It just hit me that yesterday was 6 years since I had my first date with CF&G. Which I can believe that it's been that long ago. I've come a long long ways since then.
This time 5 years ago he and I had broken up and I was trying to sort myself out from it all.
This time 4 years ago I had broken up with Kendall and was starting to see the holy roller.
This time 3 years ago I had just broken up with Rick and was still pretty livid at him for the way that all played out. Knowing what I know now, while I still don't agree with how he started seeing someone behind my back, I know that this definitely worked out in my best interest.
Because he and I broke up I applied for my current full time job. I had a phone interview, a week later a face to face interview, and a week later they offered me the job. 2 weeks after that I started working at my current job, October 19, 2009.
I participated in the Lung Strong 15K on October 17, 2009 and that's when I met Shawn. We had our first date on October 25, 2009.
This time 2 years ago I had started seeing various people. In a few weeks it will be 2 years since the best first date I ever had. I kind of know why that situation played out the way that it did. I know that I am right where I'm supposed to be.
This time last year I was struggling. I was trying to do my best but my best was usually just not enough. The other night Mr. Clean was playing with Jack. We'd had a conversation regarding the statement "that's just my personality and you have to accept it" and how this is not an acceptable statement. This was my husband saying it wasn't acceptable not me.
When he was talking about this my heart about flipped over. Last summer one of my major prayers was for heart change. That conversation was a huge indicator of how much God has done. Mr. Clean playing with Jack, and showing him affection, another enormous indicator of the hand of God in our lives.
I eventually quit praying specifics and a lot of the time just said I'm giving this up because I no longer know what to pray. I still do that.
We still have moments when I get very frustrated or very discouraged, but then I have times when it's so clear to see what God is doing.
I spent a lot of time dating and breaking up, as indicated by the first part of this post. I switched jobs, switched guys, and spent a lot of time chasing this illusive idea that I thought I knew I wanted.
When I quit running from God and started running to Him I started to find my own serenity and peace. I'm so thankful!
1 comment:
i think that if it's your personality to be a serial killer that is not acceptable. if it's in your personality to be quiet or super clean or love cats, that's acceptable, there is a line there that can be crossed
so sorry i have been MIA, you know how it can be when you're missing an entire person at work for months on end. i had one on maternity leave for 10 weeks, she comes back and the very same day another goes out on FMLA. so i am doing a full time assistant job AND my supervisor job. i am so tired and stressed out.
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