Working out

My friend/coworker Miss V commented yesterday about how often I've been running. Truth, I actually am working out the same amount but I'm actually having to plan it a little more then normal. At my condo I could walk out the door and run. At my parents I can run but I have to run up and back and up and back in order to have a decent run. It's a 1.1ish mile stretch. I did this Sunday morning with Jack Banner. I don't like up and back repeats or loop running because it makes me antsy. I like to have a route that does not repeat itself but you do what you have to do. I also have the gym that's close enough by that I can go and this has increased my strength training.

The funny thing is with all the lifting and moving I've done my arms are actually very toned. So it's fun to look at my arms when I'm doing my weight reps and see the muscles. I just wish my legs could look half as good as my arms. This is what happens when you have an apple shape. If I go by my clothes I'm actually a normal size, however when I look at my legs they look ridiculously fat to me. It's in my head, I get it, doesn't change that they are fat.

Moving on. Last night I had a great workout. I did 2 miles running, then leg weights, then another mile then arms and then I called it a night. I plan for a Thursday afternnon gym workout, followed by dinner with 2 of my girlfriends. I have cancelled most plans I've had with anyone since moving to my parents and this night is MINE to spend with my college roomie and my friend NH. It won't be a late night. The following morning I have to be up early to go to the farmers market then I have to help set things up. I didn't want to have to help set things up but since it's "my" wedding it means I'm obligated, whether I wanted it or not.

I feel bad, my mom wants this to be special and she loves me and I get it. Last night she says I look at her like she's public enemy number 1. If I said that this wedding is what you want it would just hurt her feelings more so I keep my mouth shut and say thank you for all you're doing. She says she's not stressed because she has good friends and they all want to be involved in this day. I swear I'm not ungrateful, it's just NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED or have ever wanted. She chooses to forget that even in high school I swore up and down I would go to the courthouse if I ever got married. Yes I worked in bridal, yes I've had a blast helping my friends with their weddings and enjoying their weddings and I love all things wedding related, I have just NEVER EVER NEEDED THIS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thankful, I truly am. I'm blessed. I'm aware that this too shall pass and when it does I will be married and my life will have a new normal.