Change is possible

Mr. Clean's birthday this past Tuesday marked another milestone in our relationship. Last year for his birthday I didn't buy a card until the last minute. I purchased cookbooks for his present. I was so incredibly miserable and depressed. I felt like the bottom had fallen out from under me. When I remember what was going on this time last year I truly realize that with God the impossible is possible.

I remember during prayer one day being told that it wouldn’t happen overnight and change would be a process. I remember that as July turned into August, and August into September that there were gradual changes. I remember finding Al-Anon in October. I remember moments from January, February and March that were just not good. Nothing changes if nothing changes and finally in March I left. I realized that I could not continue on with the way that life was.

I took 2 weeks. My parents wanted me to take 4 but I knew that I wanted to continue to work on my marriage and 2 weeks was my time not theirs. I made a complicated situation in regards to my family worse but I don't regret the choice I made.

It has not been easy. I live with someone who is active in the disease of alcoholism. This means that when I feel overwhelmed I take it up in prayer because I understand that there is nothing I can do to change whatever is going on at that moment. I have learned so much, I have more compassion then I have ever had before. I'm thankful because I am blessed and I have so much more then I ever realized.

Through it all I have learned that when I put God first everything else falls into place. He is always good, He is always faithful. The circumstances might not always be good, they might not always make sense. I might not understand why but I know that He is my refuge and strength, my strong tower, an ever present help in times of trouble.

As marriages implode/fall apart/end I know that mine is not immune. I don't pretend that mine is picture perfect, with smooth sailing and life is always a rose garden. I have come to realize that because of how mine began I quickly realized that the one who would fulfill all my needs, the one who would always be there, the one who would love me best and always, is actually the one who had been there for me all along.

He used my marriage to bring me closer to Him then I have ever been before. I kept trying to make my different (unsuccessful) relationships help me find myself, help me find identity. It doesn't work that way. My identity comes through my relationship with the one who made me. Who created all things. Who loves me unfailingly, and who helps me love even when I'm not feeling it on my own. He is the one who was and is and is to come and He always loves.

If you're reading this and your situation is one that you believe is abusive, you didn't cause it. It's not your fault. You have choices. There are places that are there to help. Everyone deserves a safe, healthy environment. If you feel like you are always walking on egg shells, always waiting for the other shoe to fall, that's not how life is supposed to be. There are times when you have to walk away, when the only way to make a change is to put distance into the equation.

No one should accept being treated with anything less then dignity and respect. I will also say that it is possible for people to change. They need to consistently show that change, words can't just be accepted at face value. Words are easy, actions are much more difficult!