I have to listen

Recently I was asked what I thought of taking a step back in my current relationship. My answer was no I didn't agree with it and I certainly wasn't going to go along with it unless it was made really clear to the guy I've been seeing that it is what we're supposed to do.
However, I realized I was once again trying to tell God what I thought about it and that I wasn't going to go along with it. This week I've been miserable... I actually did pray about it this week even though I said I wouldn't. Finally today I admitted that I agree that we're to take a step back. Once I let it go and agreed I had complete peace, peace that has been missing all week. What changed? Well I'm starting to understand that God has His own timing and way of doing things and if I don't want to end up in a million little broken pieces again I need to start really listening.
I was given a word last night where I'm standing in front of a black wall that is engulfed in flames and if I stay where I'm at I will be fine but if I go thru that wall I will be even stronger and better on the other side. It doesn't even look like a wall that you're supposed to go thru but it is possible and I am being asked to walk thru it.
The message made complete and total sense because all day yesterday I was thinking about how I've never really given up total control of my life. There's always been this part of my spirit that resents the idea of giving up control and having to let go. From jobs to the guys I've dated to how I've lived out my life I have only in the past year and a half begun to try to seek His plans for me. Walking thru that wall means burning out all the junk in my life and giving up total control. I was made to serve the Lord, that's what our purpose here on earth is. But I've been content living the status quo life. I realize that I've got to trust in the Lord. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will set your path straight". I've got to learn how to totally submit to the Lord. I've got to focus on Him. I have to let go of all the baggage I've held onto for so long. There is a big part of me that does not want to do this. I previously mentioned classes that I am waiting to hear if there will be a spot for me, I'm believing that there will be or God has another door He's going to open. I've never been good at total surrender. I do understand I need to allow God to continue to work in my life. My first instinct is to drop all this and just walk away. But what I feel like the Lord is saying is to deal with myself. To allow Him to have the control that I've not been willing to relinquish for so many years. As scary and impossible as it seems I know these classes or whatever door the Lord opens offer me a freedom from all that has been in my life. Already I know that the Lord has been speaking to me and desires to have a closer relationship with me but until I let go of what is in my life He can't move as He desires to.
I have to acknowledge that right now I can't focus on a romantic relationship or lack of one I have to focus on my walk with the Lord. I have to walk thru that wall engulfed in flames in order to be ready for what awaits me on the other side. I desire to focus on the Lord and grow in Him and allow him to do the work that He needs to do.