I worked Friday night and it was busy. The hostess I was working with just broke up with her boyfriend. She was all kinds of fun to be around. However, since I've been in her shoes on more fingers and toes then I can count I let her talk it out.
Saturday morning I had a session with a trainer at the gym. This "complimentary" session was part of the sign up deal. I agreed to it knowing I have no time but I did want to see the numbers. Ignorance is bliss, for real!!! I stepped on the scale minus shoes and it was more then what it was the last time at the doctors office. We did the body fat measurement thing you hold in your hands. I filled out the survey. One question was on a scale of 1 to 10 how important is this to you. I rated it a 4. The trainer was pretty horrified. I looked at him and said, "I work Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, Tuesday nights I have a meeting, my free weeknight is Thursday night, Saturdays and Sundays we have our daugther and I have to make sure the dog gets a walk and run." This is my life, it's my reality.
We went through jumping jacks, jumping squats, lunges, weights, and then some more leg stuff followed by pushups and situps. Then the 30 minutes was done and we sat down and he gave me numbers. I knew he was offering me a great deal. I liked him, he's nice and easy to work with. I also know that I don't have the time or money. When they called to follow up with me yesterday I very nicely told the guy following up, I appreciated the time spent with me but for now I will not be signing up.
Here's the deal. Since my wedding I have gained 18lbs. I did not like the number on the scale. It does not define me but I want to be healthy and currently I am not healthy. This weight gain is totally my own doing. I baked a lot over Christmas. As far back as August I have talked about my mass consumption of all things sweet. I've seen this coming. I knew what was happening. This journey at times seems more like a giant circle. I know how I reached this point. I'm not going to type a whoa is me post, I'm not even complaining. This is what it is.
I mentioned I gave up cookies, candy and sweets for a church thing. I was convicted on Saturday of substituting out bread for the fact that I can't have the cookies, candy and sweets. So I have now removed that as well. I have also realized that I will carry this beyond the 21 day church fast. This stuff isn't good for me. It doesn't provide me the healthy stuff I actually need out of food. I'm sure that as the weeks go by I'll have a piece of chocolate or a cookie, or something but when I sit down and really think about how much I've been eating, it's not good.
Saturday mornings session was tough. I hurt leaving the gym. Sunday I hurt but I still worked in a run/walk session with Jack. I'm sure he wondered what was wrong with me! We totalled 3 miles but they were not fast. Sunday for lunch we went to Mr. Clean's parents and enjoyed some time with them. That afternoon we just hung out with each other, Girl Clean's mom picked her up at 8.
Monday morning the full pain kicked in from Saturday. Anytime you have a brutal workout the most painful day is 2 days later. Yesterday I couldn't put direct weight on my legs when I went to get out of bed. I had to very very slowly ease myself up. The entire day was spent wincing in pain as I tried to move. I met my college roommate for lunch and then stopped by the grocery store. I got home and put the groceries away and took Jack for a walk. We made it maybe a mile. I just couldn't handle the pain. Last night I stretched, which helped some. I know that it's important to strength train, and I know that it's important to keep working out, probably a little harder then I have been. I also don't think I need to exhaust my leg muscles to the point that they were exhausted on Saturday. I have to be able to move and function for my everyday life. Excercise should enhance this not disable me!!!
I'm in a unique place right now, one I've never been in before. Where as before I would be feeling angry, frustrated, annoyed at myself for my unhealthy weight today that's not where I am. I understand that this is something that I brought on myself. I understand that my goal is health not numbers. I understand that I can only workout 3 days a week but I can watch what I eat 7 days a week. I understand that food should not be a reward. I understand that I'm thankful that I'm blessed and I like my life. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning!
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. " Romans 12:2
6 comments:
Yep, that second day after starting a new workout is brutal! I remember how sore I was after I started kickboxing classes, I couldn’t run for several days cuz the muscles hurt way too much. It’s great that you have a good idea of where you’re at and where you want to be and are not focusing solely on the numbers as your guide. Sounds like you have a pretty hectic schedule so it’s great you are finding the time to do what you can when you can.
like i told you, that pain you are feeling will never happen again to this degree so long as you keep up with everything. when i first started weight training i had to use the handicap stalls in the bathroom so i could use the bars to get on and off the toilet, my legs hurt SO BAD.
Don't beat yourself up. I gained 18 pounds right after I got married too. It's taken me 5 years to lose them. Be patient with yourself. I'm sure no one notices them but you!
I haven't noticed at all, honestly. And I just saw you a few weeks ago. You looked exactly the same to me, seriously! lol. But at least you're in a good place with it all. Good luck! I know I couldn't go 21 days without something sweet! :)
I think you look fabulous in the recent pictures you posted. =)
Good for you, balance is so healthy! I know you can do this, praying for you!
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