time together working out. Now he's training for his first triathlon and running a much faster pace than me so I let him workout on his time and I workout on mine.
Earlier this week when I agreed to work at the store it was because I thought S was working, now the office may be closed tomorrow but I can't back out of going, it wouldn't be fair. I do try to keep my Saturday's open when I know that S is not working at the office. I think coming off of such a hectic month it's hard to decompress and realize that things are starting to slow down again and he and I will be able to resume our more normal level of busy as opposed to crazy busy.

Keeping a balance

I was talking to S last night after work. We were discussing his day at work and why his business partner leaves a lot to be desired and why he's so ridiculous. During our conversation it came up about some different situations and we once again discussed the time line for when he'll be able to cut loose. The hard part, I can't ask questions of "well where does this leave us?" It's not exactly fair to him and I'm not supposed to be asking these questions for another 5 months.
I'm trying to appreciate the current time and enjoy getting to know him. I think he's great. I just can't shake the feeling that even at the end of this 5 months he's not going to have any better idea of what he wants. If that's the case then I'll go from there. Worrying about 5 months from now is not going to do me any good. I've already expressed that things between us keep getting better. I've already reminded myself that he talks to me about everything. If I'm focusing on 5 months out instead of what's going on now then I'm going to miss out on a lot. I want to push and control and keep asking the same questions over and over and I know that this is pointless and not going to get me anywhere and probably mess up a good thing. A big part of this is my fears and insecurities and as has been pointed out to me before I'm not "wasting time". I'm learning about myself and growing and for the first time I'm in a relationship where I haven't made it all about him.
A few examples from my past... I moved in with CF in November 06 because I couldn't take the back and forth of hauling my stuff. When I moved out in March the pattern had already been set that I always had to come to him. The majority of the time with JL I drove to him. Same story with KS, initially KS would drive to me but after a few weeks it was always me driving to his place. This was actually not a problem for me as I had a weird roommate at the time and I wanted to get away from that roommate as much as possible. In my past I had a bad pattern of dropping everything in order to put whatever guy I was dating as a top priority.
With S when I had a gym up near him I didn't mind occasionally staying during the week. Once they closed the branch of my gym that was up there I can no longer keep to my workout schedule. The fact that it makes my commute an hour or longer as opposed to 25-30 minutes is another deterrent from my willingness to stay. He works late during the week and I work a couple nights a week at the restaurant so I've found that it works best for me to occasionally go up on the weekend. With his 2 big dogs it's much easier for me to bring my little dog and set him up and that way Jack can play with the girls and isn't by himself all weekend if I happen to be working. This Saturday S has to work and I have to work 11-2 at the bridal salon and then that evening I'm working at the restaurant so I'll have Jack at my place. I feel sort of guilty for saying that I'm going to stay at my place Friday and Saturday but the reality is we wouldn't really see each other that much anyways. I have to get a run in early on Saturday morning and then Sunday church is less than 10 minutes from where I live. S lives 40 minutes away, when traffic is good. I told him I would come up after church on Sunday. This saves me having to fill up my gas tank an extra time. A part of me says I'm not being fair and not putting in the effort to make time for him. The other part of me is realistic and understands that it's going to be much easier on me to stay put and get everything done that I have to do.

Later on in the evening...

I have to give an update to this post. I talked to S tonight on the phone. While we were talking he was telling me about his day and how he purchased a new dishwasher and at the same time got a really great deal on a convection oven which is supposed to be really great for people who like to bake and then he stopped himself short. See S doesn't bake. He throws stuff in the oven to heat it up but he's not the baker, I am. I didn't press that one I just let it go and we moved on to the next topic. Before we got off the phone he asked me that since I wasn't coming up what if, if he gets out of work at a reasonable time, he comes down and takes me to dinner. He scored major points with that one! Realistically he won't be able to do this. He's usually at the office til 8 on Fridays but it's possible it might happen. Either way the fact that he offered to come take me to dinner reminds me that I have to be fair and let go of my negative thoughts.

This time 5,4,3,2,1 year ago...

As this time of year has rolled around there are just some parts of my past I can't help but think about. This time of year 2005 I was getting ready to close on my little condo and freaking out about it! I was transitioning from the wine bar and bistro restaurant to a more upscale restaurant. I was dating various guys and having fun.
This time 2006 I was getting ready to move on to the next chapter of my professional career with an insurance agency rather than an insurance carrier. I was on match.com and I had met DB who invited me to the Bahamas but I broke up with him (on Mother's Day) because I had reconnected with JL. My first roommate was getting ready to move into her own place and I was working part time in the upscale restaurant but I was constantly losing my voice. I fell hard and fast for JL all over again but he was trying to find a job and figure out what he was going to do with his life. He had been working in the mortgage business and this industry was coming to a grinding halt.
I would go back and forth between DB and JL that summer. When I started dating CF in September I thought all that was over and done with.
This time 2007 I had broken up and gotten back together with CF. When he and I first started dating we were rarely apart. So that meant he took me for granted. When I moved back to my own place in March he made no effort to see me or spend time with me. We travelled to Florida this week in 2007 to see his 1/2 sister graduate from high school. I went to the beach with CF's family in June and while I enjoyed the beach and hanging out with his younger 1/2 sister and mom the rest of the trip I've blocked, it was that bad. His older sister and her then husband had a horrible fight that made me realize how bad the situation between them really was. They divorced about a year later. In my professional career this was the time of year I went to work for the previous agency that I worked for. The first day on the job I realized I had made a horrible mistake and I immediately began looking for a new position. I was in a bad relationship and a bad job and I was generally just unhappy but I was trying to make the relationship work. I finally gave up on the relationship and let CF in August 2007.
This time of year 2008 I was dating KS. I liked him; he was fun and laid back, easy to get along with. He and I went to his parent's house over Memorial Day weekend and celebrated his Grandmother's 90th birthday with the rest of his family. A few weeks later we went to the beach and had a really great time, until the trip home when he told me that he didn't believe that Adam and Eve were real and Noah's Ark was just a story. He had some other views that threw me for a loop but I continued to date him. Finally in September I realized that between our different religious and political view points there was just no way I could ever have a future with the guy so I broke up with him.
This time 2009 I was dating M3. It was this time of year when his whole personality changed and the guy who blew up my phone with text messages and was the reason for an astronomically high cell phone bill suddenly quit communicating with me. He was quick to tell me that he had a lot going on. I knew that he did but it's difficult to be understanding when you don't know what is happening that is so stressful. I went above and beyond and he had no concept of what give and take is. The icing on the cake was when I was told that he called me clingy. I have plenty of personality traits that I have to work on but clinginess is not one of those traits. I had been super nice and super understanding and in my opinion he's just a huge jerk. He's finally quit trying to message me every time he sees me on FB. I had deleted him from my friends once I found out he called me clingy but back in December he re-requested me to friend him. I accepted only because he is the reason I have an iPod and rebuilt computer. After he and I broke up he started dating this cute blonde girl. I'm not sure what happened but they broke up after a month or 2. I know this because his FB was never set to private so I always knew what was going on with him and if your information is not set to private then I'm going to look, I'm nosy that way. Really I hope I never see him after I've had a few drinks because I would be way too honest about what a jerk I think he is. I had a conversation a couple months ago regarding the difference between M3 and S. Basically in every aspect S is a much better guy. I do believe that the relationships with M3 as well as with RS are the reason why I'm able to keep myself in check and keep things in perspective with S. When I think back to all the relationships that I've been in the reason I'm trying to maintain my normal self with S is because I know that he's the best guy I've ever dated. Whether it works out long term or not I have learned a lot when it comes to not pushing and not trying to constantly be in control.

Schools and Government

Conversation with coworkers regarding the local school system: Coworker "so apparently they are now going to have the CMS kids ride the city transportation instead of bussing them in the traditional school busses." I had to put my nose into this conversation "excuse me say that again.." "yes apparently they believe that it's a good idea and will save money if the students take the public transportation busses."

I also found out during this conversation that they now make middle schoolers pay $50 per sport that they play and high schoolers pay $100 per sport. The schools here have the "good schools" and the mediocre and then the just plain bad. I did not grow up in the CMS system my Mom graduated from the system in 1972 and she swore she would do whatever it took to keep her children out of CMS. My coworker said something that I've heard before from friends who teach, all the money is at the top. They have such a top heavy bureaucratic system all the money stays in the salaries and bonuses. The teachers don't make the money that they should, at the end of the year they go and lay off the teachers who have been there the longest and are closest to retirement so they don't have to pay them the money that they've rightfully earned to retire. Instead this leaves them searching for jobs and taking something in order to have something in order to make ends meet.

The CMS bussing has never ever been a good idea. My mom can tell you stories of the riots that she witnessed as they were bussing students all over the city in order to integrate the schools. I believe that they still do this, these kids get on busses at ridiculous hours of the morning in order to be at school on time. I know very little about all of it because I've only learned what I know through conversations with teachers or students or former students.

I was immediately horrified at the idea of my child boarding a public transportation bus, without adult supervision, in order to go to school. In my mind you've just opened up a whole can of worms when it comes to liability if you actually go through with this. Why not cut your gigantic salary in half and put it back where it belongs, in the actual schools themselves? To me this is along the same irritation I have with our governor (oh who by the way ran on some kind of education campaign herself) who feels the need to buy ridiculously high priced art work and make roads that are hardly travelled while the state could hardly afford to pay back the refunds it owed for our taxes. Goodness gracious knows when I owed them I had to pay up but they took a long time returning to me what they owed me.

It seems to me that there has to be a way to make a difference I'm just not sure how. We're watching oil leak and leak into the waters of the gulf coast and affect everything and it's scary. We're watching financial meltdowns over in Europe. We're slowly coming out of a national financial depression. We have a government who seems to want to control every aspect of our lives. Where does it stop? What do we do? How do we make our voices heard?

chapters yet written

I had a friend tell me today that she and her husband have decided to separate. I've known since last May that things weren't good and they've gone to counseling. I met MKW when I interviewed for my first job with the insurance carrier that I worked for 2003-2006. She was one of my interviewers and she and I immediately hit it off. I did not get the job that she interviewed me for but they made sure I was given another position that better fit my qualifications, translation entry level data entry where in 3 months I was able to work my way up to an assistant. I remember that she and I had many conversations about her relationship. It was a complicated one. They had lived together then moved out then broke up then got back together. I remember the night she got the ring (2003) and the text message that I received. She was so excited! I was able to help with a lot of the planning process. Before I left the bridal salon where I was working prior to the insurance carrier I purchased a strapless white cotton eyelet floor length dress. I was dating the old guy and thought things were moving that direction and I loved the dress and felt it would be perfect so since I still had the discount (and room on the credit card) I bought it. When he and I broke up I still loved the dress but had no upcoming occasion to wear it. I was talking to MKW and realized it was exactly what she had in mind for her dress. So I brought it in, showed it to her, she loved it, so I sold it to her. It was perfect on her! They were married in June of 2004 I had to work and was unable to attend the festivities. They had their ups and downs and difficult times. They bought a condo somewhere between 2006-07. MKW became the main income when the husband lost his job. He has since found a job but this was a challenge. From what I glean from the conversations that I've had with her he just doesn't care. It's not that he doesn't care about her but just about life in general. When he lost his job he was rather ambivalent about finding another. When it came to the homework given by the marriage counselor he was ambivalent. He didn't necessarily have any goals or aspirations for the future. I know that initially he did or MKW never would have considered a future with him. She is driven and motivated and always on the go. She volunteers and always has a few projects that she's working on. So there's no doubt that she will be fine. The split is amicable and the decision to go their separate ways makes them sad but they feel that it's over. They dated for years before they got married so I have no idea how many years they've been together total.
Another friend, a former coworker and actually for a short time my supervisor from the same job got married in October of 2005. I believe it was a situation where it seemed like a good idea at the time but once it was all said and done he was not the person that she thought. They separated and their divorce was final in 2008.
The email I received today made me think. There are times when I feel very upset at the fact that my 31st birthday is approaching and I am not married. I have a hard time not bringing up the subject of where is this going and what are you thinking with S. I've never been one to just sit back and let things develop I try to push them along, usually this means that I break up with the guy I'm dating because I don't see him fitting the role of being married to me and I don't want to waste time. I love to read but I'm one who will read the end to make sure it has an ending that I want to read to. I've been all about instant gratification. New dress, new shoes, new outfit, I used to swipe a card without a second thought. I had one of my card numbers memorized and despite having cut up the card it did me no good because I kept using it online anyways. The choices that I've made when it came to my dating life have ultimately saved me from the experience of having to go through an ending such as divorce. I probably could have pushed my way into a marriage if I wasn't so quick to break up but when I look back I have no doubts that breaking up was the right thing to do. In looking at the guys that these 2 friends married, they're not bad guys but they both lack motivation, the guys are actually very different but this is the one common factor I notice. I think about my girlfriends who are married and the give and take that I see in the different relationships that I observe. It's actually very cool to watch the dynamics of these women who have been my friend, some since church nursery and some who have come into my life within the past 5 years. Some I watched the relationship develop others were already married by the time I met them. I see that they challenge and are challenged by those that they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. Some dated for a year or more others knew each other for less than a year. Who is to say what the future holds, only God knows this.
I write all this as a reminder to myself. It's OK that I'm almost 31 and never been married. I wouldn't want to be married to any of the guys that I've dated to this point. I have to remember that I do believe that everything happens for a reason and to appreciate the here and now and quit worrying about the "what ifs" of the future. S is different then any of the guys before yet there is no ending for me to read in the book of our story that is being written. I can't jump ahead and say oh I don't like this ending I'm leaving. Truly good stories are the ones you don't want to end anyways. You want to keep reading on about what happens.

Balance

I forgot to pay my Verizon bill. I received an email that I opened yesterday morning at 5:30, wow was I awake fast. It told me I owed XXX.XX and I freaked wondering what in the world had happened. I have a text plan that I don't go over anymore because it's unlimited so this was a literal rude awakening. Turns out with all the excitement of the wedding I totally forgot to pay. Ironically enough I had looked back over my email account where I receive the payment confirmation and was seeing where I paid, except I was seeing where I paid for April and not May.
I absolutely hate that feeling that happens when I miss a payment. It's happened 3 times. The first time was a couple years ago now. I didn't receive the Old Navy statement but I did receive the late notice, fortunately because they didn't have the right address. So I called and they removed the late fee and I made the payment. The next time was Kohls and this was again a year or 2 ago. I just missed it. I thought I had paid it but I hadn't. The 3rd time was with this Verizon payment. It's a sinking feeling of "oh I've been irresponsible again"…
I pay almost everything online now and it's becoming more and more difficult for me to keep track of what is being paid and what I haven't paid yet. Any tips? I'm thinking I need to have a file and it will have the statements (I still get paper statements to help me "remember") so I would have an outgoing file and paid file, this way I just move from one to the other once paid. I also delete the email notice once I've made the payment. I felt so dumb yesterday because of the fact that I had the payment ready to go. My only defense this time is that the wedding fell at a regular bill paying time and while I remembered to pay some (I had my laptop with me) I forgot to pay that one. I used to keep lists but then when I keep having to remake the list every month I forget. Life is just so crazy busy I guess I need to get one of those calendars that you write on with a dry erase marker and put it up in my kitchen and write downs stuff like "pay such and such bill this day" "give Jack heartworm pill and frontline treatment" etc…

Keeping it pleasant

I know different people handle Facebook differently. For me it's a fun way to connect with people, throw some pictures up and keep in touch with friends and family who are all over the place. I know some prefer to keep the number of friends limited. I know some don't like to put a lot of pictures up. I know right now FB is under fire for violations of privacy and sharing information and people's identities being stolen. Initially I would post more information than I do now. I find some of the settings confusing and I dislike the constant changing format, when you're not on there all the time it's very difficult to follow.
I know exactly how many friends I have and I know when I've been deleted by someone. I try not to let this hurt my feelings as I know that everyone is different when it comes to this medium. I enjoy the fact that it helps me keep in touch when otherwise I would completely lose contact with some people from the past. Not everyone is someone that I even talk to on a regular basis but I enjoy knowing that they are doing well. I've given up trying to figure out who it was who deleted me when I see the number go down. Sometimes I know this is because someone has just deleted their profile or deactivated it. Other times it's because they are just purging people that they don't talk to.
Yesterday I realized that I had been deleted by someone who I really like who is a coworker. They are close to the FRB and I guess that they didn't want me as a FB friend any longer although in the office we are still cordial to one another. In fact I've really backed off because of the fact that I know how close those two are and I don't want to cause problems or weirdness. I've tried to make the best of a very uncomfortable situation. I have to say it hurt my feelings just a little. Maybe it had nothing to do with this but my best guess is this is why.
I try not to think about the FRB situation too often anymore. I'm tired of the injured/insulted attitude I get whenever I'm near. I try to be friendly and cordial and pleasant and for the most part I feel I succeed. I don't like confrontation and I feel in this case saying anything further is just pointless. It I'm totally honest it still does irritate me that she is still running with her "I replaced her I'm the world's worst friend ever" attitude. What I don't get is she has friends who are married, who have boyfriends, who have busy lives. I guess because of the situation it's how the jealousy manifested itself. It's just difficult for me as I know that I didn't do anything wrong, in fact during the whole conversation I even did apologize, that she felt the way she did… I asked her what I needed to do differently and she could not tell me. After chewing me out, after I paid for the dinner, please explain to me what more I could possibly do and why in the world would I continue trying to fit her into my crazy insane schedule when she clearly didn't appreciate my efforts to that point. It was holiday season which is the busiest time of year both in commercial insurance and restaurants.
I know the importance of keeping it out of work. I know that I have to just go along and do the best job I can. I know it will not go away and all I can do is the best that I can to continue to keep things pleasant.

Commenting

I love comments, I love leaving comments. I work for a huge corporation and I know I should be thankful I can access this blog world at all. There was the day I could read no blogs because they were all blocked and it made me so sad to know I was missing out. Today I can't comment on most posts. If there is a pop up window so far I'm able to comment but I've gone to comment a couple times on others and it doesn't work. I'll just have to remember to go back this afternoon and leave my thought.

I went home at lunch to let the puppy out. He was asleep, he's always exhausted after a weekend at S's. He runs and plays and it's fantastic and then he recuperates the next 2 days.

When S and I were walking back to the car after the 5K we were talking about the dogs and how great they are. Sophie (standard poodle puppy) came with us. She loved all the attention, she's such a pretty dog. Sophie is all black and she's recently been groomed so her coat is like velvet. I told S we need one more dog. Right now we have a situation where 3 is leaving an odd dog out, usually Snickers (S's 100 lb rottweiler/st bernard mix). She's older and Jack and Sophie are closer in age, Sophie turns a year in August. So I told S we need one more before he replaces the carpet and furniture he currently has. I would love to get one more for my place but I'm only allowed 1 (per my mom) b/c my Uncle is my vet and I get a family discount. I am super spoiled and I know I can't afford to pay for another puppy although I would name her Jill Bailey then I would have Jack and Jill. However, I'm not in a place to have this second dog so that means that I think S needs another puppy. This way we would have 4 and there would be no odd doggie out. I'm still trying to convince him that this is in fact a good idea. He wants another big dog and I would really like to have another little one so in all honestly I doubt this will happen. But wouldn't that be cute, Jack and Jill and Snickers and Sophie.

Blueberry Bushes, Snakes and a Recipe

Saturday night at the restaurant turned out much better than I anticipated. I was not running the book and I was able to help keep things peaceful up front. I worked with the same 2 who had the falling out 2 weeks ago. This time the one ran the book while I worked with the other opening doors and showing guests to tables. Because I was moving and doing and motivating there were no flare ups.
It's nice to take a step back and be able to just follow instructions rather than being the one responsible. At first I had the initial feeling of angst over not being in charge but once I let go of it I was able to do the job assigned to me.
Sunday morning was church for the first time in a month. I was gone the weekend of the bachelorette party, then the wedding weekend, the next weekend was Mother's Day and I had to work and then last weekend we were coming back from Durham. It was nice to be back. Afterwards I drove back up to S's place. I had agreed to help plant the blueberry bushes. He planted bushes the first year he was in the house but this year there were a few that didn't make it through the winter. The original plan had been to start this on Saturday but with the threat of rain we postponed the project to Sunday. I arrived and help pull weeds out of the beds. Then we realized that I needed gloves and S needed a few more bushes so we went down to Lowes. Once we got back I was assigned the task of spraying round up on the weeds. S's neighborhood is on one of Lake Norman's tributaries and there is also a large field behind his house on the other side of his yard. I was out spraying the weeds when I looked and looked again… There was a black snake sunning itself in the bed. I screamed, it took S a minute or 2 (felt like 5) to come out and ask if I was OK. I said yes that I had just seen a black snake. He looked and told me he had seen another one when out earlier that was bigger. I told him the good news is that if he has those 2 he won't have a problem with other types of snakes. I don't like snakes at all but I've always known to leave black snakes alone. My Grandparents have always lived on farms although my Grandmother is originally from Nashville. My Grandaddy grew up on a farm. He would always keep a couple black snakes near his various sheds and buildings. When my mom and dad first started dating my Dad was out helping Grandaddy with chopping wood at the wood pile. My Dad goes "Mr. S, there's a snake." Grandaddy goes, "oh that's Hank" and proceeds to pick him up by the tail and fling him out into the field and said "he'll be back".
So I let S finish spraying the weeds and I moved on to the next task of filling the bucket with Peat moss. We started at one side and I helped by handing him stuff and following behind with plant feed. The project went fairly fast once started. Jack, Sophie and Snickers were outside with us watching everything we did. I realized that after working in the yard all afternoon going out for sushi would mean that I wouldn't get home until late and I knew I was going to be tired. So instead I fixed dinner while he was getting cleaned up. Hopefully this scored some points for me… Who knows though with S it's so hard to tell. He did say thank you for my help and for dinner. I made Jambalaya which is super easy and fast. It's a box of Zatarains, a can of Rotel replaces one of the cups of water. You bring the water and rotel to a boil and then add the rice mix with the meat (I like to use a chicken sausage that they sell at Harris Teeter, it's Jalepeno Chicken Sausage and it has a great flavor) I added a can of mushrooms too. For the vegetable I heated up a package of chopped spinach and threw in some cheese with the spinach. All in all it was a perfect fast easy meal after all that work. I was home by 8 which was perfect. I gave Jack a bath since he'd been outside all day long and he and I both crashed early!!
I'm so glad that this coming weekend is a long weekend!! I have to work Saturday but I have Sunday and Monday off, whoohooo!!!

The Great Harvest 5K

I ran this morning. My goal was set to break a 9 minute mile. Ummmm that did not happen. It was hilly, super hilly. It started uphill, then downhill then uphill and that is how the entire race was. Not steep hills, they were rolling but it was enough that I was conserving energy and by the end just wanted to finish.

I know the next one coming up on June 5 has a hill at the end so I need to start doing more squats and lunges and then more speed drills if I want to break this 9 minute mile. S actually came with me this morning. Super impressive since he wasn't running it and he's so not a morning person. He's such as sweetheart!!! He bought me coffee and breakfast at Brueggers afterwards. Last night he purchased a 2 person sit on top kayak from REI along with my life vest and paddle because he needs to practice open water swims and I am going to go out and row beside him as he swims. Should be interesting seeing as how I've never done the kayak thing before. I'm looking forward to it though as I love the water and it will be a good arm workout! For those with REI in your area they are having a huge sale right now!

Ok I'm off to bake cookies and then to work at the restaurant. I got out of the yard work because of the on and off again rain. Right now the sun is shining and S has gone for a 10 mile run...

It's almost the weekend!!

I know I talk about this a lot but it just hits me frequently, how fast time goes. I was sitting at my desk thinking about 3 weeks ago and what I was doing. I was back at the hotel room getting ready for the rehearsal dinner. Mom and I had so much fun getting the tables just right. Everyone loved the cookies. The next day we all celebrated the new couple. Returning home I was really struggling with "where is this going, what is going to happen" with S. I was so focused on what he wasn't saying and what he wasn't doing that I was losing sight of the good stuff. I had the conversation about letting go of my idea of perfection or perfect. He went to Michigan and I stayed home and worked that entire weekend. I needed to, the paycheck from that pay period has gone a long way. When he came back that Monday he made it a point to stop in and see me before driving home. I realized that we've turned the 6 month corner and while I still have a lot of questions and still want to push my way the bigger picture is that I still like this one. I'm not trying to force something that shouldn't be. I'm not trying to make it work just so that I can have what I think I want. Last weekend he went with me to my friend MG's 30th birthday party. He'd worked all day and then still agreed, willingly to go. I always give him the out of you don’t have to if you don't want to but he consistently chooses to spend the time with me. This includes last Sunday when he made the drive down to have dinner with me and my parents and Aunt and Uncle.
Next weekend is Memorial Day weekend, how is it that the end of May is already here and I feel like April just ended. I think this is why I have such a hard time not knowing the bigger picture. I have a very good grasp on the fact that I have no control over time and it moves faster and faster. Another summer is upon us. Last year I was almost happy enough to wear a 2 piece, this year, no way in the world it will be a 1 piece with shorts. I remember last memorial day I was dating M3 and I specifically remember telling him that he got to choose what we did that day because I felt like I was always the one who had something going on and somewhere to be. Sure enough when we were breaking up he blamed me for always calling the shots. This is not the case because we actually spent quite a bit of time with his friends as well but there's a reason we broke up and he's past news. I also realized while working out at the gym on Wednesday night and seeing this guy who reminded me, there have been more than just Mike 1,2 and 3 but they were the ones who rated enough for my life dating story. The others were so insignificant that they would have just made the story too long. I've said before, I have never had trouble meeting guys for me I usually do a good job of pushing them away. I sometimes say crazy but I think there's just being female and then there's actual crazy, like making a scrapbook of the guy from googling, facebooking and ask jeeving about him online, that could truly be considered crazy and I'm not like that. I do understand that calling more than 2 times is not ok, emailing, facebooking, texting, these all have to be done in moderation or even sometimes not at all.
I watched a movie Wednesday night "I hate Valentine's Day" it was a blockbuster only release with Nia Vardolos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and John Corbett (SATC, My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and her character will only go on 5 dates and then she dumps the guys. This was she never gets hurt and the romance never dies. I can actually kind of relate. When you keep it short and simple there's no way you can get hurt. It's a cute movie, I liked it but I tend to like the sweet sappy chick flick kind of movies.
With this weekend I will have down time, I have a 5K in the morning, helping S with the yard during the day and working Saturday night but still much less full then the past few Saturdays. Then Sunday church and more yard work. I figure this will be another test to see how we work together on a project. I bought a condo to avoid yard work but I'm looking at it from the calorie burning perspective of a different kind of workout then the normal gym routine. Plus I think I might be able to sweet talk him into sushi for dinner as a trade for helping!!
Happy Friday!! Hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend!!

Spring Cleaning

My family has a lake house. A long time ago my Grandaddy purchased land on Lake Wylie when Duke Power first started selling lots. My mom and her family would go down to the lake house on weekends. They all learned to ski, they all had fun and they have wonderful memories of summers at the lake.
When I was 2 Grandaddy divided the land into 2 lots and sold one. Then he built the house that currently stands on our lot. I've had birthday parties down there. I learned how to ski on this lake (not til college but still, yes I was a fat kid with no upper body strength). So we've had this house for 28 years now. Sometime around middle school Grandaddy and Grandmommy screened in the porch on the front deck and it's lovely!! We've had many meals sitting out there.
The entire time I was growing up the trip to the lake house was through trees. There were no developments, there weren't a lot of neighbors. We would take walks on the gravel roads at night after dinner. Last year going down to the house for the first time there was so much new development I totally missed the first turn for getting to the house. It made me cry, just because it's so much change. The year before I cried while helping with the spring cleaning because there were so many memories of my Grandaddy who had passed away the month or 2 before.
Last year I was able to go down a few times and enjoy the time with my family. Over 4th of July weekend I was down one night just Jack and I. I laid out on the dock (got horribly sunburned) and enjoyed the experience of having the whole house just to myself.
Yesterday I took the day off from work to go down and help my Mom, Aunt, Cousin and Grandmother go through the house. My responsibility was to clean the bathroom and then help in the kitchen. We had to pull out everything from the cabinets and wash them and wipe out the cabinets (think dead roaches) and then organize everything back again. It's quite an undertaking as their are lots of dishes that have been collected over 28 years. Cousin and I had a chore ahead of us but it went by fast. Mom and Aunt went through the 2 bedrooms, Aunt made us purge stuff, Mom wanted to hold onto things. Jack Banner joined us and loved going and checking on each one of us.
The country music station was on the radio, we sang, we talked, we laughed, we remembered.
If the walls of that house could talk oh the stories they would tell!! What a blessing my family is!

Always, Sometimes, Never

Lisa at Lisa's Yarns did this one and it was fun to read and made me want to do one of my own. She had some good ones that I agreed with so here goes my attempt and I'm trying not to borrow any of hers :)

I always...

• like to be on time and try for a few minutes early. This is complicated by the fact that things come up and sometimes I have to chase down Jack or realize that I forgot something and I have to run back in the house real fast.
• think about what I have to do next. If I'm at work during the day I'm thinking about where I have to be afterwards and when the day is done it's so nice not to have to "think" anymore.
• reread books and rewatch movies that I really enjoy over and over again.

I sometimes...

• make cookies or brownies because I'm in the mood for dough or batter then I take the baked stuff in to the office.
• still work at the bridal salon in Charlotte and I love the opportunity to be around all the pretty things!
• miss when my life was simpler but I wouldn't trade the experiences of the past 10 years because it's brought me to where I am today.

I never...

• have my room completely straight, it's cluttered because I have more clothes then space.
• wanted a dog until I was 28 I didn't want the responsibility and finally one day I realized that I could handle it and I waited a year just to make sure before I adopted Jack.
• use a recipe when making cookies but I try different recipes for brownies all the time. The cookies I have a base recipe and just add or subtract ingredients.

Your turn! Fill in "I always... Sometimes... Never..." in your comment or do this on your blog!

roommate

I just got a phone call. The cute girl won't be moving after all. She quit her job this morning realizing that sales aren't for her. When she told me what job she had I was little concerned over it but didn't say anything. I had the same kind of job and I lasted 2 weeks. I hated it.
I know God has a plan and I just have to trust him. In the back of my mind I did think this was just a little too easy and too good to be true. I know that everything happens for a reason and this will work out. I'm just disappointed.

Take the time to appreciate

Perhaps actions really do speak louder then words. I'm writing this more for my benefit to get the rolling wheel outside of my head. From the very start S has consistently emailed me in the morning (well he emails at midnight before he goes to bed and then I read it when I wake up). He emails midday if it's not too crazy at the office. Then I get a text in the evening and a phone call at night.
When really significant things happen he always talks to me about them. This is across the board for all areas of his life not just one. When there is office drama I know about it. When he's got something going on with a friend of his, I know about it. When something exciting happens I'm pretty sure I'm the first person he's telling. Which I think is important. When you really care about someone they are the first one you think about when you are reaching for the phone to call or send a text.
He's good about coming and hanging out with me, just to spend time with me, even if it means sitting at my parent's house all day on a Sunday afternoon while I help my mom make cookies for the rehearsal dinner. In order to spend time with me, this past Sunday he drove all the way down to the lake house (hour plus from his house) to have dinner. He spent Thanksgiving with my family, he's really shy and this was a bigger deal then I even realized at the time. He and I had only been seeing each other about a month at that point.
Perhaps my actions also speak pretty loudly. I tell him everything. He's the first person I reach for the phone to text or call when something happens and I'm happy or upset. This past Sunday after I took my shower I didn't feel like putting makeup on so I didn't. Typically I at least have foundation on and some mascara but Sunday I just didn't feel like it. I figure because he met me at the end of a 15K I can never look worse then that (plus we ran the 1/2 marathon and I looked really rough) so days without makeup are not that big of a deal. I'm ridiculously personally high maintenance and I take forever to get ready and rarely do I have days where I don't feel like doing hair and makeup but this is all for my benefit S is appreciative either way. My mom commented on Sunday that I didn't have makeup on and she was surprised by this fact especially since S was with me. I'm just comfortable in my own skin around him. This also means that I have no qualms about walking into his house with 3 bags even if I'm only staying over 1 night. My family gives me a really hard time about my need for so much stuff but S never says a word. He also paid the additional luggage fee at the airport when we flew to Miami, and never made me feel bad and never batted an eyelash.
While I am unsure the outcome I've come to understand that this is just me I'm always wanting to control every last detail to the nth degree. I'm sure that if things work out the way I hope they will I will probably then be all about when we will start a family… I'm jumping way ahead especially since I haven't even met his mom yet.
In other news the new roommate moves in tomorrow. So thankful that I have a new roommate! This takes a lot of pressure off me and I'm hoping it will be good for Jack Banner as well!!

keeping crazy in check

May be TMI but anyways I hate PMS it makes me weepy. My aunt was telling a story on Sunday about how a friend of their daughter got accepted to 2 schools and was trying to decide and her parents told her she could go wherever even though one was out of state. She had determined to go to the out of state school and then got a scholarship giving her in state tuition for the out of state school. I got teary. I hear songs on the radio, I get teary. I am typically able to hold it together. The good news is that this month my feelings of irritation over not knowing where things are going with S are being held in check. Yes it freaks me out a little that the L word has not been said but I got an email last night that he knew I would read this morning telling me that he wanted me to know he was thinking about me. Then he was talking about our plans for the weekend, and it's still the beginning of the week. I'm so excited for the new SATC movie to come out! I am hoping I like it as much as the first movie. I'm a little nervous at some of the things I'm hearing about the story line but I'm sure it will work out just fine.
I think I'm a little freaked at the approaching 31st birthday. I understand it's just a number but it's still just something I'm working on. I have decided that if S asks me what I want for my birthday I will say a proposal. Despite the ring post last week I honestly could care less about that part of it, yes sparkly pretties are fabulous and I do appreciate but the important part is not the hardware. Then I will follow that statement with, since I doubt that's the suggestion you had in mind I really do need to get my brakes serviced since the car is now 3 years old and they're telling me this is due. Of course August is still a ways away but this is my current plan. Especially because helping me out with the breaks is something I know he'll agree to. By my birthday we'll be right at the 10 month mark which is weird because that will make him the longest relationship I've been in (consistently) since CF and I broke up with CF at around 6-7 months for about a week. With S things just seem to keep getting better so I don't feel the need to rock the boat, we'll see how I'm doing in August…
We're going to see Jack Johnson on the day after my birthday and I am excited about this!! It's a Sunday concert so I've taken the following Monday off. I figure who wants to go to work after staying out so late for a concert. S is also looking to purchase a 2 person sit on top kayak. He has a 1 person kayak but I'm excited he wants to get one that we both can use. A friend of his has said that I can borrow his but I think the 2 person one sounds more fun.

Work too much and social networking sites

You know you've been working too much at your second job when you miss the turn for the road that you normally take to go to your full time job. I was on my way in this morning driving along thinking about S and the weekend and the sweet email I had this morning. Suddenly I crossed over Providence Rd and realized that I was on my way to the restaurant instead of the office. Fortunately there are numerous ways to get here and I had to go through a lot more lights but I still made it to work on time. I work tonight at the restaurant and then I don't have to work again until Saturday. Last night was a slow rainy Monday night so the manager was nice and let me leave a little early. A hot topic of conversation last night was the charlotte waitress who worked for an uptown restaurant. She said something about a table that camped for 3 hours and left her a $5 tip on her FB page and someone ratted her out, her page is set to private. The restaurant was receiving a lot of response on their FB page. It ran the gamut of they were wrong to she was wrong to both parties were wrong.
I think it's easy to throw something up there and think nothing more of it. I realized a long time ago that when I'm upset with someone my FB status is not necessarily the best place to air that grievance. I had coworkers at Hallmark who were fired for a video that they posted on MySpace and I think that made me stop and think about anything I might post online. With FB and the picture tagging there have been times when I've had to ask that pictures be deleted or edited because I just don't want that online. I dislike the fact that FB changes so often that I no longer feel like I have as much control over my settings. I used to have access at work so I knew the ins and outs but now I don't and it makes me a little nervous.
Usually I blog where I can say what I need to say to get it out and this is why I have no link to this blog on my FB. The company that I work for now has a very clear policy about social networking sites and what's not acceptable. I like and value my job so it's in my best interest to keep my posts about work as generic as possible. I also understand how small of a town Charlotte is and everyone knows everyone so really why would I post something that could get back to someone else? I'm not saying I'm perfect and I certainly make mistakes but when it comes to FB I prefer to keep it nonspecific. If something is upsetting me I usually find a scripture verse that I feel fits the situation and throw that up there. Or a really great quote, love those!!
I'm curious what ya'll think? Have you known friends or coworkers who have been in trouble for something that they posted online?

Time

It's Monday again. It's rainy outside. I feel guilty for leaving my dog because he looked so sad this morning. I have to close tonight and tomorrow night and that means he's by himself. I think the new roommate is going to be really good for him once he warms up to her. She loves dogs so I'm hopeful that he'll receive plenty of love and attention again.
Yesterday after returning from Durham S and I spent the afternoon with my family down at the lake house. It was a fun time. I'm glad he made the trip down. I told him last night that I feel like we haven't seen each other enough here recently. Realistically we haven't. I had the bachelorette party and then the wedding the next weekend. He was in MI last weekend so this was the first weekend we were both back in town but he had to work on Saturday. We did drive to Durham together and he did come down to the lake house but it's just been so long since we've spent time together just the 2 of us without having to be somewhere.
I'm realizing that he doesn't move fast, ever… If I know I have somewhere to be I want to hurry up to be there even if it means sitting and waiting for a few minutes before whatever it is starts. I had to keep myself in check on Saturday because I knew that he had just worked a full day and had biked to and from work which is about a 60 mile roundtrip route. While I was picking up the birthday present I got a text that he had figured out how to get a workout in. I immediately knew that meant he rode his bike in to work. I had to quickly check the feeling of irritation at the fact that this meant we were going to be later leaving then I originally thought. I arrived at about the same time that he got home. He showered and really was ready in record time. While he was showering I ran to grab him food since he'd missed breakfast and lunch. Then we jumped in the car and took off. When it was time to leave yesterday morning I'd already said ok let's leave in 20 minutes and then he is sitting there and I said are you ready to go and he said whenever and I point blank had to say I'm ready to go, NOW. I don't like to be late, ever. He's ALWAYS late for everything. He has no sense of urgency about anything. I'm always on the go. Perhaps I plan too much for a day. I'm noticing that my weekends for the past 3 weeks have been slam full of events. But I wouldn't trade any of the things that I've done for sitting home. Yesterday when I left for the lake house I knew I wanted him to arrive around 4 so I told him 3 and he arrived around 4:30. Is it manipulative that I have started saying earlier in order to have him there when I really want him to be? This cuts down on my feelings of irritation and angst over the fact that he's not wherever yet. My mind is constantly going with what I have to do next and where I have to be and what's going on and how I'm going to get everything done. I think this is also why I have such a hard time with giving S the time and space he needs as far as "where is this going and what's going to happen". It goes back to letting go of my idea of perfect or perfection and reminding myself that I can not control everything. I did ask him if his mom knew anything about me. I had the punch at the party and despite the bottle of water in between each drink the punch was definitely potent. So he and I were talking and that question had been going through my head and I finally asked it. If you ever want to know what I really think about things give me a really strong drink and I'll tell you, I'm not mean I just have a looser filter than normal. I want to push and force everything to work out the way I want it to and that's not how real life works.

Weekend in Review

Friday night I closed at the restaurant. I like seeing all the different people come in. The NRA convention was in town so we had some interesting characters...

Saturday I woke up and ran 6 miles, then I met my new roommate. She's a doll and I think it's going to work out perfectly! Then I went and had coffee with the parents, grandmommy and Aunt MA after this I drove to have lunch with my college roommate. Her little girl's b'day party was the same day as the bachelorette party for Jelly so I had to forgo the party and needed to give K her present. We met at chick fil a since they have a play place. As I was leaving from having lunch I thought about how life changes. I remember when K was born and her first birthday seems like yesterday. Now she's 3 and a little mini THJ. I went by total wine and more to pick up MG's birthday present. I got 2 bottles of champagne signifying her 21st birthday when we first met and then a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio because she likes those whites. I went home to throw clothes in a bag and then drove up to S's to pick him up. I drove to Durham so he could relax. The pirate themed 30 birthday party was an absolute blast!!! The food was awesome the punch dangerous and the people were great! I did a good job of a bottle of water in between each drink so while I did party and have fun I also made sure to drink plenty of water. Of course that meant that about every 2 hours I was up but better that then a nasty hangover.

We drove back this morning and now we're on our way down to the lake house. I need another weekend.

Friday

It's Friday, I have 2.5 hours left at work, then I have to close at the restaurant. I'm ready to go. My focus is shot. I did pick up an outfit for S tomorrow. He freely admits he has no fashion sense so I decided that for the party tomorrow I would contribute. I'm pretty excited about the outfit, hopefully it fits! I couldn't remember the exact short size.

Girlfriends

This post has been rolling around in my head all day and I've been trying to figure out how to get all the words out and hopefully it makes some sense. Tomorrow S and I drive to Durham after he gets off work to help my friend MG celebrate her 30th birthday. It hit me today that 9 years ago this past Saturday I graduated from college. I was actually 1 hour of a PE short from graduating on time so I actually walked in May but didn't officially graduate until August 2001. That was a whirlwind weekend of family and saying good bye to friends. I will never ever forget that as I was coming off the stage after accepting my piece of paper the look on my Grandaddy's face. I saw him out of all those other faces and he was so proud of me, his first grandchild to graduate from college. He had paid for me to attend all 4 years and words will never explain how grateful I am for that gift. The following day was Mother's Day and we said goodbye to our family and then my parents and brother and I attended MFT's celebration lunch. After the lunch I watched her walk across the stage that day. I will never forget the fact that she didn't have time to stop at the ladies room and had had several glasses of Chianti. Her fear of tripping as she walked across the stage was overshadowed by the need to find the ladies room as soon as the ceremony was over. To this day I still remind her of this because MFT is usually so controlled and it still makes me laugh.
After her graduation ceremony my family and I drove back to Charlotte so I could unload some things and reload others. I would be subletting a room in an apartment that was right across the street from campus. My college roommate was in the birth thru kindergarten program and knew that MG & Jen were looking for people to sublet this room. THJ and I agreed to rent the room for the summer. She and I had lived together for 2 1/2 years at this point and she was a little tired of me (I was horribly inconsiderate as a roommate but what goes around comes around and I've paid my dues) so I was surprised she even wanted to continue living with me. She and I still worked at the bridal store and she had taken over making the schedule. Because I wasn't supposed to have stayed through the summer there weren't enough hours to around and since THJ was in charge I found my hours drastically cut. Fortunately I had money from graduation and my parents were paying the $100 or $150 a month rent, or something equally as inexpensive as that, I don't remember anymore what the actual cost was.
I moved into the room on that Monday after Mother's Day. I cleaned the bathroom and made my bed. I was excited and happy to be back in Boone for one more summer. MG turned 21, I think that Sunday I don't remember exactly. For her 21st birthday I bought her a bottle of champagne (or the sweet sparkling stuff that's a step up from a wine cooler that she and I still love) and Jen bought her a bottle of Captain Morgan that I purchased because Jen wasn't yet 21. She arrived home and we bonded over drinks, all 3 of us. THJ moved in a week later. We would buy bottles of wine based on the pretty labels and they decorated the kitchen until we had so many that we just started having to throw them away. We also quit buying bottles based on the pretty labels because we figured out this is actually a bad idea for finding good wine. MG and I talked a lot and I loved her. She would come to Charlotte on the weekends and party, she had made friends with the "in crowd" of uptown Charlotte. She knew bouncers and people and always dressed fabulously. These were the days of techno and X. In Boone things were more toned down, wine and beer. Our afternoons we would have wine and cheese followed by more wine and perhaps cosmos, it was 2001 and life was uncomplicated. MG and I went to Macadoo's one night and I convinced MG to share pitchers of beer with me. She to this point refused to drink beer and now she drinks more beers than I do. We ended the night with Cosmos on our back patio and she spilled her drink on her pajama pants while on the phone and she will still tell you this story and laugh at the ridulousness of us.
I moved back to Charlotte sooner than planned. The first summer semester ended and I completed my 1 hour PE requirement. THJ had written me off the schedule and I needed to find work. I left a good bye message on the dry erase board. THJ and I didn't really speak for a good 2 or 3 years. Now we're friends again and I'm a part of her life and we're even having lunch tomorrow but it took us a long time to move past the old hurts inflicted by one another.
MG and I made up more quickly. She moved to Charlotte the following May after she graduated. This would be the summer I will always remember. The late nights, the fabulous apartment uptown, the clothes, the "we're only going out for 1 drink tonight" followed by staying out til 2 or 3. I was experiencing the drama with RS the first time around and when I wasn't bogged down by that I was having fun and living life. She is my good time girl. It never fails, even when she comes back for just a weekend girls night I always have fun. She still knows people, Charlotte is small like that. They often times forget that she's ever moved away. She's fun and independent and in order to move away from the bad influences she chose Boston and Harvard and obtaining her Master's degree. She's finishing up her doctorate at Chapel Hill. I was thankful when she moved back to NC. I don't see her as often although I probably do see her as often as I would if she was still in Charlotte because of our crazy schedules. I'm excited to help her celebrate her 30th birthday tomorrow! Her official birthday was yesterday.
Of my 4 closest girls MG is the most recent. PMG and I were in nursery together, MFT and I met through CAR when we were 8 years old. PYS and I became friends in High School. From each of the different chapters of life I have a friend. I have more recent girls too but these 4 probably know me better than I know myself sometimes. I consider myself blessed. I have friends who are honest and tell it like it is and yet still accept me, quirks and craziness and all!

Bridal Magazines and Clothes and Shoes, etc...

Hailey (Me and my Boys) made a comment that I've really been thinking about. She talked about how she and her best friend used browse through bridal magazines in high school. I have said before that I was more into fancy dresses then actual bridal gowns. I loved prom season because the magazines of all the gorgeous gowns would come out. I know that I perused my fair share of bridal magazines as well. For me I was all about the dresses. I'm pretty sure we're not the only girls who have done this.
Working at the bridal store in Boone was the first time I was actually surrounded by all things wedding. I listened, I learned. This was just before the "industry" really exploded. The only wedding show on TV was TLC's "Wedding Story". I loved that show and would watch episode after episode in my dorm room. Along with "Baby Story" and "Dating Story". I suppose I've always enjoyed stories about people and their lives. When I went to work full time for the bridal store in Charlotte I was surrounded by mirrors and I became super aware of looking at an outfit from all angles. Think the "dreaded 360 degree mirror" from "What Not To Wear" (another favorite show). I was 23, turning 24 that summer and slowly starting to learn what worked and what didn't for me.
These days my full time job is commercial insurance and my part time job is in a restaurant. After the Charlotte bridal store I realized the need to move away from retail as a second job. I was defeating the purpose of extra income because I knew I would just continue to shop. I went back to restaurants because I understood that if I'm working I can't shop, I also love the rush of working in a restaurant. When I discovered online shopping it defeated the purpose of the second job yet again. Let me just tell you how much I LOVE Victoria Secret clothing and shoes!!!! Growing up always knowing that we didn't have the money for lots of clothes (not that I needed lots of clothes) I suddenly had this freedom just like in college when I suddenly had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. Do I need lots of clothes? No, however, I LOVE clothes. Plus I justify the clothing with the 2 jobs that I work, you need lots of outfits to not get bored. I will never tell you I have nothing to wear. I will always figure out something that works. This is not to say that for fun events, like an upcoming girls night with MG, I won't go out in search of the perfect top. Since my going out nights are few and far between I don't have as many "going out" appropriate ensembles. I am better about shopping these days, mostly because I understand that I have to pay the bills at the end of each month and I don't need to add anymore to them.
I'm fortunate in that I still go back and work at the Charlotte bridal store and I still go to Boone to visit that store, and it's where my bridesmaids dress for Jelly & Beans wedding came from. I'm looking forward to an upcoming event at the charlotte bridal store. They are having a Cocktails and Couture night where they will bring in all the samples that have been discontinued from both the Winston Salem and Charlotte store and girls will have the chance to look and try on while enjoying cocktails along with the guests that they bring with them. The store manager asked me weeks ago if I would be available to help with this event. I enjoy going in and talking to brides and hearing their stories and watching them try on the beautiful gowns. All the while I get to hear about wedding planning and dresses and "how we met" stories and "how he proposed stories". ! I think I am able to enjoy it because it's not my actual job. I just flit in for a few hours and then I go home and return to my regular life. I equate it to babies. I hold them, play with them and then return them to their parents without all the responsibility!

Not Blocked

So for some reason today, I can access blogs and comments and WHOOPPPEEEE!!!! Cause yesterday I was so sad and I thinking my days of blog reading at work were over :( Hopefully I don't get blocked again!!

Blocked

Yup it's official.. Apparently the internet blocking system has discovered the inordinate amount of time I have spent reading blogs. I'm blocked, even from reading my own. This is such a major bummer!! I can publish comments and publish new posts but reading them is blocked. So I'll just have to wait til I get home. Ugh!

Uh Oh and what's going on

So I go in to read the latest book review from Lisa at Lisa's Yarns and it's blocked by webscene. I just tried to go into 2 more of my blogs that I follow and they are blocked. I think they are on to me for spending way too much time on the internet... I'm bummed!! This has not happened before and I'm hoping it's only temporary.
I had a great run and weight session last night. I must not have a lot of body fat above my waist because I definitely have arm and chest definition. I've got plenty of fat below the waist but hopefully the keeping track of calories and higher intensity runs are going to help with this. My next 5K is a week from Saturday. Here I was thinking I had all kinds of time and I only have a week. I'm not worried about it, I've been stepping up the intensity on my runs so I do believe this will pay off!!
I have to close at the restaurant tonight and tomorrow night. I took Jack over to visit the grandparents so he won't feel so neglected. My mom is off work this week so she can give him plenty of love and attention.
I've got to re-let go of the timeline with S. It's hard now that I've accepted that yes I'm in love with him, and yes this is scary because I'm not sure how it will all play out, I want to push the subject again of propose already. However it could be that things don't work out that way. I have to just enjoy the now and enjoy the time we spend together. When my mind starts to wander down the "if he doesn't have it figured out after a year he's never going to path" I have to stop the thoughts and make myself focus on something else. I refuse to sabotage right now because I obsess over this that I can't control. When the time comes I will focus on it then. His mom is coming for a visit this summer so I will finally get to meet her. I have to wonder if I was talked about at all when he was in MI last week. I met his friends who he was running the 25K with at Easter. I really liked them a lot and their little girl is just a doll baby!! So who knows if my name came up or not but I would think that it would, and since I've also spent time with his older brother I have to believe that their mom has at least heard my name if not something about me… I don't have control so therefore I have to let it go.
My brother and J are back and wedding pictures are slowly starting to be posted. I tagged one of me on FB that shows a better shot of my hair. For those of you who are my FB friends I don't think my Dad's album is set to private so there are more pictures of the wedding and I have been tagged in 2 of them if you want to check them out. My mom is swearing up and down she looks huge and she really doesn't she actually looks fantastic and it's some of the best pictures of her and we all keep trying to tell her that. I love looking at the pictures and remembering the wonderful time that we had! I'm looking forward to ordering at least one picture from the professional photographer so I can have one to frame that's a recent family picture.
This Saturday my day has filled up, I have to get a run in, then I'm meeting the potential roommate, then lunch with my college roommate and then S and I are headed up to Durham for my friend MG's pirate themed birthday party. So excited to celebrate this with her!

Just for fun

Just for fun I went here, http://www.estatediamondjewelry.com/index.cfm
They have estate jewelry pieces. My favorite is this first one. No I don't believe my actual ring would be this size but it's another one of those "it's fun to look" and "gather ideas" and I am in no way planning for this anytime soon. However, who doesn't love good jewelry!!!

Lunch time shopping

I wandered through rugged warehouse, they somtimes have finds sometimes not. Today, not so much. On occassion I've found fabulous deals! Especially for guys. They had a pair of Polo shorts for $13.99. I never can remember S's size and pay day isn't til Friday so I didn't shoot him a text asking either. The dress I wore to my brother's rehearsal dinner I found at this store. Hopefully soon I'll have pictures to post of it. This is one of those places that is definitely hit or miss but I don't mind the time spent ambling my way through.
Then next door is the Dollar Tree. So much fun wandering the aisles. They actually had some decent wine glass (by decent I mean heavy glass that didn't feel like it would snap in 2 if I pressed too hard). Again pay day isn't til Friday so I may have to go back. I tend to break glasses without meaning to, it just happens...
The one purchase I did make was my bottle of water, which I had no cash and not enough change so I had to put the 60 cents on my debit card, so ridiculous I know! I miss the coat check tips I receive, they are always good for meaning that I will have a cash stash or at least a random dollar floating around in my purse.

The tragic story of Virginia lacrosse player Yeardley Love - SI.com - Magazine

The tragic story of Virginia lacrosse player Yeardley Love - SI.com - Magazine

I remember the days of college where it never really occurred to me that bad things actually could happen. I remember the day of the VA Tech tragedy and how my heart broke for those students. How it hit so close to me because this is PYS alma mater and she bleeds maroon and orange.
This young lady was beautiful, her whole life ahead of her. She dated this guy and he was violent but she didn't realize just how violent he was.
I stop and think just how many guys I've dated. I realize that I've been fortunate, even for all the mistakes I've made I've avoided physical danger that I know of. This story reminded me of a guy I met out while with an acquaintance of mine. I had to leave and he was livid that I left. She told me later that he was scary he was so angry. Probably a good thing I did slip out without letting him know. I didn't intentionally blow him off I just had to be at work and it was getting late and it was time for me to go. I've always thought about that situation and been thankful that 1. I wasn't drinking because I had to be at work the next day. 2. That I never went on a date with the guy.

Roommates, Shopping, Credit...

I can't believe it's already Wednesday! These weeks go by so fast! I plan to take Jack Banner over to the grandparents after work and then get a run in and hopefully strength training as well. I followed up with the friend who I had lunch with on Saturday who had introduced me to the prospective roommate. The prospective roommate is going to be staying put for a while longer. She also mentioned that she has a lot of furniture and was a bit taken aback by Jack. I told her that I completely understand. The one thing I'm very up front about is the size of my place and the fact that I'm working with Jack to better train him. When the next potential roommate comes through on Saturday Jack will be with the Grandparents. I'm trying to figure out right now how I'm going to handle acclimating him to the new person in his house. I truly believe that my mistake last Saturday was not taking him out and immediately leashing him. He already had 1 stranger staying in the house and I let him out of the crate and 2 more strangers were standing in his room. Yes I have work to do. I've already warned this new girl that he is a handful and very loud. With the previous roommate it was easy because she was there from his first day so he always knew her and loved her.
Fingers crossed that this next potential roommate works out. I have a really good feeling that she will! She's looking to move as soon as possible and I'm looking to fill the room as soon as possible. Fortunately the house is still super cleaned up from last week with the exception of my room. I'm going through ideas in my head of what to do with my room to make it a more workable space. Currently the bed is 3/4 clothing with enough space for me to sleep. The rest of the house looks fabulous!!
I love clothes and I've parted with so many bags already as well as boxes and boxes of shoes. Yesterday I was thinking about the days when I was younger and dumb and would charge a new outfit or pair of shoes in a heart beat! I didn't think twice about something if I wanted it I bought it. These days I have to wait and think about it and proceed with caution. This isn't a bad thing it's just when you're at instant gratification kind of girl it's hard to relearn the value of patience… I'm also not afraid to take things back. I will buy 6 outfits and usually I don't try them on. As long as I return them within the week with tags and receipt I think it's perfectly acceptable. This allows me to try them on in the comfort of my own home with my own mirrors and figure out what works and what doesn't. Some stores have a limit as to how many returns customers can have a year, I don't shop at those stores. Marshall's and TJ Maxx are my favorite for this. I really don't like their dressing rooms and since there is a Marshall's less than 5 minutes from my house this system works well for me.
I love the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic. I think Isla Fisher is fabulous so this may be why I liked it so much! I could also relate to some of it. Fortunately I finally grasped the concept of you can't spend money that you don't have and credit doesn't mean it's your money… Sounds simple but it's taken me a while to get it. I still use my store credit cards but for the most part it's only for presents. I'm still paying for the free spending ways of the younger days!!!

You can't help but think about it

When I was a little girl I honestly didn't have visions of my own wedding. I loved playing Barbies and dressing them up and my strawberry shortcake dolls were the kids. I know I played house with them and created various stories but wedding was not ever something I thought about. I was involved with Children of the American Revolution (CAR) and we had a formal banquet for our state conference, I attended my first state conference when I was 8 years old. This had a lasting impression on me. I loved the pretty dresses (it was 80's prom dresses and to my mind they were beeuutiful!!!) I went home and the formal banquet and dance afterwards were re-enacted many times with my Barbies. Each year I looked forward to this chance to get all dressed up and attend this event. Every other year there was a debutante presentation and even though it took forever I always loved this!! When I was 15 I attended my first national convention, the first year I went my mom bought me a beautiful electric blue Scott McClintock ballgown. It had stretchy leotard like material for the top and the skirt was a full satin skirt. It had a high neck and then a low back. I LOVED this dress. It was so pretty to me and I felt like a princess. I got really clunky black patent leather sandals to go with it and they were perfect! The summer I traveled on regional tour I had a different dress for almost every region. I borrowed dresses from friends and had a few of my own.
When I was a junior in college my friend PMG called me one day and asked if I would be interested in modeling bridal gowns for a local store. They needed a model who wore a size 12, I was probably more of a 14 but the store owner found beautiful dresses that worked for me and I felt gorgeous! The dresses were huge ballgowns complete with beading and lots of crinolins underneath. At the time this was still a going look. The more streamlined simple look would be a few years down the road. It was after this show that I went back to the store and asked for a job and she hired me. It's a job that truly did have a huge impact on me. I worked among beautiful ballgowns and bridal gowns. She had a wonderful prom selection, so many bridesmaids styles to choose from and a huge selection of bridal. She still does. If you want to check out her website it's http://www.didsomeonesayparty.com/. Working in the store I would see all sorts of different styles and I worked with all types of brides. It was a wonderful opportunity to learn about invitations, tuxedos, prom and formal wear, bridal and bridesmaids, size charts, body types, personalities. Naturally being around it all the time I would have various favorite gowns at any one time.
When I moved back to Charlotte after college the following spring I took a part time job at Jessica McClintock. We had a lot of prom girls but for me it just wasn't the same. Don't get me wrong I loved the store I worked at but I was so spoiled by all the beautiful merchandise at my store that I wasn't as impressed but there was certainly a niche for the mall store. When I took the job at the new salon I was working among the designers that you hear about on TV and in the movies. Beautiful! But I couldn't sell it to save my life. So I landed in commercial insurance. However, I still go back and help at the store when they need me. The website for that store is http://www.nitsas.com/. I find that I have helped many of my friends as their unofficial consultant. I have answered many questions. And in my crazy revolving door love life I have contemplated many different wedding.
Looking through the pictures from Jelly & Bean's wedding I think about how much fun we had and how wonderful everything was! I also think about how much WORK went into that weekend to make everything so special. I'm talking about the work that Jelly and Bean put in. Yes the families pitched in and yes we all pulled together but the bulk of the work was done by the bride and groom.
I have an unofficial guest list of just my side that I've put together. It's 136 people. I know how expensive weddings are. I know that going to the courthouse is not an option (my mother would come back and haunt me!!!). Let's say that things work out with S the way I hope they will, then that's probably another 130-150 people if I had to take a guess at it. I'm not worried or anxious I'm just saying this is what it is. I've been going through different options of how the best way to get the guest list way down would be. One of my favorite ideas is going to the beach where my family has gone for years, Topsail Island. My thought is that a few houses could be rented during the off season (like maybe during Jelly's spring break next year, she's a 2nd grade teacher) and then we could have fun times down at the beach. I looked at prices just to have an idea and a house can be rented anywhere between 795 and 1500 for a week. Although I have to say that S might not love the idea of being stuck on an island with his family for that amount of time… Like I said I'm jumping way way way ahead here and I know that. I'm just going through ideas… I've pretty much determined that when the time comes I'll just tell my mom whatever and let her worry about it and I just have to show up, I say this now but who knows. Realistically a lot has to happen before this ever becomes a reality! =)

FB Comment

I have a facebook friend who has been scanning old pictures and posting them. The trip down memory lane is actually fun, despite the fact that I really dislike pictures of myself from the 10-20 years. I'm not a fan of 5-10 either but those aren't as bad as 10-20. Anyways, she had posted pics and I saw a comment thread on one of the pictures.
There was a young man who attended the private christian school where I attended preschool through 8th grade. He was a grade behind me. Apparently one of the teachers told him that he had a aura about him that was not straight but rather the other (I think my blog is coming up in searches and I don't want to attract a whole lot of attention so my usual readers are going to understand what I'm saying, I hope). After this exchange his parents pulled him out of the school. I was horrified when reading this.
I had a conversation with my friend who stayed with me this past weekend about the "God told me" messages. "God told me that I need to be single and break up with you". "God told me you need to marry this person". "God told me that you insert whatever message here". I have a serious reservation about this type of communication. This is something that should be used with extreme caution if it is anything other than encouragement. Yes we are to hold one another accountable. Yes I have girlfriends who hold me accountable. I know of couples who have other couples who are accountability partners to one another. We are called to be open with each other. There is that, yet, it's not ok for a man to call a woman out unless there is another woman present. Now this is my opinion.
The teacher telling this student this message, she should have kept it to herself. She should have prayed, she should have taken it to leadership, she had NO RIGHT to share this with that student. He was 11 at the time. I'm appalled and I truly believe it is situations like this that could forever turn someone away from all things Christian.

Wedding Pictures

May 1, 2010 J and B got married. Because of their intials as well as their own idea for favors I'm using Jelly & Bean because just typing J and B gets old as well as maybe a little confusing.


Ceremony


Jelly


On the stairs greeting guests

Jelly & Bean

Me, Jelly's sister H, Jelly and Bean

Bridal Party I'm the short one in the light purple dress, then the sister right next to me is B, and H is behind us. Then Bean's best man is beside him, our cousin is next to him and Bean's friend who was his college roommate is behind them.

Jelly's GMary, Jelly and Bean

Jelly, Bean and Our Gmommy

Jelly's Dad and Mom and her sister H and B behind H is her boyfriend and behind B is her husband.

Jelly's family

My Family

This was both sides all the family

Wedding Cake one layer was chocolate, one was vanilla but all I can tell you is the frosting was delish!!

Jelly and Bean had the idea for jelly beans on each table because of their initials. When my Aunt and Uncle, M&M got married they had m&m's on the tables. Jelly and Bean used these little jars as our place cards and favors that everyone was to take home at the end of the night.

This was the head table, the balloons on the left kept attacking me!

This was at the entrance to the reception where you picked up your card to find out where your table was.

This was the greeting from Bean and Jelly as guests entered.

Flowers, this is a good example of the flowers that were all over the room. Jelly's Dad's business is a soil company and they sell the mix to growers all over the country. One of their customers in PA came down with 2 flatbeds full of flowers to give as his wedding gift to Jelly and Bean.

It was a wonderful weekend! Yesterday as we had our Mother's day dinner we talked about the fun we had and how beautiful everything was!!