5 Minutes

Friday night we had the fall festival at Audra's school. I was up until midnight on Thursday night bagging and labeling my contributions to the bake sale. I needed a straight caffeine drip on Friday at work! Friday afternoon I arrived at her school and her mom was painting faces, her Dad was representing his new business so she and I got to hang out.

I reminded her that the week before she told us that she was ready for a bed of her own. I explained that I looked for a pink one but I could not find one. I told her that I found a white one, and we could buy pink sheets, a pink comforter and put pink curtains up underneath the bed. I explained that Saturday morning we were going to make a trip to the store to look at a bed that would be like hers, except it was a different color. I told her if she liked the bed then we would have them make one special just for her in white.

We got home from the fall festival and I sat down with her and we looked at the bedding on amazon. She found a comforter that she liked and I told her if we did not find something she liked better the next day we would order that for her bed. I showed her a picture of what her bed would like.

Both pictures are found on the Cozy Kids website

 

 

 

Saturday morning she told me that Grandaddy would have to come and put the bed together for her. I said that no we were going to have people from the store come and put it together especially for her. She said that they could borrow her Grandaddy's tools. She and I drove to Pineville. She climbed up the stairs like a pro, and back down them again. She LOVED the bed! We placed our order and it should be here in 3 weeks.

After placing our order we went to lunch. I had pre-shopped my favorite Homegoods store, and they had some really cute sheets and comforters. After lunch we drove down to the store and she found a pillow that she loved immediately. Next to it was a really pretty ruffled comforter/quilt on clearance. It matched that pillow perfectly! She picked out her sheets and we were good to go!

We made a quick trip to Target and found a soft pink blanket. Her words, now I have my own soft blanket like Jack does. On Jack's chair there is a super soft blanket that I bought him last year. Audra is excited that she now has one of her own.

Saturday evening we had church. Sunday morning I ran 9 miles. Sunday for lunch we celebrated my niece's birthday at my in-laws. Sunday afternoon we had a picnic with church at the park. We met Amy at 6:30 to hand Audra off.

I was supposed to run the half marathon this weekend but instead I will be running the 5miler race. I'm ok with this. I'm not sure yet if I will do the half in November or not. I'm still holding off on registering. There is a March half marathon that I would like to do, but I need to figure out logistics.

Candy, Christmas and Weather

There was a bag of candy sitting on my desk waiting for the little trick or treaters who came through my office. This is seriously tested my will power. I knew that if I opened the bag half of it would be gone.

I love the little trick or treaters, they are just too cute in their costumes. I think it's way safer to do trick or treating through an office or the mall then door to door. I never did trick or treating. We always went to church for a big party that they always held.

I dressed up in college. It was always fun to have a reason to get dressed up and go party!

My voice went last night, a sure sign that I was truly too tired. I took Jack for a really short walk and took the rest of the night easy. Tonight I clean the office and then I will go to the gym.

One of the radio stations I listen to is playing Christmas music today. I was driving down the road and while I wanted to be able to listen it kept making me cry. My Grandmommy LOVED Christmas. Last year I'm so glad that we were able to spend Christmas day with my family!

It is so cold here. Usually it's still pretty mild around this time of year so the sudden 50 degree weather is not something I'm a fan of. However, I do love fall, and I love this time of year!

Last year for Christmas we got Girl Clean the big doll house. This year that doll house is going into storage. She will definitely be ready for that again in another year or 2 but for right now her interest is still kitchen, dress up, and baby dolls.

We have an idea of creating a dress up space for her room, actually I don't know what Mr. Clean has in mind but whatever it is I'm sure it will be cute.

I wore one of my new ON dresses and my boots, I'm feeling very "fallish" today! Happy Wednesday!

5 minutes

Friday night I picked Girl Clean up from her mom's and we went to Kohl's to pick out birthday cards for her cousin, my niece. Then we headed home. I had 3 outfits for her to choose from for the wedding we were attending to the next day.

I had her Easter dress with a new pair of sparkly blue shoes, a leopard print dress, and the swing dress. She immediately picked the swing dress.

Saturday Girl Clean and I woke up and went to her ballet class. After class we ran home and changed her and picked up Mr. Clean and went to Cracker Barrel to grab a bite to eat. Girl Clean is a fan of the dumplings and ate all hers plus mine.

After the food we headed home to relax a little bit. The wedding we were going to was for a young lady who I used to babysit for. I was so excited for Jessi and thrilled to be able attend this very special day!! I got dressed and then got the girl ready. I had her Dad take some pictures for me.

Her dress is from Belks, the sweater and headband from Children's place, tights from Kohls and shoes from Old Navy

She and I arrived at 1:40, the wedding started at 2 and the church was packed!!! We sat second row from the back. My mom was helping so when she got done she came and sat with us. Girl Clean sat on our laps.

After the ceremony we went down to the reception for a little while. They had a chocolate fondue station and Girl Clean was in heaven!!

We left the party and headed home to pick up her Dad for church.

Yesterday morning I finished my 9 mile run. It was a gorgeous day for a run!!! Early into the run I tripped, and I really wanted to turn back and go home. I have pretty bad scrapes on the palm and elbow of my left arm/hand. I knew I needed to get that run in so I tested out my knee, and it was OK, I landed on my left leg, and so I finished. Go me!!!

Yesterday afternoon we celebrated my nieces birthday. Girl Clean loved her time with her cousins and my MIL made an awesome lunch!!!

This morning management put out a breakfast spread for us from Panera and it's YUMMY!!!!

Happy Monday!!!

5 Minutes

In short form. Friday instead of the pool Girl Clean and I hit the library for books and DVD's. She was feeling kind of warmish so I didn't think the pool would be a good thing. After the library we hit up the pet store and Marshall's. Dinner Friday night was with my parents.

Saturday I took Girl Clean to paint pottery with my mom and her friends and then they took us to lunch afterwards.

Sunday morning I had to do a long run. I ran 7 miles. I read about the girls running these super long runs and gearing up for marathons and this is so not me.

I have no desire to ever run more then a 1/2 marathon. At this point that's not even on my future race list for anything on the coming calendar. I am preparing for a 15K, which is 9ish miles.

I had to figure out 7 miles before I could run them. There are no really great places to run a longer distance where I live now. At my condo, I could easily run a loop that was 7, 9, 11, 13 miles. I miss it.

I didn't love my run Sunday, it hurt. I've started taking glucosimine. I'm trying to remember to do my stretches and all the stuff I'm supposed to do.

Sunday after my run we ran errands then I had Girl Clean home at 5.

Yesterday Jack and I went up to visit Bean and Jelly. My parents came up and we enjoyed time together. It was the first time since Grandmommy's funeral that the 5 of us had been together.

I'm in a very very weird place right now. While overall the weekend was good, I'm struggling with the conundrum of when am I wrong, when is a situation something that I should apologize for, or is it as ridiculous as I view it to be. I didn't stay home on Thursday night I took Jack and my friend Nicole let me stay at her condo.

I don't want to be insensitive. I don't want to give the impression that I am always right. I don't want to negate feelings. I also don't want to be controlled or manipulated. In all honesty I feel lost. I have my meeting tonight. I have my first meeting with my sponsor tomorrow to start on my step work. So I move forward. One day at a time.

apologies

I received an apology last night. A good one too, that was sincere and effective.

Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out if I'm right, or if I'm the one who might need to make some changes too.

This particular situation, was a record on repeat, yet there were other elements thrown into it.

I have some things I need to work on. But mostly I just needed to point out all that I have done, and why I handle things the way that I do.

I will take ownership when it's my responsibility. I will admit when I'm wrong. I will also not back down when I know that I need to hold my ground.

I had my meeting last night. The topic, personal responsibility. I think for a long time I looked for others to make me happy, to fill a hole. This is not realistic. I'm not sure where this idea came from, and I'm certainly going to make sure that Girl Clean realizes that she is responsible for her own happiness.

I have to clean the office tonight. Then I need to go to the gym. I probably won't feel like it but I will go anyways. I almost left my cleaning bucket at home because I forgot to set it by the door. Fortunately I didn't get further then the drivers seat before I remembered this detail.

Tomorrow after work I will pick up Girl Clean and she will hang out with us this weekend. I'm hoping the weather on Friday cooperates and she and I can go to the pool.

I'm thankful that the statement this too shall pass has proved true yet again. Happy Wednesday!!

tears, celebrations, and life in general

I mentioned last week I was crying over dumb stuff. I was. I think tears are sometimes legitimate. Like when your friend's daughter starts standing up on her own, and your friend thought it might never happen, totally acceptable to tear up, even to have tears fall.

Dumb tears, reading about the panther who wrote the letter in the Charlotte paper about how we're going to win the Superbowl. Not that it's not a fantastic gesture, but tears are not acceptable.

This is all my opinion and since it's me, I'm entitled to this. For years I went without crying over stuff. I was able to stuff all my emotions and it wasn't healthy but that's where I was.

Sometimes tears are necessary.

It has hit me at odd moments that my Grandmommy is no longer here. I haven't deleted her number out of my phone. I found a valentine's card from here yesterday. I am blessed that she was such a part of my life for so long!!

Yesterday I left work to go to the dentist. The tooth that had all the issues has been hanging out ever since. It now has a crack and we're going to maybe try to see if a temporary crown will be covered by insurance and see if that helps. Now I'm totally freaked about chewing on that side, because what if I crack it.

My check engine light came on on my way home from Boone Tuesday. I have to go today and have them read whatever it is. Then I'll have to go back on Saturday morning to have them fix whatever it is. Please don't let this be terribly expensive!!!

My birthday present from Mr. Clean is new back brakes. I'll be having that done on Saturday along with an oil change. I hate dealing with car stuff. Spending money on real life grown up stuff is such a drag!!!

I need to register for my 10K, the price goes up after tomorrow.

I love my husband I truly do. I know that I married the right man for me. Every relationship is different and truly can't be compared. I remind myself of this because while I get the sweet stuff I also put up with not so lovely stuff.

He did give me a visa gift card that he received, well 2 actually. One to use for me, one to use to buy clothes for Girl Clean. I scored a pair of Crazy 8 jeans, 3 Children's place tops, 1 jacket and an Old Navy dress for $33 at the consignment store today.

I was supposed to go to dinner with my parents tonight for my birthday. I called my mom this morning and explained that I would much rather have dinner with them next week. I need to work out tonight. I got home too late from the office last night because of my dentist appointment. So I will be having dinner with them next Friday night, with Girl Clean.

I have next Friday off work, and I will have Girl Clean. I'm throwing around different ideas in my head of what to do. When it's just her with me she can sit with me while I have lunch with a friend, she can shop with me. I don't have to do kid specific stuff with her as long as we're going and doing and staying active. I genuinely like having her with me.

I'm hoping traffic when I leave work won't be too horrible. Fingers crossed!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

time off, projects, it's HOT

Last week I was off Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I worked 1/2 days (7-11) on Thursday and Friday.

After the first 2 days the rest of the week was really enjoyable. Not that Monday and Tuesday weren't it was just different. Girl Clean was tired on Monday and so was I. Mr. Clean was tired on Tuesday. Wednesday he spent most of the day with Girl Clean. I had a race and then spent time with my parents. I had to clean the office so I really wasn't home until dinner time.

Thursday afternoon Girl Clean and I went and spent time with a girlfriend of mine. It was so awesome to catch up with her. Her daughter kept Girl Clean entertained. Friday I drove home and my MIL dropped Girl Clean off at the house. She and I hung out, I cleaned the bathroom, and then I took her to the pool for a little while.

There is a community pool where you can get a family pass for $15 for the summer then each additional visit after is $2.50 for adults and $1.50 for children. I purchased the pass for us because the pool is less then 5 minutes from our house. There was a mom going in with her 2 girls when we got there so I struck up conversation with her and got her to show me where they usually put their bag and how they do things. We only stayed for an hour because it was so hot and there isn't much shade but Girl Clean had a blast!!!

We got home and Mr. Clean was there with dinner started. I changed Girl Clean and threw on some workout clothes and took her with me to the gym. I got a workout in, she got to play with kids her age and Mr. Clean was able to finish dinner. It was a win for us all!!!

The original plan had been for Girl Clean to go back to her Mom on Sunday but her Grandmommy was missing her so instead Mr. Clean met her Grandmommy Saturday at lunch and handed her off. I had an oil change appointment and had promised time with my mom. She and I are going through all the picture albums my Grandmommy did and separating pictures out by family. We worked on that for several hours Saturday and got through several years worth of books!

I was home by 2 and instead of church Mr. Clean and I decided to stay in and relax. He made a yummy dinner. We listened to music it was a really pleasant evening!!! Sunday morning we went to the 9 service at church and then over to his families for his birthday lunch.

After lunch I went to the gym. My car read 104 degrees. Even the gym AC can't keep up with that kind of heat. I went into the movie theatre room. I did 1 mile treadmill, 1 elliptical, repeat once while watching Iron Man 2. I found my secret for how to watch action adventure movies! Last night was low key we watched a movie and I was in bed by 9, what can I say, I'm old!

reflection, restraint, and appreciation

For the most part this week I've been doing really well. Wednesday night I cleaned the office. I got home and Mr. Clean had dinner ready. It was so good! He made blueberry bbq sauce covered ribs, potato wedges and cole slaw.

The bbq sauce was awesome!! I told him that he can try whatever recipe he wants to and I will not turn my nose up at it. He consistently makes really awesome meals!!! I don't really like blueberries (I know I'm weird I do like blueberry muffins and bagels) but I knew that if he fixed it it would be good!!

He was so tired he fell asleep on the couch after we ate while I was cleaning up the kitchen. I was able to get so much done while he slept!!

Yesterday I stopped for dinner on my way home. I got home and ate. Dad Clean came over to help us take our old couch over to my sister in laws house. I vacuumed and cleaned the bathroom then I took Jack for a walk and sprints. It was so hot I knew he didn't need to run 3 miles. Instead we walked and I would let him sprint. It was effective in wearing him out and getting my heart rate up!

My mom's group of coworkers attended the service on Tuesday morning. My mom went back to work yesterday and one of her coworkers said "I don't mean to offend you but that was the most joyful funeral I've ever been to." It truly was such a celebration of my Grandmommy. We know that we will see her again so while we do miss her overall we celebrate that she is in heaven.

Saying that; today I realized that it's going to hit me at unexpected times. I went to Belks to pick up a birthday present for our niece. I was walking in the door and a lady was coming out and she was dressed just like my Grandmommy and I lost my breath and I teared up. I took deep breaths walking through the store and a little retail therapy helped, even though it wasn't stuff for me.

I was very good about not giving in to temptation Belks has some AWESOME maxi dresses and I could have EASILY walked out with several. I was good I was very very good!!!

I bought a makeup set and Girl Clean is going to give her some nail polishes. I figure for a 13 year old these would be fun and she can play with different colors. I made a quick trip over to Hallmark to pick up a card for Girl Clean to give her cousin and some gift bags. Walking back to Belk to leave a Grandmother and her 7-8ish year old Granddaughter were in front of me. Of course I teared up all over again. I wanted to tell the granddaughter how lucky she is and how special this time is and to treasure these memories.

My Grandmommy LOVED Belks!!! I found out at her service Tuesday one of my distant cousins works for Belks in the e-commerce department and I told her Mom that is just all the more reason for me to shop there!!!

I have my moments where I am reminded that I said goodbye. I'm thankful that I have had 8 months in Al-Anon. I've learned how to feel and not shove things under the rug. I've learned so much and I'm so thankful!

I'm resisting the temptation of going back to Belk to stock up on some dresses!!!! I truly am set for clothes, I can NOT justify buying more!!! However if an occasion comes up, or the sale goes to even more of a discount I might just have to go back and investigate!!!

Happy Friday!!!!

Life

I got home last night and took Jack to run sprints. Basically after the 5th or 6th one he starts looking at me like I'm crazy. I can't run long with him because it's too hot for him. 15 minutes of consistent running and then I took him inside.

I had to cancel my weekend trip and I am so incredibly disappointed. My Grandmommy was admitted to ICU on Sunday evening. I kept expecting to hear that she is improving and while she is stable she is not responsive. They determined that she is experiencing congestive heart failure, possibly pneumonia and she failed the swallow test yesterday.

When I spent time with my Mom and Grandmommy on Mother's Day weekend my Grandmother was loopy and very very tired. She can't hear, she can't see, her body hurts all the time. I know that everything happens in His time, and I've been praying that she will find comfort and peace in Him during this time.

She could improve again and stay here a while longer. We are all just taking it one day at a time.

When I got home yesterday and asked Mr. Clean how his day was he made sure to point out that it didn't start off very well at 6 that morning. I thought to myself yes well you brought that one on yourself. I'm working on my attitude.

We have agreed to disagree on the subject of me traveling. He believes that I should be there on weekends because we have Girl Clean and we should both be there and be a family. What he fails to understand and what I tried to explain, Girl Clean has Mommy. I'm L. When she's with us she needs Daddy. I'm there, and I love her. When she is with us I usually do the majority. There is no court set visitation, it was a mediated agreement. The agreement states every other weekend although Amy is really amazing about letting us see her every weekend.

I know what a court ordered visitation schedule is like. I've lived it. C would drive every Tuesday evening to pick up G. Then every other weekend he would pick her up and her Mom would pick her up on Sunday evening. There was no variation. Vacations had to be cleared well ahead of time.

More often then not it's my husband who I don't agree with over the whole visitation situation. I get that you're tired, and that you don't have any energy, I don't really care. It's my opinion that time should be made one night during the week to see Girl Clean. Weekends suit up and show up to be Dad. It's not complicated.

There have been so many positive changes but it's easy for me to let myself get frustrated and enmeshed in what's wrong. I know that it's taken time to see the positive changes. I know that every day brings new growth and change. I know that I have to let go of my frustrations and aggravations and I will continue to plan for time just for me so that I preserve my sanity.

travel, recipe, lunch, shower, concern

Friday I fought traffic to pick up Girl Clean. I work in South Charlotte so any time I have to travel up North to the lake area from work it takes at least an hour. I picked her up and we picked out birthday cards for my Mother in Law.

Friday night was low key. We were in bed by 9 and watched a movie, she and I both fell asleep before it was over.

Saturday morning I had Jack out early. We ran 5 miles, and I was super pleased with our time. It was under 50 minutes but I'm not sure how much under because of the traffic lights and Jack having to stop.

Saturday after the run I got ready and then got Girl Clean ready. The three of us went to the nail place where Girl Clean and I got our nails done. She got her fingers and toes painted and I got a pedicure, it was lovely! Then we enjoyed lunch at a little deli place right around the corner that has amazing food, even if the service is extremely relaxed (not in a good way).

A quick trip to Walmart for ingredients and then we headed home. Church Saturday evening was awesome, so thankful for such a great church!

Sunday morning I was up early once again. I made the most incredible brownies for Sunday lunch. I had never used a double broiler until yesterday. I modified the recipe slightly by adding an extra cup of chocolate chips.

I preheated the oven to 350 and put the greased 13X9 dish in the oven while it was heating
I took a cup and a half of butter (2 1/2 sticks) and 4 cups chocolate chips and melted them on the double broiler. Once that was melted I took them off the heat
I mixed 2 cups sugar and 6 eggs and once blended I added the chocolate along with a tbsp of vanilla. Then I added 1tsp salt, 1tsp baking powder and about 1 3/4 cups flour. Then I pulled out the 13X9 dish poured in the batter and baked for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes I turned the oven off and let the brownies stay in the oven 10 more minutes. When I inserted the knife it came out clean.

These brownies were super rich (and super bad for you) but oh so incredibly yummy!!!

I had to be out of the kitchen by 9 (and I was) so Mr. Clean could get in there and start on lunch. His mom's birthday is today so we made lunch for her yesterday. I took Girl Clean to Walmart (again yes) because I needed a shower gift.

She and I found what I was looking for and after killing a little time looking at toys she and I returned home. I put her in the bath and cleaned up the house. I completely forgot about beverages and birthday candles so at lunch everyone had the option of water. We didn't even remember to make tea for our guests.

I got her out of the tub and ready. The Clean family showed up. My husband was super stressed but he did a great job on lunch! The brownies were a hit! Then I changed clothes and headed out the door to go to a baby shower. One of the girls I grew up with was having her shower yesterday.

It was fun seeing people that I haven't seen in a while. Even being at the church I grew up in on Easter I still didn't get to spend a lot of time with anyone so yesterday was nice!

I returned home so that we could take Girl Clean back to her mom. Then we went and looked at the office I will be cleaning. It won't be hard but it might take me a little while to remember everything.

I'm worried about Jack. I don't know what he got into yesterday but something is not right. He sat by the door the whole time I was gone. When I got home he stayed by the door. He looks like he's looking at something and he keeps moving his head but not moving. He will only sit by doors as if he has to go out. I have an appointment for him on Wednesday morning. From what I've read it could be seizures. I hope this isn't the case. I really have no idea what to do!

Other then that I'm back to work, and ready for a nap! Happy Monday!

work, working out, and reality

I worked Friday night and it was busy. The hostess I was working with just broke up with her boyfriend. She was all kinds of fun to be around. However, since I've been in her shoes on more fingers and toes then I can count I let her talk it out.

Saturday morning I had a session with a trainer at the gym. This "complimentary" session was part of the sign up deal. I agreed to it knowing I have no time but I did want to see the numbers. Ignorance is bliss, for real!!! I stepped on the scale minus shoes and it was more then what it was the last time at the doctors office. We did the body fat measurement thing you hold in your hands.  I filled out the survey. One question was on a scale of 1 to 10 how important is this to you. I rated it a 4. The trainer was pretty horrified. I looked at him and said, "I work Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, Tuesday nights I have a meeting, my free weeknight is Thursday night, Saturdays and Sundays we have our daugther and I have to make sure the dog gets a walk and run." This is my life, it's my reality.

We went through jumping jacks, jumping squats, lunges, weights, and then some more leg stuff followed by pushups and situps. Then the 30 minutes was done and we sat down and he gave me numbers. I knew he was offering me a great deal. I liked him, he's nice and easy to work with. I also know that I don't have the time or money. When they called to follow up with me yesterday I very nicely told the guy following up, I appreciated the time spent with me but for now I will not be signing up.

Here's the deal. Since my wedding I have gained 18lbs. I did not like the number on the scale. It does not define me but I want to be healthy and currently I am not healthy. This weight gain is totally my own doing. I baked a lot over Christmas. As far back as August I have talked about my mass consumption of all things sweet. I've seen this coming. I knew what was happening. This journey at times seems more like a giant circle. I know how I reached this point. I'm not going to type a whoa is me post, I'm not even complaining. This is what it is.

I mentioned I gave up cookies, candy and sweets for a church thing. I was convicted on Saturday of substituting out bread for the fact that I can't have the cookies, candy and sweets. So I have now removed that as well. I have also realized that I will carry this beyond the 21 day church fast. This stuff isn't good for me. It doesn't provide me the healthy stuff I actually need out of food. I'm sure that as the weeks go by I'll have a piece of chocolate or a cookie, or something but when I sit down and really think about how much I've been eating, it's not good.

Saturday mornings session was tough. I hurt leaving the gym. Sunday I hurt but I still worked in a run/walk session with Jack. I'm sure he wondered what was wrong with me! We totalled 3 miles but they were not fast. Sunday for lunch we went to Mr. Clean's parents and enjoyed some time with them. That afternoon we just hung out with each other, Girl Clean's mom picked her up at 8.

Monday morning the full pain kicked in from Saturday. Anytime you have a brutal workout the most painful day is 2 days later. Yesterday I couldn't put direct weight on my legs when I went to get out of bed. I had to very very slowly ease myself up. The entire day was spent wincing in pain as I tried to move. I met my college roommate for lunch and then stopped by the grocery store. I got home and put the groceries away and took Jack for a walk. We made it maybe a mile. I just couldn't handle the pain. Last night I stretched, which helped some. I know that it's important to strength train, and I know that it's important to keep working out, probably a little harder then I have been. I also don't think I need to exhaust my leg muscles to the point that they were exhausted on Saturday. I have to be able to move and function for my everyday life. Excercise should enhance this not disable me!!!

I'm in a unique place right now, one I've never been in before. Where as before I would be feeling angry, frustrated, annoyed at myself for my unhealthy weight today that's not where I am. I understand that this is something that I brought on myself. I understand that my goal is health not numbers. I understand that I can only workout 3 days a week but I can watch what I eat 7 days a week. I understand that food should not be a reward. I understand that I'm thankful that I'm blessed and I like my life. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning!

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. " Romans 12:2

work, no sweets, shopping, and falling

I had to work last night. It was a rainy monday night which equals out to a fairly slow evening. I was out by 8:45. I normally would have been out earlier but the closing manager was one of the owners which means that I had to wait until we were down to just 3 tables before I could justify leaving. Hours for me, no complaints.

I've been praying a lot lately, regarding the whole work schedule. I'm definitely ready to not have to work the 2 jobs. I'm thankful that I have a flexible part time job. Thankful that I do like what I do. I also understand that my week is so full and weekends are so planned that I easily get caught going through the motions because I'm so tired. When I catch myself doing that I stop and remind myself how much I have to be appreciative of.

2012 is off to a great start. In conjunction with a church thing I'm partaking of a 21 day fast, for me this is a fast from sweets. It's no secret I'm a sugar addict, I made it through yesterday. Today I've started strong. No cookies, candy, cake, etc. I'm taking it one day at a time!

After we dropped Girl Clean off at her mom's on Sunday Mr. Clean and I went shopping. We both received Marshalls gift cards for Christmas. I purchased 3 new pairs of workout pants, a new running shirt, a new sports bra, a pair of jeans and a dress, grand total $148. The most expensive item was the Nike running pants, and they are so worth it!!! Hands down Nike makes my favorite running gear!!! Their stuff truly fits me the best as far as pants go. I did purchase a pair of Addidas running pants to try and the other pair was a pair of yoga type pants. I was a long time devotee to the VS yoga pants and now all my pairs have holes in the same exact spot, which is weird!!! The pants I found at Marshalls I actually like better then the VS pairs.

I went with my MIL the Saturday after Thanksgiving for a pedicure. For Christmas I received a gift card to the same nail place. I now need to set up another pedicure, the Thanksgiving pedicure looked good up until last weekend! Or I might just save it for a little while.

I mentioned I busted on the ice on Sunday, I'm still paying for that fall. My knees are banged up and pretty much my whole body still hurts, but it was oh so much fun!!!

transition, errands, training

I have a swollen knuckle on the middle finger of my left hand. It hurts, ridiculously!!! I'm using other fingers to type to avoid the pain as much as possible. It started hurting last night and this morning it's really bad!!!

Saturday I was so excited and happy to see Mr. Clean and Girl Clean cheering me on. So relieved that when Jack Banner came home it was a very smooth transition back. This is not to say that I was not hyper aware of where Jack was at all times. Because of what happened, and because Girl Clean was there I made sure that I watched very carefully anytime they were near each other.

I tended to put Jack in his sleep crate and just place him by me when I needed to keep him contained because I couldn't watch him. Yesterday GC was trying to get to the potty and JB got underneath her feet and she tripped on him and he snapped at her, to which he swiftly got spanked and crated. I know that this is residual from what happened last Sunday but I also know that he has to understand that his reaction is not going to be tolerated by me.

I took Jack for a walk yesterday morning and when other dogs or people would walk by and he would start his barking and going crazy I would force him to sit and force him to look at me and tell him no. I've been doing this I just need to continue with it.

I got home from my walk and was relaxing checking email when Mr. Clean and Girl Clean walked in and Mr. Clean told me that we had been invited to lunch, in 2 hours. For most people this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, for me, well I wasn't showered, Girl Clean needed a bath and Mr. Clean was going to require a shower.

I took my shower, got Girl Clean in the tub, and then I got my makeup and hair rolled. I got her bathed and dressed and her hair blow dried and then I finished my hair. She makes me nervous when she is in the tub because she likes to lay down on her back. The only minor consolation I have is that she doesn't like to put her face in the water so her nose and mouth and eyes are always out of the water. I make sure that I check on her and stay by the bathroom while she is in the tub. Saturday I went to get her a towel and when I checked on her, she had been fighting sleep all afternoon and I found her asleep in the tub. It took a minute, and I'm pretty sure had water hit her eyes or nose she would have been up but regardless I pulled her out which caused a meltdown and then she wouldn't take a nap after that, of course.

I had her dressed in a super cute outfit. I took the rollers out of my hair and then discovered that she had been so engrossed playing with her Barbies that she had an accident on the couch. That meant an entire change of clothes, because even her shirt was wet.

We made it to lunch on time. The Mexican place where we went was super fantastic!!! After lunch we went in search of a crown for her costume. The crown that Mr. Clean purchased on Friday night was too small for her head and she promptly cracked it. The crown that we found yesterday was a ridiculous 14.99 but that's what happens when you pick it up without looking at the price and just making sure that it fits the girls big head! The funny part, we also got her a package of 99 cent plastic rings and she played with the rings for the rest of the afternoon.

Both Saturday and Sunday she didn't make it to the potty in time to do the business of number 2. She has realized that she doesn't like having this in her pants so she goes and tries to dump it in the big potty, not her little potty that she can reach. This results in a mess on the floor. It's lovely going through potty training, I know that this goes by quickly and eventually she'll get it.

I've taken to staying home when Mr. Clean takes her back to her mom. This gives me uninterrupted ME TIME and it's fabulous!!! I can get all sorts of things done.

restaurant, Jack, mosquitoes, family, books, errands and running

Friday night continued the trend of complete weirdness with our guests at the restaurant. The good part, I got to leave at 9:15 and the GM took over hosting duties.

My dog has decided that when Mr. Clean takes him out he will refuse to go. Treats, are not working. I've requested that he not give up, I need his help and while this is frustrating I need him to continue to do his best so that I do not have to worry about the fact that my baby is not doing his business as necessary.

When I have to take Jack out, oh it's miserable. Our house has more mosquitoes then a swamp, or so it seems. Last night I took Jack out trying to get him to do all his business. Unscented Off does not work, Kutter does. I have to get to Lowes to buy more. The Kutter yard spray didn't really work very well. I had 20 bites on my feet and legs at least. I finally just put Jack in the car and took him for a walk on my normal route in order to let him stretch his legs and not feel rushed. This keeps my irritation at bay since I'm not being eaten alive as he sniffs every blade of grass.

Saturday morning I took Jack for a walk, and then got ready and went to have lunch with my Mom and Grandmommy. I found out last week that my Grandmother is not doing very well health wise. A mini stroke has blurred her vision. She has cancer on one of her legs. It's so hard to watch this lady who I love and admire so much go through so much pain. Mr. Clean and I agreed when I found out about this that I would spend time with her on Saturday. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. It was a great day!!!

I was home in time for church and it was fantastic!!! I can honestly say I appreciate the church we go to!! An evening trip to Wal Mart afterwards and I made chicken nachos for dinner, YUM!!!! Our oven died last week so now we have to get a new one.

Sunday morning I finished reading Fear Fighters, I enjoyed it. I was able to take away a lot from it! I checked the gym hours and online it said the gym opened at 11, it actually opens at 9. It was fine, JB slept on my lap while I read and then I went and ran 4 miles at 11. I thoroughly enjoyed the laziness of the morning.

The afternoon included a trip to Big Lots, Pier 1 and then Crate and Barrel. Followed by dinner and then an evening in. I almost finished the So Long Insecurity book. I am so glad I picked it up. It's another one that I've taken away a lot from it!!

Girl Clean is at the beach with Mr. Clean's parents this week so I'm looking forward to hearing the stories! I hope everyone has a fabulous Monday!!

Opinions

I have been reading and keeping up with everyone but currently my laptop is at Mr. Cleans and I won't see him til Thursday so I'm not able to comment. Sunday Mr. Clean met my family from Pittsburgh. He went to church with all of us and then Bean and Jelly came into town to have lunch with us. We had all finished lunch and Mom was talking about how Bean's life is moving along according to how he planned, graduate college, get masters, get good job, get married, buy house, and all that is accomplished. Then she looks at Mr. Clean and asks what his plan is. She had a right to ask but in front of everyone and the way she asked I wanted to go under the table. Mr. Clean was fine, he wasn't upset by it and also didn't give a straight answer. Last week the emails from my mom started. The first was an email telling me a conversation she had with her friend regarding said friend's granddaughter. Back story, my parents have friends that they have been friends with for longer then I've been alive. This means that these friends all feel they have a right to input opinions into my life. This particular friend's granddaughter I do love and I have a special place in my heart for her. However, the email tells me that if granddaughter isn't a flower girl she will be just heartbroken. I don't have a date… The next day I get an email telling me my mom is trying not to fret because Mr. Clean is close to his family and she's worried that we will spend more time with his family then mine. My mom has an opinion for everything and is quick to share it with me. I know that I'm going to hear everyone's opinions via my mom and I've got to figure out how to navigate this. Currently I'm in the process of going through my house. He's in the process of going through his house. We are happy and not in a hurry to set a date. I had an idea and he wasn't in tune with what I was thinking so for now I'm happy to just focus on everything I have going on and enjoy not having to answer to anyone at this point in time. I have been on my own in my house for the past 6 years. I've had roommates but they were people in my house, so I was the one in control, for the most part. This is all about to change and this is going to be an adjustment. This week is crazy busy and I just hope I can get everything done that I have to get done work wise!! Hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday!!

Friday

It has been a crazy week. I have today off from the full time job although I do have to work tonight. Trying to make sure everything was done before I left and get everything wrapped up left no additional time during the day.

My family from Pittsburgh arrived last night. I was supposed to have to work at the restaurant but they ended up not needing me so I went over to my parents with Jack to have dinner. The 2 girls, who are almost 5 and 2 1/2 are for whatever reason scared of dogs. I had Jack's soft muzzle on him for a long time and they would still scream or cry anytime he came near them. What a difference from baby girl who adores Jack and always wants to know where he is and what he's doing and love on him.

Today is shopping with the girls although I will truly not be making any purchases. I've got the huge task of going through my house and either keeping, selling or donating and it's going to be a process!!! Last night I went through 3 drawers and I have a huge bag now to give away (think Kohls BIG bag and it's that size). My rule for now is if I didn't wear it this past year, and I'll see how much I can eliminate that way. I love clothes and shoes so I tend to hold onto things instead of letting go.

Tomorrow my PA family will be visiting some friends who live in Charlotte so that gives me a day to spend with Mr. Clean and baby girl. He wasn't able to make dinner last night but he should be able to be there on Sunday to meet everyone.

I hope that everyone has a fabulous Friday!!!

Valentines date change, on the defense, dating more about clothes, and work

My Valentine's date has been changed. Due to my Grandmother being nervous and uncertain and not liking to leave her place at night I will not be taking her to the restaurant. Instead I will visit during the day and then have Sunday evening free to rest so I can wake up to the crazy day Monday will be.

I read a review on the restaurant and a comment was made by a guest who had a 7:45 reservation last Saturday who had to wait 20 minutes. I wonder what time they arrived, because if you arrive before your reservation time and you have to wait 20 minutes then it's not something that I have to worry about. Until I started working in restaurants I knew nothing of reservations and restaurant operations. If that reservation was at 7:45 and they had to wait 20 minutes then, sometimes that is just how it goes. I asked a friend of mine how often she has to wait past her reservation time and she said almost never. I know that I do my very best to keep the flow of guests reasonably paced and reservations running on time, but by 7:45 there are factors out of my control. If a table for 2 decides to take 3 hours for dinner instead of 2 then that is out of my control. I did learn that at The Palm when it first opened they used to come over and tell people they had to leave. If someone did that to me I would not go back, but maybe that's just me. I tend to get defensive, and I should probably just let it go.

I received a join Eharm0ny free offer and decided to participate. It's weird being back on there after match. They keep sending me guys who are 26-27 and short ones. I delete them. Today they sent 6 matches, I deleted all of them. The one who I would have found interesting lives in TN. I set my distance limit at 30 miles. I work 6 days a week, long distance is not an option, at all. Maybe I'm still just not ready to date. I wish JM would come to his senses and come back and tell me he made a huge mistake, but since I no longer believe in fairy tales I know this is not going to happen. No matter how much I want it to.

Tonight I'm wearing a red dress, tomorrow night the new outfit and I'm still not certain what I will wear Monday night for Valentines night itself. Last night I saw SO MANY cute red dresses, I resisted trying any of them on. Another place that I walked through but didn't dare try anything on was Black H0use White Market, they had fabulous stuff!!!

This week has been my first full week having 2 underwriters. It's been crazy busy and challenging but I think it's going to work out just fine. I've received a lot of compliments so if I keep doing what I'm doing things will be great and maybe next year I will finally get a bonus. Last year I did not qualify because I'd only been with the company for 5 months. This year I did not qualify because to qualify you have to overall exceed expectations and overall I only met them. I had a few individual exceeds but not overall. The quality of life at this job is a million times better then at the previous job so I'm going to stick with the outlook that I'm blessed to be gainfully employed, with not just 1 but 2 jobs!! Next up, seriously trying to find a roommate again, fingers crossed!!

Gift Cards and Valentines dates

I had to work last night, we were busy and yet done at 7:30. My manager let me go home at 8:30. During the last 30 minutes I was standing at the hostess stand perusing the menu. I do this regularly, always putting together various things I would try. My manager came up and I made the off hand comment I really do need to come in sometime for dinner so I can try the food. He said "We didn't give you a gift card?" I looked at him puzzled and said "no?". He promptly went over rang up a gift card and came back and handed it to me. I was beyond thrilled, I love free $$$!!! I thanked him profusely and then started thinking about how and when and who to use my gift card with.

As I stood going through the list of various candidates I realized that I have this coming Sunday off. My Grandmother really loves Valentines. She met my Grandaddy on Valentines, or they had their first date. I can't remember the exact story but I know that it played a significant role for them early on. In 2009 Bean took Grandmommy and I to dinner at an Italian Place the day after Valentines which fell on a Saturday that year. He told us all about Jelly and swore us to silence until he was ready to reveal to the parents, specifically the mom, that he was dating someone special. I'll never forget how lit up my brother was as he was spilling his guts about this amazing wonderful girl. Last year Valentines fell on a Sunday and I wasn't able to do anything special with my Grandmommy.

I realized that with Valentines falling on a Monday I could totally celebrate with my Grandmother on Sunday night. Once I clocked out and got to the car I called her. I explained that I wanted to treat her to a Valentines date and asked if she would be available on Sunday night. We agreed on the time I will pick her up and she and I are both so very excited!! I've already picked out our table. Now I just have to put together my outfit…

Sunday-Long boring catch up post

I have been reading blogs and since I'm not at work commenting but I have been reading so late by the time I catch up I'm too tired to write the post in my head!

I took Thursday off from work in order to help my Mom get ready to have the family Christmas Eve dinner. I cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed and did whatever else my Mom asked. Jack and I spent the morning helping and then I headed to the craziness of the mall to find a dress for Christmas Eve.

I scored a beautiful red sweater dress from Belk and then fought the mall traffic to get to the highway. It was INSANITY around Northlake mall!!! I arrived home and had to get ready for a Christmas party. My friend PMG was in town from Tampa. She and her husband were arriving at 6 and then we were walking down to the party together. PMG and I grew up together and the house where the party was at was our 8th grade teacher's house who also is PMG's mom's best friend...

PMG and I were able to talk and catch up for a few hours, it was FABULOUS to see her!! Then I walked home to finish wrapping present. I talked to Joe via text and wrapped my stocking presents for my parents and Grandmother and at 11:30 I went to bed.

Christmas Eve I woke up and it was a chilly 26 degrees outside. I had said I was going to run 8 miles and I had my route mapped. I SO wanted to turn back not far into the run because it was SO cold!!! I contemplated turning back at mile 2 but made myself turn the other way and finish my run. I contemplated walking mile 7 to 8 to home but then I figured I would just get cold. So I ran the 8 stopping twice for water at stoplights. Once the run was complete I showered and packed up way too many clothes and headed to my mom and dad's.

Mom and Dad and Grandmommy were at the house with Jack. I left him the day before to spend quality time with them so I could go to the party and not worry about him. I helped Mom get everything ready and then our family arrived. The only two missing were Bean and Jelly, they were with her Sister and her sister's husband. We had little sandwiches, mac and cheese, green bean casserole, and pie for dessert. Then it was present time. We handed out the gifts to everyone and then go around the circle opening them. Jack spent most of the present time on my lap chewing the huge bone he got from my mom.

Christmas morning we woke up and mom fixed grits, eggs, sausage and heated up cinnamon rolls. Then we opened up stocking presents and presents. I had purchased the stocking presents for my parents and Grandmommy in the past few days as much anxiety as I felt I was able to get it all done. My favorite present was a stocking gift; an apron that says will cook for shoes lots and lots of shoes!!

My Aunt (mom's sister) was to have Christmas dinner at her house but my Uncle was sick the week before and she had been miserably sick the week of Christmas. So my cousin and my uncle took over making dinner and they brought everything over to our house Christmas night. We had a wonderful time talking and eating and then we realized that it was snowing. So everyone was gone by 8pm. My mom and I played a few rounds of skipbo and then it was bedtime.

Church was cancelled this morning due to the weather. In Charlotte when we get snow even if it's just 2 inches it really does shut down the city. It snowed all morning and then by the afternoon it had started to taper off. We spent the day inside. My Dad had to go to work at 2 but Mom Grandmommy and I hung out. Mom and I made chocolate chip cookie dough truffles that for our first try taste great but might not look so pretty! We watched 27 dresses and played a few more rounds of skip bo.

Tonight I was supposed to be out with my friend NH but because the roads are going to freeze over tonight and she has some kind of stomach bug we have postponed the girls night plans. So instead I'm trying to find the motivation to clean the bathroom :)

Tomorrow I took the day from work. Originally I requested the day because I was supposed to have flown out to Boston to help JM celebrate his birthday. I was going to fly out today and then be there today, tomorrow and fly back Tuesday. Instead I switched Tuesday for this past Thursday and kept the Monday as a day off. I've had 5 days in a row off from work and it is wonderful!! Joe is coming to town and we are going to spend the day together.

Weekend in Review

Yesterday I left work and my brain hurt. I like a good challenge but yesterday was all challenges!!

This past weekend I worked Friday night. Saturday night I was up and ran 6 miles on the treadmill. I wasn't sure when the rain was going to start and I don't run in cold rain. Not my thing! After the gym I had to get ready for my Grandmother's annual Christmas lunch. Before lunch I ran Jack over to the Grandparents for his overnight visit.

The plan was for all of us to meet at Cracker Barrel at 1:30. When you have 13 people in your group it means you are going to have to wait. Sure enough we were given a 25 minute wait time. Realistically that isn't bad at all but I was going to be pushed to get home and changed for work. Charlotte traffic on a Saturday during the holidays does not move quickly.

Fortunately I was able to order my food first and eat before I had to be at work. I was home and changed and at work on time. That night we were busy but not crazy busy. Friday night we had 250 guests, Saturday night we had about 200. I love working the holidays when it's busy and the nights move so quickly.

Sunday morning I woke up and got ready and I was on the road by 7:30. Driving to Asheville I was NOT in a good mood. I realized when I looked at the directions that the estimated time was 2 hours and 40 minutes. I thought it would only take about 2 hours and I had said I would be there around 9:30. I thought about how I DON'T want to spend my day off driving and I DON'T want to be in a long distance relationship. I was thinking I don't even know if I really like this guy and I wish I hadn't asked to do this.

One of my concerns with Joe had been the previous times we were together I struggled getting him to talk. I would try to ask questions but our conversations would fall flat. I knew that he was somewhat shy and I tried to make allowances but this fact bothered me a lot. With JM from the moment we met the conversation was easy. I realized driving that I could not compare the two guys, they are worlds apart different from one another. JM talks for a living. He's all talk and no substance as evidenced by how he treated me. I knew I had to keep an opened mind about Joe.

Sunday was my idea. I have wanted to get back to the Biltmore Estate for several years now. Each time I've had tentative plans they have fallen through. When Joe and I first started talking I suggested that we go and see the Biltmore all decorated for Christmas.

I arrived at his house at 9:45, so the trip wasn't much more than 2 hours. He showed me his place. It's a work in progress. The upstairs is bedrooms the downstairs I really like. It's all open kitchen, dining room and living room. Very nice porch, definitely a place with potential!!

After 2 cups of coffee I started to feel human and a lot less snarky. I probably should have stopped and purchased coffee if not food on my way up and I might have felt better sooner.

Sunday Joe kept up a running stream of conversation allowing me to be quiet and just observe. I helped navigate to the Biltmore and we found parking and took the shuttle to the house. We walked through with out guide books at just the right pace.

I don't do well in very crowded tight places and there were a lot of people! At times I would have to step back in order not to feel so crowded. The place was beautifully decorated for Christmas!! The tour starts you off on the main floor and then takes you up to the first, second and third floor and you finish through the basement. It's not confusing as there are signs and ropes to guide you along. You can purchase headphones or a behind the scenes tour but we just used our guidebooks to go through the house.

By the time we finished it was almost 2pm and I was STARVING!!!! Outside the house in what used to be the courtyard/stable area they have shops and places to eat. We split a pizza that was delicious!!! They looked at us like we were crazy when we ordered a whole pizza but it was only 3 slices a piece and I could have eaten more after we finished.

Once lunch was demolished we took the shuttle back to the car and then drove over to more shops and the vineyard. We didn't do the vineyard tour but we did do the wine tasting. Honest opinion the Biltmore wine is not my favorite. I have always believed it to be over priced and there are better NC vineyard wines. It was Joe's first wine tasting so it was definitely fun to share that experience with him!!

We hung out for a little while back at his place. I wanted to pick up Jack and have some down time so I was on the road by 4. I had such an amazing day and was completely lost in my thoughts as I was driving. I've driven this route many times before because it's the same way I used to go when MFT lived in Knoxville.

On my way to Asheville I took 85S to 74W to 26W to 40W. On my way home I took 40E to 26E and then I should have taken 74E… Didn't happen, driving along lost in my thoughts I passed the sign that said welcome to SC and I realized with a start that I had missed the 74E exit. I knew this wasn't a big deal. MFT now lives in Greenville, SC and I frequently pass this 26 exit on 85 when driving to visit. I knew where I was going to be on 85 once I reached it and I knew that I had just gone a little out of my way.

I called my Mom to let her know what I had done and that I was going to a little later then I anticipated. Fortunately the total time this detour added to my trip was not a lot. I was able to fill up my gas tank for 2.69 a gallon which was a nice. I can honestly say I have NEVER been so lost in my thoughts that I missed my turn or exit, it was a very good day!!!