I realized

I'm now beyond the year mark of the breakup from August of 2007. I look back at the times when I wondered if I would ever feel like me again. I had to face down (and still do) some pretty significant inner monsters. 1st Corinthians 6: 19-20 "19) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20) you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." You always hear how it's important "be yourself". This starts with actually knowing who you are. I now have a clearer understanding of what I've been told (my entire life) that my life is not my own I am to be a living testament b/c I have Jesus in my heart. So when it comes to dating I was thinking about how I've always heard you have to "know who you are" before you can be in a "healthy" relationship. When you start trying to change "you" in order to fit what you think the other person wants it's just not going to work. I was thinking about the relationship where I had changed so much that one day I looked in a mirror and no longer knew who I was. I had tried so hard to fit whatever it was that I thought they wanted. When we had initially started dating I thought I had found someone I could be myself with. I left and I still pray that he will one day forgive me and not see me as a manipulative liar. This hurts because I know that I did the right thing but we each have our own side to the story.
Fast forward to February thru April when we were watching my Grandaddy during those last few weeks. I had a peace b/c I knew that the presence of the Lord was with us. Interesting to me how in my personal walk with the Lord I was growing and then I chose to date someone who was a distraction and pulled me away from the standards I was trying to set for myself. It took me finally realizing that this person while seemingly mild mannered and very nice actually wanted me to step away from what I believe to be absolute truth. I walked away because I understood that there was no "being myself" and to continue on would have been untrue to who I am. That was actually an easy break up, no hard feeling just a mutual understanding that it would never work.
I'm seeing someone now. It's early on, and yet from the very start everything is different. First and formost he puts God first. To me that was the number 1 requirement. He lives not far from where I do. After having been the person who has usually had to go to someone the idea of not having to be on the road all the time is nice. He's younger than I am, I'm not so weirded out by this fact anymore. We took a 2 week "time out" to put God first. It was something we felt we needed to do. I have never in any relationship taken a step back to pray. I just haven't wanted to acknowledge that if it's supposed to happen it will happen in God's time. I don't know what the future holds. I'm definitely excited I get to know this person better! I also know that my hope doesn't come from earthly things, be that money, possessions, status, or someone I'm dating but my hope is in the Lord, and He provides all that I need.